Chapter 15

Fifteen

The fire in the hearth crackled, and I felt Lorik's hand dip from my hip bone, slowly trailing around my backside, giving a light squeeze.

"Stop," I chided, unable to keep the wide grin that stretched over my features at bay, negating my stern word.

For his sake, Lorik looked repentant, even as he gave my ass another squeeze. "I'm sorry, healer. Forgive me."

I chuckled, feeling a dull ache between my legs when I moved behind him. He was seated on the chair in the front room. And I was fixing his sutures. Yet again. From the feeding, from my blood, he'd already begun to heal, but I didn't want the thread to get trapped under his skin. Even for a Kylorr, he healed remarkably fast. Though I wondered if that had more to do with his Allavari ancestry as well. Likely a combination of both, I finally decided.

"Not too bad," I commented as I finished the last stitch. "The skin is a little ravaged," I admitted. "But it'll heal quickly. I put more salve on it. Try not to jostle it too much."

"Tell that to my new lover—she's demanding," came his reply, and my face heated at the word. Lover. He tsked. "After tonight, you're still shy?"

I squeaked when Lorik tugged me into his lap—his still-naked lap, and I felt the side of his half-hard cock brush my arm. His kiss came suddenly, and I stilled, breathing into it, tingles shooting into my scalp. A kiss so sweet it made my teeth ache.

"And you say I'm the demanding one," I teased gently, pulling back. "I still have a needle in my hand," I warned.

"What's the old Allavari saying? A needle through the eye if you're not spry?"

I huffed out a breath and slapped at his hand when it began to wander. I grinned as I escaped his grip, smoothing my hair and my dress. Crossing to my cabinets, I used the time to get my heart under control. I dropped my tools into a soaking dish to sanitize and wrapped the remainder of the clean bandages neatly, tucking them into a lined drawer.

"I'm going to have to go into the market to get you more bandages at this rate," I noted. For the bloodied ones, I tossed those into a basket to be burned with purple fire.

"I'll go with you. We could go to Grimstone's Tavern," he said.

I sighed.

"Wouldn't you like that?" he asked, leaning back in the chair, the tops of his wings twitching. I studied him like this, thinking it a shame that I didn't have Aysia's talent for art. Because I would've loved to capture this moment with paper and ink. To draw him just like this, frozen in time and in memory.

And Lorik would be a perfect subject. All sharp bones and maddeningly handsome features. He'd always made Rolara's population of females swoon, even though none dared to approach him. He just had…an energy about him that warned others away.

Prey instinct, I thought. And most could sense that he was the predator. Or something like one. Dangerous. He was calculated while giving the impression that he was unpredictable.

"What are you thinking?" Lorik wondered, cocking his head to the side. "I can see the thoughts churning in that mind of yours."

"Have you always had magic stronger than other Allavari?" I questioned, not wanting to tell him the entire truth.

"This again?" he rasped. "I told you before. I just know how to wield it more efficiently than most."

"And who taught you that?"

He smiled. "Myself."

"There was a moment in there," I said, nodding my head to the door to my bedroom, "toward the end where it looked like you were someone else."

Lorik blinked, lowering his chin. "How so?"

I shrugged a shoulder but kept it lifted, crossing my arms over my chest. "It was you, but it looked like there was magic shimmering over your face. You looked different. Stronger. Your features appeared more…sharp."

If anything, he'd been even more beautiful, and I already didn't think his beauty was fair. Allavari were known to be a physically beautiful race, with their willowy, graceful bodies and perfect symmetry.

Throw in Kylorr genes?

There might be such a thing as being too handsome, and Lorik already toed that line.

"What are you asking me?" Lorik wondered quietly, eyeing me.

"Does…does that happen to Kylorr males a lot?"

Lorik blew out a short breath. I had the impression he was thinking about his answer with deliberateness.

"Kylorr get stronger during sex and especially after release. Though sex tempers our berserker rages, sex is still a primal thing. It calls to our baser instincts. It will always bring out aggression for a Kylorr. Satisfying aggression. And feeding during sex? It guarantees there will be a physical response. That's likely what you saw."

I swallowed past the thick lump in my throat. "I…I thought that might be the case. For living on a planet whose population is part Kylorr, I know embarrassingly little about them."

"You're a healer," Lorik pointed out, gesturing me forward when he noticed I was lingering on the edge of his reach. I stepped into him, and he widened his legs, taking my palms in his. "Shouldn't you study Kylorr to know them better?"

"I should," I admitted. "But Kylorr get injured very rarely. And most that do heal quickly. Besides…I…I haven't exactly been involved in village life. No one wants to trek all the way out here to be seen by me. The ones that do…they need the remedies only I have."

"From your glowflies," Lorik said.

"Yes."

"The shadevines," he guessed.

"Yes," I said. "But the people I see have usually been poisoned or have some kind of rare infection that's taken hold. Tending to flesh wounds…I haven't done that in a long time."

"You tell me that now?" Lorik teased.

"You were poisoned, had an infection, and had a difficult flesh wound," I pointed out. "I think I did pretty damn well, considering the circumstances."

Lorik chuckled, running his hands up my sides until they clasped my waist. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the middle of my abdomen. Against the thin dress I'd thrown on after our lovemaking, I could hear him murmur, "You did a wonderful job, my little witch."

His praise made me want to sink into a puddle at his feet.

"How are you feeling?" Lorik asked.

"About?"

"Much has happened today," he commented. "Did you expect any of it?"

Veras. Aysia. The Sev—the Shade. And what had happened between us afterward. That was what he meant.

"No," I admitted. "I don't make it a habit to sleep with my patients."

"You better not," he grumbled, and I settled my hand on his warm chest, feeling so protected and safe in his lap. "You know what I mean."

I sighed. "It's been a long day—you're right."

"Are you tired?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"Good. Me neither," he said.

"You should rest, Lorik," I said. "Your infection was just—"

"I'm fine, Marion," he told me. "I told you before. I'm stronger than I look. This wound will be gone by the end of the week, if not sooner, and it'll be like it never happened."

And then he'll be gone,I thought, a surprising wave of loneliness crashing down into me. There was no reason for him to stay. Now that the poison was out of his system and he'd already overcome the lingering infection, come morning, he would have no reason to be here.

"Then I'll only see you at market days," I couldn't help but whisper.

Lorik's arm tightened around my back, and he dragged his hand over my hip. "Is that what you want? Only on market days?"

Sucking in a sharp breath, I met his eyes. There was a sullenness in his tone, one that matched mine perfectly. "No, I don't want that. Not only on market days. But I've never seen you in Rolara on other days. You're like a ghost."

"So are you," he replied. But he didn't tell me where he lived. He said nothing else about it. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Do you need permission?" I teased, hiding my disappointment.

"I suppose I could ask anyway and you could just tell me to fuck off," he murmured.

"Yes, always a possibility," I said, the edge of my lips curling before I sobered. "Ask."

"Aysia," Lorik said, and I tensed slightly. "Maybe it's not so much a question. More of…I want to know you. I want to know everything about you, and she was a large part of your life. I've heard things in the village, idle gossip. I want to hear it from you."

I nodded, swallowing. I pushed off his lap and went to my counter, filling a kettle with fresh water from the tap.

"Tea?" I asked.

"Sure." His tone was at ease, relaxed, like we'd done this a million times. I knew he could sense I wasn't running away, but I just needed to speak about Aysia in my own way.

I plopped the kettle on the hook over the fire in the hearth and added another log, sparks flying. Straightening, I looked down into the flames and crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for it to boil.

"Correl's orphanage, as I'm sure you know, was not a wonderful place to grow up," I told him.

"I've heard the stories. It burned down, didn't it? Correl died in the fire," Lorik said.

"That would have been Veras's handiwork," I confessed. "Though he'll never admit it. He did it for Aysia, in his own twisted way. I think a part of her even liked it. Anyway…I grew up with a woman—an Allavari woman—who had taken me in since I was a baby. I never knew my parents. She was kind to me—at least I think so. I only have fond memories of her. But she died when I was seven, and I went to live at the orphanage. I was there about a year before Aysia came. She was so small then. Just a child."

Lorik frowned. "You raised her?"

I nodded. "I was a mother and a sister to her. Maybe that's why I find it so hard to move on. To forgive. Because I raised her and I was no more than a child myself."

Lorik cursed under his breath, soft and gentle.

"I was the eldest at Correl's. I took care of many children, but with Aysia…our bond was always different. It was special. The others knew it. They would pick on her and I did what I could to protect her…but children can be cruel. She was alone a lot even though she had me. Correl would beat her with this strap when she didn't come back by curfew. I would tend to her wounds, try to make her feel better."

My throat tightened. After today, this was likely the last thing I wanted to talk about, but it felt good in its own way. Like picking off a scab that itched.

"We got older. We had all these plans. I would pledge myself to the Healers' Guild when I was of age. I would take her when I left Correl's, and she would apprentice under an artist so she could eventually pledge herself to the Artists' Guild. But we would live together in a little cottage and have a home all our own where no one could hurt us again. And we would be free."

The water in the kettle began to steam, and I took it from its holder, being careful not to burn myself. When I turned, I saw that Lorik had stood from his chair, a restless energy about him. He caught my wrist when I passed and took the kettle.

"Sit down," he told me. Then he went to the cabinets, pulling out cups and silk satchels of dried tea leaves after I watched him rummage with endless curiosity. "Go on."

He made us tea—naked in my kitchen—while I sunk down on the opposite chair, my back to the fire. Peek, I noticed, was sleeping, curled under the bench by the front door. Maybe he'd finally decided he trusted Lorik. His ears were relaxed, no longer perked, even in his slumber.

"And that's what almost happened," I continued, sighing, sliding my arms across the table, sweeping away unseen dust and playing with the edge of a thread I'd trimmed away from the spool. "I came of age. I left and took Aysia with me. I pledged myself to the Healers' Guild, taking work where I could while studying beside them. Aysia got an apprenticeship. A few years later, Aysia came of age. And right when she was about to make her pledge…she met Veras. Then everything changed."

"In what ways?" Lorik wondered, coming to the table with two mugfuls of steaming tea. The bitterness of the leaves perfumed the air, and I watched as he sat down in the opposite chair, sliding my cup across the wood table. His hand strayed close to my own, and he gave it a gentle caress, fluttering my belly, before pulling away. He leaned back in his chair, all warm, muscled flesh and a quizzical frown.

"I hardly ever saw her, for one," I answered. "I think a part of me was jealous. He swept her off her feet, gave her anything she wanted. Their courtship was fast. Within a week of meeting, she was basically living with him on his estate. She stopped training under her artist, she decided to forgo the pledges for that particular year for the guild. All she talked about was Veras. She was in love. They both were," I conceded.

"When did it start to go bad?"

"A few months in," I replied, swallowing, wrapping my hand around the hot cup. "Everyone knew about Veras Lain. His illegal dealings with off-planet merchants for Allavari weapons."

"Among other things," Lorik commented, raising a brow.

"Exactly," I said quietly. "Every time I tried to warn her or…" I sighed. "It only pushed her further away. We had a big fight about him a few months into their courtship, and she didn't speak to me for almost four months. And when we finally reconciled…we were both so relieved, I think, to be back in one another's lives that we played pretend. We didn't speak about Veras, but she always went home to him. She always turned a blind eye to what he did. She gave up her art. Her entire life became him. And for the most part, I think she was happy with him. He made her happy, but…it cost her a lot. Too much."

"Her life," Lorik said gently, reaching across the table to take my hand. My heart gave a little throb at the gesture, and I threaded my fingers with his.

"Yes," I whispered. "It happened so suddenly. Veras was meeting with a group of mercenaries from Jetutia. The negotiations turned bad apparently. They got angry. And Aysia…Aysia was there at the wrong time. They took her, ransomed her. Veras gave them the weapons they wanted…and they still killed her to punish him."

"Fuck," Lorik rasped, and my vision went blurry with that word. The days she'd been missing…they'd been absolute hell. "Marion, I'm sorry."

I took a sip of my bitter tea, steeped a little too long, but I found the bite just distracting enough.

"It was nearly ten years ago now, and some days, it feels like it just happened," I admitted. "And I was numb for a really long time. Then I was angry. And now…I don't know what I am anymore."

Lorik's gaze softened. "You're breaking my heart, little witch."

"But Veras might be right. I told you earlier. I just can't…I can't do this anymore. This isn't the life I want."

"Being alone?" he asked.

A small, sad smile curled my lips. "Yes, that, but I feel like I'm just waiting for something. Or just wasting time. I can never be sure which. Do you ever feel that way?"

"I think everyone has felt that way at one point in their life," he said.

"When did you?" I challenged.

He blew out a sharp breath, leaning forward in his chair even as his thumb stroked the back of my hand.

"Maybe right now," he answered. "Can I speak freely without you asking too many questions?"

It was better than nothing, I decided. And I thought he figured I was smart enough to know that he was being secretive about something he couldn't say.

I nodded.

"I feel like I'm a crossroads, being pulled in two different directions, by two entirely different places. I was raised with a purpose. There is a comfort in that. A familiarity. But I am also curious. About many things. Places, people, history. In choosing one, I cannot have the other. In choosing the other…I fear it will cost me more than I'm willing to pay. I don't want to turn my back on my duty, to my family, to my people."

Lorik squeezed my hand, giving me a slight smile.

"I think we are in similar positions, Marion," he told me. "Don't you think?"

"Yes, just without the legacy aspect, I suppose," I murmured, noticing that he was trying to lighten the mood. It had settled too deep, and after the weight of the day, it was beginning to feel too heavy.

"We should figure it out together."

My breath nearly whooshed out of my lungs at the pronouncement.

"I'm being serious," he said, eyeing me, that smile having never left. "Are we in agreement?"

"I've always heard you shouldn't make bargains with an Allavari. Because you'll likely lose more than you think," I said, if only to buy time.

His teeth flashed, the tips of his fangs poking into his bottom lip, making me remember the wound between my thighs where he'd bitten me as I'd orgasmed.

"Good thing I'm part Kylorr and the berserker in me would keep to its honor," he replied, as quick as ever.

I laughed. It felt good, like a release…when I'd already had a couple tonight, I remembered with heated cheeks. Lorik looked at me over the rim of his cup as he sipped on his tea.

"Can't argue with that," I finally said. Almost shyly, I added, "All right, it's a deal."

"Good," Lorik replied, the word sharp and clear. His gaze studied my face, those eyes observing at his leisure. "Thank you for telling me about Aysia."

I nodded, observing him just like he was observing me.

"You have a beautiful soul, Marion," he murmured. He'd said something like that before, and it still made my heart leap. "You would make anyone very happy."

"Thank you," I said, trying to fight the flustered beam that threatened to break out over my face. It was like I was swinging on emotions with him…but he made me feel safe. Heard. I felt like he did truly want to know everything about me because he cared about me. Because he knew that maybe one day, we would be more to one another.

"Too bad I'm a greedy bastard and I want you all to myself. The others can wait in line," he deadpanned.

The laugh that sounded was louder than the first.

"Stop," I whispered.

"No," he answered, a small smile playing over his lips as he watched me. I had the impression he was drinking me in. Really looking at me. "Are you sore from earlier?"

"No," I said softly. I was, actually, a little sore, but I wouldn't admit it because I wanted him again too.

"Good," he rasped, standing from the table, rounding toward me with that commanding body. "Now that I have you, I intend to take complete advantage."

"Oh, really?" I asked, quirking a brow.

"Absolutely," he said. "Don't say I didn't warn you, little witch."