Prologue

PROLOGUE

Leo

Let’s get one thing out of the way real fast. Regret is a waste of time. I don’t believe in it—never have, never will. I try to live my life without that useless emotion.

You know those articles where the journalist asks old people what they would have done differently, and they list all sorts of stuff—be a better friend, call your mom, tell the woman you love her? You don’t want to be that person.

There’s a simple way to avoid it.

Do the good shit now.

Say yes to that crazy job offer, ask out the girl who’s out of your league, climb the mountain and kiss the sky.

You’ll thank yourself later.

But the flip side of that kind of life is this: you need some rules. A few basic guidelines to follow to navigate the potholes.

Over the years I’ve assembled my top picks. Some from experience, some from listening to others.

Allow me to share my hard-won wisdom.

1. If you have to sniff the food in your fridge to decide if you can eat it, just toss it. You’ll be glad you did tomorrow.

2. You can tell everything you need to know about a person by how he or she treats the waiter.

3. Turn down that last tequila shot. Trust me on this one.

4. If your woman sends you to the store to pick up something, get that something, not another version you think is better. Her version is always the right one.

5. You can’t put your foot in your mouth if it’s closed.

6. No dude ever gets in trouble while cleaning the kitchen.

7. Don’t live to work; work to live.

8. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

9. Don’t get a tattoo that’s longer than your dick.

10. Men should never wear black jeans.

That’s my list and I’m sticking to it. Those mantras have served me well. They’ve made me the man I am today—successful, wise, and satisfied.

There’s one more though. An addendum, if you will. The postscript you need to achieve a life well-lived. This ought to be so damn easy that no one makes this mistake.

Gather close.

Write it down.

Follow this one to the motherfucking letter.

No matter what, don’t fall in love with your best friend’s girl.

Too bad that ship sailed long ago for me.