Chapter 64

Evie

Ipop up in bed. It's no use. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep. The clock reads 12:10 a.m. The last hour consisted of me lying in the dark, staring at the shadows on the ceiling, ruminating over my conversations with both Caroline and Steph. Apparently, my subconscious has grabbed hold of some message beneath the surface and isn't going to let me rest until I deal with it.

"Fine," I mumble into the empty room. I'm still livid at Caroline. But without admitting it to anyone else, I know my best friend is right. The trauma with Marco has dictated so much of my experience with the eligible men in my life since.

At some point along the way, I decided that no man is worth the heartache. I made a subconscious but concerted effort to seek out easy relationships, the kind that would keep my heart safe from pain and betrayal. Which is why none of those relationships got anywhere. They were easy, safe. Boring.

The revelation hits me hard.

I've been looking for the exact opposite of what I need to be happy. What I need to make someone else happy.

And then came Adam.

Despite all my protestations of late, Adam is the only man I can envision a future with.

So why am I not fighting for him? Why did I blow off Caroline and Steph?

Despite the dark room, the answer is as clear as day.

I'm scared. Terrified, actually. Of putting my heart on a platter. Of being vulnerable.

I can no longer ignore that thing under the surface, waving its hands at me since I left Colorado. No more than I can ignore my own existence.

I love Adam. So much that I can't bear to lose him.

He's worth the risk.

The epiphany is like jumping clear of a cliff's edge without a parachute, praying there will be a miraculous soft landing.

Maybe Caroline understood something I could not. Which is why she wanted me to have an adventure even when she couldn't join me.

I'm a terrible person.

Suddenly, I can't wait. There are too many things I need to fix.

I reach for my phone resting on the nightstand.

"I'm so sorry," I cry when Caroline picks up the phone on the second ring.

"So am I," she says, as if she's been waiting for my call round-the-clock.

Neither one of us notes the late hour. We are both wide awake.

Which, come to think of it, is odd. Caroline is no night owl.

Then I hear some background noise over the phone. "Is someone there with you?"

"It's only my doctor."

"Huh?"

"My doctor, Calvin. He stopped by to make another house call. He's very dedicated to his patients."

I'm about to make a snarky comment when I hear her say, "Doc, will you excuse me for a minute?"

I'm stunned. She's serious.

Caroline waits a beat before saying to me, "I forgive you. If you're awake it means you've come to your senses. Now go make up with Adam."

I laugh. The fight is over. And Caroline is okay. The way it sounds, more than okay. Thank heavens.

"Dr. Handsome," I say.

"Excuse me?"

I've never met him, but I assume Calvin checks Caroline's boxes.

She gets it and laughs. "Dr. Handsome is my doctor. That's all."

Can it be she's more delusional than I am?

I go back to the issue at hand. "Adam lives in California."

"So? You have somewhere better to be?"

I open my mouth to explain that Jeffrey is home, that I am looking for a new job. That it's snowing.

But I stop myself.

None of it matters.

My son is an adult, my job search can wait, and the snow is . . . well, I'll have to see how the conditions are at the airport. Which is where I will be heading once I pack up my bag.

"No, I have nowhere better to be in this whole entire world. Thank you, Caroline. Love you."

"Love you too."

I hear a door open and Caroline giggle. "Keep me posted, Evie. Gotta run."

"Will do. Say hi to Dr. Handsome for me."

"He's only my doctor," she adds before hanging up.

With a sudden burst of energy, I shove aside the comforter and pop out of bed. I am going to get my man.

Nothing can stop me now.