Chapter 50

Chapter Fifty

Calvin

I 've never been so nervous in all my life. That includes taking the medical entrance exams, the boards, and traveling between African cities in a six-seater plane that looked patched together with duct tape.

Standing before the judge who has the power to make me a dad is humbling.

Until now, it's been several minutes of watching him read my paperwork and confirming the information is correct. He's a kindly looking gentleman in his early sixties and I imagine this is one of his more enjoyable roles on the bench.

He looks up from the documents, catching my eye. "Adoption granted."

Those two simple words make my eyes tear up, so much so that the courtroom turns blurry. Chacha jumps into my arms and the judge laughs heartily.

"Congratulations," he says, as I revel in the slobbery kisses my son is planting on my cheeks.

The judge offers to be in a photo with the two of us and we comply, smiling broadly as my attorney takes the shot.

I had heard the proceedings would be anti-climactic but I know I'll remember this moment for the rest of my days.

"Let's celebrate."

We turn toward the benches in the back of the courtroom and I come to an abrupt halt.

Seated in the last row is Caroline. She looks resplendent, almost as if the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. Everything about her seems lighter and I can only wonder why.

"Can I get a photo as well?" she asks.

I'm speechless.

I watch as she stands, approaching us. "Congratulations," she says, smiling broadly at Chacha. "You got the best daddy in the world."

I don't know what to say but Chacha does. "I know. Wanna come get ice cream with us?"

"If it's okay with your dad."

Chacha looks up at me questioningly.

Caroline came to my adoption hearing, witnessed one of the most important milestones of my life. I have no idea what she's doing here. I haven't seen or heard from her in months. But the butterflies in my stomach remind me that my feelings haven't faded. I love her still.

"Daddy?"

Now Caroline is studying me, the smile beginning to falter. I don't ever want to be the cause of that again. Whatever she's here for, I'm grateful for it. "Of course it is."

Chacha cheers and as naturally as only a child can do, he takes hold of Caroline's hand. The three of us walk out into the sunshine together.

We're back at my place and I'm glad I thought to clean up before leaving for court. Chacha is in a sugar coma, snoring softly on the couch.

After leaving the courthouse, we went for ice cream, all our attention focused on my son. Caroline seemed at ease, joking and laughing. Chacha was as enamored with her as I was. Now that he's asleep, it's just Caroline and me.

I feel like a teenager on a first date with the prettiest girl in school. I swipe at my damp brow. "How's Rezy?" I ask.

"Great . . . he misses you."

I hope he's not the only one. If I were a betting man, I'd have wagered Caroline would never set foot in my place again. But then she surprised me in the courtroom. I would've lost big—and been perfectly fine with it.

Chacha stirs and I gesture to the balcony. Careful to let my son sleep, Caroline and I tiptoe outside, leaving the door ajar.

It's one of those rare but perfect Manhattan spring days, the air unusually fresh, the sun warming our faces. Trees outside my building are blooming pink, birds chirping happily in their nests. It feels like we're in a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan rom-com.

Caroline leans against the metal railing, gazing eastward toward the park, now lush and green.

For months, our only interactions consisted of exchanging texted holiday greetings and a voice note from Chacha thanking her for the gift she gave him.

The plan was to move on, adjust to life without my close friend. Without the woman I love.

Standing here beside her, I know it was a futile exercise. I love her even more now than I did then.

Caroline chews her bottom lip. "How were the holidays?" she asks, keeping her voice down.

"Nice," I say. "I introduced Chacha to my dad, Aunt Pearl, and my sister's family."

"I didn't realize you went back to Sugarbush Falls."

I nod, leaving out a few details. Like how my sister was awkward around Chacha. How only Aunt Pearl thought to add my son to the gift list, forcing me to find the sole open toy store in Lamoille County on Christmas eve. How I bought and wrapped a kid-size snowboard and signed Kim and my dad's names.

"And yours?" I ask.

"Spent it with Sam and her kids. Evie is out west. She invited me but I . . . can't spend that money right now."

It's obvious a lot has happened in Caroline's life since we saw each other last. I don't want to pry but I can't help myself. And my worry meter is rising rapidly. "Things went badly with Bernard's kids?"

"I decided not to fight them."

Caroline must see the confusion on my face because she fills in the blanks. "Life is short and I choose not to spend it in litigation. I'm trying to find a job. So far, no luck. But it's fine."

It doesn't sound fine.

She says, "I'm selling the apartment and moving out of New York."

At first, I'm not sure I heard her correctly but given the look of determination on her face, I know I did.

It's like a shot to the gut. It's been months since we've seen each other but one thing kept it tolerable—knowing she lives only a few blocks away. Knowing there was always a chance we'd bump into each other. Maybe even find a way to stay in each other's lives.

I swallow hard. "Where will you go?"

She looks down at her clasped hands. "That's one of the reasons I'm here."

She's back to chewing on her lip. "Chacha needed a loving home and you stepped up to give it to him. There's nothing more admirable than that."

I'm not ready for the detour in our conversation but I'm getting the sense she's been practicing her speech so I go along for the ride. I peer through the glass door. Amazingly, Chacha hasn't moved a muscle. "I thought you disapproved."

Caroline shakes her head. "More like, didn't understand. I've had the benefit of numerous friends making it their business to reeducate me." She pauses. "Before coming to your hearing, I was attending my own. I settled for the apartment and car, plus a modest stipend."

I'm astonished and she sees it on my face. "You walked away from potential millions."

"My priorities are shifting."

"Oh?"

Her eyes pin mine. "The stipend isn't much but combined with the proceeds from the apartment, it's enough to both live on . . . and renovate an old but charming cottage."

I'm processing her words, my heart palpitating through my chest. "Where is this cottage?"

"I think you know, Calvin."

I'm dreaming and wide awake. Excitement rushes through me but I need to be sure I understand. "Are you saying you want to move to Sugarbush Falls?"

She nods.

"What about Chacha?" I can't keep the hope out of my voice.

"If I'm honest, I never really considered having kids of my own. But if you're okay with it, maybe I can try?—"

If I was sitting, I'd be on the edge of my seat. "Try . . .?" I egg her on.

"To be, um, aunt-like." Her gaze remains downward and I realize I'm once again witnessing Caroline's uncommon vulnerability.

She must think my silence is skepticism because she adds, "You know, I could be the lady who takes Chacha out for ice cream . . . or helps him with homework . . . or teaches him to make blueberry muffins."

I'm flabbergasted. My heart sings.

Finally, she meets my eye.

"Muffins?" I say with a grin, and perhaps with a bit of incredulity.

Her lips turn skyward, amusement crossing her lovely features. "A lot has changed since I've seen you last."

She pulls something from her purse and hands it to me. It's a blue and white pillow embroidered with the words, Super Dad. "I made it."

I turn it over, admiring it like a work of art. Which it is, to me. "I love it," I say, suddenly choked up. It's my turn to look away. "When did you take up needlepoint?"

"Aunt Pearl got me hooked."

There's a pregnant pause. The silence seems to be the thing that wakes Chacha. Through the door, I watch my boy open his eyes, squirm, and let out a yawn worthy of a tired lion on the prairie. His gaze meets mine and I can tell in an instant that he is both exhausted and ornery.

"Excuse me a moment," I say to Caroline and go inside. I scoop Chacha into my arms and carry him to bed. He'll have a nice nap and be raring to go when he wakes up.

Caroline isn't where I left her. She's pacing the living room.

"Where were we?" I say.

"I don't have any way to prove I can be a good aunt. I have zero experience other than my interactions with Evie and Sam's kids. I can provide them as references."

I hold back a laugh. She's not joking. "Is this an interview?"

She shrugs. There are wrinkles between her brows I've never seen before. "I don't know how else to do . . . this." She gestures to the space between us.

She looks fearful, anxious. Adorable.

My pulse skips a beat. "What is it exactly that you're trying to do?"

I need her to say it.

"Find a way we can be together, to be back in each other's lives, as much as you—and Chacha—will allow."

A warm flutter rises in my chest. "As friends?" I prod.

She shakes her head. "I've had months to think about it and I agree with what you said back then. I can't go back to being only friends."

I move toward her and she stops pacing. "You can't?" I whisper.

She shakes her head, a tear escaping. "I'm scared."

I reach for her damp cheek. "Of what, my love?"

"That I won't be good enough for Chacha."

She's serious. The only antidote is to lighten things up. "How about me? I'm old enough to be his grandpa."

She laughs, her eyes brimming with new tears. "And I'm old enough to be his nana."

I place my arms around her waist, draw her to me. I'm focused only on her soft, delicious lips. I tilt my head downward and close my eyes.

"Can we get a puppy, Daddy?" There's a tug on the back of my shirt.

Chacha's timing is horrendous but for me the mood is anything but shattered.

My eyes remain glued to my beautiful, complicated Caroline as I answer my son's question. "What do you think about a Labrador Retriever?"

"What's that?"

"A funny doggie who loves to play," I say. "His name is Rezy."

Caroline's eyes widen at my words.

"I'm thinking . . . maybe we can be a family—you, me, Rezy, and . . . Aunt Caroline."

"Yeah!" Chacha cheers, jumping up and down. His battery is back to full power.

Caroline's eyes glisten with unshed tears as she cups my cheek, her voice barely a whisper. "Do you really mean it, Calvin?"

"There's nothing I want more than for us to be together."

Chacha's glee fades to the background as I lean in once more, heart pounding. "I love you, sweetheart," I manage, my voice thick with emotion.

"I love you too, Dr. Handsome."

And then, finally, like releasing a long-held breath, I bring Caroline's smiling, waiting lips to mine.