My First Day of Class

MY FIRST DAY OF CLASS

M y office window in Hudsen Hall looked out over the Southern Missouri State University campus. Students swarmed the area like an ant colony searching for something to sustain them.

Summer break was finally over. I'd heard complaints all morning from fellow professors and the students in my classes, but I didn't share their frustration.

I was an assistant professor at SMSU with a doctorate in wildlife biology and geology. And I was around the same age as most of my students. Intellectually, I was a genius. Socially? The opposite.

But I'd made strides over the last few years while teaching at SMSU. I had friends. Well, one friend.

A pair of black stockinged feet plopped on my desk.

One annoying friend.

"Gal, I don't need to see your feet."

Professor Ramon was dark—her hair, her eyes, and her wit. Her name was actually Galdina. Which I adored and she hated. She wiggled her toes and grinned. "I missed you, Reid. But I see you're still wound tighter than your Doctor Who watch. No luck finding the dick of your dreams during summer break?"

"No comment."

She withdrew her feet and scooted forward to lean over my desk. "I'll take your answer as confirmation since you're avoiding the question."

"I don't want to discuss my sex life—"

"Or lack thereof?"

Ignoring her might be the only way to end this conversation. Although, knowing Gal, that probably wouldn't work. I stood and jammed the syllabus I'd been reviewing into my leather bag.

But her words stuck in my head. Did I want a boyfriend? An intimate connection with someone else? Of course. Biologically, humans were social animals. And the biological need for sex was wired into our DNA.

My short-term goal was to no longer be the only virgin professor on campus. But having sex with various men held no appeal. It was scary enough to let one person get close. Doing it over and over with different strangers sounded torturous. My long-term goal was to find someone I could be myself with.

"I'm just saying, Reid, you're in your sexual prime, and I've had more experience with cocks than you do."

I stopped mid-packing to stare at her. I could never tell if she was being serious. Which was either indicative of my social ineptitude or part of Gal's charm. "Is there any accuracy to that statement, or is this your attempt at being clever?" She blinked at me, so I added, "You're a lesbian."

Gal cackled. Sometimes, I thought she exaggerated her laugh for my benefit. She clutched her hands to her chest and sucked in a breath. "A lesbian? God, that explains so much!"

My gaze darted to the Zelda clock on my wall. Almost time. "I have to go."

"Wait, Reid." She jumped up and smoothed her skirt. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not," she said, reaching out as if she were going to touch my arm and then letting it drop. I appreciated her restraint. We'd discussed my aversion to touch on several occasions.

I pulled the strap of my bag over my shoulder. "What?"

Her eyes softened. "Why are you nervous?"

"I'm not."

She raised her brows. "You're wrinkling your Zelda tie."

Unlike me, Gal was excellent at reading social cues. I dropped my hands and let out a frustrated breath. "I love teaching, but it took me years to get comfortable."

She rolled her hand. "I know this. I also know you're stalling when you have a class to get to."

I bit back a snarky response because Gal was my friend. A good friend. My only friend. "Over the summer, students lose knowledge. Reading skills. Math skills. The fundamental understanding of basic biology concepts."

"I bet you were never like that." She chuckled and then stopped, her eyes going wide. "Wait—this isn't about your students, is it?"

This was the part I was trying to avoid. Sounding pathetic. "I have significantly fewer interactions with people over the summer. At first, it's great being around fewer people—" I couldn't admit the rest. The loneliness. The crippling anxiety. The self-doubt.

"But now you have to start from scratch again?"

"Not totally, but yes."

I stare at the butterfly poster on the wall behind her. It details the life cycle from egg to larvae to butterfly and reminds me of the interactions I did have over the summer. I volunteer at the Rosen Butterfly House at Nathaneal Greene National Park. But that's easy. The children are eager to learn.

"How did your Intro to Bio go this morning?"

And there was the crux of it. Freshmen were the worst. "Not…well."

"You aren't that same kid you were in high school, Reid." She moved her head to catch my gaze and cracked a smile. "Now you're old enough to drive."

I snorted at that. But she wasn't wrong. I graduated at fourteen. Not even old enough for a permit. "I still can't drive."

"Vespas are better for the planet." She waved her hand. "But not the point. The students in your Forest Ecology class are upperclassmen. They chose this class to learn from you." Her eyes sparkled. "Mostly. Some are probably there because of your Instagram hashtag."

"I don't have a hashtag—what does that even mean?" I hold up my hand to forestall her response. "I understand the word. Just not the context."

"Doesn't matter. Focus on what you love. Trees. Remember that time you talked for over an hour about the impact of blight on the American chestnut?"

"It's a concern."

"You live for this stuff, my sweet little nerd. Just be yourself."

I sigh. "That doesn't always work for me."

Her face softens. "How about a hug?"

"Gal," I say, trying not to whine, "I have to go."

"It's for me, not you. My morning sucked too."

I hadn't noticed. Some friend I was. "Fine. One hug not lasting over two seconds."

Her grin was worth the concession. And to my surprise, the hug helped.

My class was in Hudsen Hall like my office, so it was close. I used the stairs instead of the elevator. It involved fewer people and helped dispel my pent-up energy.

When I arrived, a few students were already in the classroom. I was early. Being late was never an option. I needed to prepare my surroundings. And myself. I placed my laptop on the table at the front of the room and my notes on the lectern. More students shuffled into the room and found desks. My intro classes were in the lecture halls with auditorium-style seating. This room was smaller. More intimate. Which made it easier—fewer people—and more difficult. These students focused on my every word.

I sipped my cold brew. Caffeine was the only addiction I allowed myself. Chemically. Gathering geodes was a hobby. And while Doctor Who could also be called an addiction, for me it was a necessity.

I heard the laughter before I saw them. A guy's laugh. Deep and highly amused. And giggles—a young woman? My body tensed and my chest felt tight. Breathing was more difficult. Memories surfaced of other times and different laughter aimed at me. I replayed Gal's words like a mantra. These students wanted to be here.

I forced my eyes up and scanned the room. Students shuffled about getting settled. The couple was still laughing. They were probably in their early twenties. The guy had perfectly styled dark hair and a strong jaw. The girl had a pink pixie cut and an eyebrow piercing.

They were talking quietly and laughing. He shoved her shoulder playfully and glanced up at me. Maybe they had been talking about me. But his eyes weren't mocking. The opposite. They were laser-focused.

I couldn't tell the color from this far away, but the intensity affected my breathing in a completely different way than before. I wasn't anxious or nervous. I was…what? I jerked my head away. I'd held his gaze longer than I was comfortable with. Longer than I normally did.

My hand jerked, knocking my pens to the floor. I hurried to pick them up. Take a breath, Reid. Get it together. The first voice in my head sounded like Gal. The second, my brother.

I forced those thoughts out and focused on starting my Forest Ecology class.

Everything fell into place once class began. I felt confident as a professor. I loved teaching, learning, and sharing my passions with my students.

We began by reviewing the syllabus and my expectations for the class. Then I smoothed my Ocarina of Time tie and glanced around the room. Making eye contact with my students wasn't my favorite part of teaching, but it was often necessary. Many were busy taking notes or waiting for me to continue. My gaze stopped on the guy with the perfect hair. Unlike most, he was watching me. Our eyes caught and held for a second. I blinked and glanced away.

In the back row, a group of guys wearing T-shirts and mesh shorts were not paying attention. A few whispered to each other. Others had their eyes closed. One guy had his head resting on his arms on his desk. Was he sleeping?

Did they think this was an easy class? Or had they partied the night before? Didn't matter.

I grabbed the bell hidden from view on a shelf in the lectern. At least my brother had given me one helpful thing. The cowbell from his farm. The clanging sound echoed throughout the room and everyone jumped.

"Now that I have your attention, let's move on to tree classification. It sounds dry on paper, but most of our labs will be at the Woodlands Conservation Center. That's when it all comes alive." I sounded nerdy, but I didn't care. This was my space. Anyone not wanting to be here could drop the class.

A hand shot up. The guy from before. I didn't even know his name. Yet.

"Yes, Mr…?"

"Evans." His voice was pleasant. Nothing more. No matter what my brain said. "Maddox Evans. But you can call me Maddie." Something told me he knew that wasn't happening but he had to try.

"Mr. Evans," I said, holding back a smile, "do you have a question?"

"Are those Sage Medallions on your tie?"

I hesitated for just a second. "A question related to the classification of trees." Was he making fun of my tie? I wasn't sure, but I didn't think so. Only someone who played Zelda would recognize the symbols.

"Sorry," he said, biting his lip. At that moment, my stomach flipped. Was I hungry? I'd picked at my lunch, so it was entirely possible. "I do have a question. Wasn't the requirement for Latin descriptions for new plant species dropped in 2012?"

I narrowed my eyes. I wasn't sure if he was trying to show off or be argumentative. "Yes."

"Then why do we still use Latin for tree classification? And how much will we be required to memorize?"

"The common names of trees can vary by localities. Using Latin in identification ensures accuracy and consistency. It has been simplified over the years but is still necessary. And there will be some memorization required."

"Can you make an audio file reading aloud the Latin—" He winced as the girl beside him jabbed him in the ribs.

I hesitated. The answer was no. Of course. But their interaction suggested I was missing something.

"I withdraw my question."

His grin confused me further, and my brain tried to gather the pieces so I could understand what it meant and why it mattered. I forced myself to focus on the rest of the class. "Any other questions?"

"Are we going to talk about climate change and if it's real?" a burly guy at the back asked, waving a copy of the syllabus. "Because in here it says—"

"No." I didn't need him to finish. "There's no debate. If you don't believe in climate change or science or facts, there's no place for you in my class."

"But I—"

"What's your name?"

"Chad Martin. And I think there's always room for debate. There are so many variables—"

"Debate it with your friends over football and beer, but here we deal in facts. Gather your things, Mr. Martin, and leave. Take any of your undecided friends with you." My pulse pounded like a thousand tiny drums in my head. I pushed down my anger. I wasn't going to overreact like my brother. But I also refused to entertain climate deniers in my own classroom. How had they made it this far?

" Fuck ."

Several guys stood to leave, but my eyes darted to Maddox Evans and his outburst. It surprised me for some reason. "Do you have a problem with climate change, Mr. Evans? If so, the door is behind you."

"Sorry." He rubbed the back of his neck. Was he embarrassed? Stalling? "I absolutely believe in climate change, Professor Em. I mean, duh. I didn't mean to blurt that out."

"Then why did you?"

He shrugged, and the girl beside him, Rae Watson—she'd answered several questions in class. She liked to know the answers and show that she knew them—hid a smile behind her hand. Did they think this was a joke? I stepped forward and stopped. What was I planning on doing anyway? "Again, sorry," he said. "I didn't expect you to be so…forceful."

Ms. Watson turned her head. Was she still giggling? Did they consider me a pushover?

I stood straighter. "Just because I—" No. I wouldn't dignify their assumptions with a response. I turned to the rest of the class. "Anyone else have an opinion on the subject?"

The rest of the students shook their heads or looked down.

I'd moved on to discussing the different parts of a tree when the timer on my watch signaled it was time to wrap it up. "That's enough for today. Your homework assignment is in the syllabus and on the board. There will be no excuses for late work."

Students started packing up before I even finished talking. The temptation to hold them another five minutes was there, but I also wanted to escape to my office and process everything that had happened.

"Professor Em?" Rae's hair was a brighter pink close-up. My gaze shifted over her shoulder until it settled on Maddox Evans. He was a few feet away, holding his backpack in front of him.

"Professor Emerson," I corrected. "How can I help you, Ms. Watson?"

"Maddie and I…we weren't laughing at you, I swear. We're both excited about this class."

She leaned closer, and I found myself leaning toward her without meaning to. "And I'm glad you kicked those jerkwads out."

I nodded, not sure I believed everything she'd said. They'd been laughing. And it'd had something to do with me. "Thank you." I glanced back at Mr. Evans. "Both of you."

Why had I said that? But a smile lit up his face. He was very attractive. I could admit that. I could also admit that it didn't matter because he was my student.

After they left, I packed the rest of my things and rushed toward the stairs. The amount of people in the hallway hindered my progress and increased my need for solitude. I opened the door to the stairwell. Voices on the landing above floated down to me. Great. They sounded like they were stopped. Then, the voices registered.

"Are you going to drop?" Ms. Watson. My stomach churned. I hated eavesdropping, but going back into the crowd wasn't happening. And maybe this had nothing to do with my class.

"It's not a problem."

"Could have fooled me, Maddie. First day of class and you're practically begging him to speak Latin to you."

Okay, they were talking about me. But the words made no sense.

"I was not. And you're no better."

"Mad—" She cut off abruptly, but I couldn't tell why since I couldn't see them.

He cleared his throat. A guttural sound that made me…uncomfortable. "Dr. Reid Emerson is just another professor. And Forest Ecology is just another class I need to pass."

She snorted. "Pass. Right."

"Fine," he said, and I could almost picture him with his hands on his hips, his chin up, and his ocean-blue eyes flashing, "another class I need to ace . And nothing will stand in my way."

"Not even #ProfEmHottie with his tight black pants and nerdy tie?"

"Don't worry. There are plenty of guys willing to help me regain my focus."

Their voices drifted away as they started up the stairs.

I made it to my office without further incident and shut the door. My body was sending me all these weird signals I couldn't figure out. I could ask Gal, but getting answers wasn't worth the humiliation.

I tried to focus on preparing for my last class of the day, but Maddox Evans and his ocean-blue eyes kept popping into my head. Then, his smile. And the intense way he watched me.

My body reacted in a way that wasn't appropriate, so I pushed those thoughts away. He was my student. And sure, he was attractive, but after Maryville, I'd never put myself in that position again.

Unlike this morning, now I wished for those empty summer days without people, complications, and attractive students.

How would I survive this semester?