19. Nineteen

nineteen

I stood by my window long after the fight ended, unsure how I felt about the situation. A part of me liked that Penn fought for me. That he knew the conversation with Donnelle had upset me, and he’d dealt with the problem. I even liked Penn’s possessiveness, maybe a little too much.

The dream surfaced. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to the cold glass to offset the rush of heat between my legs. I could feel his hands on my body, his hard chest pressing against my back. His fingers—

“No.” My eyes popped open, and I repeated the word until it permeated the haze of hormones clouding my judgment.

His brother killed my father. I couldn’t desire a man with ties to my father’s murderer. Why had my subconscious created such a ridiculous dream? I shook my head. Those thoughts needed to go. Especially today, of all days. I needed my head on straight.

Today, Finneus and Belinda would perform the true mates ceremony. Once they confirmed the match, my place in the pack would be more precarious. Finneus had no reason to keep me alive once he found his mate. Nothing except for the fact he might gain more dissenters by murdering me.

Penn didn’t return to the house immediately following his fight with Donnelle. He didn’t go to see Finneus either. I checked, and his truck was still in front of my house. Elton guarded my front door, and when I asked about Penn, he declined to shift to two feet and speak to me.

Had Penn forbidden anyone to talk to me? That was too far.

I took a cold shower and then curled up with Dad’s book, though I couldn’t concentrate on the fairytales. Right now, real life was happening, and I needed to be a part of it. My mind kept coming back to the same question: Why Belinda?

There had to be a reason. Finneus had probably never even spoken to Belinda before he named her as his potential true mate. I supposed the real question I needed to ask myself was why Malia had chosen Belinda? Had she seen the match in her crystal ball or whatever casters used to view the future?

A commotion at my front door pulled me from my thoughts. My ears perked up. Elton had shifted to speak to my visitor. Then I heard Evera’s voice. I clinched my robe tighter and hurried downstairs.

When I reached the porch, my best friend had her hands on her hips and her gaze narrowed. Elton’s tall frame blocked my entranceway.

“What’s going on?” I demanded.

Elton refused to move. He responded without turning to face me. “Beta Williams said no one in or out while he was gone.”

“He didn’t mean Evera,” I snapped.

“Beta Williams—”

I shoved him hard in the back, causing Elton’s bare feet to slide on a patch of ice at the edge of the doorjamb. “You can take it up with Beta Williams when he returns.”

Evera marched past him wearing a smug, satisfied smile. Elton bounced from foot to foot, like he knew he shouldn’t defy Penn, but he also didn’t want to say no to me when it was my house. I shut the door and turned to my best friend.

“I’m so glad to see you,” I told her.

Her expression grew serious. “What happened? I came up yesterday, but you weren’t here.”

I nodded toward the stairs. “Come on. Let’s go to my bedroom.”

It was the farthest we could get from Elton’s eavesdropping ears, and I really didn’t want him relaying our conversation to Penn.

As soon as we got upstairs and sat on my bed, I intended to tell Evera about my day out at the Widow’s Den and the crystal unicorn and Nora and Donnelle—but none of that came out of my mouth. Instead, I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut and spoke the words in one long string.

“IhadasexdreamforthefirsttimeanditwasaboutPenn.”

The silence was deafening. I cracked one eye open for a peek at her reaction. Evera’s mouth hung open. For maybe the first time in her life, she was speechless. Then she started laughing, a deep chuckle that made her body shake and tears flow from her eyes.

“Please don’t. No. Stop it.” I smacked her with a pillow. “It’s not funny.”

“I’m sorry.” She wiped her eyes. “I just can’t believe this is your first sex dream.”

I tucked the pillow under my arms. “That’s what you find so amusing?”

“And it was about Penn.” She cocked her head to the side and reconsidered. “Actually, that makes sense. He’s so boring with the lights on, he must be a demon in the dark. What was it like? What was he like? Did he just stare at you with a blank face the whole time, or does dreamland Penn know how to emote?”

Torn between irritation and relief that she was making a joke of it, I shot her a smirk. “Please don’t make me sorry I told you.”

Evera reached out and grabbed my hand. “No, sweetie, this is good. Feel those urges.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sometimes, I hate you.”

“Isn’t that just a sign of a good best friend?”

I laughed. “It must be. Because you are a great best friend.”

My shoulders sagged, a weight settling over me. A nagging voice inside my head whispered this might be the last chance I’d have to tell Evera how much she meant to me. A lump formed in my throat.

“Hey. What’s wrong?” Evera squeezed my hand.

I chewed my lip and contemplated how to explain it without sounding dramatic. “Do you think that maybe it’s possible I had this dream because I don’t want to die a shifter virgin?”

The question shocked her more than my admission about Penn. There were a couple of false starts before she finally found words she wanted to say aloud.

“You’re worried about what happens after the ceremony,” she guessed.

My heart hammered against my ribs. “Do you think he’ll kill me?”

Evera never wavered. “He might try. If he does, I swear to you he won’t succeed.”

Her confidence inspired my own. The way she spoke with so much certainty, like maybe not everyone in our pack was afraid to stand up to Finneus when it came to certain things. Wishful thinking? Probably. But I needed to believe in the fantasy to keep moving forward.

I did tell Evera all the other things that had happened since we last saw each other, including my tumble into the ravine. This, of course, led her to analyze my dream in light of Penn’s actions.

“If I’m going to listen to this, can I at least do it over lunch?” I asked. “I’m starving.”

She frowned. “I thought you didn’t want Elton to overhear.”

“I don’t.” I flashed her a grin. “So, win-win for me.”

We migrated downstairs. Sadly, the only thing food left in my house was a frozen pizza, which somehow seemed appropriate as a potential last meal.

Penn returned while we were discussing Nora and the crystal unicorn. He seemed calmer than when I’d last seen him through the window, like maybe he’d gone for a run. He’d stopped somewhere on the way back to shower and dress, because his hair was still damp.

It was hard to look at him without the dream surfacing. Heat rushed my cheeks and pooled in my stomach when he came to stand behind my chair.

“Are you trying to cause dissension in my ranks?” he asked.

I stared down at the crumbs on my plate. “You said Evera could be here. I don’t see the issue.”

My hair fell in tangles around my face. Penn leaned down and brushed it back over my shoulder and then tugged my chin until I looked him in the eye.

He was so close. His touch felt just like it did in the dream. Across the table, I caught Evera’s amused expression.

“Are you okay?” Penn asked.

“I’m fine,” I replied.

He let his hand fall away and straightened to his full height. “Tonight, I really need you to not piss off Finneus.”

My throat constricted, but I managed to nod.

Penn raised a dubious eyebrow. “No arguments? Nothing witty to say? Should I be worried?”

I shook my head. “I know what’s at stake.”

The way Penn looked at me in that moment, eyes more gray than blue, sent shivers down my spine. Then, he spoke, and I went cold all over.

“No, Drake. I’m not sure you do.”

The ceremony would begin just after nightfall up at the Mirror Cliffs. I chose a champagne-colored dress that wasn’t so far from gold to offend Finneus. It still wasn’t technically one of his preferred shades, so I didn’t feel like I’d rolled over for him.

Penn looked as good in his tuxedo as he always did, possibly better. Evera selected the same floral dress she’d worn for Oscar and Stacey’s wedding. She and Grace met us outside my house and walked with us up to the cliffs. Elton and an older enforcer named Burrows escorted our entourage in wolf form.

The rest of the pack headed the same way, though most only acknowledged Penn. Each time someone looked away, it felt like a paper cut to my heart. Isolated in my house, I could pretend the not-so-subtle shunning didn’t bother me. It was harder to lie to myself when the chill of the icy wind whipping my hair was eclipsed by the cold shoulders from people I’d known my entire life.

I didn’t know if Finneus had selected the Mirror Cliffs as the location for his true mates ceremony specifically to torture me, but it sort of felt like it. The Gold Cave was only thirty feet below the spot where Finneus would seal his bond with Belinda. My father was so achingly close, and I had yet to visit him.

My gaze strayed to Grace. She was stoically composed, and I wondered why she’d been visiting my father so much. I might’ve said guilt over their falling-out, but they’d exchanged words right before he died. What had they discussed?

Dusk fell over the mountains as we arrived on the expansive clifftop. Several dozen chairs fanned in a semicircle near the snowy edge, with an aisle dividing them down the center. Those not important enough to warrant a seat filed into a standing room section on the craggy ground behind everyone else.

That was where I parted ways with Evera and her mother. Grace grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear.

“No matter how it feels right now, you are a beloved daughter of this pack.”

Before I could respond, Penn placed a hand on my lower back and steered me toward the chairs. Honestly, I’d wondered if Finneus might’ve demoted me to the back of the standing section. If only I were that lucky, I wouldn’t have so many eyes staring at me.

Most of the important people had already claimed their seats, but there was an empty one at the end of the last row, next to a woman I believed was Belinda’s great-aunt. Finneus meant to humiliate me yet again. That was fine.

Penn squeezed my shoulder, a reassuring gesture I hadn’t expected from him. Then, he left to stand at the entrance to the wooden bridge that linked the two identical cliffs. His absence set me adrift, alone in a sea of shifters I no longer trusted. Panic threatened to seize my lungs.

“I know you.” The old woman next to me tightened her fur-lined cape around her thin shoulders.

I racked my brain for her name, but it evaded me.

She wore rings on every finger, several with large, beautifully cut gemstones. Under different circumstances, I might’ve asked which jeweler she used.

“You’re friends with Gracie’s daughter,” she continued.

I almost laughed. No one had ever described me that way. I was Basil Aspen’s daughter. That was my claim to fame, and the way every member of the pack thought of me. Except, apparently, this lady. Oddly, I sort of liked that she referred to me in relation to the Matthews family instead.

“Yes, ma’am, I am,” I said, finding it easy to be polite.

A howl sounded from behind us, effectively silencing all the chatter. We all stood as the procession began. Finneus sauntered up the aisle. Over his tuxedo, he wore a long, emerald robe made of spun silk and velvet. Two gold serpents were hand-stitched on the back with their tails intertwined, heads facing one another with hissing tongues on display.

The pack bowed their heads to the alpha. Penn caught my eye and shot me a warning look. With a small sigh, I dipped my chin as Finneus passed. I felt his eyes search me out, though they didn’t linger. It was as if he just needed to check, to make sure I was there to witness his ascension to greatness.

Narcissistic prick , I thought.

Finneus joined Penn near the bridge. The brothers exchanged whispered words as another howl echoed. As though announced by the pack’s cry, Malia waltzed down the aisle in a gown that accentuated her curves in a way that made me feel flat and boring by comparison. She wore a large emerald on a thick gold choker, the stone resting in the hollow of her throat.

The presence of the caster no longer held the same interest it had only days ago. I wondered how much time she’d spent in the village interacting with pack members who weren’t part of Finneus’s council.

Malia greeted Finneus warmly as though they hadn’t just seen each other, which I suspected they had. Penn gave her a curt nod. She stood to Finneus’ right and faced the pack with a serene expression.

“Only a magic user can perform a true mates ceremony,” the woman beside me whispered.

“I’ve never attended one,” I replied, matching her volume.

She smiled knowingly. “No, you wouldn’t have been born the last time an alpha claimed his true love.”

The heralder wolf howled a third time. This one lasted even longer than Finneus’s entrance cry. Three strays joined in as they sauntered to the altar. They wore tuxedos and shiny dress shoes, and almost looked like they belonged among us. They didn’t. Strays had no place in our pack, and Finneus had raised this trio to a place of honor during his bonding ceremony.

My hands clenched into fists. Please, Gaia, don’t confirm the match.

The prayer popped into my head, and I immediately wanted to take it back. At the same time, I didn’t. Yes, Finneus would likely exile Belinda, but he would still be one step short of fulfilling the prophecy on which he based his entire claim as alpha.

Do the ends justify the means? I wondered as the blushing bride finally appeared.

Her gown was made of a thick ivory crinoline adorned with gold threaded seams and embroidery. She wore my mother’s necklace, though it really didn’t go with the neckline of the dress. Her dark hair was gathered in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. A simple tiara sat on top of her head with a teardrop emerald in the center and two pear-shaped yellow diamonds on the sides.

Like Finneus, Belinda wore a green cloak with intertwined snakes over her bonding gown. Four of Belinda’s friends in matching emerald gowns carried her train down the aisle before arranging the lush fabric around the bride’s feet when she reached her intended.

The bondmaids lined up to Belinda’s left, opposite Finneus’s attendants. Malia stood at the center of it all. She cleared her throat and spoke in a soft, sultry voice that somehow projected over the clifftop.

“True mates are a rare and precious occurrence.” She smiled first at Finneus and then Belinda. “Only an alpha can ask Gaia to confirm a true mate bond. It is a great honor he bestows upon you.”

Belinda beamed, and Finneus nodded graciously as though accepting thanks for breathing.

“This ceremony is not to be entered into lightly.” Malia’s tone held a note of warning, her gaze fixed on Belinda. “Do you have the deepest of loves in your heart, one that awakens a part of you previously trapped in a dream?”

Belinda took a shaky breath. “Yes, I do,” she said at last.

You barely know him , I thought. Despite everything, I couldn’t fault her for saying the words. Did she really have another choice?

Malia turned to Finneus and asked him the same question. He stared down at Belinda like she was the pot of gold at the end of his traitorous rainbow. I saw the spark in her eyes when she misread his hunger for affection. Some part of her hoped they’d eventually find love. She needed to believe it.

Finneus can only love his own reflection , I thought. Paging Dorian Gray…

“The dagger, please.” Malia beckoned with her hand, and one of the strays stepped forward to present a wooden box holding the Ophiuchus ceremonial dagger.

My vision swam.

Motherfuckers.

It was the same one Finneus had used to murder my father.

My wolf shot to the surface and demanded old-world justice—a life for a life. The shift started even as I fought against it.

Frigid fingers touched my arm, the contact surprisingly soft. “A unicorn knows to hide her horn when among the horses.”

The shock of her words halted the transformation before my fur and claws came out. I stared at her. My lips parted as my mind fixated on one word—unicorn. It couldn’t be a coincidence…right?

“The blood of the intended mates is a sacrifice we make to Gaia as we seek her wisdom.” Malia’s seductive voice pulled me back to the ceremony.

She drew the dagger’s blade across each of Finneus’s palms and then both of Belinda’s. The couple held up their hands and intertwined their fingers, crimson drops staining the snow between them. Malia raised her arms and began to chant in Old Faerie.

Belinda’s bondmaidens and Finneus’ attendants, including Penn, formed a circle around the couple and Malia. The caster continued to chant to the heavens. Finneus and Belinda raised their joined hands.

Magic pulsed in the air. Red sparks flared from between Belinda and Finneus’s fingers, coiling down their arms to physically bind them to one another. Malia sliced her own hands and flung the blood onto the red ropes. The wisps of charged energy hissed and sizzled, then the ropes turned black and fell away.

Finneus released Belinda’s bloody hands and stepped back, his hands clenching as his forehead furrowed into deep lines. He stared at her for a long, tense minute, then shook his head sadly, as though she had personally disappointed him. Her wide-eyed gaze darted to her bridal party, who’d backed away. The strays did too, followed by Penn.

“Finn? What’s happening?” Belinda cried, not accepting what we all already knew.

My heart flew out to her, yet I still felt like I’d been granted a reprieve. Her loss was my gain. At one time, that wouldn’t have bothered me. Now, it was hard to grapple with. No one deserved to be exiled—ripped from their home and cast into the world alone.

Belinda reached for Finneus, grabbing a handful of his serpent robe and yanking. He reached down and cupped her cheeks with his blood-smeared hands. At any other time, it would’ve been a strangely tender moment from him.

He stared straight into her eyes but spoke in a voice that reverberated through the pack. “Gaia denies that you are my worthy mate.” He ripped my mother’s necklace from her throat and turned his back on the sobbing Belinda before he added, “You no longer have a place among the Ophiuchus wolves.”