11. C H E L S I E

ELEVEN

C H E L S I E

I got frostbite in the middle of winter when I was six years old. I was with Ruby when it happened, who, at the time, was twelve. In the grand scheme of things, her age meant nothing, well, other than the fact that she had recently moved past playing “pretend” with me.

It was on that day that we had one of the largest snowfalls of the year—which, in England, was a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, we get snow, but mounds of it? It hardly ever happens.

The second the snow settled, Ruby and I were quick to rush outside. The ground was crunchy beneath our boots as we trekked along our parents' property on a mission. In other words, we were determined to find the ice palace where the princesses lived.

“Are you sure this is the way to go?” Ruby asked, trailing behind me. “I thought the princesses were the other way last time?”

I quickly turned on my heel. “Ruby, how many times do I have to tell you?” I placed my hands on my hips, tired of repeating myself. “The princesses change the palace location every time we discover it. They have to keep it a secret.”

Ruby playfully rolled her eyes, an action I disregarded as I turned back around, determined to keep going.

“I’m just saying.” Her footsteps trailed behind me. “It’s getting late, Chelsie, and Mum said dinner would be ready soon.”

“We won’t be late.” I tried to reassure her. “Besides, we’re getting close. I can hear it.” I raised a hand out to Ruby, prompting her noisy feet to come to a standstill. “Can you be quiet for a second?”

Ruby tilted her head in confusion. “Why?” she asked. “What is it?”

“Just shh!” I scolded her once more as I listened with intent—the sound was like music to my ears. “Do you hear that?” I looked back over at her.

“Hear what?” She was short with me. “I can’t hear anything, Chelsie, except for this rumbling in my stomach. I’m going back.”

“No!” I pleaded. “Just… follow me!”

I rushed off ahead, racing through the trees and overtop the chunks of snow. Ruby repeatedly called out my name from behind, yet her voice faded into nothing as we grew distant to one another.

“Chelsie, wait up!”

I followed my intuition.

I knew it was just ahead.

I knew it.

“It’s just up here, Ruby.” I followed the sound of the water. “C’mon, I’ll show you?—”

Before I knew it, my racing steps prompted me to step onto thin ice, where not only did my boot go through, but my weight became displaced from under me. I was soaked in a matter of seconds—my body immediately going into shock.

“Chelsie!” Ruby raced forward, reaching her hand out to pull me out from the river water.

My teeth started to chatter, and my body fell weak as I reached out for her.

Thankfully, the river wasn’t deep, and I could stand, but the chilling temperature of the water didn't allow me to regain any of my strength.

“Take my hand!” Ruby directed me, leaning in close. “Now!”

Somehow, I was able to muster up enough momentum as I intertwined my soaked mitten with hers. It took a few attempts, but eventually, she pulled me out of the water, her voice breathless as she fell beside me.

“Are you okay?” she spoke, her warm breath was no match to mine.

I tried to nod, but I couldn’t.

I was numb.

I tried to speak, but it was no use.

I was violently shivering.

I tried to move, especially as she attempted to help me up, yet I was stuck.

Too frail.

I could see the panic in Ruby’s eyes as she assessed my frame, pondering what to do, until suddenly, she scooped me into her arms, held me close, and carried me out of the woods and into our family home.

The second we stepped inside, my parents frantically raced around the house, doing everything in their power to change me into dry clothing, turn on the fireplace, and wrap me in drapes of blankets—all the while, I started to think.

I’ll never be colder than I am right now.

But I was wrong. Now, standing here, reflecting on my six-year-old trauma, I know it to be true.

Because nothing, absolutely nothing, has chilled me to my core quite like hearing my name fall from his mouth.

“ Chelsie .”

Simon’s voice is careful as he guides himself into the bakery, breaking me away from my troubling flashback and back into reality.

I’m not sure which is worse.

This can’t be happening. This must be a dream, right?

No, I stopped having those.

This is real.

He’s here.

“ Fuck. ”

He takes the word right out of my mouth, only using it as a way to express his relief and not sheer panic, an emotion he elicits within me.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” he announces, his body inches away from mine by now. “God, Chelsie. I—I’ve missed you so much.”

The second we make contact, I stop breathing.

There’s not a single thing about him that I’ve missed. Nothing. And now that he’s here, back in front of me, hand placed on my arm, I know something for certain. The best choice I’ve ever made was leaving him and never looking back.

I bite down on my lower lip to suppress the tears that I can feel forming in my eyes. I can’t allow him to see me cry. I refuse to give him that satisfaction. Instead, I divert my attention towards the real question at hand—the only thing I need an explanation for.

How did he find me?

“Look at you.” Simon runs his cool touch along my cheek before his hands securely find their way into my hair, brushing through the strands the way he did once before. This time, feigning disbelief ridden over his face. “You look so different, Chels. You… you cut your hair?”

My body demands that I take a short breath. I need oxygen. I need to breathe.

“Yeah.” I swallow, building up the courage to muster out a response. “I did.”

He grazes the ends of my fringe—staring down at me as if he no longer recognizes who I am.

Good.

I don’t want him to.

When I arrived in Crawley, I was determined to rid any piece of myself that reminded me of Simon.

“You know, I love your long hair,” he used to tell me repeatedly . “It’s beautiful. Promise me that you’ll never cut it. Promise me?”

That’s what he used to do: make me promise things to him, and I would. My promises to him became an oath, but I couldn’t go on any longer.

He didn’t deserve to have any say, claim, input, or promise, and so, despite his voice that cried out in the back of my mind as I sat in the salon chair, I cut off my long hair, just like I cut him out of my life.

“Hm.” His face is full of disappointment as he swallows deeply, using this opportunity to brush my fringe away from my face and tuck it behind my ear. “So, tell me.” He pulls back, his voice dropping an octave. “Is there anything else new about you that I should know about? I mean, new hair, new job, new life? Christ, Chelsie. It’s only been a month. What the hell is going on?”

I shy my body away from his dissecting gaze, one that continues to pick me apart as I rub along my arm in comfort.

I don’t answer his question. Instead, I ask him one in return. “How did you… find me?”

The once simple task of formulating a sentence becomes so difficult. Now, I’m finding myself talking to the ground as I speak, afraid of what those icy eyes might tell me in response.

“Oh, darling .” He eliminates any space between the two of us, clutching onto either side of my cheeks and drawing me in. “You didn’t think I’d stop looking for you, did you?”

He chuckles softly as I freeze. His firm grasp commands my wandering eyes as he towers over me, forcing my chin upwards. “C’mon, darling ,” he repeatedly calls me. “Don’t you know me by now? You know that I’ll always do what it takes. That I never, ever , give up.”

I resort to chewing on the inside of my cheek to stop the emotions washing across my face. He makes it so difficult to hold out, but as I watch him reach into his back pocket and reveal a series of envelopes, a wince falls from my lips.

My mail .

The mail Holly said she would send me.

He has them.

How did he get them?

“Wanna hear a funny story?” Simon flaunts the envelopes in front of my face. “ I just so happened to run into your roomie who was on her way to the post office earlier today. Holly, right?” he asks rhetorically.

He knows her name.

He knows exactly who she is.

“Anyway, it turned out that after all this time, she did know where you were. I mean, she was even going out of her way to make sure you were getting your mail. What a good, loyal , honest friend. Am I right?”

I grind my teeth. I can’t stand the underlying cadence in his tone. “Simon…” His name is like poison as it taints my lips. “What did you do?”

He places a victimized hand against his chest. “What did I do?” he asks, visibly offended. “Whatever do you mean, darling ?” He looks at me with a face full of disillusion. “All I did was save Holly the hassle of the postage costs. Christ, if anything, me coming all the way down out here has cost me money!”

I shake my head, having difficulty processing what he’s evidently trying to tell me.

“Holly wouldn’t do that.” I rub along my temples in an attempt to soothe the pounding in my skull. “She wouldn’t have just given my mail to you. I know her.”

“Oh, Chelsie…” Simon guides his way back over to my side, caressing my cheek with a patronizing look in his eyes. “You know nothing . You see, Holly was more than agreeable to give me your mail when she found out that I had a particular video of her from last summer.”

My eyes widen.

My throat goes dry.

My stomach drops to my feet.

“You do remember what happened last summer, don’t you, Chelsie?”

I blink, and immediately, I’m transported back to the memory. Last summer, one of Simon’s mates hosted a party off-campus—he said it was the final hurrah of the term.

But what started as an innocent night full of fun took a turn fast . Everyone, myself included, got completely hammered, and needless to say, some made hasty decisions that they soon came to regret.

If I remember correctly, for Holly, that was deciding to strip down and skinny dip in front of a crowd of people. I tried to get her to come out. I even had towels on standby to cover her up when she did. But little did I know that someone had been recording—that someone being Simon .

“Besides…” His voice breaks me free from the memory—shrugging off his blackmail as if it’s nothing, which to him, it isn’t. It’s a pattern. “I thought that a hand delivery might be better. Don’t you agree, Chelsie? I mean, after all...” He leans in close, murmuring against my lips as his hands firmly tense around my waist. “We are due for a little reunion, aren’t we?”

I’m paralyzed in place as his lips attempt to make contact with mine, only I cower inwards, turning away so that his lips can no longer reach.

“No, Simon.” I attempt to take slow, hesitant steps backward, yet his hold on me remains strong. “You need to leave. You need to go.” I desperately try to remove his hands from around my waist. “I broke up with you, remember? We’re done. We’re over!”

I’m finally able to peel him away from me, stumbling backward into the display as I do, and for a moment, I’m na?ve enough to believe that my demand will be enough to send him on his way.

It doesn’t.

Instead, when my mind finally instructs my legs to make a bee-line back into the kitchen, Simon charges his way back forward, clutches ahold of both of my wrists and aggressively pins me back against the display before slamming me into the glass.

“Broke up?” His hot breath burns into my cheek as he tightens his grasp. “Oh, my silly girl.” He’s so condescending it makes me sick as he places his forehead against mine. “We’re not broken up until I say we are. You got it?”

I say nothing, and it only provokes him that much more.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you!” He pulls me forward, only to slam me back once more. This time, the back of my head connects with the glass. Almost instantly, my ears start ringing, and my legs go limp.

In my dazed state, I’m left with no other choice than to fall into his arms, struggling to stand up straight. He sees this as an opportunity as he releases his grasp from my red wrists and wraps me into his embrace, steadying my frame.

“That’s it, darling.” He pulls me into a firm hug, holding me upright. “Come back with me, okay? Let’s just start over. Move on. Forget about all of this. I forgive you. Okay?”

In the midst of my disorientation, I find it in me to speak up. “Forgive me?” I repeat back to him. “You forgive me ?

He jerks his head back in shock.

“I mean, yeah.” He furrows his brows. “You’ve put me through complete and total hell this past month.”

“I’ve put you through hell?” I grow more and more angered as each second passes by. “Really, Simon?” I forcefully push away from his chest. “Really?” I’m in utter disbelief. “You’re out of your mind. You know that?”

His eyes glare at me, but I don’t let up.

“Completely nuts to think that I’d ever give you another chance and crazy to think that I’d ever want to get back together with you!”

There’s an eeriness after I finish screaming at him. Now, all I can hear is my erratic breathing as I attempt to catch my breath, forced to watch as Simon’s eyes darken.

I gulp.

He’s changing.

He’s shifting.

“What did you just say to me?” I watch him clench his fists, craning his neck to the side.

My harsh truth suddenly turns into my worst nightmare, but I can’t back down. I refuse to let him get the best of me. I refuse to allow this behavior to go on for another second.

“I said…” I stand up straight, my voice loud. “That I will never, ever , get back together with you.”

After all this time of withholding my truths to settle his mood, finally, I stay true. I hold on. Yet, all that strength doesn’t mitigate the fear in the back of my mind when it comes to what is about to happen next.

We’ve never gotten to this point.

He bites down on his lip.

“You think you’re big now, don’t you, Chelsie?” My heart pounds in my chest as he takes controlled steps forward. “Like you’ve got it all planned out. New look, new town, new life?” He scoffs. “Well, let me tell you something. You can change your location, change your job, Christ, change the way you look, but…” He takes a final step in so that he’s back to pressing me up against the glass. “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re mine . You’ve always been mine . Do you understand? Do you even know what you’re throwing away by trying to leave me? Do you know how stupid that is? Is this what you want?” He gestures around. “To work at a fucking bakery for the rest of your life? Is that it?”

I remain silent. Talking is what he wants—he wants me to get angry. I can see it in the way he tenses his hands together.

“You know, I’m the best thing that has ever happened to you, Chelsie. I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. Now, stop with all of this bullshit and come back with me.”

“No.” I hold my ground.

He’s back to glaring at me. “No?”

It’s like he’s never heard the word before.

“You heard me. No. I’m not leaving with you.”

“And why not, huh?”

There are a million and one ways I can respond to his question. I could write a book on all the reasons, yet somehow, the only clear answer becomes the person who suddenly swings open the door to the bakery and steps inside.

My eyes dart towards the clock.

3:30 PM.

Gary.

“You want a reason?” I peer into Simon’s eyes before diverting my attention over to Gary. “Because I’ve moved on. I’m seeing someone else, and here he is now.”