55. Chapter Fifty-Five

Chapter Fifty-Fiv e

Indy — Now

N olan and I shared hushed breaths, the heat of his feathering onto my cheeks. I remained where I was on his lap, his frame firm and steady beneath me. I skated my fingers over his jaw, his stubble teasing my skin. The lights in the shed were dim, and the glow of the moon peering in from outside the window was enough to let me see the furrow between his brows. His eyes were heavy with doubt, like he truly didn’t understand how my finding him was the catalyst for me falling in love with him.

That night had changed our lives forever. When he’d suppressed and shoved himself down day after day, until it was too much. Everything burst to the surface, and he had a panic attack. It hadn’t been his first, but it was the first he hadn’t endured alone. By stubborn luck, or maybe an act of God, I’d stumbled upon him.

I hadn’t known what to do, but I stayed with him. Just as I did those remaining years of high school. When the pressure was too much and he felt hopeless, he’d come to me. I’d sit with him. Breathe with him. Distract him. We’d watch movies. I’d make him practice a dance with me. Show him my new hobby of the week. I’d go to his games. We’d play hide-and-seek.

Somewhere in the midst of that, we fell in love. He was the first person I thought of when I woke up, and the last when I fell asleep. He’d carry my books to class and walk me home. His fingers would brush mine, and I’d wish he wouldn’t let go. His gaze would linger on my lips, so much I lost all patience one day and demanded he kiss me already. It was a hesitant and clumsy kiss—neither of us had kissed anyone before—but we found our way through it. As we always did. I might have been fifteen, far too young to grasp what was going on. But I knew more than anything that I was in love. Understood there was a deep bond between us, one that could survive the tests of time.

And it had.

His fingers stroked over my temple, sweeping my hair over my shoulder. “I never should’ve relied on you the way I did. It was too much for anyone, let alone a teenager. And I’m sorry.”

“We were both teenagers.” I put my hand over his, holding it against my cheek. “Nolan, neither of us knew the severity of what was going on. I’m not sure I fully grasped how deep your depression was until we were already separated—and honestly, I don’t think you did either.”

I knew he hadn’t. Depression wasn’t talked about as openly when we were kids. If it had been, perhaps Nolan wouldn’t have questioned if something was wrong with him. Maybe he wouldn’t have lived in denial and hidden it out of shame. It wouldn’t have taken him until he was well into his twenties to seek help.

His throat bobbed. “I don’t want it to be how it was before.”

“It won’t be how it was before.” I felt that confidence in my bones. “As much as I love you, I promise I wouldn’t be staying if I didn’t think it was the best option for me. I have no interest in reliving the past. We are not the same people we were ten years ago. We’ve grown. We aren’t hiding. Everything we’ve done this past month has been for ourselves and each other. We aren’t living for anyone else.”

I set my forehead against his, savoring the feel of his fingers dusting over my back as I continued, “I know you believe relying on someone is a bad thing, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Do you think I haven’t relied on you this past month?” I smiled softly, emotion in my voice. “You’ve carried me. You helped me find peace, feel things I thought I’d never experience again. You brought color back into my life. Leaning on one another doesn’t make us weak or a burden. That’s love, Nolan. And that’s the type of life I want.”

I didn’t know what lay ahead. I had no job. No car. Honestly, I had zero clue what I wanted to do with myself or what direction my life was heading in. If I’d ever be brave enough to try for kids. But I knew who I wanted to find out with.

That was scary. But it was exciting too.

But as Nolan sat there, silently watching me, I could see he was struggling to grasp the future. His earlier confidence made sense now—he’d thought we only had a month together. He never imagined he’d get more time. He wanted me. Us. But he’d fallen into the habit of not taking what he wanted.

That just wouldn’t do.

I hummed and pushed my hands up his chest, nothing shy about the way I was touching him. “You made me want more.” My voice was a rasp, warmth coiling in my stomach just thinking about when he’d put me on his worktable and touched me in a way I’d never experienced. Made me envision something I thought long gone. “You promised to give it to me, and I intend to hold you to that. But I realize that might be impossible without telling you what it is you’re giving me.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, and I smiled as I slowly watched the hesitation ease from his eyes. This wasn’t over. It could take months, maybe even years, before Nolan saw himself clearly, but we’d get there.

“I’m surprised you’d take it easy on me.” His hands followed the curve of my thighs, stopping at my waist. “Figured you’d want to win.”

“Oh, I do.” I pushed my fingers through his hair, my chest against his. “But we’ll both win.”

His hands slipped under my shirt, palms roaming over my rib cage. “And what is it we win?”

My lips teased his. “You’ll have to stick around and find out,” I murmured, using the words he once used on me. He smiled and nipped at my bottom lip, lifting my shirt over my head. “I can’t tell you what our lives will look like. There are so many paths we could follow.” I gasped, arching my back as he kissed along my throat, a balance of teeth and tongue. “But I know whichever one we take, we can expect bumps along the way. It’ll be hard. There’s going to be sorrow and heartache. We’re going to fight.”

“More.” His voice was husky, his hands urgent as they worked behind my back. He unsnapped my bra, the straps slipping down my arms. “Tell me more, Indy.”

I let my bra fall between us and hooked my fingers beneath his shirt, pushing it over his head. “You’re going to make me mad.” My voice was breathless, my mind dizzy as his hands played with my breasts. “I’m going to drive you crazy. And maybe sometimes we’ll question why we’re doing this.”

He gripped my hips and lifted me off him, setting me on my feet. I kicked off my shoes, holding his gaze as he did the same. I reached for him as he did me, our hands dancing as we removed the remnants of our clothes. He hooked his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. His skin was feverish against mine, and seeing the desire in those addictive blue eyes, I was surprised he didn’t hasten this along.

Instead, his fingers swept up and down my spine. “What else?”

“Sometimes we’re going to be scared. Hopeless. We’re going to wonder if the sun will come up again.” Mouth dry, I set my hand on his chest, his heart wild beneath my palm. “But there’s going to be joy too. We’re going to feel like the luckiest people in the world. And we’re never going to be alone.” I pressed my lips to the tattoo on his chest, as though to seal my words. The same way he’d inked his love for me and our child into his skin. My touch traveled to his neck, and it wasn’t until I’d brought his lips down to mine that I whispered, “And through it all, I’m going to be your wife. Forever.”

He shuddered a breath and closed his eyes, as though my words physically affected him. I realized they had when he opened them—a tear pooled in the corner of his eye and spilled onto his cheek, the first I’d ever seen him cry. It wasn’t sorrow in his eyes. It was relief.

“I love you, Indy.” He held the back of my neck with his hand, fingers knotted in my hair. “I’ve loved you since the moment you threatened to break my hand if I didn’t stop stealing your Lucky Charms.” We shared a breathless laugh, and I smiled, tears streaming down my jaw. “And I’m going to steal them for the rest of our lives . . . but I promise for every one I take, I’ll give you ten.”

His lips met mine, and I kissed him slowly, melting into his touch. He swept me up in his arms, and I laughed, clinging to him as he ran through the back yard and stumbled into the house. And when he set me down in our bed and made love to me, I realized Nolan wasn’t the only one who wandered into the forest years ago, lost and alone. We’d found one another in the dark.

And we’d done it again.