44. Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Four

Nolan — Now

A light breeze drifted through the window, stirring the wood shavings off my table and onto the shed floor. Taking a glove off, I ran my fingers along the wooden bat, ensuring I’d sanded it down smooth, then set it alongside the three others I’d made. I’d been holed up in here all morning, preparing for the fundraiser in less than two weeks. Indy had asked me to contribute to the raffle, but I’d decided to make a few extra pieces, figuring I’d donate them directly to the sports program. I wanted to support her, give her everything I could.

It wasn’t enough. She deserved more.

Reluctantly, I walked to the lumber pile and lifted the tarp off it, revealing the white wood there. It was the remnants of our tree. She hadn’t mentioned it since I told her, but I knew she was devastated I’d cut it down.

I’d chopped it down the day I received our divorce papers in the mail, signed and ready to file. I should’ve been relieved; I was the one who’d asked for the divorce. But one glance at her signature and the wedding band she’d stuffed inside the envelope had me storming out of the shop, ignoring Dad asking me to stay. I was blinded by rage. Broken. Lost.

But as soon as I cut it down, all I saw was the aftermath of what I’d done. The shards of our broken future. I’d let my wife down, myself down. I had nothing left .

Dad hadn’t seen it that way.

At that point, I’d stopped forcing a smile for my family. I’d stopped pretending everything was fine, that I wasn’t battling myself every single day. I was miserable; I’d given up. I expected Dad to do the same, accept I’d never put down the bottle. Instead, he knelt beside me and picked up the splintered pieces. Told me my life wasn’t over. He believed in me. Claimed I could make something more, something better.

It had taken me years, but as I stared at those pieces now, I finally could envision what I could make. Saw it bright and clear in my mind. I could hold, shape, and sand it. Soon enough, it would be real, whole. It would be mine.

But I knew deep in my heart it wasn’t what I was meant to create.

Rubbing at my chest, I set the tarp down and returned to my work. Every now and then, I’d catch myself pausing, glancing at the flash of gold through my window. Indy had been hard at work the past few days, spending hours of daylight tending to her garden. She’d even planted one in the backyard. I wasn’t sure how long her flowers would last once the temperatures dropped, but I’d keep them alive as long as I could manage. And when the time came, I’d plant more.

Anything to keep a piece of her here.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, fighting my disappointment that it wasn’t a message from Indy. She’d been at Shay’s most of the morning, making decorations for the fundraiser. It was why I was here, though I would rather have spent the day in bed with her. It didn’t matter if we’d been near inseparable the past few days—I wanted more.

But Indy had a job to do. It was why she was still here.

Deciding I’d wasted enough time, I ran inside the house, past Genny sleeping on the couch, and grabbed my truck keys. I supposed I could be using my free time to make plans for the bar. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with it once I bought it. But I couldn’t convince myself to care. I’d worry about the bar once the month was over—Indy was more important. I knew she was busy, but I was a man addicted. I needed to be with her. See her smile, hear her laugh. Promising myself I’d play with Winnie and let Indy work, I tapped on Shay’s door before walking in.

I stopped in the doorway, surprised. Couch cushions were scattered on the living room floor. Chairs were lined together with blankets spread over them, the makings of a fort. Giggles came from inside, and I shot a curious look at Shay, standing in the kitchen.

Spatula in hand, she waved. Before I could ask where Indy was, she raised a finger to her lips. She pointed to the fort, and I nodded, understanding. Quietly, I walked to it and knelt, peering through one of the gaps in between cushions.

Indy was tucked inside with Winnie, her knees pressed to her chest. She wore a crown, her eyes hidden behind her hands as she played a game of peekaboo with my niece. She did it again and again, each time earning a loud giggle. I’d played it countless times with Winnie, confused how she never grew tired of it. But as I watched Indy play with her, I finally understood.

I could watch this for the rest of my life.

I peeled back the blanket, and then Indy’s gaze caught mine. “Nolan,” she said, just as Winnie squealed, “No-no!”

I chuckled at the new nickname and crawled inside, pulling Winnie to me for a tight hug. She mumbled her words fast, one of them sounding like castle. “Did you build a castle?” I asked, and she nodded, beaming. “It’s perfect. You should leave it up all year.”

Outside the fort, Shay coughed, and I laughed before pulling Indy to me, my lips meeting hers. “Think you could build one in my living room? Big enough for two. Actually, three. We can’t leave Genny out.”

She gave me a closed-mouth smile. “I think that could be arranged.”

I smirked, and my lips had just touched hers when Winnie screeched. Startled, we pulled away, and Shay said, “Are they kissing in there, Winnie? Your daddy caught them too.”

Indy pressed her head into my neck, laughing as my niece ran out of the tent. “I missed you,” I murmured, not caring if that was ridiculous since I’d seen her only hours ago, even woken up beside her. At the end of this, I wanted to have peace that I’d given her everything .

“I missed you too,” she whispered into my skin, and those words were enough to clear away the lingering ache in my chest. “I’ve thought about you all day. I wanted to leave, but I was having a good time with Shay, and then Winnie wanted to play—”

“I’m glad you had a good time.” I didn’t want her to think for a second I resented her doing something for herself. “It makes me happy, seeing you with my family.”

She smiled up at me, not bothering to hide the flickers of sorrow and bittersweet joy there. I had no doubt she’d had a good time with Shay and Winnie, but at the same time, I knew it must have been hard for her. Wanting what they had. I’d watched her wrestle with the same emotions a few nights ago after her sister delivered her newborn son, Jude, and she’d called Indy to share the happy news. Reminding her she wasn’t alone in that, I kissed her cheek before we crawled out of the fort and joined Shay in the kitchen.

“I’m going to head home with Nolan.” Indy rolled up one of the banners she’d made. “Thank you again for your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Of course,” Shay said, smiling as she watched me loop an arm around Indy’s waist, pulling her against me. “Besides, you did me a favor by helping with the pies. This is going to be the best bake sale ever!”

I pressed my lips together. “You’re doing a bake sale?”

“It’s for the fundraiser—it’s going to help Indy raise a lot of money.” She glared at me, looking ready to hit me with a spoon. “You want a slice of pie before you go?”

I snorted, ready to tell her no, just as Indy pinched my thigh. “Yes.” She gave me a pointed look. “Be sure to give Uncle No-No two slices.”

Shay gave me a smug look, flipping me off behind her back. While she was busy searching the cupboards, I leaned down and murmured in Indy’s ear, “Don’t blame me when you can’t sleep tonight.”

She craned her head back to look at me, her gaze on my lips. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping anyways. ”

My blood boiled, and I pulled her tighter against me. I hadn’t been referring to sex, but now I was desperate to get her back home. Hell, I just needed to get her in my truck. Her legs on my shoulders—

“Okay,” Shay cried, plates clattering as she slid them across the table. “Indy, I gave you apple. Nolan, you have peach—I know you love them. Please eat your pie and then take you and your hormones back to your place.”

I barked a laugh, clutching Indy as she tried to squirm away. “Ignore her. Shay forgets there was a time when we all lived under the same roof. Her and Brooks drove me crazy. I had to sleep in my truck one time and cover my ears—”

“That is not true!” Shay screeched, her cheeks crimson. “Best eat your pie before you find something else in your mouth, Nolan.”

Indy chuckled, leading the way to the table. “I like her,” she told me after Shay stepped out of the room to put her daughter down for a nap.

“You might change your mind when you’re gagging down this pie.” I winked, and she rolled her eyes, not knowing I was serious. I loved Shay—there was no one better for my brother. And her cooking might’ve improved from when we’d first met and we’d thought she was trying to poison us, but I was wary. Plus, it was fun to give her shit over it.

“Hey,” I said when she came back into the kitchen, my slice half gone. “This is actually pretty good.”

Indy coughed, and Shay narrowed her gaze, watching as we both took another bite. “Are you just saying that?”

“Nope.” No one was more surprised than me. “Tastes good. Ain’t no way you don’t have the best bake sale at the fundraiser.”

Despite Indy’s hacking, Shay smiled. “Really? The peaches didn’t make the crust soggy? It usually does, but Indy’s tips must’ve helped.”

I shrugged, and when Indy coughed again, I slid her a glass of water. Poor girl’s pie must be terrible. With my free hand, I reached over and soothed my palm over her back. “I can’t speak for the peach, but the apple pie turned out great.”

“But I gave you the peach pie? ”

I took another bite, and sure enough, it was apple. Before I could tell Shay that, Indy rasped, “Nolan, there’s an EpiPen in my bag—”

“An EpiPen?” I asked, confused why she had one of those, just as Shay gasped, “Oh my gosh, Indy—I gave you peach!”

Before I could understand what the big deal was, or why Indy’s lips were red and puffy, Shay scrambled out of the kitchen and into the living room. I sat frozen, clueless, as they sat on the floor and dumped out Indy’s bag, scrambling through its contents. Shay found what looked to be a thick yellow pen, and after a few mumbled instructions, she jabbed it into Indy’s thigh.

“I’m so sorry,” she said in a rush as Indy lay on her back, taking heavy breaths. “I swear that wasn’t an attempt to kill you. I really thought I gave you apple.”

Indy wheezed, the sound ending in a cough. “Are you sure you’re okay not being the only woman in their lives?”

They shared a shaky laugh, but I was too focused on counting Indy’s breaths to join them. The longer I watched her, the more I registered how I’d done nothing. Remembered how many peaches I had watched her eat growing up. Had her lips always been that swollen, her breaths that shallow each time she’d eaten one? How had I not noticed? How could I have been so careless with her?

With clear eyes and nothing to distract me, it was obvious Indy was allergic to peaches. I hadn’t known that, but I could’ve done something to help her.

Except I choked, again.

Indy glanced my way with watery eyes, and as she gave me a reassuring smile, it was then I remembered why I’d let her walk away in the first place.

Why I had no choice but to let her go again.