37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty- Seven

Indy — Now

I blinked.

A set of terrifying pure blue eyes blinked.

I blinked again.

They blinked back.

Palms slick, I rubbed them against my jeans and scooted farther away on Nolan’s couch, as though that could save me from the toddler perched two cushions away. We were in the middle of a standoff, and by the way she was watching me, I was questioning who was babysitting whom.

My phone rang and I swiped it off the coffee table, answering immediately. “It’s about time.” I’d never been so grateful to see my sister’s name. “I texted you hours ago.”

“I just woke up. And you literally texted me a picture thirty minutes ago.” Auburn yawned, exhaustion heavy in her tone. “Whose baby did you kidnap?”

“I didn’t kidnap her.” I closed my mouth, freezing as Winnie stood, her chubby feet sinking into the cushion, and her wide blue eyes peered into mine. After confirming she wasn’t going to jump—or touch me—I said, “I’m babysitting Nolan’s niece. She’s Brooks’s baby.”

“Why? ”

I furrowed my brows. “Why is she Brooks’s baby?”

“No. Why are you babysitting?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I didn’t have time to explain my momentary lapse in judgment. I’d been so wrapped up in my date with Nolan, and the things he’d made me feel, I’d volunteered for something I’d never done before. Despite my inexperience, it’d felt good when I went to Shay’s yesterday and she’d taught me how to change a diaper. We’d agreed I would watch her at Nolan’s, and dared I say it—I was excited when I strolled through his door early this morning. But as the sun rose and Nolan left for work and Wren woke up from her nap in the guest room, my excitement changed into dread. “I need you to come watch her.”

She laughed, not knowing I was serious. I didn’t care if she was nine months pregnant and literally due any day now; Auburn had a better chance of moving faster than the speed of light than I did successfully watching Winnie. “What’s going on? Is she missing her mom?”

I glanced at the three-foot human, flinching when I realized she was right beside me. How did she move so fast? She gave me a gap-toothed grin, her eyes full of mischief. “She looks okay . . . but I think she might bite me.”

“You’re not allowed to bite her back,” Auburn told me, as though I didn’t know that. “Okay, so I don’t hear her crying. It doesn’t seem like she’s missing her mom. And if she hasn’t bitten you—then I’m going to assume the problem has something to do with you?”

I chewed on the corner of my lip, not surprised my sister had me figured out. She’d seen me with her kids; I wasn’t aunt of the year. I loved my nephews, but kids made me nervous. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with her,” I admitted in a hushed voice, relieved when Wren crawled off the couch and grabbed a book off the coffee table. “Her mom has been really nice to me, and Winnie means a lot to Nolan. I don’t want to disappoint him, or her parents, by doing a bad job. What if I hurt her?”

It was obvious how much Nolan adored Winnie. He was a bachelor, but you wouldn’t know it from the toys in his living room. There was a bin of crayons and paper, children’s books everywhere, and his cupboards were stocked with snacks.

I’d wish for a simple life. A wife. Kids. A home that never felt empty.

I rubbed my chest, heart aching from the memory of his words. Everything in me wished I could’ve given that to him. Sometimes when I was feeling weak, I’d give in and let myself imagine that becoming our life. Let myself believe in a world where Nolan and I lived in a little house with even tinier hands and hearts.

But that wasn’t the cards life had dealt me. I needed to accept that.

“Okay,” Auburn began, thankfully freeing me from my thoughts. “First, it’s totally normal if you’re feeling a little nervous.” I hadn’t told her Nolan and I weren’t divorced, but if she thought it was odd I didn’t want to disappoint him, she didn’t say so. “You haven’t been around kids much. I mean, when the boys were babies, I couldn’t even get you to hold them. Hopefully you’ll want to hold this new baby when he’s born,” she teased, and I forced a laugh, my throat thick with guilt. “Second, you’re overthinking it. Just have fun with her, Indy.”

I pressed my lips together, telling myself she was right. I was overthinking it. And despite my inexperience, I doubted Shay would’ve let me watch her daughter if she thought I couldn’t do it. I was about to thank Auburn, but then she said, “So, now that’s out of the way. On a scale of one to ten, how good was your make-up sex with Nolan?”

I laughed, grateful I hadn’t put the call on speaker. Winnie only knew how to say a handful of words, but after the way she’d tried yanking out my hair, I wouldn’t be surprised if she learned some new ones just to taunt me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice was innocent. “But maybe I’ll have something to tell you soon.”

Auburn squealed, and I thought Winnie must’ve heard the noise because she giggled from where she sat on the floor. “It’s about freaking time,” she taunted. “Do me a favor and make sure you two seal the deal while Mom and Dad are still here. That way I can watch smoke rise out of Mom’s hair when all the gossips call her to tell her about how you’re just glowing with sex. ”

I covered my mouth, shoulders rising with silent laughter. Mom was reserved and somewhat traditional, and the thought of talking about sex with her was mortifying. When Nolan and I had lost our virginity together, it was Auburn I’d called, crying because of how awkward it had been. As my older sister, I thought she’d give me hell, but instead she’d talked me through it and after promising me Nolan likely loved my breasts no matter their size, she’d ensured I was okay and that we’d been safe.

I was so lucky to have her.

“I miss you, Auburn.”

The line was silent for a while. “I miss you too.” My eyes burned, and I couldn’t help but regret not going out of my way to see her more. Rather than pointing out she’d tried to see me several times and I’d turned her down, she rasped, “I wish you were here . . . but I’m really happy you’re home, Indy.”

Telling her I loved her, I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. I needed to pay attention to Wren instead of focusing on the confusing, yet exciting emotions Nolan was inspiring. Determined to do better, I crouched down in front of his favorite person.

Winnie had large blue eyes and round cheeks. Her hair was dark and short, just enough for two tiny pigtails. She wore a long-sleeved romper, revealing a peek of chubby ankles and wrists. She was hardly more than a baby, yet she was someone’s entire world.

“Do you have enough teeth to eat Lucky Charms?”

Thirty minutes later, and after I’d confirmed with Brooks it was okay, Winnie and I were soaking up the sunshine, eating the best cereal in the world. She sat on the front porch step, chubby fingers gripping marshmallows as I scattered soil into Nolan’s flower beds.

He’d surprised me this morning by not only having the beds rid of weeds and rocks, but he’d bought flowers for me to plant. They were annuals, so I wasn’t sure how long they’d last once the temperature dropped, but I didn’t care. I’d been so excited when I saw the pops of red and blue, I hadn’t hesitated to kiss Nolan. It was quick and sweet, but even with him in Phoenix I could feel the remnants of his touch.

“Which one?” I held up a pot of marigolds in one hand and pansies in the other. “Gold or purple?”

She shoved a handful of cereal in her mouth before making her way nice and slow down the steps. She pointed at the marigolds. “This,” she said in a small voice, though it sounded like dis . “This.”

“I like it,” I told her as I plucked one of the golden flowers out and brought it to her nose. “Smell good?”

She sucked in and out of her nose several times, so hard it stuck to the outside of her nostrils. She giggled, and something in my chest warmed as she clapped her hands. “More,” she demanded when the flower fell off her nose and onto the soil. “More. More.”

Laughing, I plucked her another flower, and we did it again and again, each time earning me a deep belly giggle. I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of her before sending it to Nolan. Once she was ready to move on, she plopped down in the middle of the flower bed. Working around her, I planted the flowers, letting her help when she felt like it. She rolled on at least two of them and tripped over the petunias, but I was positive Nolan wouldn’t mind. Assuming we’d both been in the sun long enough, I took a picture in front of the flower garden before scooping her up and taking her inside.

Shay had told me they were Winnie’s favorite, so I made a peanut butter and butter sandwich for lunch. After that, we pulled out the coloring books and crayons—and I quickly realized she preferred coloring on the walls. It only took me five minutes to scrub the black crayon off, but that was plenty of time for her to scramble her way up the stairs. I’d never get back the ten years I lost off my life when I saw her hanging off the side railing, but I stopped caring when she gave me knuckles, apparently something Brooks had taught her.

Endless mischievous acts later, and with the sun dropping, Wren rubbed her eyes and lay down on the couch. Her parents had texted and let me know they were on their way, but it would be a few hours until they got her, so I changed her into pajamas. Popping on Encanto on the TV, I turned off the lights and sat beside her. She clutched a stuffed toy cat to her chest, and I regretted not bringing Genny over.

Remembering I hadn’t responded when Evelyn texted earlier, I pulled out my phone and replied, letting her know I’d pick Calder Rohan up from the airport when he flew to Arizona. The fundraiser was two weeks away, but I was all too aware how quickly time was passing. So far, Lisa and I had gotten fifty vendors to sign up for a booth, ranging from face painting to homemade goat soap. We’d gotten approved to have a Ferris wheel on the football field, and her soccer team had even convinced Sheriff Turner to participate in a pie toss. I wasn’t sure what the kids were more excited for: the opportunity to nail the sheriff with an apple pie or the chance to meet Calder and hopefully get his autograph.

Eager to enjoy the movie with Winnie, I made to put my phone away, stopping when it vibrated. I smiled, grateful to see a text from Nolan, letting me know he’d be home in less than an hour. With butterflies in my stomach and before I could stop myself, I replied, Finally. I miss you . I laughed, covering my mouth when he responded with a Fast & Furious GIF.

Winnie nuzzled deeper against me, wedging her knees into my ribs. Hearing the shift in her breathing, I glanced out of the corner of my eye, not surprised to see she was asleep. Her cheek was squished against my arm, and I smiled to myself when she let out a tiny snore. My chest burned, both a welcoming and terrifying feeling, and it was then I realized why I’d been afraid of her.

She was easy to love.

And I knew just how easy it was to lose something you love.