Chapter 89

Justin and Anna settled into their room for the overnight train journey from California to Oregon. The bunks were already lowered and prepared for sleeping. Besides the beds, there was a chair, a bathroom with a tiny shower, a closet, and a fold-down table. Anna peeked behind the pull-down shade and smiled, imagining watching the sun rise on her first day of freedom through the large window.

Both exhilaration and terror coursed through her body at the thought of being away from Devin and free. She blew out a breath, trying to stay positive. Devin didn’t know she was gone yet. He wouldn’t find out until tomorrow.

She glanced at the beds and then back at Justin. “I’ll take top if you want.”

Justin grinned. “I’m keeping my mouth shut on that one.”

Anna frowned. “What?”

“Woman on top?” He chuckled and shook his head. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been with a woman? Travis’ ass is too damn hard.”

Anna giggled. “I always liked his ass.”

Justin grunted. “Having sex with a man is totally different from being with a woman. Women are soft.”

“Do you want to have sex?”

Justin’s mouth dropped open and he stared at her wide-eyed for a long moment. “I—believe me, I’ve thought about it.” He rolled his eyes and smiled. “But, no—I mean, yes, I want to, but no, I’m not going to. You don’t need that right now.”

Anna gazed into his gray eyes. “How do you know I don’t need it?” She stepped forward onto her toes and kissed him. He tensed when her lips touched his, but moaned softly when she playfully bit his lower lip.

“Anna...” He pulled away. “I don’t—I mean, God I do, but... No.” Using a gentle but firm hand, he pushed her back and guided her into the chair. He then sat on the lower bunk and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head hung.

Anna’s shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes, her entire body tingling with shame. She was supposed to be free now. Free women didn’t ask random men if they wanted sex. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He sighed and looked up. “I think you’re one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen. But you’re vulnerable right now. Not to mention whatever that asshole did to you tonight.” He frowned and shuddered, making Anna wonder if he knew what went on at the Gatherings.

The train jerked forward and Anna grasped the arms of the chair. When the movements smoothed out, she tilted her head. “I’m fine. Kaveh always heals me after Devin—?” She pressed her lips together, not wanting to remember what he did to her. She shook her head. “So I can participate in the orgy. But for some reason I didn’t have to tonight.”

“There’s an orgy too?”

Anna shrugged. “Lots of sex happens at Gatherings.”

He leaned back against the wall and raised his eyebrows. “Does The Brotherhood do anything besides have sex?”

Anna smiled. “A little.”

Justin laughed and shook his head. “Well. You’re still vulnerable. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Unless you push me down and rape me, that’s unlikely to happen.”

“I would never do that.”

Warmth flooded her body at the truth of his words. “I know.” They looked at each other for a long moment, and then Anna sighed. “Justin, if you want to have sex, just tell me. It’s not a big deal, and I’m pretty good at it.”

He pressed his lips together. “It may not be a big deal to you, Anna, but it is to me. Sex is supposed to be a big deal.”

She blinked and looked away at his harsh tone, shame making her body tingle again. “I’m sorry.”

“Katrina.”

“What?”

“I need to get used to calling you Katrina, not Anna.”

“Oh.”

Silence hung heavy in the tiny room and Anna stared at her hands as she twisted her fingers together.

Justin broke the silence. “We should probably go to bed. I’m sure you’ve had a busy day.”

Anna shrugged, not looking up from her hands. “I don’t remember most of it.” As they’d established during the car ride, she didn’t remember most of what had happened over the last several months.

Justin stood and pulled their suitcases out of the closet. “This one’s yours.” He pointed to a large navy-blue suitcase. “I just grabbed a bunch of stuff out of your closet and dresser at your old house. Hope you don’t mind.” He cleared his throat. “I had a hard time finding pajamas, so I just brought some sweatpants and t-shirts.”

Anna nodded. She hadn’t needed pajamas when she was with Alex. Except for some sexy nighties, but Anna was glad he hadn’t brought those. “Thanks.” She stood and unzipped the suitcase, located the clothes, and started undressing.

“Anna!” Justin spun her around to face the beds. “Seeing you naked won’t help.”

She hugged the soft cloth against her bare torso, closing her eyes again in shame. “You’ve danced with me a gazillion times wearing skin-tight clothing.”

“Skin-tight is different than skin.”

She could feel his heated gaze on at her bare back. “Travis and Tommy didn’t give me underwear.”

Justin groaned. “I’m gonna take a cold shower.” He walked through the small door in the corner and closed it with a loud click.

Anna sighed and finished dressing before climbing up onto the top bunk. She stared at the bathroom door for a long moment after pulling the covers up over her shoulders, wondering how she was going to survive outside of San Francisco. She knew what was expected of her there. What Devin expected of her. But being free? Being on her own? She’d lived outside the Manor for many years, but seeing other people free and being free herself—and acting accordingly—were two completely different things.

She sighed sadly and concentrated on the soothing rocking of the train that soon lulled her to sleep.