Chapter 63

Wilhelm didn’t return for dinner that night. As far as Anna knew, he wasn’t home before she and Kurt went to bed either, though he was at breakfast the next morning. His face was very pale and gaunt, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept. Ilsa watched him with worried eyes.

For the next few days, Anna only saw him a few times, and each time his face was pale and full of a sadness she’d not seen in him before. He rarely left his study, and when he did emerge, his eyes were red and had dark circles beneath them.

The night before she was to return to San Francisco, she knocked on his study door. He responded in a sharp voice, speaking in German. She slowly opened the door and poked her head in.

He growled and threw something at the door that shattered like glass. Crying out, she slammed the door shut and ran down the hallway to the back staircase that led to the library. She sat on the bottom step, rocking herself with her arms wrapped around herself, staring at the floor. She’d never seen Wilhelm lose his composure, and he had been upset for many days. What had happened?

A few minutes later, she heard footsteps coming down the steps and someone sat behind her. “I am sorry, Anna. That was you at the door, ja ?”

Wilhelm. “Yes, Wilhelm. I’m sorry I disturbed you.” She stood and turned around. His face was etched in grief, his eyes were bloodshot. She’d never imagined he could look so miserable. “Wilhelm, what’s wrong? Did I upset you?”

“ Nein , Liebling . I did it to myself.” He sighed. “Anna... your dreams...” He looked up at her with tremendously sad eyes. “Your dreams had given me hope that Alex might still be alive somewhere.”

Anna’s jaw dropped at his words and hope bubbled to the surface of her aching heart. “Oh, Wilhelm!” She clapped her hands. “I hated to dream, but they kept coming and I couldn’t stop them, and?—?”

He gently grabbed her hands and shook his head. “It was a false hope, Liebling .”

A chill ran through her body at the somber expression on his face. “Why?”

He swallowed hard. “You did not see Alex.” His voice cracked. “You would have seen him if they were real.”

“But sometimes he’s not there and I have to wait for him.” “ Nein , Anna.” Wilhelm shook his head. “If he was alive, he would have been there. Gavin—?” He pressed his lips together. “They are just dreams.” He clenched his jaw and stared at the wall behind her, his eyes wide and filling with tears. “I was wrong. So wrong—?” His face contorted. “I had held onto the hope for so long, and now—?” Tears began rolling down his cheeks and his great shoulders shook. “I was wrong, Anna. He is gone.” He buried his face in his hands. “He is gone.”

His grief resonated in her heart and she wrapped her arms around him as he sobbed. She wanted so desperately to help him... to heal him of his hurts. She had finally found a semblance of acceptance regarding her beloved's death. The hope that had comforted Wilhelm for so long had been ripped away and his heart was raw.

Something inside her grew warm. She would heal his heart. “Wilhelm,” she said softly next to his ear. “Wilhelm, come with me.” She took his hand and led him upstairs and into the room she had slept in the night before her wedding. She closed the door and pulled him gently to the bed. “Sit.”

He sat and she unbuttoned her sweater. He stared blankly at her hands as they moved swiftly down her torso and then pulled the sweater off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. His eyes moved to her swollen breasts and he gazed at them like a hungry man.

“I will heal you, Wilhelm,” she whispered, reaching behind her and unfastening her bra, letting it fall to the floor as well. “I will take away your pain.” She removed her jeans and panties and then moved forward to capture his lips with hers. He kissed her desperately, running his hands over her body. Anna continued to whisper to him, telling him everything would be alright. The warmth inside her radiated out and spread to him.

She undressed him and he groaned as she lay down and pulled him on top of her. She kissed him again, trailing her hands down his back to his buttocks. She caressed them, then moved around and stroked his cock. When he was fully erect, she guided him inside her and the warmth spread fully from her body into his. He moaned as he moved inside her.

She cried out softly as he filled her over and over again. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as he thrust harder and harder into her. Deeper and deeper he went until they both exploded into a fireball, the heat consuming their flesh and melting their separate souls into one. Her heart reached out to touch his, the searing heat healing his wounds and making him whole again. Everything she was, she gave to him. To save him.

Anna awoke later, shivering in the cold room. Wilhelm was sound asleep next to her. The sun had set, and the room was lit only by the bright moonlight that peeked in through the open curtains.

Turning onto her side, she ran her fingers through his hair, now more white than gold. He had aged these last years. Grief had etched itself into his handsome face. But the lines had softened and the pain was no longer all-consuming. He slept peacefully.

She needed to tell Ilsa where Wilhelm was. Ilsa had been so worried about him for the last few days. And Kurt would be wondering where she was as well.

Anna slipped out of bed and dressed silently. She pulled a blanket off the chair near the window and covered him as best as she could. He was a large man and it was a small blanket. She kissed his cheek and then slipped out of the room to search for Ilsa.

In the sitting room where Ilsa spent her evenings, the clock over the mantle showed it was after midnight. Ilsa had certainly gone to sleep. Anna glanced at the double doors that led to their chambers and hesitated. What would Ilsa think? Wilhelm was lying naked in a guest room. They couldn’t hide what they’d done. Anna had just wanted to help.

She took a deep breath, walked to the bedroom doors, and knocked. A few minutes later, a sleepy Ilsa answered the door. “Anna? Is everything alright?”

Anna bit her lip and nodded. “Wilhelm is—?” She flushed and looked at the floor. “He was in so much pain...” She looked back up at the woman she thought of as a mother. “I wanted to help. To heal him.”

Ilsa looked at her for a long moment without speaking.

“I’m sorry, Ilsa. I never wanted to violate your home.”

“I know he loves you, Anna,” she said softly. “He has never denied that.” She sighed. “Did he tell you what was troubling him? I have been so worried. He has not acted this way in so long.”

Anna nodded and told her what Wilhelm had told her. “He was hurting so badly and I knew I could help him.”

“Did you help him?” Ilsa’s question was gentle.

“I think so. He’s sleeping peacefully.”

“That is more than he has done in several days. Where is he?”

“In the room I was in before Alex and I married.”

Ilsa nodded slowly. “Thank you for telling me. You should go to Kurt. He was worried about you.”

Anna made her way upstairs to Kurt’s room. She went in as quietly as she could and saw the light by the bed was still on.

“Anna!” Kurt jumped out of bed and hurried over to her. He hugged her. “Where have you been?”

“With your father. He . . . was very upset.”

Kurt’s face fell. “You helped him feel better?” he asked in a low voice.

She looked up at him. “He is my Master. It is my duty to aid him where I can.”

“You fucked him?” He backed away.

“I healed him,” Anna corrected in a soft voice.

“By fucking him.”

Anna flinched at his crude words. “Yes.”

Kurt looked at her for a long moment. “I love you, Anna. More than any other woman I have ever known.” He shook his head. “But I cannot deal with you fucking my father. It—?” He sighed. “Gretchen wanted him.”

“I love your father. I love you. He is my Master. I can’t not be with him. It’s part of my duties.”

“Duties!” He snarled and Anna jumped back. “ Mein Gott , Alex, why did you have to die?” It was a wailing question shouted into the dark night. He fell to his knees and looked up at her, shaking his head. “I cannot do this, Anna. I am not my brother.” His shoulders slumped and he hung his head. “I am not meant to be an Elder-Son. I am meant to be the irresponsible little brother who drives his family crazy with his antics.”

Anna’s heart went out to him. “I understand, Kurt,” she said in a soft voice, kneeling next to him. She lifted her hand to his rough cheek. “I’m not meant to be an Elder-Mistress. But I am, and it’s terrible.” She smiled gently at him. “Your father is so proud of you,” she said earnestly. “You have done so well. Don’t give up.”

“He is proud of me?” His voice was strained.

“Yes. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. And he’s told me so. You have made him so happy.”

Kurt pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I want to make Vati proud. I want to do right. But it is so against my nature.” He stroked her cheek. “I do not want to share you with anyone,” he whispered. “It breaks my heart thinking of you with other men. Even men who love you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. I love you.” The warmth began to grow inside her again and she looked at him. She could help him, too. Take away his pain. Make him strong. Make him... let her go. She winced at the thought, but it would help him. She could never stop being what she was. But she could make it so he could find a good wife to make him happy. And let her go.

She leaned up to kiss him. “Let me heal your pain,” she whispered hypnotically. “Come.” She stood and led him to bed and healed him as she had healed his father.