Chapter 34

The daily Nutcracker performances made the next month fly by faster than Anna would have preferred. A few days before Christmas, her morning sickness made its unwelcome appearance. The first morning, Anna woke up and rushed to the bathroom before Peter realized what was happening. It wasn’t long before he followed, and when he saw her sitting on the floor, he wet a washcloth and dabbed her face and neck. It became a sad daily routine until the day after Nutcracker closed and Peter left for St. Petersburg.

Anna put on her best brave face as she rode with Peter to the airport. She didn’t want him to feel guilty. She could see his reluctance to leave in his eyes, but she knew his duty to Dariya and The Brotherhood demanded his attention. Determined not to let depression overcome her again, she drove his car back home, but the eerie quiet of the apartment challenged her resolution. And the next day—what would have been the third anniversary of her marriage to Alex—proved almost too much.

With no demands from Devin, she gave herself one day to mourn her loss. One day to stay in bed, staring at Alex’s picture on her nightstand for hours, missing him so much it nearly suffocated her. Each heartbeat ached with grief for the life they’d not shared.

Most of the week that Peter was gone, Anna kept to herself. Jenna came over one afternoon and they hung out, but for the most part, Anna was content to be alone. Peter had sent a text message letting her know he had arrived safely, but she didn’t hear from him again. She hadn’t really expected to, though.

Devin only needed her to attend a formal New Year’s Eve party. Tyler and several of the Deacons were there as well, including Jayce and Trenton. When she wasn’t busy captivating the men Devin asked her to, she spent the evening by his side.

He praised her as they danced together at midnight, remarking how much more useful she was to him when she was in a stable relationship. Words that once would have eased her fear and given her hope. But even as he spun her around and kissed her bare shoulder, telling her how her behavior that evening pleased him “despite Peter being gone,” she felt the implicit threat.

She somehow managed to hold it together when he mused aloud about moving her into his house once Peter had to go home.

Anna stared at his chest. Live with Devin? In his house? In his bed every night? She blinked very slowly before looking up into his face with what she hoped was believable acceptance, all the while praying Vitaly would never die.

Friday morning, Anna drove to the airport to pick up Peter. She saw him picking out his luggage from the carousel and ran to hug him. “Peter!” He hugged her tightly and kissed her temple. She handed him the keys to his car and they walked to the parking garage. “Did you have a good trip?”

“I did. How was your week?”

“Good. Not very interesting, but that’s okay.” She smiled up at him. He looked preoccupied. “Are you okay?”

Peter nodded. “Tired. It’s a long flight.”

He wasn’t very talkative as he drove back to the apartment, though he did say that he appreciated the warmer weather here. Anna wanted to ask about Dariya, but hesitated. He wasn’t very forthcoming with information about her in general, and now that he was home from seeing her, seemed even less inclined to talk about her.

Anna studied his face as he drove along the freeway. “You’re growing your goatee out again?” He had shaved it off for Nutcracker . It was very thick already.

Peter shrugged. “Dariya likes it.”

“Oh.”

Anna looked down and noticed a ring on his right ring finger he hadn’t had before. Three colored gold bands were put together as one ring. Anna stared at it for a moment. “Did Dariya give that to you as a Christmas present?” Her stomach churned with the premonition that it wasn’t just a Christmas present.

Peter tightened his hand on the steering wheel. “Something like that.”

Something like that? What did that mean? Unless... “Peter, did you get married?”

His knuckles turned white. “Why do you have to be so observant, Anna?”

Anna took that as a yes and her heart plummeted into her stomach. She turned to look out the window and rubbed the back of her hand, determined to keep silent the rest of the way home. She didn’t want to upset him any further.

She harshly scolded herself for letting it bother her. It wasn’t like Peter was ever going to marry her. Sooner or later, he would go back to Russia and get married. He just did the marriage thing sooner than expected. It wouldn’t make any difference in how they related to one another. After all, their relationship wasn’t real.

Neither of them spoke for the remainder of the drive. Anna was proud of herself for not crying. After all, what good would it do? It’s not as if it should have been a surprise... really.

Peter parked the car in their stall and they walked to their apartment together in silence. He reached for her hand and held it while they walked, but didn’t speak. When they got to the apartment door, he unlocked it and they both went inside. Anna sat on the couch in the living room while Peter unpacked in the bedroom.

Anna didn’t know what to do. What would happen now? Why hadn’t he told her he was going to get married? Should she move out? No, Devin probably wouldn’t like it.

She sighed and stared out the window. Why did she need to be loved so much? Why couldn’t she be like the other Elder-Mistresses and not care about silly things like love and affection?

Anna felt Peter watching her from the doorway. She forced a smile and turned back to him. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?”

“Of course.”

Peter walked across the room and sat next to her. He played with his ring in silence for several minutes. “She accused me of falling in love with you.” He paused. “And she didn’t believe that I would come back and marry her.”

Anna furrowed her brows. “Why would she think that? All this is just to keep me... sane.” She waved her hand in the air, motioning around the room.

“Because I did fall in love with you.”

The words fell heavy into her heart and she stared at him, her mouth gaping open. “You... you can’t. Dariya?—?”

“I couldn’t help it. I tried not to, but the more I got to know you...” He sighed. “You’re a difficult woman to not love.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He took her hand in his. “She told me if I didn’t marry her while I was home that she would end things. We’ve known each other since we were children. I couldn’t lose her.” His expression was pained. “She knows enough about The Brotherhood that she doesn’t complain about me being gone, as long as I visit her often.”

“Doesn’t she mind you being here with me?”

“Yes, she minds, but she knows it’s only temporary. She is a good choice for a wife. A proper wife is difficult to find.” He paused and looked at his hands. “If I thought I had any sort of chance to take you for a wife, I never would have married her. But Devin will never let you leave here, and I have to return to Russia sometime in the near future. Dedushka won’t live forever.”

“Does she know you . . . love me?”

“I didn’t tell her in so many words, but I didn’t deny it when she accused me of it.”

“She must hate me.”

Peter laughed sadly. “I wouldn’t recommend meeting her in a dark alley.”

Anna was quiet for a few minutes. “When did you get married?”

“Monday. We flew to Gibraltar.”

“Didn’t you have to go through the Elders? Germany is very strict about approvals and stuff.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Germany’s strict about everything. No, as long as Dedushka approves, that’s all that matters. It’s also not as big a deal since I’m not next in line for Elder yet.”

Anna had never struggled with sleeping with married men before, but she felt uneasy with the idea that Peter had been married less than a week. “Do you... love her?”

“I do.” He shrugged. “We’ve been together for so long, I suppose I couldn’t imagine my life without her.” He glanced at Anna. “But being with you these last few months has been...” He sighed. “I hate to imagine my life without you either, but we both know this can’t last.”

Anna nodded. “I know.” She looked down at her hands in her lap.

“I want to enjoy the time we do have together. I don’t want anything to change... if that’s possible.” He gave her a tender smile.

“I don’t want anything to change either.”

He leaned forward and kissed her. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

Monday morning, Anna saw Peter staring at his wedding ring as he sat on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” She kneeled behind him and kissed the back of his neck.

“I don’t know if I should wear this while I’m here. I don’t want anyone asking questions.” He turned to look at her. “I don’t want people to think badly of you.”

“I don’t know if anyone would think of it as a wedding ring. We don’t wear ours on our right hand.”

“You do.”

“I married a German. I had other rings... I don’t know what happened to them...” She paused. “But no one’s ever taken much notice of my ring.”

“Would you be uncomfortable if I wore it?”

“It doesn’t change anything if you wear it or not.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Peter, it’s not my place to tell you to wear it or not. I’m only a slave.”

Peter frowned. “You’re not a slave to me.” He cradled her cheek and kissed her. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way.”

Anna smiled. “It’s okay. You don’t anymore.”

“Good.” He kissed her again. “I’d like to make you feel something else...” He pushed her back onto the bed.

“Did I mention I like your new piercings?” She leaned up to kiss him.

“You did. Several times.” He laughed and kissed her neck. “I’ll have to make sure you tell me again tonight.”

Anna slid her hand down his torso. “Or now?”

Peter groaned. “I wish we had time.” He sat up and pulled her with him. “But we need to get to class.”