Chapter 167

The rest of the week passed much as the beginning of the week had. Anna knew Alex was still angry with her and did her best to be obedient in everything she did. He still spent most of his time in the study, and Anna wondered why he didn’t just send her away.

Stef was not happy about how Alex was treating Anna, but Alex wasn’t wrong. She had done wrong and was lucky he wasn’t abusing her like Devin.

When she arrived home on Friday after rehearsals, Sebastian was there with Alex. She greeted them respectfully and hurried to the bedroom. After she cleaned up, she went to the library and stopped short when she saw Sebastian there, alone. He studied her quietly.

“I-is there something I can do for you, Sebastian?”

“Alex needs you.”

“I won’t run away from him.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He motioned for Anna to sit on the couch, and she did. “He’s miserable, you know.”

Anna drew her brows together. “Why?”

“He misses you.”

Anna shook her head. “No, he doesn’t.”

Sebastian’s cool blue eyes bored into hers. “Would you rather be with Hugo than Alex?”

Anna blinked, surprised at his direct question. “I-I don’t know.” She sighed. “If life is going to be like this...” She twisted her hands together. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“You have a choice in whether or not you want to be happy.”

“Will he ever forgive me for what I did?”

“It is not so much what you did, but why you did it that upsets him. He thinks you would rather be with Hugo than him.”

Anna thought for a few minutes. “I want things to be good between Alex and me. I belong with him.”

Sebastian looked at her for a long moment and then nodded. “He needs you.”

“You said that already. I will do what I can to help him.”

“I suppose I should really say he needs you and I together. He needs our combined essence if he is going to defeat Devin.”

Anna felt the blood drain from her face and she clasped her hands together in her lap, trying to keep them from shaking. She never wanted to do that again. “Why don’t you use Irina?” She cringed at the thought.

“You are his wife. It is your duty.”

Anna squeezed her eyes shut and dropped her head, unable to hold back the horrible memories of Devin and Kaveh that flooded her mind. Her whole body trembled as tears escaped and ran down her face.

She had escaped Devin only to end up in the same situation as before. To be raped and sucked dry each night. To become a means to an end, a tool in Alex’s pocket. Would he hang her from the ceiling like Devin had? Would his eyes have golden flecks in them? Would he torture her while she was half-conscious, unable to scream? Would Sebastian chase her around the condo? Make her run until she couldn’t run anymore? Tear her apart while he felt only pleasure?

Her shoulders slumped at the realization that it didn’t matter what she wanted. Her fears, her desires, didn’t matter. Alex was her Master, and this was her duty. Maybe Alex would finally forgive her.

She opened her eyes and swallowed hard. “When do you want to do it?”

Alex was leaning over the table, studying a map of Boston alone. He stayed in the study most of the time because it was too painful to be around Anna. She was quiet and respectful, as if resigned to the fact that she was stuck with him. His anger had worn off, replaced with sadness and longing for their relationship to be restored.

Sebastian walked in and stopped on the other side of the table. “She’s willing to help you.”

Alex sighed. “I don’t want to force her.”

“I listened to her thoughts as she contemplated what I asked. She’s terrified, because of Devin, but hopes that you’ll forgive her if she does.”

“I have forgiven her,” Alex said in a broken voice. “I want things to be better between us.”

“Have you told her that? She thinks you’re still angry.”

“She doesn’t seem to be interested in talking with me.”

“She is afraid, Alex. Devin tortured her for the slightest infraction. I don’t even know if she realizes how afraid she is.”

Alex straightened and stared at his friend. “She’s equating me with Devin?”

“She does not know what to think. He is the only Master she had for many years. There is no other frame of reference.”

“My father wasn’t cruel.”

“Being with your father a few days here and there cannot undo what Devin did to her.” Sebastian leaned against the back of the couch. “Did you even ask her why she went to Hugo?”

“I—?” Alex chewed his lip. “No.”

“I think what we did with Irina and her terror of what I have asked her are related. Devin—?” Sebastian shook his head. “Do you know how Devin did it?”

Alex shook his head. Did he want to know?

“Kaveh brutally raped her every afternoon, and then Devin hung her from the ceiling and consumed her until she couldn’t move. Sometimes he tortured her while she hung there, coherent but unable to move. Then she was halfway revived so Devin could rape her.”

Alex closed his eyes, sick to his stomach. Every new thing he learned about Devin made him more determined to make him pay. His poor, brave, sweet wife. “She thinks if she lets me do that to her, that I’ll forgive her?” he whispered.

“You can show her it can be different. That it can be enjoyable.”

Alex sat down in the chair next to the window and looked outside. “She might prefer you to me after you’re done.”

“Only if you continue to be a fuckhead.”

Oh, the irony of Alex being called the same name that his brother had been called was not lost on him. He hadn’t treated her any better than Kurt had. Had he been wrong to be angry?

“You had a right to be angry, Alex. She was wrong in what she did. But just because she has stood up to you a few times does not mean she will confront you when she knows you are angry. She is not that confident. Not yet.”

Alex looked back at the map for a long moment. Sebastian was right. And he needed to go to her. He nodded and headed to the library.

Anna was curled up in the big brown leather chair near the window, reading, as she often was when she was home in the afternoon.

He stood in the doorway, watching her for a few minutes. He was pleased to see she still used the Kindle he’d bought for her. It wasn’t the one he’d given to her in San Francisco. That one had been left behind when she’d escaped.

“Anna?” he said softly, not wanting to frighten her. At least not more than he would just being there.

She looked up at him, eyes wide with fright. She put the e-reader on the table next to her and stood, her hands clasped in front of her. “Yes, Master?”

Alex sighed as he walked across the room. “Please stop calling me Master.”

Anna dropped her gaze. “Yes, Alex.”

He sat in the chair next to hers and motioned to where she’d just been sitting. “Sit, please.” After she’d sat back down, he leaned back and studied her face. “Why did you run to Hugo after... last week?”

She stared at her hands for a long time before answering. “I was angry... I was hurt.” She twisted her fingers together. “I wanted to talk to someone. I don’t know. I was sitting in the park and just... called him.”

“You were in the park?”

Anna nodded. “I wandered around the park for a long time, thinking about stuff, and then I just called. I was angry at you for interfering in my life.”

Alex kept his face impassive. He didn’t want her to stop talking because she thought he was getting angry. He’d thought she’d gone straight to Hugo, but apparently she hadn’t. That made him feel a little better. And a lot more guilty. He chewed his lip. “What upset you before you left?”

She glanced up at him and shook her head. “It shouldn’t have upset me.”

“But it did. What was it?”

“Irina... I met Irina at Vitaly’s Funeral Gathering. It was obvious that I was very different from the other Elder-Mistresses. Painfully obvious. Irina had made a comment about sleeping with you once before, and then she was chosen for the ritual. She thought me silly for loving you. The other Mistresses were perfect. I... I had no idea what was going on that day.” Tears filled her eyes. “I was so confused, so lost. Devin got so angry at me for embarrassing him, but he hadn’t told me what would happen. Your dad had to punish me for doing something stupid... I didn’t know what he was doing when he got me pregnant. That whole day was horrible.” She sniffed. “When I found out that you’d slept with her again... it... just... reminded me of how much I don’t fit in anywhere. Not with my own kind... Even Hugo was appalled at some of the stuff I told him...” A tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t fit anywhere. I’m not a normal girl. I’m not a normal Elder-Mistress. They were all disgusted with me.”

Alex took her hand and pulled her into his lap. He held her against his chest and she cried as he rocked her gently. After a few minutes, she put her arms around his neck and hugged him like he was a lifeline in the middle of a raging river. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m so sorry. Please don’t get rid of me. You’re the only one who really understands me.”

“Shh. Shh, Schatzi . I would never get rid of you.” He stroked her hair and held her tightly against him. “I love you. I love you so much. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. I misunderstood and treated you unfairly. I’m so sorry.”

Anna clung to Alex, terrified that he’d decide that she wasn’t worth the trouble.

“I love you, Schatzi ,” he repeated.

She leaned back and looked at him through tear-filled eyes. “I’m sorry I ran to Hugo. I... I was jealous of Irina. She’s... a perfect Elder-Mistress. I’m not.”

“ Schatzi ,” Alex said gently, smoothing her hair. “The Elder-Mistresses are beautiful, ja , but I would much rather be with you than any of them. They are cold, you are warm and loving and beautiful.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I’m sorry I hurt you. My pride and anger got in the way of giving you the chance to explain. And then I couldn’t stop pushing you away, because I thought you didn’t want me, not really, and that made me sad, and it was easier to be angry... ...”

She put her finger to his lips and searched his eyes. He was sincere. He loved her. “I don’t want to be with Hugo, Alex. I mean, it’s not that I don’t care for him. I do. A lot. But you... with you is where I belong.”

He smiled down at her and kissed her again. “ Ja . You belong with me.” He stood and carried her into their bedroom.