TWENTY-FIVE Jessie

TWENTY-FIVE

Jessie

Jessie felt utterly lost as she approached her last nonfiction class, not knowing how to begin writing her paper for Professor Barnard. She should have taken her professor's advice during their office hours. Now she was filled with panic and heartbreak. Panic because all the effort she had invested in finding the closure that she so desperately needed for Divya Das and herself was coming to an end with zero results.

It didn't help that she was aching, every part of her heart and her soul, because she missed being with Ravi, who understood her like no one else. She was operating on autopilot. In the four days she'd been on Thanksgiving break, she'd get up, shower, dress, have breakfast, study, go to work, and come home. Rinse and repeat. She called her parents every day; told them she was fine, even though they heard the heartbreak in her voice; and feigned exhaustion before she went to bed.

And sometimes, she'd cry. She hated crying. It was a waste of time and energy, but for Ravi? She cried in the shower, and when Tanvi wasn't in the room, she'd cry herself to sleep.

She couldn't wait to go home so she could lay her head in her mother's lap and hold her father's hand, because she knew that she'd then have some time to properly fall apart. In the meantime, she had to hold it together until her classes were over.

Just as she was about to enter the building that housed her lecture hall, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She answered, smiling for the first time since Saturday night.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hello, my munchkin," he said warmly. "We missed you so much for Thanksgiving. Did you have fun?"

Jessie stepped to the side so other people could enter the building behind her. "I had a great time," she lied. "The next time you come, we should all go out to dinner."

"Absolutely," he said with a chuckle. "And how is Ravi doing? I know his family was in town."

"Actually, Daddy—" She paused, realizing what he had just said. "Wait a minute, how do you know his family was in town?"

Her father chuckled again. "That's why I wanted to call you. I got a call from Ravi's brother, Arjun. He rang me at the store, and he asked if I was interested in going back to consulting. His company has something called an upskill program where they educate people who are in their forties and fifties on the latest technology so they can reenter the workforce. Your mom and I are considering it. I still have twenty-five years left before I retire and I don't know if I want to spend it in retail. Tell Ravi we appreciate that he put in a good word for us. It means a lot."

Jessie's mind raced with the news. She was so sure that Ravi's father and brother hated her. What was going on?

"Daddy, I thought you loved the business."

"We do! And we love our store. We may keep it but just have someone else run it, which means that we won't make much money, but we'll be happier. We can talk about that later. I know you have a class coming up."

"Right," she said. "Daddy, what are you going to do when you don't have a picture of all of the classes that I registered for next semester?"

She heard the soft sadness in his voice before he spoke. "I'll miss my daughter, and I'll wait for her to call me back."

Damn it, she thought. She was going to end up giving him a copy of her schedule after all. That was after she talked to Ravi to find out what the hell was happening.

She checked her watch. "Daddy? I love you."

"Be good in class! I love you, too," he said before hanging up.

Jessie hated that class was about to start because she wanted to talk to Ravi. He needed to respect her boundaries. Going behind her back to try to help her parents was so low, so underhanded, so ... effective. The more he involved himself in her life, the harder it would be to say goodbye. The more she'd feel indebted to him. Didn't he realize that she couldn't give him the same opportunities that he was giving to her and her family?

She yanked open the door to the building where they had class and practically jogged all the way to the lecture hall. When she entered, Professor Barnard still hadn't arrived.

But Ravi was there.

He stood behind her row, backpack slung over one shoulder and a white envelope in one hand. Knowing that people were watching her, she evened her stride so that she didn't look like she was running toward him, which was exactly what she wanted to do, and slid into her row.

"What are you doing, Ravi?" she asked, her voice low.

"Waiting for you," he said. He handed her the white envelope. "Here. I think you should read this."

She should refuse it, but since people were still watching them, she took the envelope. Before she could turn around and take her seat, Ravi cupped her cheek, then leaned down to kiss the corner of her mouth.

The touch sparked heat and fire low in her belly, coursing through her skin like it had ever since the first time they'd kissed. Then he was gone, and she was collapsing into her seat.

Since Professor Barnard still hadn't arrived yet, she looked over her shoulder where Ravi had chosen to sit and slowly opened the white envelope.

Inside was a thin, faded-blue piece of paper that was folded into its own envelope, just like Divya Das's notes to Christian Hastings.

He must have wanted to return the note that he took that night they fought in her dorm room. She was about to shove the note in her bag when she noticed the black ink.

Divya Das always wrote in blue ink.

Glancing up at the front of the room one more time, she slipped the note out of the white envelope and opened it up. Her fingers began to tremble as she read the letter.

May 20, 1972

My life,

I don't accept.

I don't accept your need to sever your life from mine.

I don't accept your excuses, your fear, or your paltry reasons for making other people happy while sacrificing your own happiness.

I don't accept that we are so different that we can't overcome the barriers that society has erected in front of us.

Yes, we will have higher mountains to climb, bigger hurdles to jump, and harder times ahead of us than most. But that doesn't mean that we can't do it. I know that you're scared because Vaneeta told your family about what she saw in the kaleidoscope room. I know you're frightened because your father and your mother may do something to cut you off from the only family that you know. I'm scared, too, because my family would do the same.

But they underestimate us. They underestimate how strong we are together, how resilient we can be. And one day, I know they'll see that they were wrong, and they'll ask for our forgiveness.

I love you, Divya, more than I've loved anyone or anything in my life. I know that you're the only one for me and that you will be the only one for me for as long as I live. From the first moment we met, our first conversation that lasted for hours, I was blessed to find the other half of my heart. I can't be the greatest person I will ever be in this world if I'm not complete. I know that deep down you also realize you can never be the Divya Das you've always dreamed of being if you're not free to love me, too.

I'm hoping you'll agree to take the jump with me. Tomorrow night, we'll meet in the kaleidoscope room. We'll open up the back exit, and we'll create a diversion so that your cousin will be too distracted to look for you on campus. It'll be a small one that can give us the time we need to disappear. I haven't figured out what it is yet, but I will before we meet. We'll burn our letters, and we'll ask our friends for help. My sister, Lydia, can help us get from Davidson Tower to the train station.

I've written to my grandmother in Charleston. She's willing to let us live with her. At least until we're on our feet. And since she doesn't talk to my father or my mother anymore, we'll be safe.

Meet me tomorrow at 8:00 p.m. Pack a small bag, and bring all your letters. No evidence will be left behind.

I love you, Divya. Your presence has been a fire in my heart and has ignited my soul. I want to spend the rest of my life cherishing you for bringing meaning to mine.

Your Jaan,

Christian Hastings

"Ms. Ahuja?"

Jessie looked up and realized that the class was staring at her. This time because Professor Barnard was in the front of the room, calling her name.

"I'm sorry, Professor Barnard," she said as she folded the letter and tucked it back in the folder. She cleared her voice from tears. It was easy to do now that she was filled with so much hope.

"Care to share with the class what was so exciting that you ignored the first two times that I called your name?"

There was a flutter of laughter from behind her. That didn't matter. None of them mattered. Jessie looked over her shoulder and met Ravi's eyes.

"I was actually reading some new evidence that I found for my paper. About Davidson Tower and the fire. Apparently, someone left the tower and slipped into a car right before the fire started."

Jessie didn't like making people feel uncomfortable, but in the moment, watching Professor Barnard's face blanch validated every moment that she and Ravi had spent looking through all those letters. The sound of students whispering to each other spread like a ripple across the room.

"That's fascinating," she said, and cleared her throat. She adjusted her suit coat like she always did at the beginning of a lecture. "I look forward to reading your paper, Ms. Ahuja."

Jessie nodded, then turned back to look at Ravi one last time.

Love you,he mouthed.

She smiled and turned in her seat so she could pay attention to the start of class.