Chapter 31

Iswipe angrily at my tears. I don’t know why I’m crying. I knew they were going to act this way, but I guess a small part of me had hoped they wouldn’t.

I look around the room we slept in last night, with me snuggled in the middle of the two men I’m falling hopelessly for. For a moment, I was happy. I knew, given the circumstances, it was weird to feel that way. But I learned early on, in a life filled with storms, to embrace every second of sunshine.

I knew telling them would pull the curtains on all that sunshine, but it was the right thing to do. Even though it hurts that they flung those words at me, I don’t regret what I did. Part of me knows they have a right to be pissed. I would be in their place. But just because I understand, it doesn’t make it any less painful.

I head into the bathroom and splash my face with cold water before staring at my reflection in the mirror. Is this my life now? Running, hiding, and hurting people accidentally. How can anyone around me ever truly be safe? Nothing will ever change if I keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Crew’s right. I do run when the going gets tough. I still stand by all the reasons I ran, but for once in my life, I want to fight instead of retreat.

I walk back into the bedroom and spot my bag on the far side of the room, next to both of theirs. I rummage through their bags, finding what I might need, including the hunting knife that they swiped from Giles and a small first aid kit, which I shove into my bag.

Blowing out a breath, I try to talk myself out of this crazy idea, knowing it’ll probably fail. And yet, I can’t keep doing nothing. Acting on instinct alone, I ignore all the voices in my head telling me to calm down and think this through, and gently slide the window up.

When I don’t hear footsteps approaching, I drop the bag out the window before climbing out. I pull the bag up my arms and make sure it’s secure before I look around, trying to decide the best route. I know I need to avoid the windows at the front of the house, or they’ll see me. So I walk around the property, and after telling myself that everything will be fine, I head into the cornfield.

I wait until I am completely invisible to the house before I give a short whistle, knowing Rufio is lying on the porch in the sun. A few minutes later, I hear the jangle of his new collar as he looks for me.

“Come on, boy,” I murmur. When he finds me, I drop to my knees and press my face to the top of his head. “Hey there, boy.” I stand up and move farther into the field, confident that Rufio will follow.

Once I’m sure I’ve gone far enough, I slide the bag off and sit down. I dig around inside and pull out the hunting knife and the first aid kit. I open the kit and take out the surgical tape, a bandage, some gauze, and an alcohol wipe. Pushing my sleeve up, I clean the inside of my upper arm with the wipe before I feel for the raised lump under my skin.

Using the hunting knife, I cut into my arm, barely holding back a scream, and search around for the chip. I think I’m going to pass out, but I manage to keep it together. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be—the chip is so small, and my fingers are slick with blood.

In the end, I use my telekinesis to pull it out. Once I find it, I place it on my leg and clean my arm before I place some gauze over it. I wrap the bandage around my arm and hold it in place with some medical tape. I clean the chip using another wipe, then slip the chip behind Rufio’s collar and hold it in place using more tape.

Once I’m done, I shove everything back into the bag and keep walking through the field. I don’t know how long I’ve been gone or how far I’ve gotten, but I sense the change in the air when they realize I’m missing. I sit down and lean my head against Rufio, my breathing ragged as I try to decide what to do.

I’ve led the division on a wild goose chase so they’d stay far away from Apex. It’s the only way to keep them away from the kids. But standing in that empty bedroom, I decided I was done running.

I just want to be me. The only way that will ever happen is if I accept myself first. That means no more hiding from my gift. No more making myself less to make everyone feel more comfortable.

So now I have a new plan, one that will probably piss off everyone at Apex, and it comes with no guarantees of survival. It’s a scary prospect with the probability that I might die when I’ve only just begun to live. But what kind of life am I going to have if all I can ever do is hide?

I get to my feet once more but stay low as I continue moving. I weave through the cornfield, double back, and start to head the way I came—just a little farther away from the house.

After a while, I hear voices. I pause, holding my breath for a moment, scared to move in case I give myself away.

“She’s not here. Fuck, where is she?” I hear Crew’s voice. He sounds agitated but mostly worried. I almost stand up and tell him where I am, but then they’d drag me back to the house, and we’d carry on with this stupid game of cat and mouse.

I keep low and quiet, listening to them talk to each other.

“Her bag’s missing.”

“Fuck!”

“Calm down. Maybe she headed toward that small town we passed on the way here.”

“It’s five miles from here, Wilder. That’s a fuck of a walk.”

“She’s the most determined woman I’ve ever met, and we’ve hurt her. Trust me when I say five miles is nothing.”

“I know. But why leave? Yeah, I made that crack about running, but she had to know we were just venting. Yes, we’re pissed. We’re allowed to be, but that doesn’t suddenly change how we feel about her. Why the hell would she put herself in danger like this?”

“Maybe she’s leading them away from us again or maybe she just thinks we’re so mad that we won’t want to be with her anymore. Hell, she might have left so that she doesn’t have to stand here while we break her fucking heart. I keep forgetting that she has zero experience with relationships. Especially ones like ours. We’re not easy men to love, Crew, but do we really need to make it so damn difficult?”

“It’s not like we’re doing it on purpose, but I agree that we’re the ones with experience. So if we keep fucking up, how the hell can we expect Lara to get it right all the time when she’s just figuring shit out?”

“Ugh, I wish I had a manual for this,” Wilder complains, making me bite back a grin. Though my emotions feel pretty raw right now, I can tell they’re just as confused about us as I am. There’s comfort in that. I don’t want to be the only person figuring it all out. I’d rather we do it together.

“A manual? Is there a how-to book for loving a woman who has been born and raised in captivity by a megalomaniac father? A woman who also raises kids that she never gave birth to and who loves two assholes like us when she could do better. And let’s not forget who’s half our age and has not just one, but two gifts,” Crew snarks.

There’s silence for a moment, and my mouth drops. I can’t believe what I just heard. They love me. I don’t have time to process the revelation right now, though.

“I’ll admit, it seems unlikely that there’s a book for that in the library,” Wilder drawls, making me cover my mouth so I don’t burst out laughing. “Come on, let’s head into town. It’s not far, and it’s not too big that she’ll go by unnoticed. If anyone there has seen her, we’ll find out. Even better, if they have cameras, we can get Ev to hack them.”

I tense at Crew’s groan. “That means telling Ev we fucked up. He’ll kick our asses.”

“I have a feeling he’ll have to get in line. I’m going to leave a note in case she comes back. I don’t want her to think that we’ve left her.”

“Good idea.” I hear Crew say as they move away. “I can’t believe she took the dog with her.”

I look down at Rufio, who has his head cocked. Thankfully, he remains quiet.

“I’d rather she have him with her than be alone. Rufio might be a big softy, but I have a feeling he’d tear anyone to pieces if they tried to harm Lara.”

I don’t catch the rest of what they say, but I follow quietly behind them, being careful to keep my distance.

Staying out of sight, I watch as Wilder heads inside, presumably to leave a note before joining Crew, who’s in the truck.

I wait for them to leave before I make my way back to the house. I jog up the steps and open the door. I head inside and find the note on the table—the pen he wrote it with right beside the paper.

I lift the note, my hand shaking as I read Wilder’s cursive writing.

Lara, we’ve gone to the last town we went through to look for you. I’m sorry we got mad. Please give us a chance to talk shit out with you. We’ll be back soon. Please wait for us.

I close my eyes and feel the dampness gathering behind my eyelids. They have no idea how much they’ve come to mean to me in such a short amount of time. How much I wish I could stay and let them keep rescuing me, but I can’t. Sometimes, you have to rescue yourself.

I let my bag slip to the floor. I only took it so I could shove the knife and first aid kit inside of it. That, and to make them think I took it and ran. I need them away from here for the second part of my plan to work.

Because my father’s men are drawing near, and I need to be ready. I don’t know how I know that I just do.

I pick up the pen and write a note of my own before rummaging through the bag. I take my cell phone, the one Mallory gave me, which I’ve kept off all this time, and leave it on the counter before grabbing Crew’s phone from where it’s charging. A quick look tells me it’s at fifty percent battery life, which will have to do.

Looking down at my clothes, I decide to change. I pull on a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and a hoodie—that should do—then slip on my boots. I loosen the laces so there is some gaping around the ankle of one before shoving Crew’s phone inside. I pull the laces tight, then roll my socks over the top of the boot to hide the gap the phone makes. I’m glad the jeans are bootcut, as I push down the legs and make sure they cover everything before standing up and looking around the room.

I can’t risk taking a weapon. They’ll most likely frisk me, though I can’t imagine them being very thorough. To them, I am a weak child who has always done what I’ve been told. As long as I keep playing Little Miss Meek and Mild, they’ll have no reason to suspect I’m there for anything other than being found and brought back. Besides, I am a weapon. A knife isn’t going to bring my father down. Only I’m capable of that. I just hope this new-found confidence doesn’t go out the window the second the man who donated half my DNA stands in front of me.

Bending down, I stroke Rufio’s head and pray it’s not the last time I see him or the others. I’ve done many things I’ve been ashamed of over the years, things I was scared of or too young to stop from happening. Right now, I plan on making up for all those things.

“Come on, boy.” I motion for him to follow me into the bedroom. I snap my fingers for him to jump up on the bed. He does so, circling a few times before he lies down.

I stroke my hand over his head and check to make sure the chip is still attached to his collar.

I bite my lip, questioning if I’m doing the right thing. When I jumped out of the window with my backpack, I’d already decided I was going to let myself be captured. I cut out the chip with every intention of flushing it, but something told me to hang tight, so I stuck it on Rufio’s collar for now.

He looks at me with sad eyes, like he knows what I’m about to do, but I don’t let it sway me. Squaring my shoulders, I leave the room and close the door behind me. I stand in the hallway wondering if I’ve finally lost my mind when I realize I can hear a car.

I swallow down the instinct to hide and pray it’s not Wilder and Crew. If they’ve changed their minds and decided to wait me out, I’m fucked. Moving to the window, I see a small cloud of dust as the approaching car kicks up dirt and gravel from the road. I keep watching to see if it’s the truck of the men I love that crests the hill or something else when the vehicle finally comes into view.

A black SUV approaches. This is it. Showtime. And what a show it will be, because if I don’t get dramatic now, they might become suspicious.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and make a run for it. I head toward the cornfield, but I keep my speed relatively slow. I want to get caught, after all.

I hear the SUV come to a stop and the doors open, so I keep running, bracing myself for what’s to come. And not a moment too soon. I find myself tackled from behind, a large body knocking me flying and pinning me to the ground. My breath is knocked out of me, and I gasp as I try to suck oxygen into my lungs.

I’m pulled to my feet and spun around to see one of my father’s men, Bill, looking at me like a bug he wants to crush.

“Did you really think he’d let a traitorous rat go free?”

“No. I knew he’d come for me, but I had to try.”

Bill shakes me before shoving me toward a big guy I don’t recognize, but I don’t think for a single second I might find any empathy in him.

The guy reaches for me, and when I don’t struggle, he moves me in front of him and shoves me lightly, so I start walking.

“If you even think of running, I’ll shoot you in the leg and drag you the rest of the way,” Bill says from behind me, but I have no intention of running, not yet anyway.

“My father’s okay if you shoot me, and you wonder why I ran?” I huff, knowing I’ve caught everyone’s attention. Only a very select few know who my father is, and none of these guys, except Bill, are in the know. My silence was bought through threats, not to me but to the kids coming in and out of my care. Now that they’re gone, I just don’t give a fuck who knows who my daddy is.

“Father?” the guy walking me asks curiously.

“Yeah, your boss is my daddy.”

“Don’t listen to this bitch, Phil. She’s a lying whore.”

“How have I lied? And who the hell to? Up until recently, I’d never left the Division. I was born there, and if my father gets his way, I’ll die there. As for being a whore… Tell me exactly how a teenager who is kept away from people becomes a whore.”

“Teenager? What the hell is going on?” Phil looks at Bill. Jesus, if the guy driving’s name is Will, I’m going to lose my mind.

“I’m seventeen,” I lie. “But don’t worry. My whoring days don’t start until my father has decided who’s sperm he’s gonna choose for me. He’s gotta make sure he doesn’t end up with a faulty grandchild too.”

I hear the sound of a gun being cocked and shut up. There are many ways to play this, but getting shot won’t help one little bit.

“You’re weak, Lara. Always have been, always will be. You’d better hope you birth someone stronger than you, or you’ll be of no use to us.”

I pause, wondering if he knows more than he’s letting on. Most of these guys are hired on a need-to-know basis. Bill might know who my father is, but does he know the inner workings of the Division?

“You can call me weak all you like, but honestly, the opinion of someone that has no issue with a child being beaten and raped means nothing to me.”

“You won’t be a child forever, Lara. Who knows, maybe Daddy will let me shoot my shot with you.”

Phil shoves him back. “That’s enough. She’s supposed to come back alive and unharmed.”

I snort at that. “That’s sweet, Phil. But Bill knows my father doesn’t give a shit. He’s worked for him for years. He should also know my father would never let him shoot his shot.” I glare at Bill. “You’re nothing but the hired help. Do you think my father is going to let you fuck his daughter and impregnate her? I thought you were a regular asshole, not a delusional one.”

I’m yanked from the side a second before I’m backhanded by Bill. I drop to the ground, my face throbbing. It’s still fucking tender from where Giles hit me, dammit.

“You fucked up, Lara. You ran. If you think your father won’t punish you, you’re the one who’s delusional. The kids are gone. He knows he needs a new way to hurt you. That leaves one option.” He bends down and cups my face, squeezing hard enough for me to want to scream. “He’ll let me have you so you remember your place,” he snarls as Phil shoves past him and helps me up.

“He’ll kill you for marking her.”

“No, he won’t,” Bill answers confidently.

I glare at him as Phil eases me into the back of the SUV and sits beside me. I send out my gift and center it on Bill. I watch as his eyes dart around warily as I make him feel just enough fear and panic to unsettle him.

He climbs into the passenger seat and turns to look at me. “I’ll tell him you fought me and that I tried not to hurt you, but you became hostile. My men will back me up.”.

Neither Phil nor the driver dispute his words. I know they’ll take Bill’s side, even if it’s just to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.

“Do what you need to do, Bill. I really don’t give a shit. Just know this. The second you try to touch me, I’ll kill you.” I throw more fear at him and smile when I see him shiver and look away.

I turn and look out the window as the car pulls away from the house. I watch it get smaller and smaller and fight back the tears. I have to stick to the plan. It’s the only shot we have. Yet, as the house becomes nothing more than a tiny speck in the distance, I can’t help feeling like I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.