Chapter 23

The vibrations of the truck are the first thing I feel when I wake up. The second is the throbbing headache. The third is the wet nose pressed against my cheek.

I open my eyes and find Rufio asleep beside me. I twist a little and wince. Sitting up, I look around. It’s dark outside now, and all I can see are trees. Rufio uses my distraction to his advantage and licks my face. I can’t help but chuckle.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Wilder asks.

“Sore,” I say, settling on the truth.

“I can imagine,” he replies as I look over and notice the passenger seat is empty, and there’s a weird smell in the truck.

“Is something burning? And where’s Crew?” I ask as I slide across the seat and strap myself in.

“Crew’s dumping the other truck.”

“Oh,” I say softly, not sure what else to say to that. He said they would take care of everything. I should have realized what that meant.

“I’m sorry about all this,” I blurt out after a few minutes of silence. “I should have known better. I should have?—”

“Shoulda, woulda, coulda. You think his other victims didn’t think the same thoughts? There is nothing, and I mean nothing, a woman can do to deserve being raped and murdered. You know that, right? You could have stripped naked and given him a lap dance, and ‘no’ still would have meant no. Once he set his sights on you, there was nothing you could have done to change his mind. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten in his truck. Maybe he would have hit you over the head and taken you anyway.”

I swallow. Even though I know he’s right, part of me is beating myself up. I need to make smarter choices. But how do I do that when all my choices are so damn limited? Every action has a consequence. But I’m so tied up in knots that I can’t see the consequences until the rope I’ll eventually hang myself with unravels.

Wilder’s cell phone rings. “It’s Crew,” he tells me as he answers. “Yeah. You’re on speaker, by the way.”

“I’m done. Can you track my phone to find me?”

“Yeah, be there soon.”

He hangs up and fiddles with his phone before placing it in the holder in front of him.

The truck starts to move, and I can”t help but close my eyes and grit my teeth as Wilder hits every bump. Eventually, I open my eyes as he pulls out of the trees and onto the paved road, and I take a shaky breath. We drive for about twenty minutes, my head still pounding, making me feel like I”m going to puke. I take another deep breath, and before I can close my eyes again, the headlights flash, and I see Crew on the side of the road. Wilder slows down and pulls over.

My door opens, and there’s Crew looking at me with worried eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel a little sick, and my head is killing me.”

“It’s only been a couple hours since your last dose of painkillers.” He looks into my eyes before gently rubbing my temples.

“Okay,” I blow out.

“Can we let Rufio out for a bit? He’s been cooped up and probably needs to pee.”

“Sure. You want to walk around a little too?”

“Yeah, I think the fresh air will help.”

I let him help me out of the truck and then call Rufio, who jumps out behind me. He runs off to explore but looks back to make sure I’m still in sight.

“You sure have a bond with him, considering you just met.”

“Sounds familiar,” Wilder says as he walks around to join us with a flashlight in his hand.

I don’t know what to say to that, so I don’t say anything. I follow Rufio as Wilder and Crew, walk beside me.

When Crew’s cell chimes, I jump. Wilder’s hand finds the small of my back, offering me comfort.

“It’s Ev. He’s found a dog-friendly motel nearby and a pet store for supplies.”

My cheeks flush with shame. I have no right picking up a pet when I don’t have the money to take care of him. Hell, I don’t have the money to take care of myself.

“Don’t,” Crew snaps.

I look away, but he stands in front of me and cups the side of my face, gently turning my head to look at him.

“Forget about the money. We just want to look after you. And Lara, you’re going to let us.”

“You don’t understand. Look, I appreciate you guys coming more than you’ll ever know, but I can’t come home.”

“We know. We’re not here to take you back.”

Fuck me, why did that feel like a knife to the heart?

“Oh. Umm… okay.”

“No, you misunderstand. We’re not taking you back, but we are here for you. And we’re staying until your father is no longer a threat,” Wilder adds.

“What?” I whisper. “But that could take forever.”

“Then so be it.”

“You don’t mean that. You don’t know what he is capable of or what he’ll do. I’ll?—”

“Fuck it,” Crew says a second before his mouth is on mine. This kiss is anything but soft and gentle. It’s demanding and filled with promises I never thought he’d make.

Crew pulls away, and Wilder takes his place. His kiss is more coaxing, a tease of what he can and will do to me if I let him. I want to, dear God, I do, but they don’t understand.

I rip my mouth free and try to catch my breath. They watch me like I’m a wild animal that might lash out at any moment. And hell, maybe they’re right. Part of me wants to yell at them. I remember the words I overheard. Is that what this is? Only that doesn’t make sense. I had already left. I wasn’t a danger to them anymore. So why come after me? Oh, my fragile heart wants it to be because they feel even a sliver of what I feel for them. But I’m scared. I don’t know if I can trust my instincts when it comes to them.

“We won’t push you for more than you’re willing to give us,” Crew says gently.

“We’re willing to put in the work because we think you’re worth it.”

“What changed?”

“You left, and we realized we couldn’t let you go.”

I bite my lip, wincing a little, unsure what to say.

“Tell me you don’t feel anything for us, and we’ll back off. We’ll still stay to keep you safe. This is not an either-or deal. We want you so fucking bad. But we want you to want us back and not because you feel obligated.”

I walk away from them, my head spinning. I need a moment. Thankfully, they don’t follow, giving me space to breathe.

I watch Rufio sniff his way along the bushes before he stops to mark his territory. Is that what Wilder and Crew are doing? Marking their territory? They want me, then they don’t, and then they want me again. I’m getting whiplash from how fast they change their minds.

“God, I don’t understand men,” I grumble to myself.

Wilder and Crew appear beside me, scaring me half to death. Of course, they didn’t let me wander off alone.

“We pushed too hard, too fast, didn’t we?”

“I don’t have the experience you guys do. And I admit, what I felt for you was new and confusing for me. Perhaps I let myself feel too much, but I’m not sure I have it in me to do it all over again.”

They’re quiet as they absorb my words. Maybe now they see that they did more damage than they realized.

“Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to stand there alone and have everyone look at me like I was scum over something I had no control of?”

They both look remorseful, but is it real or just an act?

“Part of me wants to just walk away. I’m so damn tired of people hurting me, and I let them. Every time I stay, every time I back down and make an excuse. Every time I make myself small, I give them permission to treat me like crap again and again. And I hate myself for it a little more each time. I’m sick and tired of begging for scraps of affection.”

I’m not just talking about them anymore but about my father—the man who taught me that love comes with conditions.

I look at them, my heart in my throat, as I choke out my next words. “But you got rid of the body. You made yourself accomplices. Why’d you do that? Why’d you stay?”

They both step toward me, each of them pulling me in for a three-way hug.

“Walking away isn’t an option, Lara. We’re in too deep,” Wilder says gently.

I blow out a shuddering breath and hold them to me. “Please don’t hurt me.”

Their arms tighten around me, reassuring me without words.

As scared as I am, I don’t want fear to rule my life anymore. It’s held me back for so long. At my age, I’m supposed to be taking chances and being reckless. That might not be in the cards for me, but that doesn’t mean I should give up altogether, either. There is doing something for the good of others, and then there is becoming a martyr.

I’ll give them a chance, and it might turn out to be the biggest mistake I’ll ever make, but it’s my mistake to make.

As I pull back and look up at them, I hold on to the glimmer of the girl my father tried to snuff out and let myself feel hope. This could all fall at the first hurdle. But what if we don’t fall? What if we fly?

“Okay, let’s see where this takes us. But you should know that my father won’t like it. He’ll do everything in his power to tear us apart. And if the cost of having you is your life, then I’ll let him.”

“We know what we’re up against, Lara. You’ve gotta trust us,” Crew growls.

“You think you know what you’re up against, but you have no idea. Not really.”

I sigh and whistle for Rufio. “Come on, boy. Time to go.”

I look at Crew and frown. “How the heck did you get the truck out here anyway?”

“Easy, I drove it into the lake.”

“You drove it into the lake?” I scan his clothes, but he looks dry enough to me.

“Naturally, I jumped out first.”

“Naturally,” I reply as flippantly as he does.

“Just go with it, Lara. The man’s a little bit nuts.” Wilder grins as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and starts walking us back to the truck, an excited Rufio following behind.

The ride to the motel is mostly quiet. It’s not forced or filled with tension, though. It’s as if we all need a few minutes to process what happened today. At least that’s true for me.

Rufio’s head rests in my lap, so I pet him absently as I think about how Wilder and Crew’s arrival has changed things. As much as I worry, I can’t deny the comfort it gives me to have them here. I’ve always been a loner, through no fault of my own. But I never understood what loneliness was. I was always so busy keeping my head down and looking after the various kids that came in and out of the Division.

Leaving Apex, though, a place that showed me exactly what a family should look like, left a hole in my chest that’s done nothing but ache since I left.

I lean my head back and close my eyes. My head and face are throbbing. The movement of the truck isn’t helping either.

By the time we pull up at the motel, I’m so ready to get out of the truck that I practically have the door open before it’s even stopped. I gulp down a lungful of fresh air. Thankfully, it helps because the last thing I want to do is puke all over my feet. That would really set the mood.

“I’m going to check us in and grab some ice for your face,” Crew says, climbing out.

He walks off before either Wilder or I can say anything.

“Do you have any more painkillers?”

“Yeah, hold on. Let me grab you a couple.” Wilder leaves me leaning against the side of the truck with Rufio at my feet before returning moments later with a couple of painkillers and a bottle of water.

After he unscrews the cap for me, I take the pills and the bottle and drink half the tepid liquid before handing it back to him. “I need to get some stuff for Rufio. He’ll need water. And fo?—”

He places his finger to my lips.

“We’ll get you settled first and then pick up everything Rufio might need.”

I don’t argue. I just rest my head against his chest and breathe him in. Maybe I could get used to relying on someone else for a change.

Maybe.