Chapter 1

It’s been a week.

A week since my life veered drastically off course. Not that there’d ever been anything stable about my life. Just as the embers of hope had started to glow, things were changing again.

Coming here terrified me from the get-go. It might seem silly to those born free, but when life in captivity is all you’ve ever known, that small cage can feel comforting when facing a huge unknown.

I came here for the kids. Because in a world of chaos, I have been their one constant. I didn’t care what happened to me as long as the kids were safe. That’s what I thought until Avery brought us to Apex and threw us into a makeshift family full of men who strive to protect people instead of seeking to destroy them.

Two of them, Crew and Wilder, had paid more attention to me than I was comfortable with. Not because I sensed anything bad in them, but because they made me feel things I’d never felt before. Things I had no idea how to deal with.

But as Bella innocently reveals my father’s identity, I feel their anger cut through the calmness of the room and swallow, wishing I’d been less nervous. I wish I’d enjoyed their lingering looks and soft touches instead of panicking. I might at least have had a nice memory to take with me when they kicked me out.

The contempt in Wilder and Crew’s expressions makes my stomach cramp as they back away from me.

Tears prick my eyes as Avery calls my name. I turn to look at her.

“Is it true?” she asks, looking at me.

There’s no reason to deny it anymore. It’s true, he contributed to my DNA, but he was never my dad. Still, that’s not what they want to hear.

I nod. “But he isn’t just my father.” I glance at Salem and bite my lip, wondering if I should keep my mouth shut. But I figure she should know. “He’s yours too.”

The room goes so silent you could hear a pin drop.

“You’re my sister?” Salem whispers. And I nod again, unsure of what else to say.

She starts crying, but before she can say or do anything else, Wilder and Crew step between us.

“Then I guess the question is, are you here to help us or hurt us?” Wilder growls.

I let go of Bella’s hand and cross my arms over my chest, shielding myself from his anger.

“I would never do anything to hurt these kids.”

“Yeah, and why should we believe you?” Crew huffs, making whatever had sparked between us fade into nothing.

“Because I am one of these kids.”

“Lara, how old are you?” Zig asks quietly as I angrily swipe at the single tear that slipped free.

I close my eyes briefly and blow out a breath before I open them again and focus on Zig. He let me into his home and could just as easily kick me out of it.

“Seventeen,” I whisper.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wilder and Crew back up even farther, but I don’t pay them any more attention.

“I’ll go as long as you protect the kids.”

“No. If you leave, I’m leaving too,” Alfie snaps, moving to stand in front of me.

I fight back a sob as I smooth my hand through his hair. I pull Alfie behind me when Zig steps toward me, making everyone else freeze.

I frown, unsure how to proceed. “He’s just being protective. He doesn’t mean anything by it,” I say, hoping they won’t punish him for speaking out of turn.

“You don’t—” Zig starts, but he’s cut off by Alfie.

“I’m not staying without Lara.”

“Me either,” Bella says.

“And me.” Delaney moves closer as Noah approaches me and wordlessly takes my hand.

This time, I don’t have a chance in hell of holding my tears back.

“I’m not going to make Lara go anywhere,” Zig tells the kids softly as his eyes move from them to me. “It was never my intention to make you feel that way. But you have to understand that a lot has happened to us because of your father.”

“A lot has happened to me because of him too,” I murmur, though clearly not quietly enough because Wilder steps forward.

“Like what? What are you talking about?”

I pull my shoulders back and lift my chin, remembering the way he looked at me just moments ago, like I was something that needed to be scrapped off the bottom of his shoe.

“Nothing that matters now.”

“If it concerns?—”

I hold up my free hand and cut him off. “It doesn’t concern your family.”

I look back at Zig, my focus solely on him, not ready to see the condemnation in anyone’s eyes just yet. I might only be giving myself a slight reprieve, but it’s enough for me to fortify the walls around myself once more.

I take a deep, calming breath and feel each of the children relax around me. “Can I go back to my cabin? Is that still allowed?”

“Of course, but?—”

“Maybe the kids should stay somewhere else,” Crew cuts in, making my temper flare.

“Like with you and Wilder?”

“If needed, yes.”

“Because you don’t trust me with them, or because I’m a child myself?”

When he doesn’t answer, I feel something harden inside me.

“Lara—” Avery starts, but I ignore her, my glare on Crew instead.

“So it’s okay for them to stay alone with two strange men rather than me, the child”—I spit the word at Crew— “that raised them?”

He opens his mouth and shuts it again as I stare at him. Shaking my head, I turn back to Zig.

“If they can’t stay with me, they stay with you.”

“They can stay with us too. Bella is al?—”

I whip my head around to look at Avery when she speaks. But whatever she sees on my face has her shutting up.

“You said we’d be safe here.”

She flinches at the tone of my voice, and I see Zig take another step closer out of the corner of my eye.

The kids push closer to me, acting like a shield when it’s my job to shield them.

“My mistake for thinking that included me,” I say to her before turning to Zig. “I don’t even care anymore. Kick me out, lock me up, do whatever you want, but you will keep the others safe, or my father will be the least of your worries,” I snarl at Zig before I get down on my knees to talk to the kids, ignoring everyone else in the room.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make everyone mad at you,” Bella cries, throwing herself into my arms.

I hold her to me and breathe her in, sending a wave of calmness to her and the other kids. I keep it small, not wanting any of the others to feel it. They’ve already proven that I can’t trust them, so I won’t be revealing anything else, not when it will only be used against me.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I tell her, pulling back and wiping her cheeks.

“But everyone is mad at you now.”

“That’s not your fault or mine. We can’t change how people feel, Bella.” I hold back a wince because, in my case, that’s not exactly true. “All you can do is be who you are, and here, you’ll be free to do just that.”

I take Delaney in my arms and give her a hug when Bella steps back. When Delaney moves, Noah wraps his arms around my neck and buries his face in my hair. I let my calming power soothe him while I look at Alfie.

“I am so proud of you. You’re always looking out for me and the others. And you’re the kindest, bravest, and most courageous ten-year-old I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a few in my lifetime,” I tease as his face takes on a shocked look.

Usually, when a lot is going on, Alfie slips on a pair of noise-canceling headphones to drown everyone out. Being here, in a more positive environment, he obviously felt like he could do without them for a little while. But as his hand slips into his pocket, I know he’s dying to put them back on.

As a boy who remembers every word said to or around him, he’s had the unfortunate luck of listening to some of the vilest things anyone could hear. What just happened is nothing compared to what he’s been through. But when Alfie loves, he loves hard. And Alfie loves me. He won’t like that I’m hurting or that the people he so desperately wants to like and trust are the ones to do it.

“One day, you’ll grow up into an amazing man. But right now, you don’t need to worry about me or them.” I motion to the other adults in the room with my thumb. “You just need to worry about you. They won’t hurt me, and they won’t hurt you guys either.”

He moves closer. Alfie isn’t a hugger. Hell, he isn’t a talker—well, he never used to be. I hold still as he dips a little and presses his forehead to mine. We stand like that for a few minutes, with Noah wedged between us, and talk silently to one another. The message needs no words, only feelings, but I whisper to him anyway.

“I love you. I’m proud of you. Everything will be okay.”

He doesn’t say anything. He just stands there and absorbs my words, storing them away for later.

I pull back and kiss his head before getting to my feet. I set Noah down beside Alfie, who instantly takes Noah’s hand and smiles softly at him. I feel pride shine in my eyes as I watch them.

Looking around the room, I skim over Wilder and Crew, jolting back when their expression isn’t anger or disgust like before. It’s something else entirely, something I can’t put a name to because I’ve never witnessed it before.

I clear my throat and move my eyes to Zig, who’s been joined by his brother Oz and Greg.

“If you need me…” I let my voice trail off because, even if they need me, they won’t ask for my help. I see that now.

I keep my expression blank, refusing to let them see the pain they’re causing me. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I’ve been hurt before by worse people, so why does it feel much more painful this time?

“I’ll walk you to your cabin,” Greg states.

“You’re in no state to—” Oz starts, but Greg glares at him.

“I will walk her to her cabin and then head to mine to rest. I’ve lost my appetite all of a sudden. The smell of bullshit has that effect on me.”

Before anyone can say anything, Greg walks over to me and bends his arm, offering me his elbow.

“Milady.”

My lips twitch with the urge to grin, but I fight it back. My smiles are just that. Mine. I refuse to give these people more of me when they’ve already judged me so harshly.

I slip my arm through Greg’s and feel him tremble slightly. I realize this is taking a far greater toll on him than he lets on, so I take a little more of his weight and lead him toward the doors.

I can hear the murmur of voices as soon as our backs are turned, but I ignore them. I need to get out of here. When I get outside, I’ll be able to breathe through the pain. Once I’m alone, I’ll allow my foolish tears to fall, but only for a moment. I’ve learned my lesson. I always do.

“Just hold on a little longer, sweetheart. We’re almost there,” Greg whispers as we get to the doors.

I jolt at his words, guessing I’m not hiding as well as I thought.

“You’re doing fine. It’s only because I can feel you shaking. Trust me when I say I know what it’s like—not wanting to seem weak in front of others. Grab the door.”

I hesitate for a second before opening the door and holding it while Greg steps through first and tugs me after him.

He takes a deep breath once we’re outside, and I do the same.

“You’ll come home with me.”

“I… Umm… Look, I’m not sure what you?—”

He chuckles. “Am I that terrifying? You could take me down with your pinkie finger right now.”

I relax at his words because they’re true. It’s just that logic and panic rarely co-exist.

“I have a two-bedroom cabin. Bedroom two is a guest room-slash-office. It is yours for as long as you want, be it one night or one hundred.”

“Why?” I whisper. “I already have a cabin.”

“A cabin you share with children. Children make a mess, and they make noise. Without them, that place will feel very lonely, and I know a thing or two about loneliness.”

“How can you be lonely? You have so many people who love you.”

“So do you.”

“I do not?—”

“That boy would take a bullet for you.”

I growl at his words. “Nobody will be taking a bullet for me, especially not one of my kids.”

“Calm down, Mama Bear; your babies are safe.”

I blow out a breath and nod but still feel tense.

“He stood in front of you. The boy who hides from the world stood in front of you to protect you.”

I swallow back my tears.

“Alfie, is it?”

At my nod, he continues, “I’m sure he has many reasons to be scared of people. And because of it, he is shy and reserved, but with you, he is just a boy, and he loves you wholeheartedly. Same with the others. They take your words as the gospel truth, no question at all, and they do so because they trust you. And after what they’ve been through, I know that trust was not given lightly but earned.”

He uses his free hand to pat mine.

“They are your family, and they love you. So for you to go home and them not be there…” He shakes his head.

I bite my lip because he’s right. I’ve been raising children for so long—not just these ones but the ones who came before them—that I don’t know how to be me without them.

“That still doesn’t explain why you want me to stay with you,” I tell him warily. “I know you don’t trust me?—”

“Oh, I trust you, Lara. I know how this is going to play out.”

“I’m sorry. I’m lost. How what plays out?”

He looks at me and grins, though it has an edge of pain to it. “Those men in there are the best men I know. I would die for them, and they would die for me. We are bound not by blood but by choice, and our bond is far stronger because of it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t see them as the fucking idiots they are sometimes.”

Without meaning to, a burst of laughter escapes me, surprising us both. Greg grins before tugging me along to his house.

“Stick with me, kid. I have a few stories I think you might like to hear. It all started with Zig and Oz and the day they saw a photo of Salem…”