28. Alena

The pressure in the shower is utter heaven.

I finished washing some time ago, but the intense pressure pouring from the shower is enough to keep me in the hot water for longer than is surely responsible. Here, there's nothing but the soothing heat washing down my back, the light scents of vanilla and spice, and no thoughts in my mind. Who needs a masseuse when you have a shower this good?

Life is good.

More than good. In fact, this has to be my favorite time here so far, even since a couple of days ago when I persuaded Kristof to sleep beside me in my bed. It had been a gamble, given how often he rejects anything close to real intimacy, but ever since that night, he's slept next to me and it's been amazing.

Almost like we're a real couple.

My fingers start to prune, and I run my rough fingertips over my thigh, then finally, I turn the shower off and step out. Wrapping myself in a thick, fluffy towel, I slide a silk cover over my hair after twisting the strands to remove excess water, then head back into the bedroom. I'll never tire of these heated floors that keep the carpet extra cozy.

Glancing at the clock, my heart jumps slightly. It's nearly time for bed, which means another night of cuddling into the strong, warm security of Kristof's arms. It's the only thing that takes the edge off of how limited sex has been. He really meant it when he told me to rest and recover.

A girl can't complain if I get nightly cuddles in exchange.

Suddenly, the door flies open, and I squeal in fright as Kristof strides inside with a black suitcase in one hand.

"Holy shit, Kristof, you scared me!"

I don't notice the clothes in his other hand until he thrusts them into my chest and I have to catch them before they fall.

"Get dressed," Kristof barks, and he heads for my nightstand. He starts gathering all my books and tossing them into the suitcase he dumps on the ground, and my heart leaps into my throat.

"Get dressed? Kristof what do you mean? What's going on?"

"I said get dressed!" He snaps over his shoulder, and I flinch. All thoughts of warm cuddling melt from my mind as his tone reminds me of the way he spoke to me all those weeks ago when I was still in the basement.

"Not until you tell me why!" Anger lilts my own voice, and I clutch the clothes tightly to my chest, alarm pulsing through me in trickling waves of heat.

"We're leaving."

"Leaving? Leaving where? Why?" My first thought is a new house. Kristof has many properties, I know that much. All the top lieutenants do, but from the frantic way he's piling my books into that case, it doesn't really feel like we're simply moving house. He drags the case with him, not answering me as he pulls what limited clothes there are from the closet.

"Kristof!" I yell, my heart pounding. Something's wrong, it has to be.

"We're going to Russia, so hurry the fuck up and get dressed!"

Russia?

No…

No!

I freeze, rooting to the spot as the revelation crashes over me like a frozen tidal wave, chasing away every ounce of calm the shower just gave me.

Russia?

No way.

I've never been out of the state, never mind out of the country. This can't be right. I can't just leave. This is my… home.

There's been something incredibly strange and exhilarating about being here with Kristof, living out my fantasy of being with someone who wants me completely, who goes to the edge of their sanity just to be with me, and Kristof has unlocked things in me I had no idea existed.

But it's been a dream with a safety net, I realize.

The safety net being my neglectful family always nearby, somewhere down in the city. Suddenly, my bubble bursts and reality hits me harder than a slap in the face.

If Kristof takes me out of the country, it really will be just me and him. No family, no one to go back to. Deep down in my soul, I think part of me always expected to go back to my family at some point with Kristof by my side, that this was only forever in a dream and not forever in real life.

My golden world melts away into a cold, stark reality.

If I get on a plane with Kristof, there really is no going back. I'll be severing ties with everything I have ever known, and that in itself is terrifying. Even though I know in my heart that Kristof will keep me safe and that I want to be with him, leaving is a big step. A huge one.

"Ivan and Nastja are coming too," Kristof states, zipping the suitcase closed and dumping it near the door. "Alena, what are you doing? Did you not hear me?"

"I–I can't." I stumble over my words and lift my wide gaze to his. "I can't leave, I've never been… I don't understand, this is so sudden. Why? My family is here. TheFamily is here, I?—"

"They don't care about you," Kristof snaps. "I do. And I am doing what's best. Get dressed, Alena. We're leaving."

"No," I whisper, and tears sting behind my eyes. "They've been looking for me, and I'm… the Family is still…"

I'm still the heir. That counts for something, right?

"Bullshit," Kristof snaps. "They look for you because they need you for power, not because they care about you. Alena, you know this. Are you not happy here with me? Do I not do everything I can to give you the best life?"

"Yes," I gasp. "It's not you, it's…" Words catch in my throat, strangling me as my heart beats faster and faster. How do I explain that the daunting thought of leaving the country, leaving behind everything I have ever known at the drop of a hat, is terrifying? That I had always assumed we would return one day together?

"Are you not fed and watered?" Kristof continues on, his voice rising as his anger increases. "Are you not trained well? Everything you told me about being here, about how willingly you would have come all those weeks ago, was it all bullshit? Have you been lying to me all this time?"

He's in my face now, his eyes dark and angry, and I can't get my mind and mouth to agree. This is too much, too fast.

"No, I never lied, I never—but Kristof, leaving my family behind and you won't tell me why?"

"You were hoping they would find you, weren't you?"

"No!"

"Just biding your time so you could escape."

"It's not that at all, Kristof, please!" I reach one trembling hand to him, but he slaps me away.

"Why the fuck would you want to cuddle at night if you were still holding onto hope that you could leave here, huh? Was it a twisted way to get my guard down? Stab me in my sleep?" He's ranting now, his skin dark and his tone dangerous.

"No," I gasp, and tears fall. "I can't, please, I—you're not listening to me, I'm not saying that. It's not you, it's my?—"

"Your family," he spits. "I heard you the first time. Have you any idea what I've done for you, what I've risked to keep you safe here with me?"

"No," I sob back. "Because you don't tell me."

"I've risked everything!" he yells, and then suddenly, he takes a deep breath and straightens up, looming over me. "I save you from your family, from Mikhail, and it's not enough for you. You were sitting up here just waiting for the day your family came knocking on the door."

"No, please! You're telling me we're leaving for halfway across the world and I–I've never even been out of the state, Kristof, please. I want to be with you, but what you're asking scares me! Why are we leaving? What are we running from? It's…" I drag a hand through my hair, pushing the towel away as I do so. I'm overheating and my heart is flying so quickly that I can barely breathe.

Leaving behind everything I have ever known in a split second is a sickening, terrifying thought, and here Kristof stands, interpreting my fear as betrayal.

In a breath, Kristof surges forward and his hand grasps my throat. I gasp, clutching at his wrist as he draws me forward and shakes me once.

"You belong to me. I tell you to do something, you do it. You want to hope you can go home? I am your home, do you understand me? Me. Not them. No one else."

"Please," I gasp hoarsely, but my voice fails me as tears pour. He talks, but he isn't hearing me.

"Get. Dressed." His eyes narrow. "I'd rather have you with me, hating me in Russia than leave you here because I know you, Alena. Just like everyone else, you'd tell me you love me and betray me in the same breath. All your promises hold no weight the moment you notice that this is real."

My heart breaks.