14. Chapter 14

Brunch goes off without a hitch. We laugh, joke, and converse. No more zoning out and getting lost in the memories.

Getting up and pushing in our chairs, we navigate toward the exit. The city has only gotten busier while we were eating brunch. It's a beautiful fall day. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining bright, and the weather is a perfect sixty-five degrees. As we head toward Grant Park, Quinton soaks in the city. During that ten-minute walk, my mind starts wandering. Internally, I'm psyching myself up to open myself up and spill my heart.

There's a vacant park bench overlooking Buckingham Fountain. It's there that I decide to tell my story. Sounds of children screaming while their parents chase them surround us, joggers run past us, and groups are gathered around taking pictures.

Settling onto the bench, I look straight ahead, watching a little boy and girl run around playing.

"He was my best friend," I begin, sensing Q turn his head toward me. "Our moms met when we were five. They were both working on a charity fundraiser for the hospital. Asher's mom always loved party planning. From her first meeting with my mom, the two just hit it off, becoming fast friends. This was before my mom's personality shift.

"From then on, the two were inseparable, which led to Bryce and me becoming best friends with Asher. More often than not, when Mom had a shift at the hospital, we would go to the Nelsons' instead of staying home with the nanny. Grace wasn't able to have more kids after Asher. She always wanted a large family, so Bryce and I became like her kids." I pause, letting a tear go.

Talking about Grace and how she took us in like we were her own children riddles me with guilt. Guilt over the fact I haven't seen her in too long. Quinton, sensing my need for comfort wraps, an arm around my shoulders, placing his other hand on my thigh. Still unable to look at him, I keep staring ahead, watching the kids run around before continuing.

"Grace would always joke that Asher and I would end up married and then Bryce and I would officially be family. As we got older, Friday nights became family nights with pizza and games. Holidays were spent with the Nelsons. Once we hit seventh grade, Grace fixed up a guest room to be my room. She said that we were getting too old to have coed sleepovers." I chuckle, a small smile spreading across my face.

"You two had already kissed, hadn't ya?" Quinton asks with a twitch of his lips. Turning to look at him, I smile bigger. "Yeah, at the sixth-grade end-of-the-year dance. We were slow dancing to Taylor Swift. How cliché."

Quinton chuckles.

"Nothing progressed after the dance. Bryce saw us kiss and was pissed. He had words with Asher. I was so mad at my brother. I thought he had ruined my chances of having a boyfriend. Then in eighth grade, I got my first boyfriend, but it wasn't Asher. Asher was pissed, so he got his first girlfriend. This cycle continued throughout the whole year. You know how dating was in junior high. So at the eighth-grade end-of-the year dance, he cut in while I was dancing with someone and kissed me. Anyway, that was the day everything changed. Asher and I started dating. Fast forward to sophomore year. My cousin, Thad, had gotten three tickets to the Indianapolis Colts–New England Patriots game in Indy."

"Thad?" Quinton interrupts.

Ignoring his comment, I continue. "It was supposed to be Thad, Bryce, and me going to the game. But Asher loved Tom Brady, so I told him to go in my place. And that's the night everything changed." I pause, too shaken up to continue.

Quinton gives me the time I need, squeezing my thigh and my shoulder with his hands, letting me know that he's here for me. Inhaling a deep breath, I turn to face Q.

"Thad was driving them home, and when he stopped to get gas he took a cocktail of pills. He had a reaction to them while he was driving with the cruise control set. Thad was overdosing as the car went through the median and into oncoming traffic. A semi hit the passenger side. Bryce was in the passenger seat, and Asher was in the backseat, passenger side."

"Oh god," Quinton says quietly, wiping the tears from my face.

"Ash and I were supposed to be endgame. He gave me a promise ring for my sixteenth birthday. It was supposed to be forever. And I know, I know we were young, but it was like the stars had aligned for us."

All the emotions come rushing back to me, hitting me like a tsunami. I turn my head into Q's shoulder and let the sobs take over.

FIVE YEARS AGO

The sound of the doorbell wakes me. Rushing down the stairs to open the door, I don't bother looking to see who's at the door. Asher had texted me that they were on their way home, and we had been texting on his ride home until I fell asleep. Assuming Bryce forgot his key again, I open the front door. A huge smile is on my face, as I anticipate the stories from the game. I've been jealous of them, but I know I made the right decision letting Asher go see his idol.

I jump as I take in the two uniformed policemen standing on our front porch. Immediately, I know something is wrong. Clutching the door, I stare at the two men.

"What happened?" I croak out the words.

"Miss, are your parents home?" one of the officers asked.

"Is it my dad or my brother?" I ask in a whisper.

Dad was staying in the city, which he often does during the week. My parents have a condo in the city where they often crash, depending on their schedules.

The other officer removes his hat and lowers his head.

"Miss, is your mom home?"

"Yes, I'll go get her," I responded, opening the door wider. "You can come in."

The officers come into the house, closing the front door, while I turn and run up the stairs to my parents' room.

Mother was asleep with her sleep mask covering her eyes. Going around to her side of the bed, I start nudging her shoulder, trying to wake her, hoping that tonight wasn't a sleeping pill night.

"Mom! Mom, the police are here." I rush the words, trying to get her to wake up.

That does the trick, and she jumps up with a start. Glancing at me beside her, she climbs out of bed, slipping on her silk robe. The two of us descend the stairs, not saying a word.

The first officer acknowledges us first.

"Ma'am, we are sorry to stop by so late. Unfortunately, there's been an accident." Mom grabs my hand, squeezing it, as the officer continues. "Your son was involved in an accident on Interstate 65. He's been airlifted to—"

I zone out, feeling like my head"s underwater as my knees give out, and I collapse to the floor. The other officer squats down in front of me trying to talk to me, but all I hear is the teacher's voice from Charlie Brown. I can't process any of it. The officers never said anything about Asher. Oh god, Asher.

Snapping out of it, I look the officer in the eyes. "What about Asher? Asher Nelson was in the car too. He's my boyfriend."

"He's been airlifted as well."

Pulling myself out of Quinton's embrace, I stop the memory from playing in my mind. I have to get the rest of the story out.

"Bryce and Asher were airlifted to the hospital. The doctors did emergency surgeries, but both were put in medically induced comas, hoping that rest would help them heal faster. Mom had the best of the best flown in to treat them, but it didn't matter. Bryce's body was too weak from the direct impact, and he passed within a few hours of the accident…" I pause, wiping the tears and snot with the back of my sleeve. "Asher showed progress, and we all got so hopeful. A few days later, the doctors decided to bring him out of the coma. He woke up," I end the words with a sob.

"He woke up. I was the first person he saw when he woke up. It was the best moment of my life. The next three days were spent at his bedside, lying next to him. He told me how much he loved me, and how he couldn't wait until we were eighteen so we could start our lives together. On the fourth day of him being awake, I had to lay my brother to rest. I promised him I'd be back as soon as I could…" Another sob racks through my throat.

My mind goes right back to that hospital room. Seeing my sweet Asher awake, kissing me goodbye, telling me how sorry he was that he couldn't be there with me. Grace and I had left to go to the funeral while Daniel stayed behind with Asher. No one wanted to leave him alone once he was awake. While Daniel stepped out of the room, my life was forever changed…again.

Wiping my tears, I straighten. Sensing that I need some space, Q slightly slides away, just leaving his hand on my thigh.

"Asher died twenty minutes after we put Bryce in the ground. A blood clot dislodged and traveled to his brain. He was gone instantly. There was nothing anyone could've done or prevented it. Within a week, I lost my brother and my boyfriend. My two best friends were gone. Just like that"

"Jesus, Brynn," Quinton gasps out. Using his free hand, he rubs the back of his neck. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

"Because who would want to spend time with the fucked-up girl?" I throw up my hands, exasperated.

Before I can continue, Quintin is interjecting. "What'd I tell you about calling my best friend fucked up?"

"But Quinton, I am," I answer. "I've been floating through life sleeping around and partying to keep the demons from surfacing."

"You don't get to survive alone. I'm here for you, and you have an entire support system at CTU that is here for you, Wilder," Quinton adds, pausing to get my attention. "It's time for you to stop running on survival mode and start living. Live for them. Live for the ones who can no longer live. But most importantly, live for yourself. You have a beautiful soul that deserves to thrive. Open yourself up to more, open your heart to love. Because whoever gets the chance to be loved by you, and I mean fully, deeply, loved by you, is the going to be the luckiest son of a bitch."

Taking a moment, I wipe away the stream of tears that is spilling down my cheek. Looking up at the clear sky, I will the tears away.

"I don't let a lot of people in. It took me until I met you to even consider having a best friend again."

"But why?" he asks, still not getting it. "Why not let people see the real you? Why not date and find love again?"

"Don't you get it? The last two people I loved with all my heart died. Died together. I can't go through that again or curse someone else." I whisper that last part.

But he hears it.

Crystal clear.

"You blame yourself, don't you?"

"Of course I do. It's my fucking fault. Asher went because I gave him my ticket. If I had gone, I would've driven. I was always the driver, the responsible one. By choosing not to go, I sealed their fate."

"God, Brynn," he says, and I hear the emotion in his voice. "That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. It wasn't your fault. It was your piece of shit cousin who decided to ingest a mixture of pills and then drive. That's on him. Not you."

"Just stop. I've heard it all before. I've accepted it. You deserved the whole story, and that's the whole story."

I go to stand up, but before I can, two big, corded arms wrap me up in a hug.

Quinton squeezes me before whispering in my ear, "People deserve to see the real you. I love the real Brynn." I shake my head against his body. Before I pull away, he murmurs into my hair, "You deserve happiness, Wilder."

Pulling back, I give him a small smile. I can't talk about this anymore. I know how I feel about it, and while I appreciate his words, that's all they are to me. I'll forever live with the guilt, and that's something I've accepted.