Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

HER — PRESENT DAY

It was probably stupid to drive away rather than stopping and just asking what’s going on, but the moment I saw them together, I felt as if I was going to throw up.

I know they’re going to be spending time together now, as they should if she really is his daughter. I encouraged it, even, before I considered that it might all be a lie. Before I realized who she was. I understand that, if her story is true, she’s going to be part of his life, and this shouldn’t be upsetting for me, but that doesn’t make it any less so.

More than the worry over what she might tell him, today, it feels as if he lied. He was at work, sure, but he was also with Janelle, which he failed to mention. Why didn’t he tell me she was there? Did she surprise him after we got off the phone? How could she have? How would she have known he was there?

And then, of course, there is the worry about what her motive might actually be. Is she lying about everything? What is she telling him? Without me there to protect him, she could tell him everything, and where would that leave me?

What does she want? It’s the question that’s haunting me above all else.

It’s taken everything in me not to unblock her phone number and beg her for answers, but I haven’t. I can’t. It hurts too much.

When Cal gets home half an hour or so after I do, he finds me in the living room and pulls me into a hug. I smell her on him instantly. It’s light and airy, just a hint of her tucked into the fabric of his shirt, and yet the scent is overwhelming and painful, a terrible reminder of everything that happened.

I breathe through my mouth and pull away, hoping the remnants of the scent I once loved don’t collect on my clothing and skin.

He lowers himself to my belly, speaking directly to our daughter. “Hey there, nugget. You gave us a scare today.” He cuddles against my stomach, pulling up the fabric of my shirt so he can see my skin. It’s stretched thin with the oversized bump. My body is practically unrecognizable at this point. How could so much have changed in such a short amount of time?

When I was just ten and twelve weeks along, I remember so vividly longing for a bump. I stood in front of the mirror and poked my stomach out, wore shirts that made it look as if there was the slightest evidence of the baby growing in my womb. I wanted the world to know about her, but now I’m starting to see the changes it has caused to my body, and I wonder if it will ever feel like mine again. If it will always feel partly as if it belongs to her.

“You’ve got to hang out in there for just a little while longer, okay? Just until you’re ready to hatch.” He presses his lips to my stomach with a lingering kiss before standing up, a smile spread across his face.

“Now then, we should get you on the couch, feet up, healthy snack in hand. I’ll cut up some fruit for you.” He slaps his hands together. “Any requests? We have pretty much everything, but I think you finished off the pineapple last time we had dessert.”

I hold my hand up, stopping him in his tracks. “Actually, before we do that, I wondered if we could talk?”

His face falls, but only for a moment. “Okay, sure. Everything okay?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

A hint of laughter fills his expression in a way that makes me almost believe him. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, he might be able to convince me this afternoon hadn’t happened. “Why wouldn’t it be okay?”

“I’m just asking. How was work?”

“Work was…fine.” His answer is hesitant, like he worries I might know something he doesn’t want me to. But he doesn’t seem angry with me, so there’s that.

“Anything else I need to know?”

There’s a hint of a laugh and then, “What are you talking about, crazy girl?” He rubs my head like he would a toddler, and I’m filled with unadulterated rage.

“Just asking,” I say through gritted teeth. “Just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything you needed to tell me.”

He sucks his lips into his mouth. “’Fraid not. It was a rather boring morning. I went in, checked on some lesson plans, and headed home.”

“Right.” I nod my head. He has no reason to lie to me right now, so the question then becomes, Why is he?