Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

HER — PRESENT DAY

The next morning, Cal’s plan is in motion. He’s confirmed that his daughter will arrive here at noon, made sure she doesn’t have any allergies or food preferences, and is now preparing a big pot of chili. I’m hoping the meal will warm me. I’ve felt entirely too cold inside and out from the moment Cal made the call.

I have no right to be upset about it. It was my idea in the first place, but my emotions are waffling all over the place. One minute, I’m fine. The next, I feel completely alone. Part of me worries I’m about to lose the only family I have left. That Cal is going to want to spend more time with her and less with me. After all, the hard part with that one is done. He’ll get the fun years without any of the struggle—the potty training and late nights. Here she is, arriving at our doorstep, as if she were a mail-order child, parenting not required.

Bitter, and angry with myself for being bitter, I fill the freestanding tub with water that is warm—but not too hot, per the doctor’s and Cal’s orders—and bubble bath from my bag. As I slip into the bath, my stomach rolls with the baby’s movement. She seems to like water as much as I do.

I sink down in the warmth, easing myself back against the wall of the tub with a sigh. It’s been so long since I was able to relax like this. To just sit quietly and let my body rest. Lately, just rolling over is a full workout. As the tub fills, my round stomach becomes an island, the only part of me still visible among the bubbles. I wonder if I’ll miss this, the joys and pains of pregnancy. Everyone says you do, and as magical as parts of it have been, I imagine I will, but I also know how ready I am to have her here with me. To see her wrap her little fingers around mine, to kiss her head, to feel her snuggle against my chest and hear her tiny, soft breaths. I want all of that, despite how this started. The surprise of it all, the out-of-order way we’re going about this whole baby and marriage thing. Our family was just meant to be, and I’m okay with that. I’ve never been one for tradition anyway.

I never had much in life, not in terms of money or opportunities or even family. My mother tried, but it was just the two of us, and we struggled. I always dreamed of a life that felt easier, safer. And now I have it. I have Cal and our daughter, and potentially a new stepdaughter— is that what we’ll call her? —to fill the holidays and the silence. The emptiness. In the blink of an eye, I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of. So why don’t I feel happy about it?

Later, when I’m dressed, with my hair fixed and a bit of makeup on, I join Cal in the kitchen where he’s stirring the chili, wafting the scent up to his nose every few seconds.

I’m at the table, reading a book with my feet propped up on the seat of the chair next to me when he turns back to me. “I’m making it less spicy than usual. I don’t know if she likes spice the way you do.”

“That’s fine.” It’s nice to be known . I’m hit with the thought. It’s nice to have someone who knows how you like each meal prepared, how you relax, and what your face looks like when you’re stressed, even when you try to hide it. I love that Cal, even in our short time together, has learned these things about me. Just like I’ve learned so much about him.

He’s nervous, I can tell. He wants to impress her.

I think about the type of father he will be someday, how he’ll treat this baby, how he’ll love her. This woman, his daughter, is a lucky girl to have Cal in her life.

An hour later, his phone chimes loudly with a text letting us know she’s arrived. He paces the kitchen, putting finishing touches on everything, hanging and straightening the towel on the handle of the stove, glancing out the window, pushing the trash can back a bit farther against the wall.

I stand and move toward him, smoothing my hands over his arms. “You’re going to be fine,” I promise him, kissing his nose.

To my relief, I see the stress almost melt away from his features. His lips curl up slightly, and he puffs out a breath. “Of course it is.” He nods, kisses my head right back, and exits through the door, leaving it open in case I decide to follow.

For a moment, I consider it, but really, it doesn’t feel right. They should get a chance to say hello, to have that time together free of outside intrusions, even if that intrusion is me. I’d hope he would give me the same if the situation were reversed.

Turns out, I’ve severely underestimated the amount of time they’ll need, though, as I’m still waiting once twenty minutes have passed. When I finally hear their footsteps and soft voices outside, I sit back down in the chair with my book, adjusting my shirt and my hair.

I want her to think I’m beautiful, strangely enough. I care what she thinks of me, the woman her father chose. I want her to like me.

Cal appears first, pushing the door open for her, and when she enters the room, my heart stops as I take in the sight of her blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the familiar curve of her cheeks.

It can’t be her… It just can’t.

And yet—it is.

What the hell?