Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

brEAK OUT

‘I s she hurt?'

Oh my god and darkness, my father is here as well. Kyle is frozen, overcome, his arms like iron bars. I manage to poke my head out from his protective stance.

‘Oh, thank goddess we found you. But you're bleeding!' Mother rushes to me, her hands on my face, smoothing my hair, red gleaming in her eyes.

‘Hush.' My father sounds worried – I guess the fewer people who know who I am, the better.

Mother turns to him. ‘We have to get her out of here.' The background glow is becoming fiercer and there's crying, a high keening sound. Raven guards are everywhere, silver and black in the night.

‘I agree,' Father says. ‘Take her home. Then she can explain herself.' His stern gaze moves to me and my stomach drops. This couldn't be any worse.

‘Father, I'm the one who?—'

‘Later, Emelia. Penelope, take her, take both of you to safety.'

‘I have to stay. You know that I need to be seen. The North Wind need to know Raven is here.'

My father's lips tighten, then he nods. ‘Fine. Help me break her out.'

‘Wait, what ?! No, no, you can't hurt him, just wait! He'll come out of it.' I'm crying, trying to wriggle my way free of Kyle's frozen embrace, so my parents don't have to break his bones. But my father takes one of Kyle's arms. My mother, after a moment's hesitation, takes the other. I scream, I can't help it then. And Kyle snaps out of it.

‘My lord! My lady! Forgive me.' He lets me go so quickly I fall. He drops to one knee, his head bowed. My father catches me, his nose wrinkling. I guess I smell like blood and fear, not the best thing right now. No anti-feed spray will cover that. There's another loud boom, a flare of light, the ground moving. I stumble, bumping into Kyle. He steadies me, but when I look at him he doesn't seem to see me. My mother's beautiful face twists with what looks like pity. My father's lips are pulled back from his teeth, his fangs dropped. Uh-oh.

‘It was all my idea,' I say, quickly.

‘What?' My father doesn't look at me, his hazel eyes fixed on Kyle. My mother does, though.

‘To leave. I-I made him do it. I-He's not to blame.' I daren't touch Kyle. I think my father would rip him apart. My mother tilts her head.

‘Is that true?' She takes a step closer to me. ‘We've been so worried. When I found your note I…'

‘It is. I promise.' I feel terrible.

‘I'm taking you home,' my father says, all stern lines and darkness.

‘What? No, Kyle?—'

‘ Kyle —' he fixes him with a glare ‘—can stay here and protect my wife while I'm gone. That is your job, after all, isn't it? Protection?'

‘My lord.' Kyle bows, then steps into a guard position by my mother. He doesn't look at me. I know it's because he can't, not because he doesn't want to. Tears well in my eyes; I'm too tired to stop them.

My father hisses. ‘Emelia, control yourself!'

Oh, yeah, like that's going to help. I give him an injured look yet when I do I'm surprised by his expression: a gentleness I've only seen rarely, and fear in his eyes. Fear for me. Raven guards have formed a square around the four of us, but it's getting more dangerous here with every second that passes.

‘Aleks, take her now!' My mother's voice is urgent. ‘Take two of the guards, too. Kyle will look after me.'

‘He'd better.' My father shoots him a dark look before moving swiftly to kiss my mother, caressing her cheek. He murmurs something to her, but I can't hear what. Then he has me in his arms. ‘Hold on.' And we're gone.

He's careful, holding me tight but not too tight, protecting me from the wind as we rush through the night, leaving the Safe Zone behind. I try not to think of Kyle, or my mother, back there in the madness, or my guilt that I've taken my father and two guards away from the scene. But I'm scared. Scared of what I've done, and of what's going to happen. I wanted to help humans, not make things worse. The scratches on my arms and scalp sting, my head aching. The only sounds are the air moving, the thud of running feet.

We run for a while, my father tense – it's like being held by a statue. I think desperately of something to say, some way to defend my actions, but I have nothing. As we move through the night, I'm conscious of a glow up ahead, getting brighter. It can't be sunrise yet, surely. Both guards draw level with my father and we slow. There's the pad of running feet coming from the direction of the glow. Two more Raven guards appear. They stop, saluting.

‘My lord. It is as you feared. The rebels have entered Dark Haven.'

Dark Haven? Shit.

‘Father, I?—'

‘Be quiet.' The words are stern, but his tone calm, that of someone assessing the situation. ‘Your report, Captain?'

The guard nods. ‘Sir, this is not the only area under attack tonight. There are reports coming in from across the realm. Human rebels, targeting Raven holdings.'

My father swears. ‘It is imperative we get my daughter home safe. Send word that she has been found. Then take as many more guards out as you can and get this under control. Are other units being mobilised?'

‘They are, sir.'

My mind is whirring. This is happening across the realm? There's a selfish relief, that it wasn't just my actions that caused Raven to descend on the Safe Zone after all. I push the thought away as soon as it comes. Me being there just made a complicated situation even worse. How stupid I was, to leave during the middle of a rebellion. Perhaps my parents grounding me wasn't punishment as much as it was protection.

‘Good. Let's go. We'll take the forest route.'

The guard salutes. ‘Sir.'

We take off into the night once more, the glow from Dark Haven disappearing as we enter the Great Forest. The last time I came through here was with Kyle. I wonder if I'll ever get to run with him again. Or go anywhere. I've been such an idiot.

But it doesn't change what I've learned, or what I want to do.

We emerge from the forest onto the road running up to the gates, raven statues dark against the sky. My father calls out and the gates swing open. We race through them, my father skidding to a halt.

‘Close them immediately!' he snaps. ‘And beware. The rebels are close. Watch for my lady when she returns, and make sure the perimeter is well guarded.'

‘My lord!' The guards scramble into action, darker blurs against the night. My father runs us the last few steps up the curving drive, depositing me on the steps at the front door. I'm home. And it's a relief. A stupid, ridiculous relief. I start to sniffle, unable to help it. I try to control myself, rubbing my nose with my hand and blinking.

‘Thank you,' I mumble, my head down. I brace myself for whatever Father is going to say. But he surprises me.

‘Are you all right?' His hand comes to my shoulder.

‘I'm fine,' I say, my head still down. ‘Just sore. You'd better go, help Mother?—'

‘Your mother will be fine for the moment, especially with that fighter from the pits.' I look up. His head is tilted to the side. I can't see his face but know he can see mine. He holds out his hand. ‘Come, sit with me.'

‘Er, okay?' My voice goes up. I swallow. This is not going to be good. I take his hand and let him lead me to the edge of the steps, next to one of the great pillars. I clasp my hands over my bent legs, and I wait.

My father clears his throat. Well, shit. Vampires don't need to do that, so this is going to be something big.

‘I think, Emelia, we might have made some mistakes, your mother and I. With you.'

My mouth drops open. What the hell? ‘It's fine.' My voice catches.

‘It's not fine.' He takes my hand, playing with my fingers, putting his other hand to his lips. He touches my scratches, one after the other, healing them with his blood. My distant, beautiful father. I can't breathe for sorrow.

‘You know how I felt, when you were born.' I nod. There's no apology in his tone, but his touch is oh-so-gentle. ‘And you know how your mother felt, and what she did.' I nod again. ‘I cannot tell you how glad I am that she did. That she succeeded. For you are most precious to me, Emelia.' His cool tones become rougher, his hand clenching briefly on mine.

I can't speak, a giant lump forming in my throat. He turns his head, kissing my hair, and I want to cry.

‘We shouldn't have kept you hidden away,' he says. ‘We should have given you more freedom. But you understand how hard it was…'

I find my voice. ‘I get it. I mean, I'm pretty vulnerable, I guess, being what I am.' My voice gets very quiet on the last words. He lets go of my hand, putting his arm around my shoulder and hugging me to him.

‘What you are,' he says, ‘is my beautiful, brave, intelligent daughter. You're also heir to Raven, and should have been treated as such. Does it help if I tell you I'm sorry?'

‘Father…' I choke up, not knowing what to say. I lean my head on his shoulder.

‘We should have brought you into society more,' he goes on. ‘But we wanted to protect you, so much. You don't know…'

‘I can guess.' My mouth twists, hating the reminder of what a disappointment it is that I'm human. Then he surprises me.

‘From cruelty, as much as anything else. I couldn't bear it, that anyone should think that you, my wonderful daughter, be anything less, simply because of what you are. You cannot help it, nor should you be made to pay for it. There's nothing wrong with you, as far as your mother and I are concerned.'

‘But…'

‘No.' He pats my hand, then sighs. ‘Perhaps there needs to be change in our society, in the way we do things. That's the trouble when you live so long; you become set in your ways.'

There's a buzzing noise. My father pulls out his phone. ‘Your mother is on her way back.' He puts his phone back in his pocket and pauses. ‘About tonight.'

I feel a lurch of apprehension. Shit. This is all very nice, but the fact is I ran away, almost got killed and put both of my parents in danger.

‘Father, I know I shouldn't have?—'

‘No, you shouldn't have.' His voice is gentle. ‘So, why did you?'

I pause. I know why I ran, of course. But then I would have to admit… more things. My hands to my mouth, I consider what to say. Then I decide to come clean.

‘I didn't want to be Raven anymore.'

‘I know,' he says, still quiet. ‘I saw your note. What your mother and I don't understand, is why?'

Tears come to my eyes. I stare into the glimmering darkness, to the distant glow of Dark Haven. It blurs and shakes. I take in a shuddering breath.

‘I saw the Moon Harvest.' I brace myself.

‘What?' My father shakes his head. ‘You shouldn't be looking at that sort of thing online?—'

‘Not online.' There. I wait for my world to come crashing down.

‘What?' The word is sharp, whispered. ‘How?'

‘I wanted to see it. If I couldn't stop it, I wanted to b-bear witness. So they wouldn't be alone.' My voice catches on the last word. ‘So I made Kyle take me. And I saw it all.'

‘Oh my dear.' My father's other arm comes around me. I turn into him, my head on his shoulder, breathing in his violet scent, laced with wood and moss. It's comforting, bringing back a hazy memory of being held this way when I was very small. It feels like home. ‘I'm so sorry,' he says. ‘You should never have had to?—'

‘Yes. Yes I should.' I lift my head. ‘If I'm going to be Raven, and make decisions like that, I need to know what I'm agreeing to. I need to know what being Raven truly means. And now I do.'

My father says nothing.

‘And-and, when I saw it, wh-when I saw you and m-mother, how you were, I wanted no part of it. I'd rather be human, and live with them than have to see something like that, do something like that… I don't want to be Raven if that's what it means.'

‘That's why you'll be such a good Raven,' my father says.

I shake my head. ‘How can I be? I'm weak, need constant protection. And I don't want to kill any humans.'

‘Neither do I. Not unless I absolutely have to.'

‘But it's part of who we are.'

‘It can be. But it doesn't have to be. You could be the one to change things, you know. Really, while I could shake you for putting yourself in danger, at the same time I'm proud of you.'

‘You are?' I wonder if perhaps he's been hit in the head, or something. But vampire super healing would take care of anything like that. So, he must really mean it.

‘Yes.' He hugs me again. ‘I wish you'd told me how you felt.'

‘I tried! I tried to talk to Mother, but she didn't want to stop it, and you seemed to agree, and… after the Moon Harvest I just…' I thought my parents were monsters. But I can't say that. ‘I guess I felt I had no other option than to leave. I don't know how you can be proud of me, after all I've done.' I drop my head.

‘I am, though,' he says. I look up. ‘Because this is what I want for you. That you feel confident enough to speak your mind. To fight for what you believe. And to go after it. That you see there's more to ruling than robes and parties. Although, while I remember…' He pulls something from his pocket. My Raven necklace. It unspools from his fingers, glittering faintly. ‘Here. You really should wear this.'

I take it from him with shaking fingers and put it on. ‘Kyle said the same thing, you know. That I'd be a good Raven. So, maybe I will be.' I speak without thinking.

‘Kyle.' My father's voice changes. ‘Yes, the young guard. Emelia, I don't want to tell you what to do. But you do need to remember who you are.'

‘I know.'

‘And don't assume you can't get pregnant.'

‘Whoa! What? Father! ' I squeal, pushing at him. Oh. My. God. He starts laughing. In the distance Dark Haven is aglow, buildings aflame. It seems completely surreal to be sitting here on cold stone with my father, in an oasis of darkness and quiet, and to hear him laughing.

‘Emelia, forgive me, I have to tell you this?—'

‘I don't need the sex talk!'

He laughs even harder, his whole body shaking. Perhaps he's embarrassed, too. God knows. I feel as though I'm about to dissolve with shame. Seriously, I don't need this.

‘All I'm saying is that you can have fun, but you need to be careful. With him, with any vampire. You're human, true, but you're also full-blooded Raven. Your blood is different. You could have a vampire child, should you choose to fall pregnant. You carry the magic in you.' He grows serious. ‘You are the future of this house, you know.'

I'm silent for a moment. Then I ask the question I've been wondering for a long time, wandering the hallways alone. ‘Why didn't you and mother have another child? Was it because of me? Because of… how I am?'

‘Oh, my child.' He hugs me again, all hilarity gone. ‘Yes… and no.' I tense. ‘No, not because of how you are. You're perfect, Emelia, just as you are. If we'd had another child like you, I would have been happy. But if we'd had another child that was vampire, they could have seen you as a threat to their position.'

He pauses. I don't say anything, letting it sink in. Because this is beyond huge.

‘We didn't want to shut you away any more than we already had.' His voice goes quiet. There's an ache in my chest again, love and pain mingling like acid. My father continues, ancient sorrow in his words. ‘You would not have been safe. So, we decided to wait.'

Until I'm dead, I guess. Humans born of vampires live human-length lives. I don't say it, but I know my father is thinking it from the way he hugs me close, his breath catching. I hug him back, my heart brimming with love for him and my mother, for all they've done for me, all that I'm realising now.

It's a perfect moment in the cool dark. I close my eyes, wanting to take it in. Then there's a muffled boom, and I open my eyes, startled, to see a flare of bright light.

My father freezes for a moment. Then he says my mother's name.