Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

HAVEN

T hings are a bit blurry after that. I hear Kyle arguing with Declan. And Declan apologising. Someone touches my elbow and the pain lessens, as though it's healing. Then I hear birds chirping, the rustle of trees, a rush of cold air. I realise Kyle is talking to me. He's sitting down, cradling me close.

‘I'm so sorry. I thought we'd be okay. Shit.' He shakes me. My eyelids flutter. I try to talk but only a small moan comes out. I'm freezing. Kyle pulls me closer. ‘Wake up! Emelia, talk to me. Fuck. C'mon, Emelia, wake up.'

He sounds worried, so I make an effort. ‘C-cold,' I manage to get out through my teeth, which have begun to chatter.

‘God and darkness!' He almost sobs the words. I feel the satin tickle of his hair against my bare skin, then his hands as he slides my shirt and jacket onto me.

‘I'm so sorry,' he says again, kissing me, cradling me to him. ‘I've arranged with Declan that we get passage straight through when we leave the Safe Zone. And that fucker, James – he's going on report.'

‘S'okay.' My lips feel swollen and rubbery, the words mumbled. But I'm not lying. Someone almost drained me dry, I'm cold and weak – none of it matters, as long as I'm with Kyle.

‘Can you stand?'

‘Not sure.'

‘I'll carry you. It's nearly dawn, so we need to hurry.'

In one smooth motion he's on his feet, holding me tight to his chest. We run through the last pale shadows of night, between low brick houses, the windows golden squares against the darkness. After a few minutes Kyle slows, turning up a driveway. The house at the end of it has metal shutters like the ones at home, plants in pots along the front veranda, small flowers and green leaves.

Kyle knocks on the front door. Once, twice, then a third time. A small window opens.

‘Hello, Ruth. It's Kyle and a friend. Have you room?'

‘Kyle!' I glimpse a face, pale and wrinkled. It disappears. A moment later the door opens. A woman is there, small and curvy, swathed in layers of knitted fabric. ‘Come in, come in, it's near dawn,' she says, ushering us inside. She peers both ways before closing the door; I hear several locks engaging. The hallway is small, paved with tiles. I smell cooked food, vanilla, lemons, a tang of something chemical.

‘Ruth, this is my friend Emily, Emily, this is Ruth. This is her home.'

‘Lovely to meet you,' I say, though it's tough to lift my head. I'm so tired.

‘Ruth, have you food for Emily? We ran into some trouble on the way here, one of the guards?—'

‘James?'

‘Yes. Bastard! He had no right!'

‘I've heard about him. Oh my dear, I am sorry.' She touches my arm. ‘You do look unwell. Come on, bring her through.'

Kyle carries me through a doorway into a large room. It's like something out of a film. There's a sitting area with a brown padded sofa and chairs on a colourful rug, floral wallpaper on one wall. The other walls are all painted white. Next to the sitting area is a dining table and chairs, and beyond them a kitchen with brown wooden cupboards, separated from the dining area by a long countertop and two stools. Kyle carries me to the sofa and puts me down, wincing at the glow from two nearby lamps. Ruth turns them both down to candle strength, then pushes a button set into the wall. There's a faint rumble and shutters start to slide down the windows, obscuring the rapidly brightening sky.

Kyle kneels at my feet, easing my boots off, his silver gaze so soft and tender I feel like crying. Meanwhile, Ruth is bustling around in the kitchen – there's the clatter of a saucepan, the smell of something delicious, a hissing noise, and a crackling plastic sound.

She brings over a tray holding a bowl with steam coming off it, a spoon and a fabric napkin, the edges slightly frayed. There's also a plastic packet of some dark liquid and a straw. She sets it on a low wooden table, the tiles on top worn smooth.

‘Can you sit up, dear? I have some bone broth for you. It'll have you feeling better in no time.'

Bone broth? I've never tried it, but it smells delicious. ‘Y-yes, I think I can.' With Kyle's help I sit up. I'm not so dizzy anymore, which is good. The bowl is filled with beige liquid, green leaves floating in it. I dip the spoon in and bring it to my mouth. Flavours explode on my tongue, garlic and herbs and salt and meat, hot and delicious.

‘How is it, dear?' Ruth stands nearby, her hands twisting together.

‘Mmm, lovely. Thanks.'

Ruth smiles. It changes her face, the careworn look lifting. She reaches forward to pass my napkin and her sleeve falls back, revealing a round mark cut into the skin on the inside of her elbow, a clear plaster over it.

‘You're welcome,' she says. ‘Will you be staying long?'

‘Just today,' says Kyle. ‘Would you mind showing Emily around while I rest? She hasn't been here before. She, er, lives in night, mostly.'

‘Oh?' Ruth's head tilts, her brown eyes fixed on me. ‘Of course. I don't have much planned today though – I hope it won't be too boring for you.'

‘It's fine,' I say, somewhat absentmindedly. Kyle has picked up the plastic pouch and I've just realised it's filled with blood. The plastic is opaque, milky coloured, the liquid dark inside. He's drinking it through the straw and I've never seen anything like it in my life. I frown, opening my mouth to ask him. He widens his eyes slightly, shaking his head. I stop. This must be something I should know.

Ruth, thankfully, hasn't noticed. She's gone back to the kitchen and returns, holding another bowl of broth. ‘May as well join you two,' she says. ‘It's almost breakfast time.'

It is? It's time for me to sleep, usually. I drink more of the delicious broth, feeling the goodness all through me. I yawn, putting my spoon down, my hand covering my mouth.

‘I'll take you to the safe room in a moment,' Ruth says. ‘Do you need a rest, dear? Or would you like to go out straight away?'

‘Um, a rest, I think. If that's okay?' I'm sleepy. I also need some time alone with Kyle. Not just to be with him, but also because I'm realising how unprepared I am.

‘Of course. Give me a minute to get the bed made up.' Ruth gets up, heading into the hallway. Kyle puts his arm around me.

‘You feeling okay?'

I nod. ‘Much better.'

‘Good.' He kisses me. ‘You had me worried.'

Ruth comes back in. ‘All ready for you.'

Kyle gets up, offering me his hand. I take it and stand, pleased to realise I can. We follow Ruth into the hallway. A heavy-looking door at one end is ajar, the room beyond dark except for the faint glimmer of a candle-lamp.

‘I put the light on for you,' says Ruth, smiling at me. ‘We'll go out, once you've had a rest. Kyle—' she takes his arm, leading him away from me ‘—do you have a minute? I just need to ask you something.'

I enter the room, the door closing behind me with a heavy thud. The space is small and square, no windows, the walls painted blue. There's a double bed against one wall, made up with white bedding, spotlessly clean. Next to it on one side is a small table with a single candle-lamp, a jug of water and a bowl. On the other side are two wooden caskets. There isn't room for anything else. I slip my jacket off, hanging it on one of several hooks on the wall. Sitting on the bed, I lie back, sighing in relief. There's a murmur of voices from the hallway, but I'm too tired to listen to what they're saying. The voices stop and the door opens, letting in Kyle. He hangs up his jacket, then lies on the bed next to me. I turn to him and, to my horror, start crying.

What the hell?

Here I am, alone in a room with my impossibly sexy vampire boyfriend at the start of our new life together, and all I can do is cry. A part of me is shouting What are you doing? Make the most of this! But I can't seem to stop. I realise it must be reaction, the combination of tiredness and leaving home and the horrible events at the border station overwhelming me. Kyle is great, cuddling me until my tears become sniffles, stroking my hair.

‘You okay?'

I huff out a laugh because I'm really not. ‘I hate being human.' Shit. Where did that come from?

‘What? I thought this was what you wanted, to live a human life.'

‘I hate it. I hate it so much. I wish I was like you.' More words, tumbling out of me. It's like a wall has broken down. I've never told anyone this, other than my parents. It's unbearably intimate, being alone in this dark room with him, the gleam of his silver eyes watching as I unburden myself, his hands stroking me. ‘I wish I was stronger, faster, could do… all the things you do! Fuck.'

‘Hey.' Kyle shifts and I roll onto my back, his weight half on me. He kisses me. ‘I love you just how you are, Emelia Raven. If you weren't human, you wouldn't be you.'

‘But,' I say between kisses, ‘if I were vampire we could run together, we could do everything! We wouldn't have had to leave. And you wouldn't have to protect me.'

‘And then we would never have met.' He smiles, his hair falling forward to tickle my forehead.

Well. That's a pretty solid argument. I'm unable to think of anything to refute it, his kisses distracting.

He lifts his head. ‘Emelia, I get it, believe me. But you've lived a life of privilege beyond any human I've ever met. Did anyone ever try to, um, change you?'

I nod. He pulls back, eyebrows raised.

‘Really? What happened?'

What happened? Ugh. It was awful. My mother's blood-streaked visage still shows up occasionally in nightmares. I'd begged her to work the blood magic on me, hating my soft pink body with its monthly blood and embarrassment, its weakness and emotion. My father had refused any part in it, his disdain almost as tough to take as my mother's tears. It was a disaster from start to blood-soaked finish. I turn my wrist, the glow from the candle-lamp catching the faint scar shimmering on my wrist. It's almost invisible, only seen from the right angle. But the scars inside me are still there. I feel their tug, can pick at them, on my darkest days. I never asked her to change me again.

‘Um, well, it turns out I'm immune,' I mutter. ‘Because my parents are vampires. I already have the blood magic within me.' I tense. Maybe he won't want to stay with me now he knows I'll never be like him.

He kisses my brow. ‘Well, I did wonder…'

‘About what?'

‘You heal quite fast, you know.'

‘I do?'

‘Yep. I mean, the night when we went to the waterfall, when we came out of the woods, I dropped you. And the speed I was going at… well, you should have been hurt. But you weren't. And today,' he goes on, his hand under my shirt, fingers moving on my skin, ‘James took a lot of blood from you. Like, a lot. I wanted to rip him to pieces.' His expression darkens. ‘You shouldn't be awake right now, let alone be able to stand.'

I remember Danae, fainting as my father fed from her after the attack in the ballroom, how limp she'd been when she was carried away. Okay, maybe he has a point.

‘And finally—' his hand slides lower, moving with more intent ‘—who says I like vampire girls, anyway?'

Oh.

Kissing resumes, Kyle's hands, his body, erasing the touch of the guard, the horrid intimacy of him feeding from me. After, we lie curled together, his skin cool against mine. I'm almost asleep when a thought hits me.

‘Kyle?'

‘Hmm?

‘What's a blood port?'

He shifts against me. ‘Did you see the mark, on Ruth's elbow?'

‘Mm.' The round scar, covered with a clear plaster.

‘That's a blood port. Humans have to give blood every month. That's how the Safe Zone works.'

‘It is?' I mean, I knew that they somehow involved blood, and getting it from humans. But I guess I thought it was done with needles or something, like when people gave blood on the shows I watched.

‘Yep. Your family… er… you have to realise, Emelia, things aren't like that for most vampires. Raven have livestock… er… humans, on demand, for everyone. Even the guards. That's not how it is, usually.'

‘Right.' The desire to sleep is gone from me. I stare into the darkness, considering. I'd watched old films, read books, learned about the human past in my lessons. I thought I knew what I was getting into, what living a human life would mean. Thought I knew what to expect when I got to the Safe Zones. But now, meeting Ruth, seeing the mark on her arm, and the way the guard treated me, makes me realise how wrong I was. I can't go back home. But I'm also realising that things might not be quite how I thought they'd be. I wrap my fingers around Kyle's muscled forearm as though he's a lifebelt, keeping me safe. I wanted a life in his arms. But I wonder, now, how it will be when I'm out of them.

‘You sleepy?'

I can feel he's ready again, hard against me.

‘Hmmm.' I'm not. I just need to think without Kyle, lovely as he is, distracting me. I snuggle into his arms and slow my breathing. But he knows me too well. A predator, as I've said, misses no nuance in his prey.

‘What's wrong?'

‘Nothing.' He squeezes me gently. ‘Okay, well, will I have to get one of those?'

‘One of what?'

‘A blood port.'

Kyle kisses me. ‘No. We won't be staying long enough for that.'

‘Right, of course.' We can't stay in this Safe Zone. It's one of the first places my parents will look for me. My plan had always been to keep moving, to go to other human settlements, further away. But I'd only had a vague sort of idea as to how to do that, my recent thoughts consumed by my dream of a future with Kyle, one free of the weight of being Raven. ‘Where will we go next?'

‘Don't worry about that.' He kisses me again. ‘We're here, together. Isn't that all that matters?'

I don't answer.

He pulls me, gently, so I roll onto my back. He lowers himself onto me, heat and coolness, soft and hard. ‘What else is bothering you?'

His kisses are soft, but I can't relax. ‘I just… I didn't like it. How the guard treated me.'

The kisses stop. ‘He nearly killed you.' Anger threads his tone.

‘Oh, not that. I mean, yes that, but also…' I think about how to put it into words. ‘The way he stripped me. And sniffed me. The way he wouldn't talk to me, only to you. Is that how it is, for humans? Is that all we are?' The words tumble into the blue-tinted darkness. It's as though we're underwater, in a silent place just for us.

Kyle is quiet for a moment. ‘It's how most humans are treated, yes.' His voice is flat. ‘But there can be love, between human and vampire, despite their rules!' He sounds fiercer, his voice deepening.

‘Rules?'

Kyle is silent for a moment. ‘Emelia, what we're doing together, this life you want to live with me, it's frowned upon. Oh, not because of who you are, although—' he laughs ‘—that would be a problem for me, I think. It's because of what you are.'

I'm silent, my mouth twisting.

‘Humans and vampires… well. They can't stop us from loving each other, but what they've been doing in recent years is forbidding us from creating any more vampires. Humans are too valuable, you see, as blood stock. And vampires, well, there are enough of us. So, if you were a different human, and I wanted to change you so we could be together forever—' his voice roughens ‘—it wouldn't be allowed. You would be killed, and I would be sent to the pits.'

‘But you can't change me anyway.' God, I can't even be human correctly. ‘I didn't realise…'

‘I don't want to change you! You're perfect as you are.' He kisses my cheek, then rolls onto his side, pulling me into his arms. ‘Don't worry about what's going to happen next. I'll take care of you.'

He falls silent. I stare into the blue shadows, thinking.