Chapter Eight: Stand

Ryder

STAND

Performed by Rascal Flatts

I wasn’t sure why I’d given Gia that much insight into my past and my once-planned future. Maybe it was because my emotions were running high. Maybe it was because my life had just been upended, and I might be looking at a very different future than the one I’d envisioned ever since Ravyn had left.

I cleared my throat and headed for the bar.

“Water? Soda?” I asked.

“Water would be great,” Gia said.

“Topo Sabores?” Addy looked over at me, a hopeful expression on her face. I looked at Gia for clarification.

“It’s a soda in Mexico. Orange is the most known flavor. Doesn’t have as much sugar as Crush or Fanta.”

I had a list growing in my head of things I needed to get. Toys. Clothes. Books. Video games. And now, orange soda.

“I have root beer or ginger ale,” I said.

By the look on Addy’s face, I might as well have offered her slimy spinach.

I took three bottles of water from the fridge, twisted off the caps, handed one to Gia, and then set one down by Addy. I glanced at her score, and surprise shifted through me. “Sadie is going to be pi—upset that you’re about to beat her. She’s had the high score for years.”

“Sadie?” Addy asked, the name coming haltingly from her lips.

“She’s my sister…” I almost added she was Addy’s aunt, but then I held back. What would happen if we did the DNA test and this little girl wasn’t mine? What would I do? What would we all do if she eased herself into our hearts and then was taken away to live with her real father? What if her real dad was a member of the cartel? One of the ones who Gia had said would kill their own kid to keep their secrets?

Acid burned through my stomach at that thought.

My phone rang, and I pulled it out of my pocket. I grimaced at the picture of my mother, ignoring it because I didn’t know how to break this news to her yet. Mama had grieved the loss of Ravyn and her first grandchild more than anyone except me. It wasn’t just that she’d loved Ravyn and lost her. It was that she’d also seen me hurting and that had added to her pain. A mother’s love at work.

Had Ravyn loved Addy that much? I wanted to believe the little girl had received at least that from the life Ravyn had chosen for them.

Gia had taken a seat on one of the high-backed barstools, and as I joined her, I said more to myself than her, “What kind of existence could she possibly have had? Always moving. Running with fear chasing them.”

Gia shifted, uncomfortable for some unknown reason, before she raised her chin. “There are positives to moving around.”

I turned toward her a bit more, and our knees bumped. Heat and awareness flashed through me.

“Like what?” I asked.

“Resilience. Independence.”

“Firsthand experience with this, I take it?”

“My dad was in the military. We moved a lot. Three times in high school alone.”

I couldn’t imagine being torn out of my safety zone at that tumultuous time in my life. My friends and family had grounded me. Instead of letting sympathy she wouldn’t want break free, I asked a question instead. “Military dad, Secret Service agent brother, and you’re an NSA analyst. Are your parents proud or concerned that you followed in those footsteps?”

She shifted, discomfort growing. She didn’t want to talk about herself. “Holden is former Secret Service. And my mom and brother think I work for an agricultural journal just like you did.”

I stared at her for a long beat before her words settled in. All the reasons not to trust her leaped back to life. She didn’t just lie to strangers for a living. She lied to the people she loved most. What did that do to a person? How did it twist their values…shift the lines they weren’t willing to cross?

My expression must have given my thoughts away, because she huffed and said, “It’s better this way. Mom doesn’t worry, and my brother doesn’t meddle.”

I raised a brow, and she crossed her arms over her chest before turning those green-and-amber eyes away to watch Addy. As I took in her profile, I realized she looked tired. There were dark circles I hadn’t noticed earlier below her lashes. She was paler than when I’d seen her last. In the months since she’d been here, she’d grown tauter, more muscled. As if she’d done nothing but work out as she scurried from place to place. As if life had hit her hard along the way.

I imagined chasing a drug cartel across the globe could do that to you. I imagined Ravyn’s brutalized body wasn’t the only one Gia had seen. It infuriated me for some reason—the idea of Gia seeing evil every day. I much preferred the concept of her hunting down the latest and greatest in agricultural technologies than facing the devil. And if it bothered me, a virtual stranger, I could imagine it would torture a family who loved her.

None of my family liked the idea of Maddox facing guns and bad guys either, but that wouldn’t cause him to lie to us about what he was doing. Pretend to be someone he wasn’t.

The ease with which she seemed to lie raised all my red flags.

I could admit I didn’t trust any woman easily. I’d earned the mistrust after watching Maddox be burned by the woman he’d loved most and then personally feeling the brutal hand of Ravyn’s betrayal. Even still, I knew not every female was out to steal and cheat and leave, but I also wasn’t sure how to get over it enough to give my heart away again.

A heart I’d thought I could only give once and was no longer mine.

I thought back to the letter and Ravyn’s words about having always loved me.

Maybe she had. Maybe I’d had the misfortune of being her one true love, just as she’d had the misfortune of being mine.

That didn’t bring me any comfort.

The silence grew as Gia and I watched Addy slide another token into the machine, and in that silence, my doubts and alarm bells grew.

Every time lust flared hard and heavy between us, I had to remember the ease with which she’d acknowledged keeping secrets from her loved ones. Every time that heart of mine tried to wiggle in my chest and tell me I still owned it after all, I had to remember Gia Kent wasn’t the one to give it to. She wouldn’t care if she left a torn-up soul behind her any more than her brother had cared about the torn-up fields and fences he’d left strewn in his wake.

I stood, stepping away from her so our knees no longer touched. So I could clear my head and my soul of the darts she was sending my way, unintentionally or not.

“We need to get our stories straight, not only for my family but for anyone in Willow Creek who asks.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I’m not agreeing that Addy is too old to be mine.” She shot me a look that told me not to gloat about being right. “But your family has already met me and my brother. It would be a hard pill to swallow if I suddenly said I had a child. I’m thinking…maybe she’s my cousin. I’m watching her for a couple months because of a nasty divorce?”

I wasn’t going to lie to my family, but I passed over that for the moment, saying, “We can tell anyone in town who asks that her mama is in rehab.”

Gia’s head tilted. “Rehab. That’s a good one. And the dad is an ex-con. It would be a reason for them to stay alert in case someone from the Lovatos comes sniffing.”

That thought twisted my gut tighter. Maybe I should take Addy and Gia and skip town for a few weeks. But the list of things I needed to get done at the ranch was a mile long, and if I suddenly decided to take a vacation in the middle of the construction, all the tongues in Willow Creek would wag.

“I know you don’t like the idea, and I even understand your concerns, but I’m telling my family the truth. They’ll all take what I tell them to the grave if it means protecting her.”

Gia snorted. “Your niece finds out, and she’ll scream from the top of the hills that she has a cousin.”

She wasn’t wrong.

“My parents and siblings at least. I won’t lie to them. That’s only four people, seeing as Maddox already knows.”

Gia sighed. “That’s four on top of the six I told before arriving here, plus Maddox, you, and me. The only way to keep a secret is not to tell it.”

I stepped back toward her, lowering my voice so my words wouldn’t be heard by the little girl at the machine. “If you didn’t want anyone to know, you shouldn’t have brought her here. If she’s mine, like Ravyn claimed, I won’t keep that from my family. People in town can remain in the dark for now, but I won’t keep it a secret forever. I guess that means you need to do your job and figure out a way to keep her safe by shutting down the Lovatos once and for all.”

Her eyes narrowed, flashing like a thunderstorm, but she was calm when she said quietly, “Look, asswipe, I’ve just spent the last three years of my life hunting the Lovatos. I will end them, but this isn’t like your brother being able to drive up to the West Gears clubhouse and cuffing them for possession. We’ve got multiple agents in multiple agencies working nearly twenty-four seven on this case. I’ve come close to knocking them down several times. And she,” Gia said as she tipped her head toward Addy, “just may be the key to finally unlocking all the doors.”

Her calm words triggered something inside me. She was talking about a child—fuck, my child. “She isn’t just some random piece of evidence. She’s a human being.”

Gia stood, pushing herself into my space, slamming a finger into my chest, and every nerve ending in my body came alive. Her voice was a low, barely audible growl as she said, “Fuck you.”

Then, she forced her way around me and strode to Addy’s side.

She talked to her in Spanish, her voice a low hum with none of the anger she’d just shown me. She gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and then headed for the stairs.

My pulse raced. Was she leaving?

“Where are you going?” I demanded.

Addy was watching her just as intensely as I was. Gia turned at the base of the stairs. “I need to make a few calls. To do my job.” She stressed the last few syllables, tossing my words at me. “I’ll just be upstairs in my room.”

Her fancy blue boots clanged on the metal staircase as she disappeared.

When I looked back at Addy, she had an almost panicked look on her face. I took a step toward her, and instead of easing her alarm, it seemed to grow. My hands clenched tight. If this was Mila, I’d tease her out of her fear with comments about her stuffed unicorns and the bacon she adored, or by challenging her to a poker match with MM’s at stake. This quiet, afraid child I didn’t know what to do with.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, rocking. “You like video games.”

She glanced at the Pac-Man machine, then back at me, nodding.

“Gia said you only have a couple on your Switch. Would you like to get a few more?”

Addy didn’t move at all for a long moment and then shrugged.

“I can take you shopping tomorrow. We can get some items to make your room seem like your own. Did you have to leave your toys and clothes behind?”

She shifted from foot to foot and then, with sad eyes, said quietly, “Balam.”

I puzzled over that for too long before admitting, “I don’t know what that means.”

She tilted her head. “El jaguar.”

“Jaguar?” I thought of the way Mila never went anywhere without the two unicorns she loved. “It was a stuffed animal? A toy?”

She nodded.

Damn. What would my niece do if she lost those unicorns? She’d be hysterical. No one would be able to console her.

I jerked my phone from my back pocket, opening up the online shopping app everyone hated to love. “It won’t be the same. It won’t be your jaguar, but maybe we can find a similar one.”

I waved the phone in her direction, and she hesitated before stepping off the stool and coming over to me cautiously. She eyed the stairs as if she needed to have an escape route planned, and my heart nearly seized. I wanted to curse Ravyn all over again.

I typed in the search engine and the feed was flooded with stuffed animals. Some were jaguars. Some were other kinds of stuffed cats. I held out the phone, saying, “You pick one.”

Her eyes grew large, and she carefully took it from my hand, scrolling upward with the ease of someone accustomed to electronics. Ravyn had been good with all things tech. Had she been teaching Addy also? What other things had she learned that I’d missed out on? Frustration and anger welled that I tucked away so I wouldn’t scare this timid child.

We’d had several shy horses on the ranch over the years, and I’d slowly won them over. I could do it with this little girl too. It required slow, patient steps.

Addy’s fingers came to a stop, and she turned the screen to show me the item with hope in her eyes. It looked more leopard than jaguar to me, but it appeared as soft and cuddly as Mila’s unicorns.

I reached out carefully, taking the phone back. “Okay. Let’s see how fast we can get it here.” I added it to the shopping cart, hoping in vain for same-day delivery, but we rarely got anything that quickly in Willow Creek. “It’s on its way. It’ll be here tomorrow.”

She smiled, and it lit up her face. She practically glowed. It snatched my breath away and tugged at something inside me. Affection maybe. A protective instinct. It seemed impossible because I didn’t know her, didn’t even know if she was really mine…and yet I felt tied to her already by just the simple idea she could be.

If Ravyn had stayed. If she’d delivered this beautiful little girl with me in the hospital room, holding her hand and encouraging her. If I’d watched the child grow from a tiny bundle of impossibly small fingers and toes into a diapered toddler crawling across the floor, what would I have felt?

People said the first time they held their baby, they were overcome with an abundance of love. A knowledge that they’d do anything—kill, steal, maim—for the baby. I hadn’t been given that chance. I’d been told my child died before ever having a chance to breathe.

My jaw worked as Addy and I stared at each other.

Was she wondering something similar? About what it would have been like to grow up with a mother and a father? What it would have been like to have two people you could count on?

My phone rang again. My mother had an intuition that was almost otherworldly sometimes.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“You tell me. I just took lunch out to you and Shawn, only to have him tell me you took off like a bat out of hell this morning, and he hasn’t heard from you since. Plus, you ignored my call earlier. What’s going on?”

I looked at the little girl in front of me—the quiet, skittish thing—and wondered how she’d react if my loud, messy hugger of a family showed up, trying to welcome her.

“Hold on a sec,” I said. I put Mama on mute even as she objected. “You want to play some more?” I waved my hand at the machines. “While I make you lunch?” I pointed upward to where the kitchen was.

She shrugged. The smile and momentary glow disappeared behind a blank face. I wanted to curse at myself and my mama. We’d taken a tentative step while talking about the stuffed animal only to have her retreat again.

“I’ll be right upstairs if you need me,” I told her.

She turned back to the Pac-Man machine and inserted a token. I made my way over to the staircase, and when I looked back, I saw her face in the reflection of the screen. She was watching me. My insides twisted again as I jogged up the stairs and into the kitchen.

I took Mama off mute and said, “Maddox called and needed me to come into town,” as I scoured my pantry and fridge.

“What’s wrong with Maddox? Is it Mila? McK?”

“No. Everyone is fine.” Except, everyone wasn’t. Ravyn was dead. Her child was lost and scared. I was a mess. I leaned my palms on the countertop and took in a huge breath, trying to steady the runaway feelings inside me. I finally admitted, “That’s not exactly true.”

“Ryder. You’re really worrying me here.”

I spilled everything—the letter, Addy, and why she was in danger with the Lovatos, along with how Gia was here, trying to untangle the web that surrounded the child. Well, I didn’t use Gia’s name. I couldn’t. My family had given me too much shit about her the last time she’d been here. Instead, I just ended with the fact that the undercover agent and Addy were both at my house.

Mama was mostly silent while I talked, exuding an exclamation or a garbled noise here and there, doing what my mother did best—listen with love.

I turned on the griddle and grabbed cheese, butter, and bread.

“I don’t know what to do,” I told her. “So, I’m making her grilled cheese because that’s pretty much the only food I have in the house and one of the few things I can cook.” I assembled three sandwiches, and set them on the stovetop before leaning back against the island and asking quietly, “What do I do?”

Mama’s voice was full of emotions when she answered, “Sounds like you’re already doing it, honey. You’re showing her she’s safe. Showing her she’ll be cared for.”

“But what if…” I wasn’t sure I could say it.

“What if she isn’t really yours?”

I didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure I could. Instead, I scrubbed a hand over my face and the layer of scruff I’d shaped into some sort of half-assed beard that morning.

“Do you ever think of Mila as anything but Maddox’s daughter?” Mama asked gently.

“No.” My response was instantaneous.

“Sounds like this little girl has lived through more than anyone should have to. Sounds like she needs a safe place to land. A place to be loved and cared for. And I know my son can give that to her.”

My throat just about closed. “I don’t know anything about raising a child. I don’t know how…”

“You do. You have so much love in that heart of yours. You’ve just locked it up for a while, and I understand why. But it’s time to open the door again.”

Silence followed. Her words felt eerily reminiscent of my thoughts since my talk with Sadie. What was really the truth? Was it that I didn’t know how or that I wasn’t willing to open myself up again? What if I fell in love all over again—this time with a child who got ripped away from me? When Ravyn had told me she was pregnant, I’d seen nothing more than a grayscale image of a bean growing inside her and had fallen head over heels. When I’d lost the baby, it had nearly destroyed me, and it had been nothing more than an image and an idea. What would I do if the reality of a living, breathing child was torn away?

“We’re all going to want to meet her,” Mama said.

“If everyone shows up at once, it’ll scare her.”

“We’ll ease her into the crowd one or two at a time. Dad and I will bring dinner over tonight.”

The relief that hit me at the idea of my parents coming over made me feel a bit cowardly. But having them there would be a buffer of sorts. Plus, it meant I didn’t have to figure out what to feed the two women who’d invaded my house with their intense presence.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“You want me to tell the girls?”

I’d known Mama would tell Dad. They didn’t keep secrets from each other. Growing up, we’d known if you told one, you were telling them both, but I hadn’t thought about telling Sadie and Gemma. The idea of having to repeat my story all over again was almost too much for me.

“That would be appreciated,” I answered.

“Okay. Go flip the sandwiches before you burn them. We’ll see you tonight.”

Shit. I turned back to the griddle, grabbed a spatula from the holder next to it, and turned the sandwiches. They were a little dark, but not burned.

“Mama,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“I wish I had recorded this. Your siblings will never believe me when I tell them you got all mushy and cried.”

“I didn’t cry,” I groused.

She chuckled, and it did exactly what she’d intended—it lifted my heart just a teeny-tiny bit.

Enough for me to breathe again.

I’d figure this out like I had every other crisis in my life—by making a plan and seeing it through one step at a time—with my family at my side.