Chapter Twenty-three: A Little Bit Trouble

Ryder

A LITTLE BIT TROUBLE

Performed by Brothers Osborne

It was wrong. Somewhere at the back of my brain, I knew what I was doing, what we were doing, was wrong. But those warm eyes were aglow as she met me stroke for stroke, a blaze inside her burning into me. A blaze I had no desire to pull away from. I wanted it to consume me. I wanted to know what it would feel like when it exploded. When Gia’s body came apart and broke mine right along with it.

Because she could break me.

Just like Ravyn had.

Except, I thought maybe Gia could do more damage. And it wasn’t because my soul had already been torn apart and would easily shatter again. It was because this…what I felt with my hips pressed up against hers, with my hands and mouth melting into her skin…it was more intense than anything I’d ever felt with Rayvn.

Warning signs were screaming.

And I ignored them.

Instead, I broke our kiss to lift her shirt up and over her head, exposing a plain cotton bra underneath, a pale nude color that blended with her skin. Nothing sexy about it. And yet, it was wildly sensual because it was just like Gia. Sure. Steady. Simple and yet complex.

I kissed her again, sliding back inside her mouth as my hands caressed her from the waist up, over the bra, pinching taut tips through the material. She whimpered, and the sound went straight to my groin.

She hadn’t closed her eyes once during our embrace. She’d watched every move. Every slide of lips and hands, seeing more than I was ready to give.

She fisted my shirt, and we moved apart just enough to pull it off before going right back to where we’d left off. I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around me. I sat on the couch with her straddling me. Our embrace picked up pace, the slow exploration turning into urgent demands. I unsnapped her bra and lavished one breast while my fingers worked the other.

And that was when her eyes finally fluttered closed. It felt ridiculously like a victory.

I wanted to feast on her for hours. Slow and languorously.

I wanted her every breath, every vibration, every move to be mine.

I wanted to stay this way for years, locked in the warm cocoon of her touch.

Maddox’s ringtone broke the quiet, and I still didn’t stop.

Instead, I sought her lips again, demanding we both ignore the call, demanding we keep our minds from retreating to reality and the problems facing us.

My phone stopped and then started all over again.

Fuck.

I placed my forehead against her chest. The rhythm of her heart was a soothing beat, the scent of her a tantalizing lure calling me back to the home she’d briefly offered.

I knew as soon as I shifted my hips to grab my phone from my back pocket, she’d be gone. She’d leave. And we’d be back to our verbal sparring, hiding our sexual tension behind walls we were both good at keeping.

My phone stopped and started a third time.

“You should get it. He might get worried and send out a deputy to check on us.”

I hated that she was right. And I hated that she did exactly what I’d thought she would, shifting off me as I reached for the offending device. She pulled her bra back on, and then her flannel, and tossed my shirt at me.

“What?” I groused into the phone.

“Uncle Phil passed.”

Now, I felt like even more of an ass. I hadn’t made it to the hospital to say my goodbyes. Hadn’t been there for Mama when she’d lost the last living member of her McFlannigan family. Guilt hit me like a sledgehammer.

“I’m on my way,” I said.

“There’s no reason for you to come. He never woke, and there’s nothing you can do here. McK is working on the paperwork. Mama and Sadie have already gone home.”

My throat closed for a moment, and I couldn’t even answer him.

Maddox sighed. “Don’t go all Ryder on me and feel responsible for this, dipshit. There was nothing you could have done. You were where you needed to be tonight, taking care of our daughters. We all needed that just as much as Mama needed a couple of us here. It allowed her to grieve without worrying about them.”

I wasn’t used to having a child to think about, but I also realized the truth of what Maddox had said. If I hadn’t had Addy dropped into my world, and I’d been at the hospital while Maddox had been home with Mila, I would have understood. We wouldn’t have wanted her there, watching Uncle Phil take his last breaths. It was just that it had never had to be me before. I’d always been present where I was able to control the situation if things went haywire.

“How is Mama?”

“Stunned. I don’t think any of us expected Phil to ever die. He was too ornery. Too determined to eke out every last pleasure he could.”

“He ate awful. Drank worse. Smoked a pack a day. I’m actually surprised he lived this long.”

“He was only sixty-five.”

Silence settled down for a second, and Maddox continued, “Mila settle in okay?”

“I’m not sure you’re going to be able to tear her away from Addy.”

“How does Addy feel about that?” he asked with a laugh in his voice.

“She’s talking in full sentences. Her shoulders are relaxed. Mila’s magic at work. I’ll take it.” That damn lump returned to my throat, making it hard to swallow.

“She’s gotta go to school tomorrow. What are you doing with Addy?”

“I don’t think school is an option yet.”

Maddox didn’t disagree. “McK and I both have early shifts, so Rianne will be by in the morning to pick her up.”

“I can drop her off at the school. I have to get back to the ranch and make sure the build stays on track. I want to see Mama and figure out what she needs help with.”

“Mila needs her backpack and school supplies anyhow. Let Rianne do it. Maybe she can help out with Addy’s education somehow. A homeschool kind of thing.”

It was an option I wouldn’t have thought of because I wasn’t used to thinking about kids and education.

“I’ll talk to her.”

“McK just came out, so I’m gonna go. Love you, dipshit.”

“Love you too, asswipe.”

We hung up, and I turned back to face the woman I’d just had straddling my lap with our tongues tangled. The moment was lost, but just looking at her caused those flames to flicker again. The distance between us felt charged, but it also allowed me enough space to start listening to the warning signs that had been blaring.

She tugged her braid, and I felt the softness of it beneath my hands all over again. Felt the flare of desire that had overcome me when I’d yanked it back to expose the smooth column of her neck and found the rapid beat within her, making it mine for several tantalizing seconds.

“I should get a couple hours of sleep before I relieve Enrique,” she said.

I didn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say because thoughts of her in bed, spread across silky sheets, did nothing but make me hard, make me want to pick up where we’d left off.

She blew out a frustrated sigh at my nonresponse, turning on her heel and heading for the stairs. She turned back at the last minute. “Don’t leave in the morning without us.”

“How long do you think we have to live like this?”

Her hand gripped the rail, fingers flexing. “I honestly don’t know. But we are closing in on them, peeling back the layers. We’ll get to the core soon.” When I didn’t respond again, she practically rolled her eyes. “Goodnight, Ryder.”

“Night, Gia.”

Her sock-clad feet were light on the stairs, disappearing in a whisper.

I should have said something more after how close we’d been to tearing off the rest of our clothes and plunging over the edge together. But if I’d opened my mouth, all that would have come out was a desperate plea for her to come to my room, and I still had enough brain cells left in my body to know that would be a catastrophe. So, I let her go and could only hope my callousness would force her to take a step back, because I was pretty damn sure I’d never be able to push her away on my own.

? ? ?

I’d barely gotten the two little girls up and fed before Rianne was knocking at the door. Gia hadn’t been there like the morning before because she’d taken over from Enrique, patrolling the house like some palace guard. It twisted something savage inside me that objected to her being the first line of defense.

I knew she’d been trained to handle herself, but I still didn’t like the idea of her being the one to face the danger alone if it came at us. I hadn’t liked the idea of Enrique—who I still wasn’t sure I trusted—being my first line of defense either. Worse, he was now asleep in the bedroom I’d already started considering as Gia’s, and that pissed me off even more than the idea of her outside standing guard.

When Rianne walked in, Mila stopped mid-sentence and ran to Rianne, hugging her around the legs while giving her a detailed description of our night. When I glanced over at Addy, she was smiling. That singular smile was enough to lighten the dark mood I’d woken in.

“You ready, Chick-a-dee?” Rianne asked Mila.

“Do I have to go to school? Addy isn’t going!”

“Yes. School is not an option. Go put your shoes on.”

Mila dragged her heels down the hall, and I turned to Addy. “Go get your shoes too. I’ll teach you how to wield a hammer today.” Addy’s eyes widened, but she jumped down from the barstool and followed Mila. I turned to Rianne. “I’m not sure how much anyone’s told you, but I can’t enroll Addy in school yet. It isn’t safe.”

“No one said, but I caught the whiff of something funny. Everyone was way too serious about the situation. Plus, I knew she wasn’t Gia’s friend’s daughter. She looks just like Ravyn and has your smile.”

My heart clenched. Would it always hurt this badly when people said she looked like Ravyn? I was never going to be able to escape talk and thoughts about my ex now, and I disliked that as much as I loved having Addy here with me. Then again, if I was honest with myself, I hadn’t really escaped Ravyn before either. I’d just shoveled her under a pile of mud and dirt, as if she didn’t exist, hoping it would all disappear if I left the idea of her there long enough.

“Maddox suggested you might be willing to help us for now. Maybe you could homeschool her until things get settled? I know you’re retired, so if it isn’t something you want to do, I’ll understand.”

Rianne’s eyes sparkled. “I miss teaching something fierce, even though I was ready to be out of the daily grind. It would be a joy to work with her. Give me a day or two to pull things together. That will give her some more time to settle in. We can work out of the playroom at your mama’s place while you’re at the ranch, and she can hang with Mila and me on days I get her from school.”

Relief hit me.

“Thank you.” My voice was gruff.

“Gia and I had a chat about her lack of verbal skills and shyness. Did she tell you my thoughts on selective mutism?”

“She mentioned something last night. We didn’t really get to dive into it.”

Instead, we’d dived into each other.

“If that’s the case, she’ll need therapy,” Rianne said. “And she’ll need a solid individual education plan in place before she’s in an actual classroom setting. I can help walk you through all of it.”

“She had a bad…scare. Something ugly she witnessed. Do you think it could just be that?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, therapy and an education plan will mean the adults around her have the tools to help her.”

The girls came running back in with their shoes and coats on and their stuffed animals tucked under their arms.

“My Switch? I can’t find it,” Addy said.

“I think it might be downstairs from last night, but you won’t need it today anyway.”

She looked uncomfortable.

“You and Balam are going to be my construction forepersons. You get to supervise.”

Her eyes turned wide. She shoved her thumb against her chest. “Me?”

“Yep. After I teach you how to use a hammer, you can keep me and my guys on track.”

She shifted her feet, uncertainty growing.

“I want to be a foreperson too!” Mila whined.

I ruffled her hair. “Another time, kiddo.”

“Thank your uncle Ryder and Addy for letting you stay. We gotta get goin’. Otherwise, you’ll be late.”

Mila hugged me tight and then hugged Addy, who held herself stiff for a moment before putting her arms around Mila and hugging back. Mila ran for the door, and Rianne said goodbye before following her. Gia passed her coming in, and the two exchanged good mornings.

“I left breakfast burritos in the oven for you and Enrique,” I told Gia as she walked in, rubbing her fingerless-gloved hands together. Her hair was tucked under her gray beanie, but her nose was bright red, and I despised all over again that she’d been out in the freezing temperatures because of us. “There’s coffee too. Addy and I are heading over to the ranch. Why don’t you both eat and catch up to us there?”

“I’ll take the coffee with me. Give me two seconds to use the restroom.”

“We can go without you.”

She shook her head. “No.”

She didn’t wait for me to argue more, just headed down the hall. While she was gone, Enrique wandered in from the bedroom. He had scruff on his cheeks, his hair was sticking up, and he was wearing the same clothes as the day before. When I’d introduced him to Addy last night, she’d tucked behind my legs. She did the same now on seeing him.

“Gia says we’re heading to the ranch.” He eyed the coffeepot. “Okay if I grab some of that?”

“To-go cups are in the cupboard above it.”

“Thanks.”

Gia’s hurried footsteps joined us. “Pour me one too, Enrique.”

He did as she asked, and I moved to the oven, pulling out the two burritos I’d wrapped in foil.

“Thanks,” the DEA agent grunted out.

We headed out the door, locking it and arming the system. Enrique went to his lowrider while Gia, Addy, and I loaded up in the Escalade again. Climbing into the passenger seat was becoming a habit I didn’t like.

It wasn’t until we were halfway to the ranch that I realized Addy didn’t have her backpack with her. The idea that she felt safe enough to finally leave it did something to my heart and soul I wasn’t sure I could stand. It made me determined to not let her down. Made me determined to make sure she always felt this safe.

When we parked in the lot in front of the ranch’s restaurant, still dark and dim, I looked at Gia and Addy and said, “Why don’t you two check on the kittens real quick while I talk with Mama?”

I didn’t want Addy to see my mother upset about Uncle Phil dying. She didn’t need to see more loss up close and personal. I wasn’t sure she could handle it, especially as she hadn’t gotten any closure with Ravyn. No funeral. No goodbyes. Why did my heart and lungs feel like a boa constrictor was living permanently inside me these days? Squeezing my chest until it ached.

“That’s a good idea,” Gia said. “Come on, Addy, I’ll race you.”

The two of them took off toward the barn, my chest warming as their serious faces grew into wide smiles as they ran. Addy even giggled when she beat Gia to the barn door. I wanted more of that from both of them. I wanted only lightness and laughter to surround them, which was confusing as hell when it came to Gia. I might not have any business thinking of her that way, and it might be the least-smart thing I’d done in a long time, but I couldn’t help it. I longed to have all of her. Body. Heart. Soul. Every ounce she had to give. I craved it to be mine.

Enrique pulling in next to Gia’s Escalade brought me out of my maudlin reverie to the reality of our situation where we needed armed guards to keep us safe. This wasn’t the time to be daydreaming about things I couldn’t have. It wasn’t the time to be opening my heart again like Sadie had all but begged me to.

I ignored the DEA agent and bounded up the steps to the house.

When I entered, Mama and Sadie were sitting at the dining room table, coffees in hand, scones in front of them, untouched. I hugged them both, squeezing tight before letting go and scouring their faces. They were puffy and tear-stained. “I’m sorry I wasn’t at the hospital last night.”

Mama sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “He wouldn’t have known, and you had those precious babies to take care of. It was how it needed to be.”

“What’s next? How can I help?” I asked.

“Your daddy is on his way home from Tulsa. He’s going to meet Sadie and me at the funeral home, and then we’re meeting with Joe O’Halloran at his office.”

O’Halloran was our family lawyer and had handled Uncle Phil’s legal needs as well.

“Gemma coming home?”

“She was going to buy a plane ticket last night, but I told her to wait until we had firmer dates around the funeral. I don’t want her to have to make two trips from LA.”

It would be good for Gemma to be home for a few days and be surrounded by those who loved her after her nasty breakup with that dick of an actor. While her homecoming wouldn’t be for a good reason, at least she’d be here. We’d make sure she really was holding it together like she said she was.

I shifted my hat from one hand to the other. “What can I do?” I repeated.

Mama patted my cheek. “Nothing. Concentrate on the cabins and things at the ranch as you always do. That allows your daddy and me to take care of things with Phil. Where’s Addy?”

“Out with Gia in the barn.” I pointed to the lowrider outside and the dark figure sitting in it. “That’s Enrique. He’s DEA, and he’ll be hovering around for a while. Didn’t want y’all to get spooked when you see him. If anyone outside the family takes notice, I’ll put him to work and say we hired extra help.”

Mama and Sadie exchanged a worried look. “Things getting worse on that end?” my sister asked.

“The man they think killed Ravyn was found dead.”

“Good,” Sadie said, eyes flashing. “Bastard deserved it.”

I didn’t want to add to my family’s burden at the moment, but I also needed to make sure they kept their eyes open. “They say the cartel behind all this might be looking for Addy now.”

Mama inhaled sharply.

Maybe I really did need to take Addy and head out of Willow Creek for a little while to keep everyone safe. But being on the run was all she’d known, and I hated the idea of putting her through it again. Plus, who’d keep things running at the ranch while my parents handled the aftermath of Phil’s death? And even if I did run, there was no saying the cartel wouldn’t come here first and torture my family for information. At least this way, I was here to face what came at us, and we had extra protection. While neither hightailing it out of town nor staying seemed like the perfect answer, surrounding Addy with family felt more right than wrong.

“I’m going out to work on the cabins, but please let me know if you need anything,” I told them.

“Soup is in the crockpot. There’s still bread from yesterday. Make sure everyone eats.” Leave it to my mother to think about feeding others right in the middle of her own loss. I tugged her close, kissing her temple. She squeezed me back and then let go.

We shared a look filled with love and sorrow and gratitude without a single word. I stepped away, ruffling Sadie’s hair as I did, and she ducked with a growl that sounded a bit like mine these days when she used to be all laughter and cheeky smiles. My family had been through so much in the last couple of years. I wasn’t sure what we’d done to bring these rounds of bad luck to our door, and I could only hope it would end soon.

I left the house, slammed my hat back on my head, and made my way to the barn.

Giggles greeted me. Addy’s soft tiny ones instantly lightened my chest.

“Okay, you two lazybones, time to get to work,” I hollered up at them.

Addy’s face appeared over the rail first. She was holding the same gray kitten as yesterday. “Puffball keeps following me.”

The full sentence made me so happy I wanted to do one of Uncle Phil’s Irish jigs.

“Put her in the crate for now. You can come and see her later.”

Addy did as she was told, and when she returned to the rail, Gia was with her. They made their way down the ladder, hopping off the last step. Gia landed within arm’s reach. I brushed a piece of straw from her ponytail at the same time she went to do it herself, and our fingers tangled. Heat thrummed through me, and our eyes locked for the merest of moments before we both stepped back.

“Come on,” I said, taking Addy’s hand and leading them out of the barn.

Shawn and Ramon were already in the first of the two partially built cabins, strapping their tool belts around their waists. I introduced them to Gia and Addy, and their eyes widened.

“They’re going to help me with the siding today while you two finish up the electrical,” I said. We hadn’t planned on the external siding going up yet, but it was something I could do with Gia and Addy tagging along.

The men moved toward the bathroom at the back of the cabin, and I sifted through the tools spread around the site, assembling what I needed. I showed Gia how to use the nail gun, and Addy how to follow behind her, supervising and ensuring all the nails got tapped in just right.

I strapped on my tool belt and moved to grab a plank of shiplap siding to demonstrate what we’d be doing, when Addy’s little hand stopped me.

“I have?” She pointed to my tool belt.

“Well, sweetheart, I don’t have any on-site that would fit you.” Disappointment lit her eyes. “Hold on,” I said. I went to the next cabin over where we were storing most of the supplies. I found some rope and a couple of extra tools and jogged back to the women.

I squatted in front of Addy and tied some loops in the rope that would allow her to slide a hammer and a pair of pliers I’d grabbed into them. Then I knotted it around her waist. “We’ll order you one of your own, but this will have to do for today.”

She grinned at me. “That too?” She pointed to the worn brown cowboy hat I had on after leaving my nicer black one at home. This one was nicked and beat up, covered with a fine coat of sawdust from the construction work.

“You want your own hat?”

She nodded.

“I’ll get you one, sweetheart.”

“Gia too?”

I looked over at Gia, whose brows had raised in surprise. “You want a hat, darlin’?”

She huffed. “Don’t call me darlin’.”

She turned away without answering me, lifting the plank of siding I’d set down. I reached over to take it from her.

Fine, I answered my own question, I’d get her a damn hat too.

I’d get both of these women anything the hell they wanted.

The last time I’d had that feeling, it had backfired on me in the worst sort of way.

I’d lost everything. My pride. My heart. My baby.

Thank God I’d had my family and the ranch to get me through.

They’d be there for me again. They’d likely have to be once Gia took off. But I’d have Addy. I’d have Addy and a life that I’d thought had passed me by. That was going to have to be enough.