48. Chapter 48

Chapter forty-eight

N iks words set Havens whole body ablaze. She hadn't come to his room for this but she wouldn't be complaining that it happened. Haven could recognize that Nik distracted her from getting answers to her questions but that didn't make the distraction any less enjoyable.

Haven did not know why Nik didn't want to have sex but she would respect his wishes nonetheless. If he wanted to do nothing then they would, although that wasn't what Niks body language and words were telling her. The way he grinded their most sensitive parts together, how tight he held onto her hips and the slightly unhinged look in Niks eyes all pointed towards his need for release. Even if they couldn't have sex there was still plenty they could do. It didn't take Haven long to decide what she wanted to do with him.

Inching her way backwards, Haven laid herself between his legs. His hands went from her hips to hair, eyes dilating when he realized what she was planning.

"Do you want this?" She asked him simply.

"I think I need it" He responded.

Palming his cock through his pants, Haven watched every movement of Niks. Moving her hand to his waistband, Haven slid his loose pants down far enough to pull out his cock. Wrapping her hand around the thick base of him, she pumped him once, then twice.

"Is this okay?" She asked.

Nik nodded, his eyes scrunched shut.

"What about this?" Havens tongue darted out, licking him from root to tip.

"Fuck yes" He told her.

Haven smirked. Rising slightly, she closed her mouth around him, earning what would go down in history as the hottest moan she'd ever heard.

It took her a moment to adjust her mouth around him. Once she felt ready, she slowly took him as far as she could to the back of her throat, hollowing her cheeks, and then back to the tip. In and out, she sucked him while relishing in the sounds he was making. Adding her hand back into the mix, Haven moved it in time with her mouth, taking with her hand what she couldn't with her mouth.

It didn't take long before Nik was groaning,

"Haven, I'm close "

Niks grip tightened in her hair. She knew he was trying to warn her but she wanted him to finish right where he was.

"Haven, Fuck. Ahh"

Niks eyes rolled back as he came. Haven was thoroughly enjoying the feeling of him hitting the back of her throat. Smiling around him, she swallowed every last drop until he was finished.

Haven pulled her mouth off of him, a slight popping sound rang out as she did and a few strings of saliva spilled over the edge of her mouth. She watched as Niks body sagged back against the bed, sated and calm. She tucked him back into his pants and let Nik use the hands still buried in her hair to pull her up so she was lying on her side next to him.

Haven splayed a leg across his waist, content with her actions. Niks thumb wiped the edges of her mouth, cleaning off the spit and whatever else had leaked out. Nik smiled and then hauled her in for a kiss. This kiss was different, all their previous kisses had been fast paced and full of lust. Now it was slow and sweet, tender and soft. Nik broke apart their kiss to hesitantly say,

"That was," He paused, searching for the words.

"I know" She told him, placing a hand on his chest and laying her head over his heart.

Nik held her tight, enclosing her into his chest. She could hear the frantic beat of his heart as he slowly but steadily came down from his high.

Nik ran a hand over her back, towards the swell of her ass. Slowly, he inched it between her legs towards the apex of her thighs. Shaking her head against his chest she stopped him,

"Tonight was about you" She told him

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking slightly confused.

"Yes I'm good. We've got plenty of time to explore everything else. Tonight I just wanted to make you feel good" Havens mind flashed back to the look on his face right before he kissed her, the sad, broken look he'd worn.

Haven placed a small kiss on Niks exposed chest, he clutched her tighter than she thought possible. If it hadn't been for the fact she was enjoying it so much, she might worry she would suffocate. Although in her mind that wouldn't be the worst way to go.

They stayed just like that, wrapped up in each other for what felt like a lifetime. Eventually Nik broke the silence by saying,

"I'll tell you what you want to know. But after I do, I don't want to talk anymore"

Haven lifted her head from where it was resting against his chest. Making eye contact she asked,

"Are you sure?"

Nik nodded, "Do you want to start or would you rather I just talk?" He asked.

"You can talk" She may have wanted Nik to open up but she knew better than to push. This thing between them, whatever it was, was new and even without the weight of an entire kingdom bearing down on them, the secrets between the two of them made this complicated enough. He would tell her what he could and Haven would be happy with that.

"I've never had sex," He started, looking away from her, "Because I never allowed myself to get close enough to someone. I used to consider picking someone at random and getting it over with but that felt wrong and uncomfortable. I worried my father would hurt or use anyone who got close to me so I simply never let anyone get close. The only exception has been Delroy. I've been friends with him since we were kids and he is the only real friend I've ever had. At one point, I considered the friendship to be a risk. Over time he helped convince me that some things are worth the risk."

Nik smiled, it was a small smile but a happy one nonetheless. His eyes were distant, Haven could tell he was replaying a memory in his head.

"Does it bother you?" Nik asked, drawing himself back out of his head.

"That you're a virgin?"

He nodded

"Not at all," Haven told him, meaning every word.

"Does it bother you that I'm not?" She assumed he'd guessed that fact about her but to have it confirmed and stated so plainly between them sent nerves skittering down her spine.

"No" He told her, "You have every right to make the decisions about your body as you see fit. You could tell me you'd slept with over a hundred different people and my opinion of you would never change."

Haven nodded her head, reaffirming his words in her mind.

"And the scars?" She asked gently.

Nik took a breath, obviously steeling himself to give her this answer.

"My father," He told her. Haven suspected it was something like that but to hear if confirmed had her heart breaking for him.

"It started when I was seven. Sometimes he'd tell me he was punishing me for something I'd done wrong, other times it was to make me stronger. He'd tell me I needed to learn to withstand the pain so I could become a great leader, an even better warrior. He'd mark me with knives, burn me, hit me, do whatever he wanted.

For a long time I believed his words. He was my father, I didn't know any better. Eventually though, I grew to understand that what he was doing was wrong. Other kids never had to deal with their parents striking them, never had to deal with the pity in the healer's eyes when my father told them to only do enough so I wouldn't die but so the scars would linger."

Nik paused, taking Havens hand where it lay on his chest in his and holding it tightly.

"By the time I was sixteen I was big enough to stop what my father was doing. I couldn't though, too afraid of failing and making the punishments worse. Not that they could get much worse but my scared teenage brain hadn't put that together yet. It happened the night before my seventeenth birthday. My father had me standing in front of his desk, my hands flat on the surface in front of me. I'd long stopped fighting him. He stood behind me, a whip in hand, preparing to mark me with it. He cracked it in the air once and when I heard the sound it made I knew I could never let him touch me with it."

Nik took a deep breath. Havens heart cried for him. If she could, she would waltz herself down to the crown regents office and kill him. No muss, no fuss, just a knife straight through to the heart. That way Nik would never have to deal with him again.

"Before he could blink, I turned, using my speed to snatch the whip from him. I ripped apart the leather before tossing it on the floor. I'll never forget the look on his face when he realized I'd finally had enough. In that moment I basked in his fear. He knew I could easily match him in power by that point. I wanted so badly to inflict the pain he had been dealing to me for so long."

"What did you do?" Haven asked softly. Whatever he had done, she knew she'd never judge him.

"I walked out" He told her. She must've worn a confused look because Nik began to explain,

"I was so full of rage. I'd been fighting back against him in the shadows as much as I could. Finding ways to disrupt his plans, even doing simple things like removing the spell on his boots that made them waterproof so when it rained he'd walk around with wet socks. But in that moment, I knew I'd kill him if I touched him. So I didn't. As much as I hated my father I couldn't bring myself to stoop to his level. Maybe that makes me a coward, I really don't know. Others might view me that way but I've never seen myself in that light. I do know that if I had the opportunity today, I don't think I'd make the same choice."

Haven took a moment to let his words sink in,

"I don't think you're a coward," She told him, "If anything, I think it makes you brave. And if you are ever faced with that choice again I hope you make the one that's right for you. No matter what it is."

Nik smiled, a soft and secret smile. Leaning in, he placed a sweet kiss against her lips. When he pulled away she asked,

"What about the tattoos?" Almost every inch of his chest was covered. Black whorls, lines, curves, dots. All different shapes. Some covered his scars, others enhanced them. The work truly was beautiful.

"When I turned nineteen I decided I wanted my body back. I'd been seeing the scars in the mirror for so long. They were a reminder of him, of what he did to me. I started getting the tattoos as a reminder that my body belonged to me. That I was stronger than him, that I survived him."

Haven smiled, taking in the strength of the man under her. She was so proud of him despite knowing him for only a month. Hearing his story only reaffirmed her knowledge of the kind of man Nik was. A strong one, who held demons but didn't let them drag him so deep he could never return.

There was a thread on the edge of her mind that had been bothering her,

"Do you have a problem with touch?" She asked

"No" He shook his head, "Not from others. When I finally told Delroy what had been going on, he hugged me so tight I thought I might suffocate" Nik huffed a laugh, "After that, I realized that his touch hadn't affected me in the slightest, if anything I welcomed the friendly feeling. It didn't take me long to figure out my problem was with my father and no one else. To this day I don't let him touch me. If we're in public I don't let him lead me anywhere. No fatherly hugs, no nothing."

"That makes sense" Haven told him

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Nik stated, "Ask me something else"

Haven understood. She still didn't like to talk much about her fathers death. It was a different kind of trauma but trauma nonetheless.

"How old are you?" She asked, wondering if he was going to tell her he was actually a hundred and twenty or something since fae were basically immortal.

Nik opened his mouth, "Twenty one" he told her.

"Oh" She responded .

Nik smiled, laughing slightly. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I want to know about you now. Will you answer my questions?" He asked, with the rise of an eyebrow.

"Yes" Haven giggled. She was glad to be moving away from such dark topics, if only because of the lightness that spread across Nik's face with her giggle and the prospect of learning more about her.

The pair talked into the night, sharing secrets, favorite colors, favorite foods and more. Haven told Nik about her fathers death and the betrayal she felt whenever she thought about the fact that her parents hadn't shared any of their past life with her. They got to know each other, as more than just friends. Kisses interspersed the quiet moments, soft caresses led into heady touches. Stopping just before they crossed that final line. Not long before the sun rose, as Haven drifted off into sleep, she heard Nik whisper,

"This would be so much easier if you just hated me" He then kissed the crown of her head and followed her into a restful slumber.