1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

I cy roads and one too many shots of Tequila don't mix. That was what Haven was told the night her father died. It never really made sense, he wasn't even coming home from the bar the night he crashed. He had been on his way to pick up some new flowers to be planted in her mothers garden. It was something Haven and her father did once a month, every month. The last Saturday of each month her father would take her to pick out some flowers and together they would plant them in the square beds her mother kept in the backyard.

Haven only ever missed one trip.

The Friday before the crash Haven had gone home unusually sick. When Saturday morning rolled around and she wasn't feeling any better, she told her father to go without her. He offered to wait but Haven had insisted, telling him to use his best judgment to pick out the flowers and that when he got home she would do her best to hobble out to the backyard and help him plant. He never made it home.

That had been a little over two years ago. Now, Haven was in her senior year of high school, soon to graduate and turn nineteen. The upcoming weekend held her birthday and coincidentally the senior trip being put on by her school. Each year the private school she attended paid for the senior class to go on a three day long trip in the mountains of North Carolina where she was from. There would be hiking, swimming and marshmallows roasted over a fire. Exactly where she wanted to spend her birthday. Except, that was the exact opposite of how Haven wanted to spend her birthday.

The activities would be fine, it was the other people that were the problem. Haven always enjoyed nature but only one of her friends would be going and that made her nervous, she had been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression at a young age. Doing things in a large group of people she didn't know, in a place she had never been, always set her anxiety off.

She would be fine, Haven constantly reassured herself. Her mother had encouraged her to go, in fact, she all but insisted. It hadn't been hard for her mom to convince Haven to go but her mothers pressuring almost made her not want to go just out of spite. Haven could be bad that way. She could be spiteful and vengeful when there was absolutely no reason for it. Those feelings and characteristics only heightened after her fathers death.

Haven had gotten mad, her mother grew distant. Even though Haven could tell her mother tried hard to be there for her daughter, she almost always fell short. Haven used to resent her mother for that. Even in those few moments when her mother opened up and spoke of how much her fathers death had hurt, it didn't seem to make much of a difference. It was like Haven's mother hadn't considered that her daughter might also be hurting. It took a little over a year but eventually Haven learned to deal with her feelings better, standing on her own instead of leaning on her mom to help compartmentalize her feelings.

Resentment or no, she loved her mother and their relationship had grown in the time that had passed. She could still see the sadness that grief and loss had caused but the relationship between the two women had gotten much better. They went out for coffee, to the movies, and to their favorite thrift stores. That was where they were now, sitting in their favorite coffee shop going over some designs her mother had drawn for the new garden she wanted to put in. The drawings were lovely, Haven could truly feel the love her mother put into her garden. It was radiating off the page like it had been sprayed with perfume.

The image of the garden her mother had created reminded Haven of the stories her parents used to tell her. Ones of faraway places with magic and fairies so many beautiful things. It looked like something Haven might find in the gardens of the castles they used to describe.

"What do you think Haven?" Her mother asked.

"It looks great mom. I can't wait to see what it'll look like when you're done with it."

"Your father would have loved it."

"I'm sure he would have. Maybe once things get going and the flowers start blooming, we could leave some cut flowers at his grave?"

Her mother looked away for a moment before sliding the drawing into her purse and saying, "How about we head home so you can finish packing for your trip?"

A quick drive and they were home. Haven went up the staircase that led to her room and pulled her not very full backpack off the hooks on the back of her door.

Sighing, she set it down on the bed and shoved the clothes she planned to take into it. Next came the toiletries like her hairbrush and toothpaste. She also gathered her kindle and one of her favorite fantasy novels off her bookshelf. Once she was done, Haven hung it back on the hooks and tossed herself down on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she pictured the upcoming weekend. Anxious thoughts of what could happen crept into her mind. She thought of falling off mountain peaks and getting kidnapped by the bus driver. She knew her intrusive thoughts were unlikely to happen but that didn't stop her heart from racing. Haven turned her mind to other things in an attempt to relax. Unfortunately, it landed on her future and she ended up with thoughts of where to go to college and what she was going to do for the rest of her life. Maybe if she had the answers to those questions she wouldn't constantly feel as anxious as she did.

Minutes passed before her heart rate settled enough for Haven to relax. Sleep hadn't been her original goal but it claimed her nonetheless.