Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Joanna lay on the bed in the quaint room, trying to stem the flow of tears. Her white handkerchief was a damp, crumpled mess. Her heart hurt, and her eyes stung from rubbing them dry. She sniffed while still wondering how she had veered onto this treacherous path when she had planned each step with such care and precision.

Take control of her inheritance.

Earn money to pay for new furniture and repairs.

Open a club for ladies in need, a sanctuary for those without friends or family. Somewhere she might have found solace from scoundrels and the endless nights spent alone.

She'd been focused on her future. Determined to succeed.

Then she met Aaron Chance, and her world spun out of control.

Some might say he had been right to avoid her, sensible to let her believe she roused his disdain. But when they kissed … heaven help her … nothing felt so glorious. That's why the river of tears would not stop flowing.

With hard work, she could replace her material possessions.

She could not replace him. The man who tortured himself for his father's mistakes. The caring man who believed he was a monster.

Now, she would never get an opportunity to love him, to show him how beautiful he was inside. That's what hurt the most.

It was a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare.

An elegy for a life lost.

A heartbreaking tale of injustice.

A light knock on the door drew Joanna from her reverie. Dawn was upon them. Soon, she would be miles across the sea while her heart was still in London.

"Just a moment." She dried her eyes and gathered herself. Sigmund would insist she ate before setting out on their journey, though the thought of food turned her stomach.

She opened the door, though her brain struggled to make sense of the handsome vision standing in the corridor. She stared at Aaron in his fitted black coat, her heart thumping hard in her chest, excitement racing through her veins.

"Miss Lovelace."

His deep voice stirred the hairs on her nape.

"Mr Chance."

"I came to ensure you arrived safely. I must leave in an hour and had to see you one last time." His gaze trailed over her body like he was mentally undressing her, but then their eyes locked, and she saw her own sorrow reflected there. "How I spend the hour is up to you."

As she struggled to keep the tenuous hold on her composure, she reached for him, slipping her hand into his and pulling him across the threshold. "This is an unexpected gift."

"I haven't the strength to stay away."

"You're stronger than any man I know."

"You're my Achilles' heel, Joanna. My one weakness." He glanced at their joined hands and sighed. "I confess, I've never wanted anything quite so much. "

He was not alone in his torment. Her waking moments were filled with thoughts of him, too. "Then we should not waste a single minute. Every part of me aches for you, Aaron. I know how I want to spend the next hour. I want to spend it naked in bed with you."

Heavens, she sounded wanton, like the women at Mrs Flavell's parties, but she could feel his pain, pain as raw as her own. What if tragedy struck, making this the only fulfilling moment of their lives?

Aaron hissed a breath. "Lock the door."

She saw to the task, then flew into his arms. "I don't want to talk about our problems. I don't want this to be a sad moment. We'll make no promises. I'll not hold you to another vow. Let our actions be our words."

He cupped her nape, his thumb stroking her cheek gently. "I need to see you smile. I need to watch you glow with pleasure. I need you to pretend all is well."

"I don't need to pretend." She was already pushing his coat off his shoulders, her hands gliding over the firm muscles, relishing the power beneath her fingertips. "All is well. You're here. I have never been happier."

He drew her close, devouring her mouth as if they'd waited years, not hours, to taste each other again.

"Let me make love to you, Aaron," she said against his lips, determined he would leave here knowing he was adored. "I haven't the first clue what to do, but you must give me free rein over your body. Let me touch you as I please."

We both have wounds that need to heal.

The hitch in his breath was an odd mix of want and nerves. "I'll need you in every way possible. I need to squeeze a lifetime of lovemaking into an hour. I'll be tender and rough and will make no excuses for it."

Desire unfurled in her belly, a tantalising heat coiling low.

"Then why are we still talking?" She smiled while clambering to undo the buttons on his waistcoat, her hands quick to roam under his fine lawn shirt and feel the sumptuous heat of his skin. "If I'm too much for you, you must tell me to stop," she teased.

"I uttered the same words the first time we kissed. Now it's clear our passions are perfectly entwined." He captured her chin, his fevered breath stroking her lips. "When I'm alone at night, I shall let this memory move languidly through my mind, but I'm on fire. I need to be inside you. I need to take you slowly, and thrust hard and deep. I need you against the door, on your back, on your knees, sitting astride me."

A shiver of delight chased down her spine. "Then get me out of these clothes. I don't want the beast to behave. I want all of you. Hold nothing back."

Their next kiss cried of desperation, a rampant mating of mouths, of shared moans and breathless pants. A ravenous hunger she knew would never be sated.

How did one convey a lifetime of need without words?

Aaron knew how.

He dragged his lips over her jaw and neck like he couldn't bear to break contact, like they were joined together forever and nothing could tear them apart. Despite attempting to undo the side buttons on her dress, his eager hand wandered, palming her breast, pushing into her hair and tilting her head back. He kissed the column of her throat, reached under her skirts to grip her bare buttocks, squeezing hard to leave his mark.

You're mine.

Those possessive words echoed through every action.

It was like an erotic dream where time stood still.

But they didn't have such luxury.

She took control, her fingers moving to the placket of his trousers, resisting the temptation to stroke the thick shaft bulging against the material. She wanted to touch his erection, feel his bare skin, hold the power of his pulsing arousal in her palm. She wanted the great Aaron Chance at her mercy.

He inhaled sharply when she freed his manhood. "If you touch me, I'm done for. Do you know how many times I've imagined this moment?"

"Too many," she breathed, daring to take hold of him. His skin was soft, a veil of satin over steel. Despite his immense strength, he surrendered to the pleasure gained from every inexpert stroke. "You were done for when you entered the room," she said, his musky scent a silent call to her sex. "You were done for when you agreed to let me stay at Fortune's Den."

"I was finished long before that."

"When?" she demanded to know, loving how he groaned when she firmed her grip. Touching him was so addictive she couldn't stop. "Tell me, Aaron."

"The first night I saw you brushing your hair at your bedchamber window. The first time you put me in my place. The first time you touched me accidentally. When your hand brushed my arm and it was like a jolt from the heavens."

Stubborn man , she uttered silently.

What if Eloise had never confessed?

"You've wanted me for that long?" she whispered, noting the tiny bead of moisture weeping from the engorged head of his shaft. She imagined it was the only tear Aaron Chance had ever shed. "And you said nothing?"

He responded now, his mouth forming a perfect O as his head fell back, exposing the sculpted line of his jaw. There was a tiny scar she had not noticed before, from a previous wound that had never fully healed, but he was no less magnificent.

"Joanna," he growled, stilling her hand. "If I come now, I'll need time to recover, time we can ill afford." He looked at her, his eyes deep, inky pools of longing. "Before we continue, I need to know you want this just as badly, that you're not afraid."

"Afraid?" As soon as the word left her lips, a haunting vision of Lord Howard assailed her. The memory of his sickly scent turned her stomach, even now.

The betrayal hurt more than anything. She had replayed the scene in her mind a thousand times, those precious seconds where he'd hugged her tightly, and she had been utterly clueless of the horror about to unfold.

Had she missed the signs?

Had she said something he had misconstrued?

Had grief made him lose his mind?

Was it a calculated attack or an impulsive mistake?

For a long time afterwards she felt numb, weak, half a person paralysed by her thoughts, but soon realised Lord Howard was a feeble excuse for a man. A pathetic creature who would one day get his comeuppance.

Now he had. What a shame she had not witnessed him draw his last breath, to watch the light in his eyes dim, to apologise for the crime and explain she could do nothing to help.

"I don't want to hurt you," Aaron said, drawing her back to the loving man who was leagues above Lord Howard. "We don't have to be lovers to make this moment memorable."

We do because I'm in love with you , she longed to say, but had vowed to let her actions be her words, agreed they would not be bound by oaths and promises.

"I need you, Aaron. I need a beautiful memory I will never forget." She would not let Lord Howard steal every shred of happiness, too. "Be the light in the darkness. I shall be the same for you. Nothing exists beyond our need for each other." She cupped his cheek to reassure him. "I know you will be mindful. That you have my interests at heart."

When they kissed again, it was deep and tender. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Her heart raced wildly, though she had never been so relaxed.

When he undressed her, slowly peeling off one item of clothing at a time, one would think he had days, not minutes, to complete the task. He stood still, rubbing his jaw as his greedy gaze devoured every inch of her naked body. He swallowed more times than she could count.

"I don't deserve you," he said, like the weight of his past deeds hung over him, a penance he had to pay. "I thought I knew my place in the world, yet you force me to challenge it at every turn."

That's what love is , she thought. It made people reconsider their hopes and dreams and prioritise what was important.

"This is a surprise to me, too," she admitted, drawn to the raw carnality in his eyes, puzzled by her lack of urgency to cover her modesty.

"You're so beautiful, I'm afraid to touch you."

"Then I will touch you."

She reached for his shirt, grasping the fine lawn and dragging the garment over his head. God, he was beautiful. She didn't gape in awe of his rugged physique or weep at the sight of his many scars. Her hands were on him, pushing through the dark hair on his chest, smoothing a path across his broad shoulders.

The feel of his hot skin dragged a sweet moan from her lips.

"Aaron," was all she could say, not the measure of her feelings, not a list of fine qualities that made him the most impressive man she had ever met. "Time is precious. Remove your trousers and sit in the chair."

They both had hurdles to climb.

She needed to be in control at the beginning, to choose the moment he claimed her. Despite his earlier confession to have her in every conceivable way, to fit a lifetime of lovemaking into an hour, he was scared to hurt her.

Aaron released her to tug off his riding boots and slowly push his trousers down over his lean hips, each movement deliberate, as if relishing the intimacy of undressing while she watched.

Her gaze wandered over him, starting at the wide expanse of his chest, then gliding down to the taut muscles of his abdomen. She felt her pulse quicken as her eyes trailed lower, drawn to the solid length of his manhood, the burn of desire flaming with every passing second.

He tried to lure her to the bed, but she put her finger on his lips and guided him towards the seat. He was too big for the wooden chair, his shoulders broader than the back rail, his powerful thighs overhanging the base when he spread them wide. She glanced again at his engorged manhood. He was too big for her in every regard.

A hungry anticipation lurked in his gaze as he took himself in hand. "You're the only woman who's ever seen me like this," he groaned, his eyes flickering like passion's flames licked his skin. "So relaxed and carefree."

"You're the only man who's ever looked upon me." She touched herself, palming her breasts, a light twist of her nipples, the slow glide of her fingers through the damp folds of her sex. "The only man I want and need."

The only man I'll ever love .

"God, you make me forget a world exists outside this room." Eyes as black as jet raked over her body, a visual caress that tugged at her insides. "You can trust me, Joanna. I'll be careful. You don't need to worry about a child."

A pang of disappointment hit her squarely in the chest. If only she could leave England with a part of him growing inside her, a child to tie them together forever. But she could never be that selfish.

With tentative steps, she closed the gap between them. They were wasting precious time. "Tell me what to do. Tell me how to please you."

"Straddle my thighs. Let me touch you."

He closed his legs to make room on the chair.

She did as he asked, gasping when he clutched her hips and held her firmly on his lap. "Don't let me fall, Aaron. "

"I doubt I'll ever let go." He held her while blowing gently on her nipples as they grew to solid peaks. "I see you like that, love," he whispered darkly, sucking one hard bud into his mouth, the rapid flick of his tongue sending a bolt of heat shooting to her core.

Lust was a gnawing tension in her stomach, a fever in her blood. Every touch of his mouth on her sensitive skin made it impossible to sit still. The hard ridge of his erection rubbed against her sex, desire a deep quiver in her belly.

"I need you, Aaron. I need you now."

"Look at me, Joanna." His hot mouth covered hers, their tongues meeting with a feverish hunger. "I need to watch you as I take you."

Holding her steady with a strong hand splayed against her back, he gripped his manhood, rubbing the head over her sex, his mouth parting, his smouldering gaze never leaving her for a second.

"I can see how badly you want this," he groaned like he wanted it so badly it pained him. "I need you riding my cock, Joanna. Tell me when."

"Now. Don't wait."

He entered her, the first inch stretching her wide, pushing against the slight resistance. Another inch deeper, and his eyes rolled in their sockets, his breath coming in shallow pants.

"God, Joanna."

She welcomed the intrusion, unprepared for the unrelenting pull on her heartstrings, the sweet ache of love banishing the slight sting as Aaron filled her full.

He gazed up at her, allowing her to glimpse the man beyond the veil, his dark eyes softening, shimmering like deep pools at dusk. She saw the intense warmth of adoration, a burning passion that spoke the words his lips could not.

We belong to each other now , her heart whispered.

"Does it pain you?" he said .

"How could it? It feels like we were made to fit together."

"In all my wildest dreams, I never believed this was possible." He gripped her hips and rocked her slowly, the movement making him swell inside her as excitement built in her, too. "You need to ride me and find a rhythm. Take what you want, love. Be greedy."

"Show me how."

With strong arms, he lifted her, driving deeper into her as he lowered her down. "Like this. You control the pace. Don't be nervous. You don't need to be nervous with me."

She came up on her knees and sank slowly down, whimpering as she sheathed him, taking every solid inch. The friction of him sliding in and out of her, his guttural groans of appreciation, and the slick sound of the act heightened her arousal.

There was something primal in his eyes as he watched her. His hands moved over her body, caressing the soft swell of her breasts, his thumb sliding through her folds to strum her aching sex.

"Don't stop, Aaron. I've never known such bliss."

"You'll come for me like this," he panted. "You'll come around my cock, Joanna. Lord knows I've thought of little else the last six months."

The tension inside her built, like the sea's ebb and flow, she was being pulled closer to the shore. Her release broke through her like the crashing of a wave, a sudden surge of pleasure that had her body clenching around the man she loved, hugging his manhood hard as she whimpered and called his name.

"Hell, yes!" Aaron stared at her, passion burning in his eyes like embers in a night without stars. "Things may become frantic. Do you need to rest? We don't have to continue."

Her nipples were aching peaks, her bud engorged, her heart still pounding. She didn't want this moment to end, and neither did her lustful body. "Don't stop. We need to fit a lifetime of lovemaking into an hour. "

Before she'd caught her breath, he held her tight to his solid body and stood. "Wrap your legs around me. If I'm too rough, you must tell me. Look at me, Joanna. Tell me how it feels."

"It feels so good."

She was against the wall, Aaron driving into her again and again. The power in every movement, the frenzied desperation, belied the man who'd feigned indifference.

"Tell me what you're thinking," she said, loving that he had lost control, taking pleasure in the fact he couldn't get enough of her.

"This won't be the end of us," he growled, moving her to the bed and laying her on her back. He slowed the pace, holding her hands above her head, their fingers entwined, rolling his hips as he filled her, the sensation sublime.

Such passion could not be tempered.

She'd wait years for him, a lifetime if necessary.

"Let our thoughts control our destiny," she said, her mind a haze of desire. "We will see each other again, Aaron. We have to believe it's possible."

"You're mine, do you hear me?" he said when she climaxed again. "You'll wait for me. I'll work night and day to clear your name. I'll not rest until you're home and in my bed."

He sank in and out of her hard and fast, then withdrew suddenly, spilling his seed over her abdomen, his guttural groan like the casting off of chains.

The hard angles of his face softened, the gleam of pleasure in his eyes like a serene sunset in a break between storm clouds. As he fought to catch his breath, his gaze was everywhere at once, on her lips, her breasts, her hair, lingering on the swollen folds of her womanhood.

"Let me fetch water and a towel." Aaron moved to the washstand, but not before she witnessed a shadow of sadness mar his handsome features .

She let him wash her, even though he took his time and the air turned cold.

They lay on the bed together, her brushing his hair with her fingers, him tracing patterns on her shoulder.

"You didn't have me on my knees," she said in jest, though her heart felt like it was breaking. "There's no time for an encore. You'll need to leave soon."

He stared at her, stroking the backs of his fingers across her cheek. "I need to look at you when we make love. I can't do that if you're on your knees. Watching you is an addiction. It will kill me to look through the study window and know you're not there."

Tears gathered behind her eyes. The euphoria had subsided, leaving nothing but grief in its wake. "I'll never forget you. I'll never forget what we had. No matter how long I'm away, there'll be no one but you, Aaron."

A heaviness clung to the air as if it, too, mourned in silence.

They lay there until the dreaded time arrived for him to dress and depart. She helped to straighten his cravat and insisted on fastening his waistcoat, desperate to touch him a little longer.

"Remember, you're to send word when you reach Ostend." The deep timbre of his voice carried a pain he couldn't hide.

She nodded as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Be careful. I can live in exile if I know you're safe. Don't take unnecessary risks."

He wiped away her tears and pressed a lingering goodbye kiss on her forehead, though he never uttered the word. "Close the door. Don't watch me walk away. I can't look back."

"I'll see you again. I know I will."

He cupped her cheek as he stood in the doorway. "You have no idea how much you mean to me. You'll live in my heart and mind always."

Then he left, closing the chamber door behind him.