Chapter 32

32

Two sleepless nights followed with Jana's mind filled with horror scenarios. The worse part was the not knowing. She tried to reason with herself not to expect the worst from the situation; after all, Andrej was a police officer and could have been accompanying the Gestapo for all manner of reasons. Only the hostile body language of the two men escorting Andrej had indicated something else.

During the day, she was light headed and nauseous with worry. She had to know if Andrej was all right. It was impossible for her to carry on life as normal. Desperation made her act.

On the third day, she left the bookshop at six o'clock and headed straight for the police station. She knew it was risky to ask questions about Andrej but she was in such turmoil, she was past caring.

There was a long queue at the counter and as she waited her turn, she rehearsed what she was going to say, becoming more nervous each moment. She looked time and again towards the same office in which Andrej had staged an interview with her, willing him to stride out. But the door remained firmly closed .

When it was finally her turn, she stepped up to the counter where a flustered policeman in wire spectacles was scrawling across a form. After what seemed an age, he looked up at her.

‘How can I help?' he asked in a monotone voice.

‘I would like to see Captain Kovar,' she said. Her voice was too quiet to hear above the hubbub around her, and the policeman put a hand to his ear.

‘I didn't catch that.'

Dismayed at having to repeat herself, she raised her voice and tried again.

This time, at the mention of Andrej's name, something passed over the policeman's face.

‘May I ask why?'

‘He's interviewed me in the past so I'd like to discuss something with him again.'

The policeman didn't look convinced and as she was grappling to add further explanation, he said, ‘Captain Kovar doesn't work here any more.'

‘I don't understand,' she stuttered.

He drummed his fingers on the desk. ‘He's left us.'

‘Where's he gone?' The words were out before she could stop them.

‘I have no idea.' He gave her a suspicious look. ‘Why do you want to know?'

Jana shrugged at the question, her face burning.

‘Is this going to take all day?' A tall, elegant woman behind tutted. ‘I have an appointment, Officer.'

The policeman ignored her and said to Jana, ‘If you wish to see another officer, take a seat in the waiting area.' He motioned to where a group of people stood around the half a dozen occupied chairs. She nodded and stepped aside, the woman sidling up to take her place, mumbling, ‘Finally. '

In the waiting area, Jana paused a moment as she watched the policeman at the counter, and as soon as he was distracted, she slipped out the front door and down the steps. Dread gripped her as she staggered along the pavement, her shoulders bumping with passersby.

‘Watch where you're going,' an angry voice called.

She didn't remember the journey back, but somehow she reached the bookshop and, with trembling fingers, unlocked the door. Once inside, she leaned with her back against the door, and gulped deep breaths.

Andrej was gone.

Jana shuffled from foot to foot, chewing her lip as she watched the elderly man in the phone box shove another coin in the slot. How long would his call take? She searched her mind for alternative public phone boxes in the area. But there was no guarantee that they would be unoccupied. Her heart raced as she prayed for him to hang up. But still he shouted into the receiver. She was just about to give up and move on when he ended the call. She sighed with relief, only to become agitated again when he took the time to light up a cigarette.

Finally, he shambled away and Jana dived in to take his place. The phone directories were piled on a shelf beneath the telephone and she bent down to read the spines. For some reason, there were two copies for the beginning of the alphabet, then one for the end. It would be just her luck that the one she wanted was missing. It was four days since Andrej had disappeared with the Gestapo and she needed to act quickly. Her heart jumped when she saw the tatty volume she needed. She hauled it out and began to flick through the pages, spirits sinking at the number of torn-out pages. Why did people do that? It was so selfish.

But it was there: the page with the surname Kovar. Andrej had talked about his mother but had never mentioned her first name or where she lived. If she had a telephone, she would be listed. Jana ran her finger down the page, dismayed to see there were a number of people with the surname Kovar. However, looking more closely, she noticed that most of the forenames were male; there were two listed as Mrs. These women would likely be widows. Choosing one at random, she inserted her forefinger in the dial. It felt sticky. The ringing on the other end of the phone was faint but Jana didn't have to wait long till someone answered.

‘Hello, Mrs Kovar speaking.' The pips sounded and Jana slipped the coin into the slot.

‘Hello, Mrs Kovar. I'm sorry to disturb you. My name is Jana and I'm looking for a friend of mine, Andrej Kovar. Is there any chance you have a son named Andrej?'

There was a pause, and Jana could hear the woman's breaths.

‘Are you from the police?' The woman's tone was suspicious.

‘No, no. Like I said, I'm a friend and I have an important message for him.' She didn't want to cause alarm with stories of arrest and disappearance at this stage.

‘Well, I don't know anyone called Andrej. Sorry and goodbye.'

The click sounded loud in Jana's ear. Now she was unsure if the woman was lying to protect Andrej, or if she was telling the truth. This was proving more difficult than she'd anticipated. But contacting Andrej's mother to see if she knew his whereabouts had seemed her obvious first move.

Jana, perspiration beading on her forehead, dialled the number of the other Mrs Kovar, trying to decide how to frame her enquiries more delicately. The phone rang and rang. She held on, imagining an elderly woman struggling out of her chair, stumbling down a hallway to where a telephone hung on the wall. Give her time , Jana told herself. But no answer came and she replaced the receiver despondently. She made a note of the address next to Mrs Kovar's name, deciding to visit in person that evening.

Climbing the narrow stairwell to the third floor of the apartment building, Jana wondered how an elderly person managed the stairs. Maybe Andrej's mother was fit, or maybe Andrej regularly brought her provisions. Or maybe the woman living at the top of the building wasn't Andrej's mother at all. Her heart plummeted at the thought but then she forced herself to remain positive: Andrej's mother would open the door and tell her Andrej had a new job and now had a new address; he would be safe and well. Or better still, he would open the door of the apartment, give a surprised, delighted smile at the sight of her. They would embrace. Not kiss, of course. That was over now. But she would be close to him and they would spend the afternoon chatting with his mother and laughing about Jana's worries over Andrej being arrested.

On the top landing, Jana took a moment to catch her breath and compose herself. Two apartment doors faced her. The left door with the number sixteen was the address she had from the telephone directory. She pressed the doorbell and listened. She heard no sound of a bell. After trying a couple times more, it was clear the bell was out of order so she knocked with her knuckles and waited. Nothing. She knocked again, louder. Already sick with nerves, panic gripped her. Finding Andrej's mother in the hope she would have information about her son had been Jana's main plan. Her only plan so far. What if her search ended here? She banged on the door again with her whole fist.

The door of the neighbouring apartment opened and a blonde-haired woman with a small, sleepy child on her hip looked out. The child, a boy, looked ready for bed, dressed in pyjamas and clutching a teddy.

‘I'm so sorry if I disturbed you,' said Jana. ‘I was hoping to catch Mrs Kovar at home.'

The woman gave her a puzzled look. ‘She doesn't live here any more.'

‘Oh!' Jana gasped with surprise.

‘Yes, her son helped her clear out her possessions.'

‘Was her son called Andrej?'

‘Yes. Nice-looking man, always very polite when we passed on the stairs.'

Jana's heart beat faster at the possibility that this was good news.

‘Was that in the last couple of days?' she asked.

‘Oh, no. This was at least three weeks ago.' The child began to whimper and rub its eyes.

The brief moment of hope was dashed. Andrej went missing after he'd moved his mother out of her home.

‘Did Mrs Kovar or her son say where they were going? Sorry to pester you but I need to find them urgently.'

The woman shook her head, adjusting the position of the little boy who had started to cry.

‘I'm afraid I must get this little one in bed. Sorry I couldn't help.'

With heavy legs and dread in her heart, she descended the stairs and made her way back to the bookshop. Her enquiries had come to a dead end and she wrestled to make sense of what she knew: if Andrej had moved his mother from her home, it must have been for her safety. And that meant he'd suspected imminent danger. And a short time later, he was picked up by the Gestapo and not heard of again. Despite her attempts to imagine positive outcomes, her thoughts always ended in darkness.

In the weeks that followed, she found herself walking past Petschek Palace, the Gestapo headquarters, affecting a nonchalant air as her eyes drifted over the windows and front door. It was ridiculous to expect Andrej's face might appear at a window or he would trot out the entrance, but she couldn't extinguish the tiny hope in her heart that refused to die.

One night, two months after his disappearance, Jana was crying into her pillow as she often did; she missed him and was terrified for him in equal measure. She wondered if anything had been different if she hadn't rejected him and that as lovers, he'd confided in her; she would've been able to help him in some way. She had owed him that after he'd released her from arrest after the attack on Heydrich. She wouldn't give up on him.

The following morning, she strode back into the police station, pleased to see a different officer to last time at the front desk; she hoped he would be more knowledgeable and repeated her enquiries about Captain Kovar. This policeman had a friendly manner but unfortunately knew nothing.

‘Is there a way I can find out about his whereabouts?'

‘Oh, yes, you can request information from the Police Commissioner's department or the Gestapo. If you are a relative, I can help you complete a form.' He smiled and began rifling through papers on his desk .

Startled, Jana retreated, mumbling something about being short of time and returning later. Once outside the building, she breathed in the fresh air in huge gulps, her heart hammering. She was helpless, no closer to finding Andrej than she had been nearly three months ago.

The air had cooled in the last few days and the first leaves were fading to pale yellow. She buttoned up her jacket and set off for the bookshop, her mind desperately searching for another idea to find Andrej. But as summer gave way to autumn, she discovered nothing new. The man she loved and yearned more for at each passing day had simply vanished.