Chapter 19

19

The atmosphere at the market in Wenceslas Square had deteriorated over the last couple of years. Jana remembered the excited cries from the vendors exalting their fine produce, the citizens bustling around the stalls eager to fill their baskets with the best produce. Today, people looked at the meagre wares on display and shook their heads.

‘They'll be issuing ration cards next month,' said one stall holder, whom Jana had known since she was a child, ‘and not everyone will be receiving them. No ration cards, no food.'

Jana didn't need to ask who would be denied ration cards – anyone deemed undesirable by the Reich. As she left the stall holder, she thought about the weary shrug he'd given her; it seemed endemic amongst so many people these days: they saw things but looked away. A poisonous, complicit silence that smothered empathy for the suffering of others, born of fear and helplessness. We must keep fighting , she told herself. We mustn't give up.

An unexpected blow jolted her shoulder and as she stumbled slightly, a steadying hand gripped her arm .

‘Please excuse me, are you hurt?' said a voice. It was Andrej.

‘No, I'm fine,' she said, her stomach flipping.

‘Follow me,' he whispered. ‘At a good distance.' Then, in a raised voice: ‘Apologies for my clumsiness.' He tipped his hat and moved on.

Adrenaline pumped through her. She had been longing to share the success of their mission with the girls and was eager to speak to him about the possibility of further attempts. And she realised, she ached to see him, even if for the briefest of moments. She had no idea what he wanted from her, but she was filled with sweet expectation as she watched his tall frame bob between the crowds.

He walked at a steady pace across the square and turned down one of the numerous side streets. Keeping her distance and allowing several people to walk between them, she followed him through a maze of streets into an area where jazz clubs and music bars had once thrived. The narrow buildings had become worn and boards were nailed across some windows. She glanced up at a sign written in German advertising a nightclub; through the window, she saw chairs stacked on tables, and…

She'd lost him. Seconds ago, he was there and now he was gone. The street was empty. She ran down the street searching left and right, her breaths shallow and fast. She yelped as something gabbed her arm and yanked her into a doorway. A hand clamped across her mouth.

‘It's just me, Jana. Don't be afraid.' Andrej pulled her through the door into a dark room, still clutching her close. She could smell the wool of his coat, his woody cologne and something else: a warm musk of sweat and skin. A pang of desire stirred in her so deeply that she gasped.

He let go of her.

‘Where are we?' she asked .

‘A friend's music bar. It's been closed down at the moment because of the new curfew.'

The windows were shuttered, the only daylight coming from a small, milky window high on the wall, but it was enough for her to make out her surroundings: the wooden bar, round tables and a small, raised stage at one corner of the room.

‘We did it, Andrej! We got the girls out,' she burst out.

‘You got them to safety? After I saw the bus disappear, I kept praying that everything would go well.'

‘Yes, we arrived?—'

‘Don't tell me where they are.'

Jana bit her lip, understanding the need for discretion. She thought of what she'd overheard from Heydrich, and although she'd passed the information hidden in the bookmark, there had been no response. If only she could share what she knew with Andrej. Her knowledge was a burden that sat heavy in her stomach.

‘I brought you here because I have a response from Lenka,' he said, slipping a hand inside his breast coat pocket.

Her heart raced as she took the letter. ‘I'd like to read it now, but it's so dark in here.'

‘Come, sit down. The electricity is off but there are candles behind the bar.'

Jana sat at a round, wooden table, and Andrej brought two empty wine bottles with candles inserted in the top which he lit with his lighter. She pulled off her gloves and her hand trembled as she slit open the crumpled envelope and slipped out a sheet of paper.

As she held the letter to the candlelight, her eyes welled up at the sight of Lenka's handwriting.

My dearest Jana ,

I cannot tell you how much it meant to me receiving your letter. To read your words and know you are thinking of me has lightened my heart. On days when my spirits are low, I re-read your letter and feel comforted.

You need not worry about me. Conditions here are quite adequate and both my beautiful daughter, Alena, and myself are well. When I first arrived here, I was imprisoned in the barracks, but was allowed out for the birth to a hospital, of sorts. Once Alena was born, I had the good fortune to be permitted to stay in the town area of Terezin and now have relative freedom.

I was surprised to find that we are allowed some recreational facilities like a choir group and there is even a small library, although we need more books. People here find great solace in reading, losing themselves in other worlds, leaving their worries temporarily behind. I'm even thinking of starting a book club!

I've received letters from my parents and Ivan. Please can I ask you to keep an eye on Ivan and reassure him I am well; he sounded so lost in his last letter. My parents of course are desolate. I pray that I will somehow see them at least once more in life.

Please take care of yourself, dear friend. Stay well and find happy moments even on darker days. You are always in my thoughts.

Yours always,

Lenka

Jana remained silent as she digested Lenka's words. Then she reread the letter, her chest tight with emotion. Andrej, sitting opposite her, said nothing, smoking a cigarette, giving her the time she needed; she welcomed his reassuring presence .

She exhaled a deep breath and held the letter out to him.

‘Please, read it, Andrej.'

‘Are you sure you want me to?'

‘I need to know what you think. I need to be able to talk to you.' There was urgency in her voice.

Taking off his gloves and putting them on the table, he took the thin piece of paper from her.

She watched his face in the candlelight as he read, his brow furrowed, as he leaned in towards the candle. Jana shivered in the cold room and rubbed her arms.

He set the letter down on the table and rubbed his forehead.

‘Well?' she said, impatient to hear his reaction.

‘Of course, Lenka has written aware of censorship and has chosen her words carefully. But I think we can believe she and the baby are as well as can be expected.'

‘Thank goodness she was released from the prison barracks and is living in the so-called town area.'

A satisfied expression flitted over Andrej's face.

‘You arranged that, didn't you?' she said. ‘With your contact.'

He nodded but without elaborating, continued, ‘What's interesting is Lenka's reference to shops, theatres and the library.'

‘It sounds much better in Terezin than I had expected.'

‘Exactly.'

‘You don't believe it?'

‘It's something I'm going to look into.'

‘Lenka sounds different,' Jana continued. ‘Stifled somehow.' She shivered again and pulled her coat tighter around her body.

‘You're cold. Let's get you out of this cave.'

She shook her head. Not knowing when she would have this opportunity again to be alone with him, she fixed her gaze on him and took a deep breath .

‘There are some important things I want to share with you,' she said.

Andrej stood up and removing his coat, draped it over her shoulders before pulling up a chair next to her. Then he took off his hat and placed it on the table with his gloves. He touched her cold hand.

‘You're like ice. Give me your hands.'

She held them out in front of her, wrists together as if offering herself up for arrest. He cupped her hands in his and began to rub them warm. She composed her thoughts and then spoke.

‘I know the rules of silence in the resistance and I understand they're for our protection. But if there is vital information to pass on, surely we must sometimes break those rules.'

‘You will have been given channels to convey anything you've discovered.' His tone was cautious.

‘But I don't know if my messages have been received. I haven't had any response.' Her frustration rose. ‘I don't know that the system is working. Precious days go by and more and more people are disappearing, being locked up, shot. Do you know I stumbled upon an execution wall, and met a grandmother on her knees…?' She choked on a sob, unable to continue.

Andrej squeezed her hands. ‘Oh, Jana, I know it's?—'

‘I work at Prague Castle,' she blurted. ‘As a spy.' Defiance welled up in her. ‘I eavesdrop on Heydrich,' she said before Andrej could break her flow.

‘I know,' he said.

‘You know?'

‘I am in the police force.' He gave a half smile. ‘But if you have information…'

She yanked her hands from his, heat rising to her cheeks. Unable to contain herself any longer, the words tumbled from her mouth, telling him everything she'd heard about transportation of thousands of people, how she noted the times of Heydrich's arrival, how he'd talked about putting on a show for the public. She ploughed on, not caring care if she was being reckless; the relief at being able to connect and share with Andrej was so sweet, and when she finished, she slumped forward, hanging her head in exhaustion.

Andrej's hands lifted her face, his eyes wide and grave. ‘You can trust me, Jana. Yes, theoretically you should only share information with your chosen contact, but what you've heard is a terrifying development. I know Heydrich is sending people from Terezin on work details like the railway in Dresden…' His voice tailed off as he stood up and paced the room, his face deep in contemplation.

‘What about your contact in Terezin who passed on Lenka's letter? Will he know anything?'

‘He's a low-level policeman who does me favours for a small reward. I doubt he would know the details of such a high-level operation and if he does, I'd need to tread carefully with my enquiries.' Andrej ran his hand through his hair. ‘But it's a starting point. I wish I could get inside Terezin and see what's really going on.'

As Andrej continued to pace in silence, a flicker of an idea came to Jana. And as the idea took form, the desperation she'd felt a few moments ago began to fade as new energy revived her. She jumped up and halted Andrej mid stride.

‘Lenka said in her letter that they are allowed books and have received some clothes. I have a friend, Dasha, from my book club, who works for a church charity. I believe they are affiliated with the Red Cross. Maybe the Terezin authorities would permit a charitable delivery. '

‘They may allow it – to enhance their propaganda campaign of humanity,' said Andrej, studying her as he tried to figure out where she was going with this.

‘Maybe I could get into Terezin, under the guise of a volunteer bringing books.'

‘You?' he said, startled.

‘Why not?' she said, disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm at the idea.

‘Because you're already in deep danger with one of the most feared men in the Reich.'

There was a pause before she said quietly, ‘How many times can they execute me?'

‘Oh, darling Jana. They can do so much more than kill you.'

He'd called her darling.

She gazed up at him, her lips parting, as wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her cheeks, the side of her mouth, his lips travelling down her neck, sending a shudder through her. She sought his mouth; their kisses at first tentative, then demanding, passionate. He pulled the hat from her head and drove his hands into her hair, twisting it around his fingers. Frantic with desire, she kissed him with unrestrained force. Hearing him moan filled her with longing and she pressed herself hard against him, heat throbbing through her. Her hands roamed over the contours of his lean, muscular back.

‘This is the worst possible scenario,' he panted, withdrawing from her lips.

‘Why?' she said, breathless and hot, her legs weak. She gazed into his handsome face and traced her fingers along those incredible cheekbones.

He took her hands gently from his face. ‘Because I have feelings for you that I shouldn't have. They could cloud my judgement, weaken my resolve in the moment of a crucial decision. And that applies to you too. We must stay focused.'

As he stepped back from her, a pang of pain spiked her chest. She wanted to throw herself back at him, kiss and touch him till he could no longer help himself, draw him into her body and soul, but instead, she just nodded. Of course he was right. And she would show him that she could be as strong and disciplined as he was; that she was up to the tasks that lay ahead. Their own desires must be pushed aside; other people mattered now: Lenka, Michal, Yveta, Maddie – as well as so many others that needed help.

Taking deep breaths, she picked up her hat from the floor where moments before, he had flung it, and pulled it on, tucking her hair beneath it. She was aware of him watching her every movement.

‘You should go now,' he said. ‘I'll lock up in a short while.'

‘How can I contact you once I've spoken to the church charity organisation?'

He looked doubtful.

‘I'm going to get myself inside Terezin somehow,' she said, determined not to let his reticence deter her.

‘Not as a prisoner, I hope,' he said wryly.

She rolled her eyes.

‘All right. Let's meet here for an update in five days' time at 7p.m.,' he said. ‘I don't need to tell you to check you are not being followed. And wear different clothes.'

‘Especially another hat. You didn't seem to like this one.' She gave a cheeky smile.