39. Gavin

THIRTY-NINE

GAVIN

Beckett: War isn’t playing tonight?

Me: He’s got the flu.

Brooks: Everyone has the fucking flu.

Aiden: Not me. My immune system is steel. It’s the vitamins. And the orange soda.

Brooks: You should donate your body to science when you die.

Beckett: I’ve never seen anyone eat more candy, and I once lived in a house with seven children.

Aiden: Thank you.

Beckett: that wasn’t a compliment.

Aiden: And yet I have eight-pack abs and get to enjoy candy.

Brooks: Like I said, medical miracle.

Beckett: Anyone else not playing?

Me: Better not be.

I pocket my phone and turn my focus back to Fitz and Turner. They’re going over the lineup now that our biggest instigator is out for the night.

“Bring Camden up?” Fitz suggests.

I want to say no. I’m still pissed at him for the incident with Millie. But that’s unreasonable. “Yes. But have Pastanowitz ready to jump in if necessary.”

Turner nods. “I’ll let the guys know.” He heads in the direction of the locker room.

I rub a hand over my head, too tired for a game day.

Fitz studies me. “You feeling okay?”

No. I feel like complete crap. My stomach is a mess because I’ve barely slept, and Vivi’s teething is only partially to blame. Sebastian followed our little run-in up with an email that night. It’s what I was reading when Millie walked in and I snapped at her. Again.

His veiled threats made it clear he has suspicions surrounding Vivi, and I’ll die before I let him take her, regardless of DNA.

Fuck, I’m in so far over my goddamn head I can’t see straight.

And the guilt over my words to Millie is consuming me. I’ve yet to apologize for how I treated her. I don’t even know what to say.

Everything in my life is spiraling, and I’m scared to death I’m going to lose Vivi, and I was jealous that you had dinner with one of my players.

Absurd.

Her brother was with her too. It wasn’t a date. Even if it was, I have no right to be mad at her. I sure as shit have no right to yell at her.

To make matters worse, she’s so fucking good with my daughter. And she’s good to me. The fact that she’s taking the time to read through the parenting books, to reply to my concerns…it’s just…fuck, I’m already dreading the day she says she’s done.

The acid in my gut rises again, but I swallow it down, along with the rest of my worries. “I’ll be fine. Just need to get through tonight. Then we’ve got the next four days off.”

Fitz nods. “Damn, do we need it.”

The season has been an incredible one, and we’re still in line for the playoffs. But it’d only take a few bad games to change that. I nod toward the arena. “I’m going to head out there.”

With a dip of his chin, Fitz wanders off in the opposite direction.

In need of a pick-me-up, I search out coffee first. Maybe it’ll lighten this heavy feeling in my chest and the overall tiredness that won’t let go of me. If I can make it through the game, we can all rest. I’ll give Millie a few days off, get some space from these insane feelings, and just?—

My thoughts leave my brain the moment I step into the arena and spot Millie standing with Vivi in her arms, swaying from side to side. She’s just past the team bench, and each time she sways one way, the number 18 plastered on her back comes into view. Hall is emblazoned above it, but it’s my fucking team’s logo above her ass and my daughter in her arms.

The two of them like that—together—are quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Vivi is also wearing a Bolts jersey. Millie layered it over a thick sweater. This one, I know, says Langfield above a single zero. There’s no way I’d choose one brother’s number over the other, so Vivi’s got her own now.

Sara is standing beside them, talking a mile a minute. Millie’s smile is genuine as she bobs her head in response. For too many seconds, I stand in place and stare. I imagine again the dream where this is my real life. Where Millie’s jersey matches Vivi’s, the name Langfield plastered on both their backs, and that the little girl in her arms is ours.

Millie laughs at Sara, who grins proudly, and my heart clenches tightly. That sound is so much better than the silence I’ve been receiving from her since I told her we’re nothing. It ranks near the top of my favorite things in the world. Paired with the way my daughter is clinging to her, comfortable and at ease. It’s utter perfection.

Sara catches me gawking and gives a knowing smirk.

Caught, I huff out a breath and stride their way. “Hey, Vivi girl. What are you two doing here?” I try to keep my tone even, my gaze on my daughter.

Millie’s radiant smile won’t have any of it. She catches my eye, and her cheeks go rosy. “She wanted to see her daddy before bed, right, Viv?”

Viviane smiles wide and reaches for me, her chubby hands opening and closing in excitement. Heart lifting at the pure joy radiating from her, I hold out my arms and step up close. Millie leans in, guiding her into my hold. It’s only a moment, and the contact could barely be categorized as a touch. But when my hands scrape against her, I feel it so deep in my bones that a chill runs through my body. Her curly auburn hair swishes, and I’m hit with that fruity scent that is so her it makes my mouth water. The way I crave her is unreal. Unnatural. Unavoidable.

Just like the little girl in my arms, Millie Hall owns me.

“You feel all right?” Millie asks, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. “You’re really hot, Gavin.”

I blink a few times, having trouble formulating words. The old Gavin would respond with “of course I am” or something equally cocky, but I’m struck stupid by her touch. By her proximity. We haven’t been this close in I don’t know how long. Since that day she appeared in Ford’s kitchen, I’ve kept her at arm’s length. It’s the only way I’ve been able to resist stumbling over myself and begging her to try again.

“Gavin.” She presses closer.

Now my gaze is focused on her lips. Those damn peach lips.

“Baby Hall! I woulda given you a signed number 22 to wear if you’d told me you were coming to the game tonight.”

Instantly pulled out of my stupor and on edge, I focus on Camden, who is striding toward us in full gear.

Daniel, who’s right beside him, hits him in the stomach, saving me from having to do it. “Eyes off my sister.”

“Gavin,” Millie says, drawing my attention again. She’s still wholly focused on me, her brows pulled low in concern.

“I’m fine,” I say, thankful the spell has been broken. I zero in on Vivi to keep from getting caught up in her again. “Make sure she gets to bed by eight, please.”

When she doesn’t immediately respond, I can’t help it. I have to look. Her golden irises, so vibrant only seconds ago, have gone dull. She lets out a heavy sigh, her shoulders sinking. “Right. Just wanted to show our support. I’ll let you get back to your job.”

My heart pounds, at war with my brain, wanting to pull her against me, tell her I’m glad she brought my daughter here, that I’m glad she’s here too. In my team’s jersey.

I want to tell her that I want my name on her back, but more than that, I want my name attached to hers.

I want her to be mine.