50. Gavin

FIFTY

GAVIN

“Why is there a robot in the refrigerator?” With the door still open, I spin and take in all the children in the room. Vivi is in her highchair, and Winnie is helping Millie feed her a little container full of disgusting pureed food that I stupidly tried just like the damn formula.

Babies must not have taste buds, because Vivi is smiling and gobbling it up every time Winnie flies the airplane straight at her mouth.

“Don’t touch Hector!” Finn jumps up and runs toward me, ready to defend his toy.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Robots don’t belong in fridges.”

Finn grins. “That’s where you’re wrong. Auntie Dylan told me the universe didn’t want me to have orange soda every night after dinner, and Bossman told me it’s going to rot my teeth. So Mommy said I can only have one orange soda a month, but she won’t pay for it.”

Lips pressed together, I tilt my head, waiting for the story to make sense.

He lets out a loud sigh. “So I saved all my allowance, and then Man Bun brought me to the store and gots me the soda with his money.”

I chuckle. “Good moves, little man, but what does that have to do with the robot?”

Finn whips around and throws his arm out, pointing at Winnie. “Because she didn’t get the memo that it’s my soda, and she drank one. The robot is protecting this one.”

Winnie heaves out a weary sigh. “I’m not going to touch your ducking soda.”

Finn sucks in a shocked breath, his eyes going wide. “I’m telling Bossman on you!”

“I said duck!” she screams.

Vivi lets out a little screech of excitement, and then she opens her mouth, and out pops the most adorable sound. “Duck! Duck! Duck!”

Millie straightens and locks eyes with me from across the room, and for a moment, we’re both silent.

Did my daughter really just say her first word?

And was it really a watered-down version of fuck?

With the back of her hand pressed to her mouth, Millie tries to hold it in, but the cutest snort slips out, and then I can’t help but laugh.

“Uncle Gav.” Finn pulls on my shirt to get my attention.

Bowing my head, I ruffle his hair and give him the hold on a minute finger, my feet already leading me to my little girl.

Vivi smiles at me as I approach, orange goo dripping from her lips. I scoop her up out of her chair and laugh. “Did you just say your first word, Vivi girl?”

She smiles. “Duck. Duck. Duck.” She enunciates the ck over and over, so damn proud of herself.

My damn heart practically floats right out of my chest. She really is fucking tenacious. My little girl.

At the table, Millie is watching us with a big smile on her face. The warmth in my chest spreads. “Isn’t she the ducking best?”

Millie stands and wipes Vivi’s face. “Yup.”

I breathe in her fruity scent, feeling the happiest I have in a long, long time. “We’re doing okay, huh?”

She presses a quick kiss to our girl’s cheek. “We’re doing better than okay, Gav. We’re doing ducking fantastic, right, Vivi girl?”

Vivi tangles her chubby fingers in Millie’s curls, pulls her close, and presses her open mouth to Millie’s face like a big, sloppy kiss.

“Love you, bestie.”

My heart nearly stops in response to Millie’s words. Something shifts into place in this instant, and suddenly, I’m hit with a feeling of peace I’ve never known.

Vivi arches back and says “duck” again and again, encouraged by the giggling fit it sends her cousins into.

Through dinner, I can’t stop smiling, even as my cheeks ache. My girl loves my daughter. And I’m in love with my girl.

Beckett may have thought I needed to be punished for being a dick today, but it turns out having the kids over has made this the best night I’ve had in a long time. Maybe ever.

Everything is going to be fine.

“Want to join us at the pediatrician tomorrow? We could go from there to family day at the arena.”

Millie’s snuggled up next to me, exhausted after reading all three stories Winnie insisted on. When she came out of their room, Vivi was still wide awake on my lap, saying her favorite word.

I sat with her for far too long, enamored by our conversation, even if it was one-sided and consisted of only one word, before finally putting Vivi down for the night.

In bed beside me now, Millie tilts her head and studies me. “You want me to come to family day?”

“I assumed you’d be there with Daniel anyway.”

She bites her lip. “I was—but…” She sighs.

I stroke her cheek. “What, Peaches?”

She gives me a soft smile. “Nothing. It sounds nice. Thanks for asking me to come.”

“Of course. I want you everywhere I am.”

A huff of a laugh escapes her. “That’s because I’m super nanny.”

I squeeze her side, making her squirm. “That you are. Tonight was fun with the kids, yeah?”

“They’re hysterical.”

“They’re ducking awesome.”

Millie’s eyes dance as she ghosts her fingers over my bare torso. “I still can’t believe her first word was duck.”

“Me neither. We’ll do better with the next kid.”

Millie sucks in a soft gasp, the sound making my stomach sink.

“Sorry. I know we said maybe one day,” I backpedal.

With a kiss to my shoulder, she eases my worries. “Don’t take it back now, Coach. Be confident in your request.”

“Fine.” I loop my free arm around her. “I know tonight was crazy, but it was perfect. I loved seeing Vivi with her cousins. Loved seeing you with them. But I know it’s a lot, and I don’t want to pressure you about having kids of your own.”

Millie tips her head back and locks those warm golden eyes on me. “I like to think of Vivi as my own.” Her lashes flutter shut, and a blush creeps up her cheeks. “I know that’s probably wrong.”

When I don’t respond—because I’m too lost to my own thoughts about how Vivi isn’t really either of ours but we both want her, yet I may be setting us up for disaster—Millie continues, “She likely won’t remember being left. I know you were worried about that.”

I shift to look at her, loving that she somehow always knows just what to say to calm me. “The doctor says the same thing.” I run my fingers through her curls, settling myself. “I’ll just have to love her enough that she never feels that loss.”

“You won’t be alone in that.” She lifts her head and presses a kiss to my jaw. “We’ll both love her so much she’ll never know anything but happiness.”

My heart skips again. As often as this has happened today, I worry I should see a cardiologist. With a grunt, I pull her on top of me. I don’t have the words to express how I feel about this woman. There’s nothing that I’ve ever heard or read that could encapsulate the joy I feel with her by my side.

Love might be the closest I’ll ever come to describing it, but even that doesn’t touch this feeling. It’s so trivial and overused.

I ache for her, and knowing she’s mine leaves me with a sense of peace that I never believed was attainable. Being hers is my purpose.

Since I can’t describe it, I show her instead. I kiss her, pouring every emotion I have into my actions, hoping she sees that she’s not just my love and she’s not just my family. She’s my everything.