Chapter 3

CHAPTER

3

JESSICA

Fall 1998

"CAN YOU TURN off your stupid alarm?"

The pillow hit me square in the face with a soft, yet violent, thud.

My roommate, Daisy, was not a morning person.

I knew she was most likely nursing a major hangover after spending most of last night at a frat party, getting drunk on jungle juice. I wasn't sure what time she came back, as I had put in my earplugs and fallen asleep around midnight. Daisy had spent the past six weeks trying to coerce me into joining in her drunken adventures. So far, I had resisted, insisting I needed to focus on my classes. But seeing her have such a good time was wearing down my staunch resolve to avoid anything that would get in the way of my education.

I was a girl who toed the line. I did what was expected of me. But that skin was starting to chafe. Tentative freedom was beginning to erase silent obedience. After all, Mom wasn't here to look over my shoulder.

Rebellion was incredibly tempting.

I fumbled around for the hundred-decibel alarm clock my dad got me before I moved into the dorms and sat up in my extra-long twin-sized bed, rubbing the grit from my eyes. Daisy was a lump beneath her covers—and she wasn't alone. I couldn't tell who was sharing her bed, and most likely I wouldn't recognize him. We hadn't been enrolled at Southern State University long, so I barely knew anyone, let alone some random guy my wild roomie picked up at a party.

The first time she brought a guy back to the room, I had been weirded out, so we had established rules that involved a scrunchie on the doorknob to indicate she was "entertaining." Daisy never meant to make me feel uncomfortable, so I knew she must have been pretty wasted to not have given me a heads-up.

I quickly slithered out from under my green-and-blue plaid blanket and grabbed a dirty pair of jeans from the floor, putting them on as fast as I could. It was hard to see, and I didn't dare open the curtains, so I stumbled around, trying to find my toiletry caddy.

Slipping on the flip-flops I wore in the shower, I hurried out of the room and to the communal bathroom at the end of the hall. It was early, only seven in the morning, but the bathroom was already busy.

I had to wait a few minutes before one of the shower stalls was available. I made sure to wash quickly, knowing there would be a line of impatient women timing me down to the second if I took too long. After I quickly got dressed, I headed back to my room.

The door opened as I got there, a tall, red-headed guy shuffled out into the hallway, bumping into me with a mumbled apology before continuing his walk of shame toward the stairwell.

Daisy was brushing her teeth in the sink in the corner, her long, golden-brown hair tied up in a bun on top of her head.

"I am so sorry ‘bout that. I know I should have called the room and let you know I was bringing someone back, but the night got away from me, and before I knew it, we were here," she apologized.

"Good thing I wear heavy-duty earplugs to bed, huh?" I teased. I grabbed a notebook and some pens and threw them in my book bag. My first class was in less than an hour, and I needed to grab breakfast first.

Daisy snorted. "It's not like you would have heard anything. The asshole passed out as soon as we got here. So, not only was I left unsatisfied, but I had zero room to sleep." She rolled her eyes and got back in bed, turning on the TV that sat propped on a pile of JCPenney catalogs atop a built-in shelf in the corner. Jerry Springer's nasally voice blared through the speakers.

"How can you watch that crap?" I asked, indicating the two women tearing each other's hair out on the screen.

"It's social commentary, my judgy friend," Daisy explained.

"Social commentary?" I laughed.

"Absolutely. Take these two." She pointed at the women. "That piece of shit sitting on the side loves all of this because they're choosing to attack each other instead of the cheating scum they were both sleeping with. It reeks of internalized misogyny."

I snorted. "Sounds like you're reaching, Daisy. I don't think Jerry Springer is that deep."

"I just think it's shitty that when a guy cheats, the first thing we all do is blame the other woman. But do you ever stop and wonder why that is?" Daisy sat up straighter. "Because a male-dominated society has conditioned us to view each other as the enemy."

I had discovered over the past few weeks that my flighty roommate definitely harbored a major feminist streak. When she got on a rant, there was nothing I—or anyone else—could do to stop her. At times, it seemed so at odds with her personality, but she would be the first to tell you a woman can be all things, whether they were contradictory or not.

I shrugged, neither agreeing or disagreeing. "Have you seen my ID?" I asked, looking around for the small piece of plastic that I needed to get breakfast.

"You lost yours again ?" Daisy teased. "Take mine. It's on my desk." She pointed to the mess of papers and books on her side of the room.

Stepping over heaps of clothes and text books in the cramped space, I grabbed Daisy's school ID and tucked it into my pocket.

The dorm room was tiny by most standards, only nine feet by sixteen feet. Two twin beds and two desks had been squeezed in along with a mini fridge and microwave Daisy had brought from home. Our closet, which was filled mostly with Daisy's clothes, was covered by a shower curtain, and the walls were papered with dozens of posters of movies and bands, which was my contribution to our living area.

Daisy was a total slob, and I had taken to cleaning up after her if I wanted to be able to walk across the floor. But we had become close friends in a short time. We had bonded over the similarities between my helicopter mother and her conservative Catholic family. Even though we were opposites in many ways, we empathized with each other's need for freedom.

"Want to come with me and grab a donut?"

Daisy made a face. "I don't know how you can eat that fried fat. I think I've taken on your freshman fifteen."

I mussed her hair. "You're gorgeous, Daisy, and you know it. Mr. Redhead definitely knew it too."

Daisy swatted my hand away. "Whatever, you're biased," she muttered, though she smiled, enjoying the compliment.

I checked the time on my watch. "Crap, I've got to go."

"Wait," Daisy called out as I was about to leave. "You're still going to the Pi Gamma Delta pledge mixer with me tonight, right?"

"Sure, is this for more social commentary?" I joked to cover my nerves.

"Whatever. We can't be women warriors all the time. Sometimes we want to get drunk and flirt with the hottest guys on campus," Daisy exclaimed with enthusiasm.

I never pictured myself as the sorority type. That was more my mom's thing. I had heard stories about her time in the Pi Gamma sorority my entire life. It was expected I'd be a sister, because she was a sister.

"You're a legacy!" she had cried before I left for school in August, as if the choice had already been made for me. She had also attended Southern State, and it felt as though she was setting a path for me that she had already traveled.

There was a twinge of defiance when Daisy suggested we go to the rush event that was brought on by a need to separate myself from my mother's history. But I had to admit I was drawn to the pretty girls laughing together in tight-knit groups, looking like they were having the time of their lives. "I'll be there. But I have to meet you at the Pi Gamma house because my class isn't done until 6:00 and I want to grab dinner first."

There was a knock at the door, and I barely had time to move before it swung open and Tammy Estep, our Resident Advisor, walked in.

"What the hell?" Daisy complained. She disliked Tammy and made no attempt to hide it.

"Hi, Tammy," I greeted, even though she didn't bother to look at me. As usual, her focus—and annoyance—was reserved entirely for my roommate.

"What'd I do this time?" Daisy sighed.

Daisy had been on Tammy's bad side since the beginning. I wasn't sure why. The RA was meant to be someone you could talk to, someone who was there to help. Not "Tight-ass Tammy" as she was known by the residents of Westwood Hall. If she smelled fun, she was there to shut it down. None of the girls on the hall could stand her. Yet, I knew there was more to Tammy than that. A side she staunchly hid in her day-to-day life.

I had overheard her talking to her parents on the phone one of the first nights at school. I could hear someone yelling at her on the other end, and from her look of broken anguish, it clearly wasn't the first time. We had locked eyes and I was immediately sheepish at having been caught eavesdropping. I could have told her I understood having a complicated relationship with your parents. But I didn't.

Tammy slammed the door in my face with an angry huff. From that moment on I knew that underneath that rigid exterior was a vulnerable little girl. That didn't make her any less of a pain. If anything, her refusal to connect with the girls she was tasked with watching over made her easier to dislike.

"I saw that guy coming out of your room this morning looking like he slept over," Tammy accused, hands on her ample hips.

"I didn't realize you were so invested in my sex life," Daisy goaded.

Tammy's cheeks flushed red. She was much shorter than me, only coming up to my chin, but she seemed to be trying to make up for her lack of height with unearned authority. Her hair was permed into tight curls and stuck out all over head like a deranged Shirley Temple.

"You are not permitted to have overnight guests of the opposite sex, Daisy. This is a female-only dorm. You signed the resident contract. I'll have to write you up, and if you get two more infractions, you'll be taken before the campus disciplinary committee," Tammy warned.

"Oh no, Jess," Daisy looked at me, "not the campus disciplinary committee." Daisy yawned again. "Now if you don't mind, Jerry needs my attention." She turned back at the TV, clearly finished with Tammy.

The RA finally looked at me. "You need to get it through to her that this is serious. We're only ten weeks into the first semester. I've seen a lot of girls come through this place who think partying and sleeping around is more important than getting an education. I'm your RA, I'm supposed to keep you on the right track, but it's up to you if you want to be here. You flunk out, it's no skin off my nose."

"Oh, I want to be here, Tammy," Daisy said, interrupting her lecture, "I've never gotten so much action." Daisy winked. Before I could respond, Tammy turned on her heel and left. Once she was gone, Daisy let out an exasperated groan. "That bitch has some nerve. What a hypocrite."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm guessing you haven't seen her sneaking that old dude into her room late at night? I caught her last week. He looked married too if the ring on his left hand is any indication."

I felt sick. "Tammy's screwing around with a married man?"

"Sure seemed like it. They weren't playing cards, that's for damn sure." She tapped her chin. "Hmm, I wonder what the campus disciplinary committee would think about that ?"

I took a deep breath. "I need to go. I swear to God, if Tammy makes me miss out on Krispy Kreme Donut Day, I will murder her."

Daisy giggled as I left our room.

I headed out to the quad, enjoying the crisp autumn air. I loved the walk across campus to the Commons that housed the cafeteria, student bookshop, and a snack bar and pool room called The Grotto.

I ruminated over what Daisy had told me about Tammy being involved with a married man. The idea of it made me feel horrible in ways I couldn't explain. I tried to put the ugliness out of my mind, even if it wanted to stick there like glue.

Southern State University lay on the north side of my hometown of Mt. Randall, North Carolina. It sat perched at the top of a steep slope. All the streets leading from town crawled upward toward its imposing entrance. I had grown up mesmerized by the college's stately columns and redbrick buildings. It felt like another planet.

I had graduated high school at the top of my class and scored a 1510 on my SATs. I took four AP classes and, in addition to those advanced placement courses, had participated in a large number of impressive extracurricular classes. I had been accepted to several prestigious schools, but it felt like a foregone conclusion that I'd attend the same small college in my hometown that both of my parents had attended. And if there was one thing I was good at, it was living up to expectations.

Daisy had seemed shocked when I admitted to growing up only three miles away. She was from Dallas, Texas. Going from a city to a tiny town like Mt. Randall must have been a culture shock.

"Didn't you want to get away?" she had asked me as she tried to understand. I couldn't explain that packing up my things and driving up the hill had been getting away. She couldn't see the invisible boundary that existed between Mt. Randall and Southern State. Not yet. But the college students quickly learned that there was the town—and there was the school. The two coexisted but never interacted. The locals held a begrudging tolerance toward the staff and students of Southern State. Yet that tolerance easily morphed into disgust and annoyance at the smallest provocation.

"It's so pretty," I exclaimed, holding tightly to my dad's hand as he led me along the brick-lined pathways that wove through the trees on campus. "When I grow up, I want to live here just like you used to."

At six years old, "pretty" was the most important requirement when thinking of somewhere I wanted to spend time. I knew the school well. Dad would often drive me up to the college where he had met my mom. She never came. It was always just Dad and me.

Dad laughed and squeezed my hand. "Then you will, sweetheart. All you have to do is work hard and you can do anything you put your mind to." He swung me around, making me squeal. "You are super-Jess!"

When he put me back down on my feet I held my arms out wide, twirling. "I love it, Daddy! I love it so much!"

Dad leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose and rustled my hair. "Then it will be yours."

"Promise?" I asked, gazing up at the person I loved most in the entire world.

Dad's smile lit up the sky. "Promise." He looked down at me for a long moment. "You make me so proud, Jess."

I passed by the row of identical colonial-style buildings that housed the English and Foreign Languages departments. The windows sparkled in the morning light and a group of landscapers were raking up piles of leaves.

The college was just waking up, stretching and ready to start its day, and I was happy with this new life I had only now started to live. But I knew that if I made my way to the crest of the hill beyond the Commons, I could see down into the town I had grown up in. I'd see the quiet streets and dated facade of my old high school. If I turned to the west, there'd be the winding, tree-lined avenue where my parents and little sister lived.

My old life was right there. So close … too close. They threatened to collide, yet, for now, remained thankfully separate.

I slowed down, taking my time, even though I was dangerously close to being late for my early-morning English 101 class. The college never felt busy. For such a small school, the campus was sprawling and meticulously maintained.

I was glad I had insisted on living in the dorms. It was one of the very few times in my life that I put my foot down about anything.

My parents—particularly my mother—had wanted me to live at home.

"Why pay for room and board when we live fifteen minutes away?" she had argued. My dad had agreed with her—at first. Though, eventually, I made him see my side of things. Dad usually backed me up. We were a team and always had been.

As I passed Roosevelt Hall, which housed the Math Department, an older man around my dad's age hurried down the steps. He was looking at a piece of paper in his hand and I moved quickly, and narrowly avoided colliding with him.

"Excuse me," he muttered, only then glancing up.

"It was totally my fault. I should have been more careful," I apologized. I noticed the staff badge around his neck, indicating that he was a teacher at the school.

I felt my body flush as the much older, very good-looking man's lovely hazel eyes met mine. The ferocity of his gaze left me feeling shaken and oddly vulnerable.

"It's my fault entirely. That's what happens when you're in a rush." His voice was like warm honey.

I cleared my throat, feeling strangely breathless. "I'm sorry," I replied lamely.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for." He smiled, the lines around his eyes deepening. "I'll have to be more careful next time."

"Hi, Dr. Daniels," a student called out and the professor raised his hand in a wave before giving me a quick smile and heading down the path.

I watched him leave, feeling an inexplicable anxiety in my gut. I twirled the thin silver band on my right hand, something I did when I was worried or upset. I looked down at the simple ring my father had given me for my sixteenth birthday. I had been ecstatic when I had unwrapped the light blue Tiffany's box finding a delicate silver band inside. It was a lot like the wedding ring my mother wore, but this one had swirls engraved in the metal reminiscent of the design on my favorite children's book and had my initials on the inside. I had worn it every day since my dad had given it to me.

Inside the Commons, there was a long line. When it was my turn, I grabbed a donut and a coffee, then gave the student manning the register Daisy's ID, which they swiped and handed back to me. I tucked the card in my bag and then headed to class.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something for me. The realization that I only had myself to look after and depend on filled me with excitement.

But also dread.

True Crime Crazy Blog Post 314 Southern State University's Missing Coeds May 22, 2005

This is the first part of my new Missing Women Series focusing on unsolved crimes otherwise forgotten by police—the young women abandoned by an incompetent police force and relegated to the whispered musings of a gossip -ridden town. I hope you join me for a truly devastating story of unanswered questions and frustrating half-truths that I will try hard to unravel.

This story takes place during the school year of 1998 and 1999 at a tiny college in an even tinier town in North Carolina. There are places you go to experience life—this wasn't one of them. This was a place you went to disappear.

And that's exactly what happened to these women.

All were roughly the same age. All in the prime of their lives.

But they shared more than just their age and location. All of them were connected by a complicated web of relationships that were kept a secret from their loved ones.

Yet not one person of interest has ever been named in any of their disappearances. When asked, the lead detective, a proud man named Sergeant Liam O'Neil, claimed that they ran away. Every. Single. One.

It wasn't until the parents of the second missing girl demanded action that action was in fact taken.

Time was lost. Leads were buried. Suspects were too quickly dismissed.

This is the worst story of law enforcement ineptitude I've ever encountered, and I've been deep into true crime for many, many years.

Let's start at the beginning. One by one I will pick their lives apart, looking for something the police overlooked.

It probably won't be that hard because they weren't looking for dead girls—but I am.