Chapter 17

Olivia was weary and had lost track of time but believed it to be a month since the first children had taken to their beds. Xavier had remained at Westbrook House helping her care for the children since the first cough with a whoop emerged. Though he did leave in the mornings in order to change, it was not long before he returned, freshly dressed and ready to begin another day and night treating the children of Westbrook House. While the women who lived here assisted, he was a physician and even though there was so little known of the best way to treat chincough, his knowledge and intelligence allowed him to deduce several options of treatment. None that would harm the children, of course, but could have been beneficial. In the end, all they could do was take care of them and hope that none succumbed to the illness.

Dr. Valentine did visit on occasion but pointed out that Dr. Sinclair had the matter well in hand and looked forward to when Sinclair was available to assist him in treating patients that came to his office in the future.

It was that discussion that had her pondering her future and his as they ate supper.

“Have you noticed that the first to become ill no longer have the whoop when they cough,” Xavier observed, his voice interrupting her thoughts.

“Yes, and hopefully, within a few days, it will be the same for all of them.”

“And with that, recovery will follow.”

“Yes, though the children will still need to rest. If they feel good enough to be out of bed, I will allow it, but will watch carefully so they do not tire and suffer a setback.”

“No doubt that by the end of the month each student will once again be in classes.”

Olivia had grown accustomed to having Xavier at Westbrook House and working by her side. She’d enjoyed his affection and support, but it couldn’t last forever, and she needed to prepare herself for when he was gone.

He had held her often, and they had shared kisses, but those had been tender when he tucked a wayward curl behind her ear when alone in her office. They had not been passionate as before, and Olivia had to wonder if Xavier no longer felt the desire she’d once experienced from his lips.

Or was it the same for him as it was for her, with the children so ill, any passion and desire dimmed because of more pressing concerns.

She also anticipated that he would be gone once this crisis passed and she would miss him very much.

“What will become of you when the children are recovered?”

He pulled back and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I know that Dr. Valentine wishes for you to assist with his patients. Is this something you still wish to do? Or has caring for an entire houseful of children caused you to rethink your decision of becoming a surgeon?”

He chuckled. “This experience has convinced me of many things, Olivia.”

His warm quiet tone had her wondering what he might say next.

“This is what I want to do. We faced a challenge with these children, and we were able to care for them with little instruction on what was best. But they are healing.”

“Yes, they are.”

“Not once did I feel helpless but driven. I want to learn more, do more and be more.”

Her heart started pounding at the passion in his voice. He would make a very good surgeon because he does care.

“I will take Valentine up on his offer.”

“Are you going to set aside the study of the mind for good?” She hated to see him give up something he had dedicated so many years to understanding.

“I will keep abreast of any new discoveries, but working with Valentine allows me to do much more.”

She was happy for him. Truly happy.

So much had changed between them since last autumn. He had proven not to be an arrogant arse after all. Or maybe he simply had changed. Either way, it mattered not to Olivia because the person he was now, the doctor dining with her in Westbrook House, was a gentleman she admired and respected very much.

And, if truth be told, she may have also fallen in love with him. That had occurred in the late-night hours while they rested after a long day, sipped brandy, and discussed matters of the past, the children, her hopes for Westbrook House, and what he wished to do. So much of what they wanted aligned, but he’d given no indication that he thought of her as anything more than a colleague. And, even if Xavier did decide to marry one day, no doubt it would be a younger woman, as most gentlemen did. Few married someone near their own age.

“Do you think you might practice medicine away from Valentine one day?”

“I cannot imagine doing so. He has far too many patients to handle on his own, and with two doctors instead of one, more can be seen. Further, it would allow one of us to remain behind while the other visits those who cannot leave their homes and to come here.”

“I assume you have spoken with him on this matter fully.”

“Yes, and I now know for certain, more than ever, that it is what I want.”

Practicing medicine with Valentine was not the only thing that Xavier wanted for his future.

Olivia in the candlelight was a beautiful sight indeed.

He wanted her.

Desired her in a way that he had never experienced before.

His heart ached to reach out and touch her.

Did that mean he loved her?

How does one know when they love?

It didn’t matter. Love or no, Xavier was not worthy of her.

Yet, that changed nothing.

Xavier’s heart beat for her. It pounded when she was near, and his blood heated in his veins. So often he wanted to reach out and touch her, or place his lips against hers, but he only dared do so when they were alone, in her office, and he kept it nearly chaste for fear his desire would emerge and passion would take over. It would have been wrong to allow such, especially when he was here to care for the children.

But, he could have during the late evenings when they shared brandy.

Instead, he had kept his distance, but he did not want to do that any longer.

Xavier held her chair as she rose from the table following dinner. They each took their glass of wine and made their way into the parlor where he had slept each night. A blanket and pillow were stacked on the chair because one of the women came in every morning to straighten the room after he had gone.

Books were still strewn about, though they could probably now be put away as there was nothing left to read on chincough.

Olivia wandered to the settee and sank down onto it.

In the past, Xavier had taken a seat across from her. He thought it was best because she was so tempting, and he was weak in her presence. Except tonight, he sat next to her.

“I worry that you do not rest enough,” Xavier voiced his concern.

“Nor do you,” she said.

“We shall both sleep a sennight after the children are well.”

She chuckled and sipped her wine.

“May I ask you a question?”

She turned her head to look at him. “Yes.”

“Why did you never marry?”

A blush stole over her cheeks. “You are assuming offers were made.”

“How could they not have been. You are a beautiful and remarkable woman, which is why I find it difficult to understand how you have reached a certain age unwed.”

“Is that a compliment, Dr. Sinclair?”

“It is an observation.”

“I could ask the same of you.”

“My answer is simple. I did not have the time. My studies were too important. It would have been unfair to take a wife when she would have been ignored most of the time and I could not marry without coming to know someone, of which I did not have the time to do.”

“Yes, I can understand why you have not wed.”

“You still have not answered my question,” he reminded her and hoped that he was not making her uncomfortable as this subject was usually considered indelicate when speaking of such with a spinster.

“There were courtships, but my version of being a wife did not match what was expected of me.”

“Too independent,” he guessed.

“Far too independent.” She laughed. “Each of those gentlemen ended up marrying a chit who needed to be taken care of and guided, and I am certain all the couples are quite happy.”

Xavier couldn’t help but snort. “I could not imagine you allowing any gentleman to guide you, let alone dictate what you were and were not allowed to do.”

“Which is the very reason I am a spinster.”

She said it almost as if she were proud of the accomplishment, but did she really wish to be alone?

Xavier had expected to remain a bachelor with his studies to keep him company, but he was also questioning that decision, and it was only because of Olivia.

He looked into her eyes. “You intimidated them. Most gentlemen prefer a woman who is obedient, not one who will challenge their intellect.” He placed a finger beneath her chin. “I am not one of them.” Then Xavier pressed his lips against hers and feared she would pull away. But she did not. Instead, she returned his kiss and tilted her head just enough so that he could press further.