4. CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4

V al did not see Aris for several days after that. His absence was beginning to make her crazy. She was too scared to go back to his office at night, so she was forced to go about her days reliving that kiss over and over again.

Lucia was also fairly cold to her, and it made Val's chest want to cave in. If there was anyone in the world she would have told about the moment she and Aris shared, it would have been Lucia. Lucia, with her impassive face and her—only slightly—judging eyes. Val knew she would judge her for it, but she also knew she would not fault her, either.

Chances were, she already suspected. Lucia was always sharp like that.

It wasn't until nearly a week later that Val caught sight of the general.

Val and Katia were heading to training early one morning, making their way down the residential wing. Katia was telling her about a new sword style she wanted to try, when a door at the end of the hall opened. A small, petite priestess hurried out. Her hood was in her hand, her face flushed, her lips puffy and red. Katia tutted a little at this, but a warm feeling of dread was beginning to fill Val's stomach.

She knew whose room that was.

Almost like a magnet, Val's eyes snapped to the door and locked with Aris's. He was shirtless and scruffy, his eyes empty vessels of cool indifference. Katia spotted the general nearly at the same time Val did and stopped dead in her tracks.

Aris gave them a brief nod. "Ladies," he said brusquely, and his door snicked shut with a firm snap.

Val stood there for a moment, the floor feeling like it was retracting underneath her feet.

"Never the same female twice," Katia muttered under her breath, watching the tail of the priestess's robe swish out of sight down the stairs. This remark sent Val hurtling straight back to earth, her heart feeling like it had free fallen through the stone floor. "Still," Katia continued, completely unaware that Val was withering away internally beside her. "I do wonder what the general is like. You know . . . under those circumstances. Almost makes you want to ask one of them, doesn't it?"

The feel of Aris's hands on her body, his mouth on her lips and her breasts seemed to overwhelm her in that second. But then, the image of his expression drifted back to her.

For the briefest of moments, Val had seen pure, unbridled fear and panic on his face. What on earth had made him look at her like that? Was it the kiss? Or had he simply lost control of himself? It was true that she had never seen the general lose control. Not like that, not like how he did when he had her in front of him, supine and willing. And yet, Val's mind kept spinning his words over and over.

I shouldn't have done that.

So, he had lost control, had yielded to whatever he had felt for her. Her stomach clenched as she felt herself wonder if he truly had felt anything for her. If that priestess scuttling by her was any indication, she was beginning to doubt he did.

Yet the expression on his face haunted her as Val followed Katia down the stairs, her mind spinning with the question of what on earth had shaken the general so severely . . . And if it had meant anything to him at all.

Val trained that day feeling sick to her stomach. Her heart was not in it and her head was a jumbled mess. She could barely feel her own feet as she led her soldiers through the training, choosing not to join them that day for fear she would be too distracted and get pummeled into the ground. All the while, Lucia watched her with a sharp, quiet eye.

When training was over, Val retreated to her room, not even bothering to stop by the dining hall for dinner.

"Are you sure you're not hungry, Captain?" Atria asked, her brow furrowed with worry.

"I'm sure," Val told her with a grim smile to both Katia and Atria, who were hovering over her anxiously. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

She escaped to the darkened staircase, reveling in quiet solitude. Her mind was still humming along, her heart aching like a sore muscle. She hadn't been able to concentrate all day, hadn't been able to unsee the flushed cheeks and mussed hair of that priestess. The image made a flame of fury surge in her chest.

As she ascended the stairs, she heard footsteps from below. They were light and delicate, only given away by the echo across the cold stone walls. Val paused and listened as the slight taps of the approaching person rebounded off the small, rounded passage. A hint of poppies and smoke filled the air for a moment before Lucia appeared around the corner. Her gold eyes were bright, even in the darkness.

For a moment, they just looked at each other. A dozen unspoken words seemed to pass between them. And then, without a single noise, they began to climb the stairs together.

They reached Val's room, and silently, Lucia slipped in behind her as Val closed the door and leaned against it. Lucia crossed the room, her lithe, tall frame illuminated by the fire in the hearth, and perched on the edge of Val's unmade bed.

"So?"

Val bowed her head. "Something happened."

Lucia nodded but did not speak.

"He kissed me," she whispered.

"And did you kiss him back?"

Val nodded, suddenly feeling ashamed of herself. Her fingers dug into the grimy wood of the door behind her, too embarrassed to even look at her second in command.

But Lucia did not say anything. She did not chastise her for doing the very thing she had warned her not to do. Instead, the statuesque female sat on the bed and appraised her with a strange look on her beautiful, angular face. Sympathy.

"Do not treat yourself too harshly, Val," Lucia said softly. "Many have fallen for the general's charms. You will not be the last."

Val's heart gave an unpleasant lurch. How could she tell Lucia that that was precisely what she was afraid of? That the thing she longed for the most was quite possibly the most protected thing in all of Light's Tower: the general's heart.

The only comfort Val had was having Lucia back at her side to face the constant whispering and snide looks from the Light's Tower's residents. She had even caught Saros averting his eyes from her, and he had been the most neutral of the group.

Either way, Val had thick skin. She could handle the whispers. She could handle the sneers and the smirks that some of Lycas and Elric's lot shot her as she walked past. What she couldn't handle, however, was Aris's total dismissal of her after what had happened in his office.

She refused to visit him at night again, even though she knew that their time was limited. If Titus truly was looking to conquer Mount Cinis, then it was imperative they prepare—even if it was for the worst-case scenario.

But after that morning, when Val had spotted the priestess leaving his room, she did not catch sight of the general again for days. Until the night of the Harvest Festival.

Light's Tower often tried to honor the holidays of the kingdoms Praiton had banned, meaning they had parties and feasts quite often. Harvest Festival was a loose interpretation of the Ganiean celebration of Gaia.

Gaia was typically a female-celebrated festival intended to honor their participation in a successful harvest. Now, though, it had become a general excuse for a raucous feast—especially in the Legion headquarters. Not that the rebels needed one.

Val, however, was in no mood to party. She had barely been in a talking mood for the last week—much to the concern of her unit. Katia and Atria had been watching her worriedly for several days now. And as she stood in front of the small mirror over the fireplace in her room, listening to the sounds of the party drifting up towards her from the floors below, she found there was no place in the world she wanted to be less.

With a muttered curse, Val threw herself back into bed, tugging the covers up over her head. She didn't want to go downstairs. She didn't want to drink and pretend to be happy, didn't want to watch the other captains talk and laugh together in a group that she was never invited to join . . . And she especially did not want to see Aris with that stone mask back on his handsome face.

At the thought of Aris, Val drew the quilt further up over her head. Gods, she was being pathetic. She knew she had messed up. She knew kissing Aris was a big, big mistake—one that she would now be forced to live with. How was she supposed to face him and everyone else when she could still feel his hands on her body, even now?

A large bang echoed through the room as her door flew open, and Val jolted in alarm as the covers were peeled back from her face.

"Captain?" Katia peered down at her. Her honey colored eyes were wide with concern and a light sweeping of sparkly dust. Val groaned and attempted to burrow back under the covers, but Katia kept a firm grip on the sheet. "What's wrong? Are you ill? Why aren't you ready for the party?"

After a moment of wrestling with her, Val relinquished the sheet and rose into a sitting position, attempting to smooth down her unruly red hair. "I'm just not in the mood, that's all," she grumbled.

Katia pursed her lips, her head tilting as she assessed her. Katia was always up for a party if it meant being able to put aside her leather armor and wear something pretty. Even now, Val's first sergeant looked dazzling with her long auburn hair curled and flowing over her dainty shoulders.

"What is it, Captain?" she asked softly. She pulled back the covers and sat down on the edge of Val's bed, a faint line of concern wrinkling her delicate features. "You've been a little out of sorts lately. I've been worried about you."

Val huffed a stray piece of her own wild red hair from her face and gave her a grim smile. "I'm fine, Katia. Really. You know how I get when we don't have any battles to keep me occupied. I'm just a little restless, that's all."

Katia considered her for a moment, her brow furrowed as if she didn't believe her at all, before her face spread into a catlike smile. "Well, then you should be thrilled to join us downstairs for the party."

And before Val could protest, Katia wrenched her out of bed and threw her bodily into the stool in front of her dressing table.

"Katia, wait—" But Katia swatted her hand away and seized her comb sitting on the dresser before beginning to work the teeth through her tangled curls. Val winced as she yanked on her scalp, but Katia held her steady with a firm hand.

"You really don't have to do this," Val grumbled. After the first few rough tugs, Katia's movements became gentler as the comb glided through her smooth strands. "I was perfectly happy staying in and reading that book you gave me—"

Katia shot her a horrified look in the mirror. "You were going to stay in and read a romance book instead of going to celebrate Gaia with everyone?" Val flushed as Katia glared at her, her hands still combing through her hair. "Now, why do I feel like you're lying to me, Captain?"

Val grunted, which earned her another yank to her scalp, making her wince.

"Now tell me the truth," Katia said. "Why do you not want to go?"

"Are you serious?" At that moment, the door to Val's room banged open again, and Atria bounded in. Her short orange hair was twisted back in its usual stubby braided pigtails, but for once, she was not covered in soot and dirt from training. Like Katia, she had dressed up—had even cleaned her fingernails, by the looks of it. She stood in the doorway, her mouth open in outrage. "Val, you have to go tonight! Why aren't you going?"

Val did not respond, instead watching Katia's delicate fingers loop each of her thick curls into a more defined shape with her finger as Atria sat down on the bed. Both girls' eyes were fixed on her in the reflection of the mirror.

"They're all still talking about me," Val said finally. "Elric and Lycas. About how I'm a slutty, undeserving captain."

Katia blinked, and Val could tell she did not expect this as an answer. And while it wasn't completely the truth, it wasn't like she could tell them what had happened with the general. Just to say it out loud felt like proving all of the rumors right.

But as Val hung her head, it was Atria who exploded. " Fuck them ."

Val jumped and turned to look at her, eyes wide, shocked at hearing the words thrown so vehemently from her sergeant's mouth.

Katia's hold on her shoulder tightened. Then, in a small voice, she whispered, "We think you're an amazing captain, Val. Atria's right. Fuck them."

For a moment, Val just looked at her two sergeants, words momentarily escaping her. And then she mustered a small smile.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Fuck them."

And even though she still could not tell them what really, truly weighed on her heart, her friends' love pushed her to finish getting ready. They trooped downstairs together, and Val quietly hoped that some of their good cheer would rub off on her. Part of her felt bad she did not confide in them as she did Lucia, but she knew Lucia would always understand. Regardless of their steadfast loyalty and friendship, she still worried whether Katia just wanted to know what the general looked like naked.

The minute they reached the great hall, the younger girls disappeared into the crowd to retrieve drinks, leaving Val at the table, nursing a large mug of ale.

The night passed in a steady rotation of ale mugs, which Val downed one after the other. Eventually, Atria and Katia had rushed into the crowd to join the merriment, leaving her alone at the table with a stone-faced Lucia, who sipped at her own mug with a dainty pinky extended.

After several hours and five mugs of ale, Val slammed down her sixth mug and sighed, the noise lost amidst the laughter, shouting, and music filling the dining hall. To be expected, the two younger girls who had cajoled her to the party were half sloshed most of the night, laughing and yelling with the rest of the rebels, blissfully ignorant to her rotten mood.

It made her almost smile, though. To see the two people she thought of as her younger sisters throw their cares away, for once unburdened by the fact that they were in the midst of a war, victims of exile. During these parties, they belonged. Even just for the night.

Lucia, however, sat primly on the bench beside Val, long legs crossed, delicate fingers clutching a mug of ale as she analyzed the festivities.

"You could fake it a little better," Lucia said to her from the side of her mouth.

Val huffed, swirling her own drink around in her cup. "They made me come," she said, jerking her head towards Katia and Atria. "So, forgive me if I'm not in the party mood." Her eyes traitorously strayed to the front of the hall where Aris was seated, surrounded by Saros and a few of the lower lieutenants. He appeared at ease, his face that usual infuriating mask of calm. The memory of that face darkened with lust and hunger drifted back to her mind.

Val ground her teeth before tipping her head back, throwing the rest of her drink down her throat. Lucia watched her.

Feeling suddenly thankful her second knew what had happened, Val didn't refrain from scowling as she watched Aris smile in that enigmatic way of his at something Saros said.

"You're staring."

"Am I . . ." Val did not care. She was just drunk enough she could at least pretend she didn't care that Aris hadn't looked at her in weeks. She could pretend she didn't miss her nights in his office with him. She could pretend that it wasn't driving her out of her fucking mind.

At that moment, Katia bounced towards them, her eyes alight with drink and a soldier from the Laenimorian unit mooning after her.

"I'm gonna go up to bed," she giggled, her hand reaching for the arm of the male next to her.

Val barely suppressed a burp as she saluted her first sergeant. Lucia, however, turned an evil eye on the Laenimorian male. He instantly recoiled from her.

"Are you sure?" Lucia asked stiffly, turning to look back at Katia. Her face didn't dim as she nodded happily down at her. Lucia cast one last warning glare at the male, before nodding, dismissing them both. Katia and the male giggled out of sight, and Val rolled her eyes as she reached for another mug of ale.

"Maybe you should go to bed, too," Lucia suggested. From out of the corner of her eye, Val noticed Aris and Saros rise from their seats, still talking amicably. Elric and Lycas immediately latched onto the general and his group, and she felt bile rise in her throat.

"Maybe after this drink," Val mumbled. The general and the other captains left the hall, still talking and laughing amongst each other, and Val's grip on her mug tightened as fire spread from her fingertips, cracking the wood in a shower of sparks.

"Captain," Lucia said, a hand touching her arm. Val jerked and went to drain her cup again but found it was already empty. Lucia shook her slightly, forcing her to look into those sharp, golden eyes—so like that of a dragon's. She looked sympathetic. " Bed. "

Val slammed her smoldering cup down and rose from her bench, feeling as if the floor was moving underneath her. The hall was shimmering in a blur of movement, blending into streams of color and light. She was as drunk as the rest of them.

Nodding to Lucia, she staggered as she swung her leg over the wooden bench. Lucia jumped, her hands springing up as if to catch her, but Val waved her off.

"M'fine," she mumbled, sounding absolutely not fine, which Lucia's eyes seemed to scream as Val stumbled from the dining hall.

The sound of laughter filled her ears as she placed one foot in front of the other, her footfalls echoing in her skull. The party hadn't died down in the slightest, but all the other captains and Aris had left the hall. She wondered bitterly where they could've gone, almost laughing at the fact that, once again, she was the only one seemingly not invited.

Her question as to where the captains and the general had disappeared to was answered with the abrupt sound of laughter coming from the antechamber down the hall. Val froze, her ears immediately pricking up, hearing the sniveling drawl of Lycas and the corresponding snigger of Elric from around the corner.

"Quite a pretty little thing, isn't she?" Lycas was saying.

Val edged around the corner until the group came into view. The captains of Light's Tower were leaning against the walls leading to the administrative offices, all still holding their mugs. Aris stood in the midst of them, that easy, handsome mask still attached to his face. The sight of it made her chest ache. She was so sick of seeing that expression.

"I hope more of the priestesses come join us," Lycas continued. The runt was doing a pathetic impersonation of a swaggering male, attempting to show off to the others surrounding him. "Healers, too. Choices are getting slim these days."

Val rolled her eyes in disgust as the other males laughed in agreement.

"It is especially hard to find a female that wasn't already sampled by our lovely General," Saros said, grinning at Aris, whose face did not change. "There's not a single female in this Tower that the General hasn't had."

Aris shrugged, that empty smirk still on his face. "Occupational hazard," he drawled, leaning against the stone wall behind him.

"There probably isn't a single one worth a shit left you haven't had, is there, General?" Lycas sneered. "Well, besides Lady Valeria Augusta , that is. Too bad you haven't tasted that, General. Lousy captain or not, her tits look damn good in a corset."

The males around him laughed even harder, and Val felt the color drain from her. She didn't expect him to answer, but as she watched that beautiful face twitch with an expression of unexpected annoyance, she suddenly felt a strong sense of foreboding.

Taking a swig from his cup, Aris's jaw stiffened, as, in a voice as cold as his glare, he said, "Who's to say I haven't?"

The males around him didn't seem to notice the general's irritation as they burst into laughter and jeering . . . And Val stood there, feeling her stomach melt through her feet. Her whole body began to rise in temperature, redness flooding her skin, her vision.

The males were still laughing, still probably slapping Aris on the back, when Val stepped out from around the corner.

All the air seemed to leave the room when they all caught sight of her. But she didn't look at any of them. She had eyes only for Aris, who looked up almost in slow motion. And this time, there was no covering the look of sheer horror that crossed his face.

"Valeria," he breathed. It was so quiet that no one around him heard. Only she knew the way her name looked on his lips.

Lycas, however, immediately began the abuse. "I see now what it takes to be captain here, eh Lady Augusta ," he jeered, but no one laughed with him. All their eyes were trained on her. They all knew she could set them ablaze with a single look—one flick of her finger—but she didn't feel angry. She didn't feel anything at all.

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at the general. The male who had convinced her that she deserved to be captain, to pay no mind to the whispers and the rumors . . . only to find him perpetuating them himself.

Shaking her head, Val's lip curled in disgust. Her vision was obscured by tears, but she didn't care. Disgusted with Aris—disgusted with herself for even letting tears show in front of these assholes—she took off towards the residential wing, not looking back. Their laughter followed her up the stairs like a bad smell, and all around her, the walls shook and shimmered in the water lining her eyes.

She ran up the steps, her feet flying under her, feeling cold and numb and stupid all at once. Then, footsteps echoed after her. Quickening her pace, she prayed it was anyone else but the group she just left. She prayed to Calida and the Mother all at once for it to be Lucia or Atria. Someone, anyone other than—

" Valeria!"

No, no, no.

Anyone but him.

But Aris caught her around the wrist, whirling her around to face him. And for the first time in weeks, Val looked upon the true face of the general. Panic filled his hazel eyes, fear . . . and something else. She wondered if it was regret, before immediately telling herself she didn't care.

"Let me go."

"Valeria, please —" But with a hiss of pain, he released her as her Ember Magic surged through her skin.

"You lied!" she snapped. Her voice trembled but she forced the hurt down, letting the surge of fire burn through her. "You told me to ignore the naysayers, but you stood there and lied—"

"It was a mistake, Valeria!" he pleaded, making to reach for her again but stopping himself short. "I didn't think about what I was saying. I just wanted them to shut up and I—"

"You were bragging." Val glared down at him, unable to stop that stupid quiver of her chin. "After everything I've told you . . . You stood there in front of a group who undermines me for being a female every chance they get. And you stood there and told them that we—"

"It was a mistake . I will set them straight, Valeria, please."

But Val was done. It was one thing for her to be tossed aside after sharing something like they did that night in his office. It was another for the one person who had defended her against the vicious rumors to throw it all away by spreading them himself.

Val moved down a step, drawing closer to him. The panic in his eyes was still evident, even as she neared him. The heat coming from her body—from her anger and hurt—was radiating off her like the fire from the torch on the wall a few feet above them.

Aris's body stiffened, the general seeming to hold his breath as she came towards him until they were almost as close as they were that night.

She could still feel his lips, could still feel his hands touch her body. But, with a deep breath, she stomped all those memories down like extinguishing a flame.

"You will never taste me, General," she whispered to him. And then she turned tail and fled up the stairs, leaving him standing there, staring up at her.