Chapter 39

CHAPTER

39

The email from Margaret arrived on Kim’s birthday, details of the order that was ready to file. All Margaret needed was his go-ahead. Matt sat in his office, mind reeling with the implications of what he was being advised to do. And the irony that the decision was to be made today, of all days.

He clicked his mouse and a couple of seconds later, his favourite image of Kim filled the screen.

‘Happy birthday.’ The words were a whisper. ‘I still miss you, Kim. And I love you. I’m trying to do my best for our daughter and I’m sorry it’s come to this.’

He reached out his hand, his fingers curling to stroke her cheek as they had done so many times when she was still with him. But he didn’t touch the screen. To feel its cold, hard touch instead of her soft, living warmth would break his heart again.

‘You would be so proud of Vicki. She’s smart and funny and kind. She has so much love in her heart. She didn’t remember today is your birthday and I didn’t remind her. I didn’t want her feeling sad all day at school. I have a special treat for her this afternoon. She’s getting her first horse-riding lesson. She’s wanted that for so long. She’s a happy girl most of the time. She’s become obsessed with alpacas. I told you about Bree. They’ve become friends. Bree has taught her to knit and Vicki knitted me a scarf. It’s terrible. Full of mistakes and so very precious to me.’

The image in front of him blurred as tears filled his eyes. ‘Bree’s my friend too, Kim. More than a friend. I have—I have feelings for her. It’s not like it was for us. Remember? We met and knew in that first instant that we had to be together. This is different. It’s taken time to grow. But it’s good for me. I don’t feel so alone. And Vicki likes her too. It’s good for her to have someone other than me in her life. The thing is, had you met, I think you would have liked her.’

Matt stopped talking and waited for the guilt to begin. There was none. Instead, he felt acceptance.

I don’t want you and Vicki to be alone forever. There is so much love in the world. In both of you. There will be someone else for both of you. And when you find her, love her with all your heart, as I love you.

He could still hear the words Kim had spoken on that last day in the hospital in a voice weak with suffering. He hadn’t believed them at the time, but in this, as in so many things, Kim had been right.

‘I’m sorry that Sally …’

His voice trailed off. No. He wasn’t going to think about that now. Not today. The email would still be there tomorrow. Today he would meet Vicki at school and take her horse riding. He’d cheer her on and share her joy. Then later, after dinner, they would play Squatter and talk. About ponies and alpacas and Kim. They would remember the good times of the past and they would make plans for the future. They would have dreams. He and Vicki. Maybe Bree’s name might sneak into the plans and dreams. And if it did, that would be fine.

The day passed swiftly, with a couple of inquiries about properties on Matt’s list. Things were definitely looking up and he was singing as he flipped the sign on his office door much earlier than usual. He paused in the house long enough to collect a shoe box hidden in his room. It contained a set of small riding boots that he knew would thrill Vicki. He was almost as excited about the afternoon as his daughter would be when she found out.

He drove to the school to collect Vicki, so they could go directly to the riding school. He parked at one end of a line of parents picking their kids up and got out, scanning the faces of the kids streaming out the gate, looking for Vicki. A couple of Vicki’s friends said hello as they walked past.

In a few minutes, most of the kids were gone, but there was still no sign of his daughter.

Matt left the car and walked towards the school gate. It wasn’t a big school and the grounds were close to empty. Vicki must have stayed back with one of the teachers. It wouldn’t be the first time she had become engrossed in something interesting. The school only had five rooms and when he opened the door to Vicki’s classroom, it was empty.

An icy hand closed around his heart.

He hurried towards the office, where he found three teachers chatting.

‘Have any of you seen Vicki?’

The youngest of the teachers frowned. ‘Yes. She was the first out the door at the end of class. She ran to the gate. I saw her wave. I guessed it was at you.’

‘No. It wasn’t. Did anyone see who it was?’

All three were now staring at him. The remaining two shook their heads.

‘You were told her grandmother wasn’t allowed to collect her. Could it have been her?’

‘I don’t think …’ The teacher’s voice trailed off. ‘Oh, no. What’s happened?’

‘I don’t know.’ Matt was too filled with dread to feel anger towards the school or the teachers. All he cared about was finding Vicki.

‘Maybe she walked home,’ one suggested hesitantly.

‘I told her I was meeting her today. I have a special surprise for—If you see her, call me.’

He ran back to the school gate but didn’t stop for his car—it was quicker on foot. He sprinted down the street to Kelly’s supermarket and darted inside.

‘Is Vicki here?’

Kelly and the customer she was serving spun around, startled. ‘No, she’s not. Is everything all right?’

‘She wasn’t there when I went to pick her up from school.’

Kelly’s mouth fell open. ‘Hang on.’ She darted to the door at the back of the shop.

The door stayed open and Matt saw her run across to her house and go in the back door. She was back in a couple of minutes.

‘My kids saw her leaving school. Barbara says she was with an older woman. Maybe her grandmother?’

Matt staggered and grabbed hold of a shelf to support himself as the earth fell out from under him.

Kelly was at his side. She knew better than the rest of the town what this meant. ‘I’m sorry, Matt. What can we do to help?’

Shaking his head, he lurched out the door and onto the street, looking wildly around in case he was wrong and Vicki was walking home. Safe.

His hand was shaking as he reached for his phone.