19. Xander

CHAPTER 19

XANDER

Amy is back in Katastinia, and her friends from the States have come with her since our wedding is so close now. After departing the private plane, Gabby and the others load themselves into a waiting limo, laughing and talking to each other with glasses of champagne in their hands. They’ll check into a cute bed and breakfast and explore Katastinia while Amy prepares for the big day.

The chauffeur shuts the door behind them as Amy waves, standing beside me, one arm wrapped around her waist.

If the look on her face is any indication, she’s thinking about making a mad dash for the plane and leaving me standing on the runway, wondering what went wrong.

I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the dry feeling in my throat. “Is everything okay?”

Her gaze flickers past me as she forces a smile onto her face. “Yeah, everything is fine. I’m just tired from the flight and then having that show of reuniting in front of the cameras. I just want to crawl into bed.”

“Did you want to stop by the bakery building first? They changed the color of the counter to that shade of blue you liked and installed a new butcher-block top on it.”

She opens the car door. “I don’t think so. It’s been a long day.”

We get in the car, but it feels like the oxygen has been sucked out of it. I don’t know what to think about any of this.

Should I tell her that I missed her?

It’s the truth, but I think it’s just going to make things more complicated between the two of us.

And to be honest, I didn’t think I would miss her as much as I did. I’m still trying to process it myself and telling her is only going to confuse me more.

Amy shifts in her seat, her hair falling like a curtain between us as we leave the airport behind. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the wedding. I know that Gabby and my friends aren’t going to be in the room with me while I’m getting ready — due to the security issues and all that — but they are going to be in the front row, right? They’re the only family I have.”

“Of course they’re going to be there, and Daphne is going to make sure that they’re taken care of all weekend. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“I have a lot to worry about.” She twists to look at me, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Do you think that we’re making a huge mistake and that we should call this off before it’s too late?”

It feels like she’s punched me in the gut.

“What?”

Her cheeks turn a bright red. “I know. Maybe we should’ve thought about this a little more. We rushed into the plan thinking that everything was going to be fine, but the truth is that we don’t love each other.”

The ground is falling out from beneath me. It feels like I’m grabbing onto the sides of the cliff, trying to haul myself out of the free fall.

“No, we don’t love each other,” I say, though my voice sounds strangled. “I didn’t think that mattered, though. We agreed to get married because there was no risk of us falling in love, and then we could both have everything we wanted.”

She bites her bottom lip, rolling it between her teeth as she looks past me out the window. “I know.”

“Are you having second thoughts?”

“Maybe.” She shifts in the seat again, huddling closer to the door and farther from me. “I keep thinking about Gabby’s wedding and the love that was there, and I don’t know if getting married without love is right.”

I take a ragged breath, torn between spilling the rollercoaster of emotions in my head and letting her think that she isn’t the single most important person in my life right now.

The other part of me — the one that knows a king can’t be vulnerable — shoves those emotions down the best he can.

“I think that we’re making the best decisions we can with the cards we’ve been dealt. This is only temporary, and I do care for you. It’s just not in that way.”

But it might be.

Though I don’t know what being in love with a woman feels like, if I was going to fall for anyone, it would be her.

It would be impossible not to.

The way Amy connects with everyone she meets is astounding. She understands me on a level that nobody else ever has.

When I’m at my worst, she charges at the problem headfirst instead of shying away like so many other people would.

I’m not sure there’s anything in this world or the next that would scare her into backing down.

And that’s why I can’t drag her down and tie her to the crown forever.

After all that she’s been through in her life and the ferocity with which she attacks the world, I can’t cage her. She’s not a bird to be kept by the rules of a council.

She should be free to live her life without the weight of it all hanging over her head.

Amy sighs and crosses one leg over the other. “I’ve been thinking that both of us deserve to have someone who adores us.”

“I think what we have is enough.”

“Maybe.”

Amy leans back in bed, one leg crossed over and her book in her hand. She doesn’t look up from it as I take off my shirt and toss it in the corner before climbing into bed beside her.

For the first night since she teased me about a pillow wall between us, it’s not there.

This is worse than I thought.

She’s spent most of the day going over wedding details with Daphne, so I didn’t see her much, but it seems like she’s still bothered by what we talked about in the car.

I don’t know how to make this better.

As I settle into bed beside her, she flips to the next page in her book, still not saying anything.

I bite the inside of my cheek. It’s clear that I’m going to have to be the first one to make a move to try and bridge the gap between us, but I’ve never done this before.

When other relationships started to fall apart — if they could be considered relationships in the first place — I let the women walk. I didn’t try to stop them.

And now that Amy is starting to pull away, all I want to do is hold her close.

“I missed you,” I say, the words foreign to my own ears. “I thought a lot about when you were going to get home and what we were going to do. I don’t think I’ve ever missed anyone the way that I missed you.”

She closes her book and sets it on the nightstand. “I missed you too.”

Looping an arm over her shoulder, I pull her closer. “I know that you’re worried about the wedding, but everything is going to be fine. Unless you still haven’t learned how to dance. People might notice if you’re standing on my feet again.”

A ghost of a smile appears.

I might be getting through to her.

I hope that I am. I don’t think I can spend months of my life with her icing me out and putting on a front.

As wrong as it might be, I crave that teasing smile and her playful laugh. It’s the only thing that’s made me feel normal since taking the throne.

At this point, I’m not capable of living without it.

“They’ll definitely notice,” Amy says. “It’s one of those mermaid-style dresses. I’ll have nowhere to hide.”

I get out of bed, bowing low and holding my hand out to her. “Come on, then. Let’s practice one more time. Tomorrow is going to be a blur, and the day after that is the wedding.”

She takes a deep breath and takes my hand, shuffling across to my side of the bed to get out, her little shorts climbing higher.

Even when she’s ready for bed, her hair tied into a messy bun on top of her head, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.

And as selfish as it is, I can’t let go of her.

I grab my phone and put on our wedding song, turning it down low. My hand rests against her bare back, the crop top she wears showing the curve of her breast when she puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Now, you’re going to do your best not to step on my toes.” I guide her back a step, spinning us in a slow circle, holding her free hand in mine. “And I promise I won’t drop you when we do the dip.”

“If you drop me, we will have some great articles getting plastered all over the internet. Other women might finally lose their fascination with you.”

“Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?” I ask, banding my arm around her back and lifting her against me for the spin.

I don’t know if she can feel the way my heart is trying to beat its way out of my body as she slides down against me, feet touching the floor, but I would be surprised if she couldn’t.

Amy’s gaze flickers to mine, hesitation there. “Yes.”

That simple word is nearly enough to send me staggering back a step.

What was supposed to be another round of banter between us is taking another turn.

And though I know that she’s the only woman I can see the rest of my life with, I can’t find the words to tell her. Not when everything else about my life is so unsure.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The only woman screaming my name for the next two years and three months is you.”

Her face pales at the countdown. “If you’re that eager to get rid of me, I could get on a plane right now.”

I spin her around beneath my arm before pulling her back to me and dipping her low.

Her breath hitches as I pull her back to me, lips brushing against hers.

“Don’t leave me,” I say, words soft.

Instead of assuring me that she’s going to be here to stay like she has before, she closes the distance between us.

My cock hardens, straining against my shorts as I turn her around and walk her back toward the bed.

“I didn’t think you missed me this much,” I say, tone teasing as I hook my fingers in the sides of her shorts and pull them down her long legs. “We could’ve had some fun in the car again.”

She smirks, whatever was bothering her melting away as we return to territory that’s neutral for both of us.

I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or a bad one, but it’s hard to focus properly when she’s pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it to the side.

My hands skim up her waist. “I hope you realize I plan on spending the night showing you how much I missed you.”

She runs her hand down my bulge. “I think I might have figured that out already.”

My own shorts hit the ground as I claim her mouth again, kissing her until we’re breathless. I cup the back of her head, our chests heaving.

We have a deadline.

Screw the deadline.

We have tonight.

I push her back on the bed, hovering over her body. Her legs part as I skim my fingers through her wet slit, teasing the little bundle of nerves with the slightest of touches. “I’m going to spend hours worshipping your body until you don’t even know your own name.”

Amy props herself up on her elbows, giving me a cocky smile. “You don’t have that kind of stamina.”

Chuckling, I slide two fingers into her, pressing against the spot that has her mewling for me every time. “I don’t think you know what kind of stamina I have. I’ve been going easy on you.”

Her eyes burn with lust as she rocks against my fingers. “Give me everything.”

I thrust my fingers slowly, teasing her with each movement. “Are you sure? I don’t think you really want to come. I think you would rather I spend hours keeping you on the edge.”

“If you do that, I’m shoving your motorcycle off a cliff.”

I crook my fingers, smirking when her pussy clenches around me. “I don’t know if I believe that. You liked it when I took you for a ride to the outlook and made you come on it before you left me.”

She dips one hand between her legs, fingers swirling around her clit with a smug look on her face. “I can get myself off if you’re not going to be any help.”

Grabbing her wrist, I force it above her head, keeping her pinned in place as I plunge my fingers into her harder and faster. “I don’t remember telling you that you could do that, do you?”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

I drag her earlobe between my teeth as she moans. “As I seem to recall, I am when we’re in the bedroom. You like it when I tell you what to do, Amy.”

When I stop thrusting, she rolls her hips again. “Please. Please let me come.”

I nip at her pulse, grinning against her soft, vanilla-scented skin when she jumps. “Then come for me.”

With each thrust of my fingers, I press my palm against her clit. She rocks her hips in time with the thrust, her wrist straining against my grip on her.

She coats my fingers with her arousal as she comes, soft whimpers filling the room as I step back and shove my shorts off.

I hover over her, but she hooks a leg around my waist, flipping us over.

She positions herself over my cock, but instead of sinking down on me, she rakes her nails down my chest. “You’re not playing fair.”

“I’m always going to fight dirty when it comes to you. Now, be a good girl and ride me until you can’t move.”

My fingers sink into the flesh at her hips, pulling her down on me as she arches her back.

She leans closer to me, peppering kisses over my chest before kissing the hollow beneath my ear. I groan, using my grip on her hips to rock her faster.

My cock throbs as her tight core wraps around it, squeezing me until I feel like I’m going to burst.

Grabbing her hair, I pull her head back, keeping her back arched as I set the pace from below, needing to feel her pulsing around me as I finish.

As I bury myself deeper into her, I stiffen and she cries out, nails digging into my chest as she comes again, coating me with her arousal.

It’s enough to send me over the edge of my own release, slowing my thrusts as she rolls her hips, her body slumping against mine.

She props herself up on my chest, that cocky smile that has me falling deeper for her on her face. “Was that everything?”

I chuckle and roll us over, already kissing my way down her body. “You haven’t seen anything yet. You’re never going to leave this bed again by the time I’m done with you.”

Amy’s soft snores fill the room as the sun creeps through the opening in the white curtains. I haul myself out of bed before she can wake up, grabbing my shorts and heading into the hall.

Things are better if we keep a distance between us.

Even if my entire body is screaming at me to go back in there and stay beside her until she wakes up.

In the end, I know I’m only going to let her down.