18. Amy

CHAPTER 18

AMY

G abby tosses her veil out behind her. “I can’t believe it. In less than twenty minutes, I’m going to be walking down the aisle. It still doesn’t feel real even though I’ve been planning this for a year.”

Laughing, I reach out and adjust a piece of her hair. “You look beautiful. Paul isn’t going to know what hit him.”

“I’m sure he’s asking himself what he got himself into.” Gabby smirks and looks at herself in the mirror, turning this way and that to get a better look at the dress that hugs her body like a glove.

“He knows how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. I know that the two of you are going to have an amazing marriage.”

The wedding planner appears and gives the other bridesmaids their cue, and they all file out of the room, leaving me and Gabby alone.

Gabby turns to me, a stern look on her face. “And where is Xander? I thought he was going to come to the wedding with you?”

“He thought about it, but then there was some drama with the caterers for our wedding, so he’s staying there and handling it so I can be here with you.”

Another lie.

They keep piling on top of each other.

I’m going to have to tell Gabby the truth eventually, but how do you tell your best friend that you were relieved your fiancé said he was too busy with work to come?

If nothing else, the couple days I’m back in New Jersey are days for me to get my head together and figure out what it is that I want from my own marriage.

I’m not sure that a bakery is enough anymore.

Not when it feels like Xander and I are lingering on the edge of something bigger, but both of us are too scared to take that jump.

The wedding planner reappears at the door. “It’s time! Are we ready to go in here?”

Gabby nods at her, grabbing her bouquet. She turns to me. “You know, the other girls and I have been talking about your wedding all week. I can’t believe you’re taking us on a private plane.”

I roll my eyes and grab my own flowers. “Enough about me. This is your big day. We’re supposed to be celebrating you, and that’s what I plan on doing, even if you keep trying to distract me.”

She laughs and nods to the door. “Let’s go get me married.”

We walk through the villa, heading to the heavy iron gates that lead to the courtyard of the winery.

Gabby takes a deep breath and loops her arm through her father’s while I stand with the rest of the bridesmaids.

The soft and lilting song she chose to walk down the aisle to starts, and the first bridesmaid comes out, meeting one of the groomsmen when she steps through the door.

I take a deep breath, waiting for the others to go before it’s my turn. All I can do is focus on not tripping on the white rug that lines the aisle as we walk to the altar.

Paul beams as everyone stands.

Gabby steps out of the villa, looking radiant as she smiles. Tears gather in my eyes as I stand to the side, happy that I could be here for my best friend.

It would’ve been nice if Xander could be here to meet my friends before the wedding.

The thought is fleeting, my heart sinking deeper in my chest as Gabby hands me her bouquet.

The beginning of the ceremony is lost to me as I stand there, wondering if my own wedding is going to be as beautiful as this.

“And now, Gabby and Paul are going to say their vows.” The officiant turns the microphone to Gabby first.

She sniffles and dabs her fingers beneath her eyes. “I know this is going to sound like something straight out of a fairy tale, but when I met you, Paul, I knew I’d met the one.”

He grins and takes her hands, bringing them to his mouth and kissing the back of them.

The tenderness in his eyes makes me a little jealous. I know that when I stand at the altar with Xander, he’s not going to be looking at me like he adores me.

There’s going to be respect and friendship there, but there isn’t the same emotion I have for him lingering behind his eyes. I’m not going to look at him and know the marriage is meant to be.

And there’s a part of me that mourns that.

Gabby clears her throat. “I knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together from that first night in our apartment. Most of our things were damaged from our storage unit flooding, and I was a wreck. You brought in those waterlogged boxes, looked at me, and asked me how long I thought it would take to burn everything.”

Paul smirks as the people around us start to giggle, leaning over to whisper to each other.

I reach up to wipe a couple tears.

Gabby grins and squeezes his hand. “You are the only person I know who would take a bad situation and set it on fire. But the growth that comes after the fire has always been my favorite part. I know my life with you is going to be filled with nothing but growth.”

Paul pulls out a scrap of paper from his pocket. “I had to write this down because I knew I was going to forget everything when I saw you.”

And as he keeps talking, telling Gabby all the things a wife wants to hear, I know I’m never going to hear those things from Xander.

But I want to.

I would give anything to have him love me the way Paul loves Gabby.

From that moment we met on the beach, I should’ve known that Xander was going to come into my life and change it forever in more ways than one.

And now, to know that he’s not going to love me the way that I love him is devastating.

I don’t know how I can go back to Katastinia and pretend that everything is okay when I’m in love with a man who would rather send mixed signals than sit down and talk about everything.

A man who is so terrified of losing another person that he’s doing a stellar job of pushing me away.

I force a smile on my face as I try to focus on the rest of the vows, but I can’t pay attention.

Was agreeing to marry Xander a mistake?

No.

The answer comes to me immediately, and I know it’s the truth.

Agreeing to marry him is never going to be a mistake. I know that I would never regret any of the time I spent with him because he did bring me back to life. He made each day better, even when things have been at their worst over the last couple months.

But having to leave him?

Knowing that I’m going to spend the next two years in love with a man who is never going to love me?

Now that’s something I think I’m going to regret.