41. Addi

FORTY-ONE

Dressed head to toe in black with my gray cloak over my shoulders, I'm ready for another day in paradise. I consider tucking daggers into the pockets of my combat pants, but opt against it at the last minute.

Nightmares plagued me for some reason last night, and they seem to have filtered through into my morning, leaving me on edge despite the fact that I remember nothing of the terrors that crept into my dreams. I have to remember they're just dreams and not my reality, no matter how jittery they're making me.

I run my fingers over the braids pinning my hair to my head, making sure there's nothing for Vallie to get her grabby mitts on today.

After Cassian was pulled away last night, I mumbled some bullshit excuse, grabbed my burger, and hightailed it out of there. Battle groups be damned. Thankfully, I made it back to my room without any further issues. Even better, Flora caught me on the way back in and dangled my new favorite series in front of me. The Office is a gift from someone high above who wants to shed a sprinkling of light on my life and I'm here for it.

What I'm not here for is the fact that I fell asleep in the process. In Flora's room. My gut twists with the thought again, just like it did when I woke in the middle of the night, startled and disoriented from my first nightmare.

She's tearing my walls down, one brick at a time, and it seems I'm helpless to the fact. I snuck out without disturbing her, and as much as I feel off kilter from the nightmares and falling asleep in a space that wasn't my own, I'm more worried about trying to figure out where we were up to in the series before I passed out.

A knock at the door startles me from my thoughts. Glancing at the time, I notice it's a little earlier than usual, but Flora probably wants to make sure I haven't disappeared altogether.

I swing my bedroom door open without further thought, freezing in place when it's Cassian I find on the other side of the threshold. My heart rattles in my chest before I can calm it and I clear my throat, giving myself a chance to act unfazed before I speak.

"What are you doing here?"

His green eyes clash with mine, emphasized by his emerald cloak. "Can I come in?"

I frown at his soft tone but still shake my head. "No."

"Please," he grumbles, leaving me even more confused. I don't think please is a popular word in his vocabulary. So what has him saying it now?

"Brody's ward is in place," I ramble, pointing behind me like it's visible, and he shrugs.

"I'm aware, but if you take my hand, it will let me in." He extends his arm, palm up, as he looks at me. I don't know what the hell is going on, but a part of me wants to do just that, yet the other, the protective side, has me shaking my head again.

"No."

His eyes close as he sighs, and I note the slight tic to his jaw. Whatever is bothering him is really doing a number because the Cassian I'm familiar with, although it's a rather limited familiarity, really, wouldn't continue to try and compose himself like this. He blinks his eyelids open again and exhales slowly. "I need to talk to you, and a little privacy would be appreciated."

"Why?" I push. He has to give me something. Instead, he cocks his brow.

"The privacy part is pretty important. Otherwise, I would have discussed it with you over breakfast." My lips twist with uncertainty as I stare at him, earning me another sigh as he curses. "Fuck. If Brody put the ward in place, he doesn't fuck around. The second you don't want me in here anymore, the ward will know and throw me out."

Do I trust that? I don't know, but I do know the way it tossed Kryll from the room yesterday. Whatever he wants to say, he seems determined that I need to hear it. Before I change my mind, I place my palm in his. His fingers wrap around mine, and a moment later, he tugs himself inside.

I gulp, uncertain about having someone else in my space. Especially him. The walls feel closer and the roof feels lower. His mere presence makes everything shrink around me and I feel like I can't breathe.

He kicks the door shut without a backward glance, only intensifying the feelings swarming inside of me. Is it hot in here? It feels really fucking hot all of a sudden. Maybe I should open a window?

The thought quickly fizzles out in my mind after remembering Kryll's intrusion yesterday. That damn thing is staying shut for the foreseeable future. His hand keeps mine captured in his grasp as his gaze flits around my room.

I don't like him looking at my personal space—or lack thereof, if I'm being honest. "What did you want to talk about, Cassian? We're going to be late for class and I need to eat first." I try to retract my hand and take a step back, but his grip only tightens.

"I met with my father last night."

"I'm aware." I was literally there when he was summoned. This isn't new news or news that requires entry into my room.

"He's an asshole," he states, and I smirk.

"I assumed that's where you got it from."

His eyes narrow on me as I offer him an innocent smile in response. He sees right through it, just like usual.

"He's throwing a moon party on Saturday," he explains, the tic flickering in his jaw again.

"Good for him."

"He wants me to be there."

"Good for you."

"With you."

"Hell no," I blurt, my head rearing back as I frown at him, failing to tug my hand free of him, despite my best efforts.

He sighs, eyes dropping to the ground for a split second before he finds my gaze again.

"I know what you're saying, but?—"

"There are no buts," I interject, trying to tug my hand away again, but his knuckles turn white as he clings to me.

"There are," he retorts, his voice edging toward a growl.

"Cassian," I start, taking a deep breath, but he's not hearing me.

"Addi," he replies, his eyes widening with a plea I don't truly understand.

There's more going on here that I obviously don't know. What am I missing? "Why?"

"Because he's an asshole, remember?"

I shake my head. He might be an asshole, but that's not enough of an explanation for me. "No, but for real, Cassian. I have no desire to meet your father. Why would that not work both ways? Maybe tell his ass I'm a fae. That will scare him away."

"I think it's because you are fae that he wants to meet you," he admits, his voice barely more than a whisper, and my chest clenches. "I told him no myself and challenged him repeatedly until the conversation became…less than friendly. And honestly, I don't want to find out whether he was bluffing or not because I've never known him to do so before, so I can't imagine him starting now. It may have been veiled, Addi, but even veiled his threats aren't something to be taken lightly."

My pulse quickens with every word he says. He's taking this seriously. I can feel it in my bones.

"Is the threat for you or for me?" I breathe, my subconscious already knowing the answer, but I want to hear it for myself.

"Both," he admits, his thumb stroking across the back of my hand like he isn't holding it in a deathly grip.

"What would he possibly want with me?" I ask with a frown. I can't wrap my head around it.

"I don't know," he replies, but I can tell he's been thinking it over on repeat since they parted ways. "But I would rather find out in a more controlled environment than see him act erratically because he didn't get his own way to begin with." His eyes darken as if recalling a memory where something similar happened, and it sends a shiver of uncertainty down my spine.

"He would hurt me." The words fall from my mouth before I can stop them, my mind needing clarification of another danger I'm suddenly facing.

"Definitely." He doesn't miss a beat or sugarcoat it. I have to be thankful for that, I guess.

Wetting my parched lips, I take a deep breath and repeat everything he said so far. One fact weighs heavy in my stomach as I lift my gaze to his again: "A moon party; does that mean…"

"A new moon, yes."

Fuck.

Is this the opportunity I want or the challenge I'm suddenly fearing the most?

Fuck.

I can't even think about that. Emotions and feelings are only going to cause me more harm. I know that.

"He's setting me up to face another duel," I murmur, and the corner of his mouth flicks up.

"You're smarter than you look."

"Fuck you," I grumble, whacking his chest with my free hand, but he doesn't flinch. Instead, he presses my palm against his chest with his own. His eyes soften as he steps in closer and looks down at me.

"That's what I think it is, too, but I won't let that happen." It feels like a promise—one I'm not sure he will keep.

"Why not? It would make both of our lives easier," I breathe, reminding myself just as much as him that he's not supposed to be claimed by me, a fae.

"Says who?" he rasps, and I feel a slight jolt to his heartbeat beneath my palm.

"Says me."

"And you seriously believe that?" he pushes, eliminating the minuscule distance that remains between us. His hand releases mine at his chest to cup my cheek, crowding my space as my mouth opens and shuts, but nothing comes out. "Because I think you like it just as much as I do."

"I don't," I stumble, shaking my head, but the words fall flat between us.

"If that were true, I wouldn't be standing in here right now. The ward would be separating us." Fucker. He knows he's right, and I hate it. Even as I mentally yell for him to get out, the magic doesn't react because they're not true thoughts. "Coming with me is more for yourself than it is for me," he adds, his thumb trailing over my bottom lip, making my throat dry up.

"I highly doubt that." My pulse is thumping so hard, I feel like it's vibrating my whole damn skull as I peer up at him.

For the first time since he stepped in here, he releases my hand and I flex my fingers to ease the growing ache, but it's quickly forgotten when his hand moves to cup my pussy over my combat pants.

I bite back a moan, hating how fucking good it feels when he does that.

"Come to the party with me, Addi. I'll protect you and make it worth your while." Now that is definitely a promise. I don't believe he'll protect me. I never believe that from anyone. Somewhere along the way, someone always lets me down. It's not always intentional, but it happens all the same. Which is why it is definitely safer to keep everyone at arm's length. It's been a long time since I let anyone in, other than my sister and father, and I prefer the isolation.

I know my presence is going to be necessary because he's right, I don't want to call his father's bluff. Not when I can see the uncertainty swirling in his eyes. Besides, I don't back away from shit like this. At least this time, I'll have a few days to prepare for a duel.

With my mind made up, I press my pussy against his grip, watching his eyes flare with desire.

"Do I get to request payment in advance?"

He grins. It's so delicious I almost forget how much of an asshole he is. He leans in close enough for his lips to brush against mine as he speaks. "So fucking needy. It's hot. But no, we have breakfast and classes to get to, remember?"

"Ass," I bite, hating him throwing my words back at me.

"Say yes." The trail of his lips against mine makes my whole body tremble. "It's for your safety, that much I can promise you."

"Fine," I rasp, and he grins wider.

"Good girl."

It's on the tip of my tongue tell him to go fuck himself with his good girl appraisals, but he cuts me off by crushing his lips against mine.

I give in, fighting for power between us as our lips collide and our tongues dance together. He presses his palm against my pussy, making me gasp as my back arches while bringing his other hand from my cheek to my throat.

He devours me, leaving me pent up and wanting before taking a brisk step back.

The distance between us is suddenly too much, but it does the trick of bringing me to the present.

"Let's go, Alpha," he mutters, dark eyes set on me as he backs away toward the door. It seems I'm not the only one struggling to part ways right now. But it's for the best.

Clearing my throat, I straighten my cloak and head for the door. "Why do you keep calling me that?" I ask, unable to stop myself. He's said it twice now. Alpha. In a pack, that's your leader, and that's not what I am.

"Because I see what you are," he admits, reaching for the handle and waving for me to step through the doorway first.

"Which is what?" I ask, my heart racing in my chest.

"Capable of being anyone and anything you believe. You have the alpha spirit in your bones. A strength and power that is undeniable. Either that, or you just have me so captivated that I would follow you to the pits of Hell without a care for anyone or anything but you."