Chapter 9

Battling the urge to barge back into the room, my heart sinks when I hear Mandy testing the lock on the door behind me.

Does she think that badly of me?

When the old mechanism doesn't work, the loud squeal of a chair being dragged over tells me she's really determined to keep me out. The thunk as the chair back is jammed beneath the door handle is like a knife to my heart.

Her fear of me is much stronger than the bond.

Ignoring the sting of knowing my mate thinks I would attempt to break in, I cross the hallway to my own bedroom, slipping inside the cool darkness. Rationally, I can understand her wariness, but the bond makes me crave being near her.

Does she not feel this as intensely as I do because she was mated before?

Downstairs, a welcome feast prepared for our first night here goes uneaten. Seth will devour it all if I leave it unattended for long enough, but I can't bring myself to care. I am a monster to her after all.

Feeling like a fool for dreaming of a night filled with sharing stories and some laughter, deepening our bond, the sour taste of her fear is a stark reminder that she sees the evil in me first and foremost, not the man.

Perhaps all of that could change over time, but how much time will it take? Will I have long enough before I do what needs to be done?

I don't know, but it's worth a shot.

Smothering a pained hiss, I remove my clothes carefully, trying to avoid touching my stinging, sun-exposed skin. My shifter healing allows me to move in the daylight better than other vampires, but direct sunlight still hurts. Hours of walking through the forest with Mandy was sore, but worth it.

Coating my tight skin in the healing balm I procured from the local coven, I sigh in relief and slip under the dark covers. Whether I can sleep is a lottery. My warring sides battle it out to see who wins each time I close my eyes.

As my tense muscles relax, I realise that even though my mate is not wrapped up in my arms or lying in my bed, my wolf feels calmer with her close by. It's a nice thought and when I picture her here with me, snuggling into my side, and for the first time in days, my eyelids droop and the darkness takes me.

Every time I suck in a deep breath, I hear a wet wheezing sound and feel stabbing pain in my chest and lower abdomen. That's not good. Gingerly, I touch my stomach and lift my fingers to the light. The glistening red coating on my fingers and the bumpy, ragged flesh under my touch confirms my worst suspicions: I'm fucked.

Forcing back the rising panic, I tune in to the forest around me. There are no battles cries, pounding paws, or snapping jaws. The only howls are those of mourning in the distance, loved ones grieving for their lost family. The fight is over. Focusing on my immediate surroundings, I can't hear anyone breathing or pick up any heartbeats. My sense of smell is useless, all scents drowned by the copious amounts of my own blood turning the forest floor red.

Squeezing my eyes shut and gritting my teeth against another wave of agony, I try to mind-link, but I'm already too weak to push it into the pack collective consciousness. It's already too flooded with frenzied attempts to find loved ones and get medical care for those badly injured.

Moving is not an option but, as I lie here, I feel the blood pooling in my throat, making breathing harder with each rise and fall of my lungs.

I remember the rogue leader setting down Hannah, the child they stole to lure me out here, and sending her off into the forest, her purpose served. I hope she made it back unharmed.

Staring up at the clear sky and the thousands of bright stars twinkling back at me, I feel at peace. My death shouldn't cause my mate any pain, and she's free now, somewhere out there under the same big sky. If helping her escape was my sole purpose on this earth, then I can die a happy man.

As the last of my energy seeps into the earth beneath me, I smile, her pretty face filling my mind. I let my eyes slide closed, ready to accept my fate and let sleep take me.

But a rustling in the bushes disturbs my rest and I grumble, frowning at the noise. Shutting it out, I squeeze my eyes tighter. Why won't they just let me drift off?

"There, look."

The temptation to see who's arrived is strong. I open my eyes, seeing nothing but black.

"This is a bad idea. Just leave him be and let's get out of here."

Blinking, I try to clear my vision. I'm too far gone. There's just nothingness.

"He's almost dead anyway. Come on. Let's see if it works. It'll be like a pet."

My low growl turns into a gasping, retching cough. I wish they'd just fuck off and leave me to die in peace. I'm about to tell them that when a cold hand touches my cheek and I feel a weight on my chest. I want to push them off but I just can't move, even when something pierces my neck and stinging pain sets my blood on fire.

"Oh fuck, stop, stop… what are you doing?!"

Sitting uprightin the bed with a start, I'm sweating profusely and the sheets tangled around my legs are damp.

Fuck.

I listen to Mandy's breathing across the hall, calm and even, relaxed; it pulls me back to reality.

There's nobody here.

I'm not dying, drowning in my own blood, being leeched of my humanity, an experiment conducted at the whim of a bored vampire. Wiping a hand over my sweat-covered brow, I flop back, dropping my head onto the pillow.

In and out I breathe, trying to steady my racing heart and clear the adrenaline pumping through my veins.

Hopefully, I didn't disturb Mandy. I don't want her to hear the tossing and turning, the occasional talking in my sleep that accompanies my frequent trips down memory lane. Being turned feels like something I should have come to terms with by now, but I've never been able to shake that feeling of vulnerability when I fall asleep; it seems to beckon the nightmares forth.

Mandy's scent and her presence here ground me, not enough to keep the night terrors at bay, but maybe nothing will.

With my pounding heart and spinning thoughts, I give up on trying to get to sleep and instead shower, washing off the scent of fear that accompanies my far-too-vivid nightmares. Opening the hall door, I creep out, lingering outside Mandy's room for longer than I should. It feels intrusive to listen to her sleep, especially when I know she doesn't want me to be near her.

But her scent is too strong for me to resist and I pause, allowing myself to bask in it.

Frowning, it's too strong. I stare at the dark wood trying to make sense of it until it occurs to me why.

Mandy isn't lying in her bed, enjoying the new pillows, comforter, and bed linens I got especially for her arrival. She's laying on the hard floor just beyond the door. Correction, just beyond the barricade she has shoved against the door.

My already cranky mood worsens, and I fight the urge to break her pathetic barricade down just to prove that if I wanted to attack her in the middle of the night, nothing she can do would stop me. I choose not to, because I'm not what she thinks I am. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I force myself to leave, sneaking downstairs before I do something stupid and put the final nail in the coffin of this mating by letting my temper take over.

"She sleeps soundly all night, even on a hard floor, while you're a raging insomniac worried you might savage her in the midst of a flashback? You're a match made in heaven." Lucian is lurking in the hall when I descend the stairs, hands clasped behind his back as he rocks back and forth on his heels.

"Good morning, Lucian."

I make a beeline straight for the front door, needing to burn off my frustration with some strenuous exercise. He remains where he is, staring up toward the landing above, toward where my mate lies sleeping, still peaceful and oblivious. "Stay away from her. She's… nervous."

His expression tells me he's not buying that. If she was that nervous, she wouldn't be sound asleep.

"Okay, maybe she's just nervous about me, but still, give her some space."

Lucian looks confused.

"I thought you were mates?"

His curiosity about the subject knows no bounds, but right now is not the time. I'm still smarting about the barricade. Clenching my fists into tight balls, I breathe through my anger.

It's not his fault. He doesn't understand how unstable this situation can make a wolf, being so near and yet so far from the one he wants.

"We are, but it's not that simple. Her first mate was a real peach. It's understandable that she's being cautious."

I stare hard at Lucian, wondering about the wisdom of going for that run. He has done nothing to make me doubt him, but nothing is more precious to me than Mandy. Suddenly, I'm hesitant.

Lucian nods, a wicked glint in his eye. "It's totally that. Not the fact that you"re the deranged bloodsucker who wanted to kill her alpha and steal his pack, and his luna, for himself. She probably thinks she's your consolation prize."

In a flash, I'm in his face, towering over the youngster. "My mate is the prize. The only prize. And before I knew she was here, all I wanted the pack for was to find her." Seething as he simply shrugs, Lucian's calm demeanour in comparison to my whirling emotions makes me feel even more unhinged. Dragging a hand over my stubbled jaw, I wait for my rage to subside.

Lucian casts an assessing gaze over my tense posture and tired eyes.

"You need to feed. This angry gaunt thing you've got going on isn't going to work. Not if you're trying to impress Mandy."

Turning my back on him, I stalk away. This is a conversation we've had repeatedly since I found her again. Lucian has been under my guidance and protection for a long time, now he seems to think it's his turn.

"You need your looks because all het up like this? Your personality isn't going to cut it," he mutters, and I look over my shoulder, giving him a stern glare. He's pushing it, but he ignores my warning and continues. "If you do something stupid, in the heat of the moment, you'll never forgive yourself." Flashing in front of me to continue the conversation, I halt and look to the ceiling, praying for patience.

"Never. I would never hurt her." But even as I speak the words, my fangs descend and my claws emerge, unbidden and uncontrolled.

"Intentionally? Of course not." His gaze darts pointedly to my hands. I've lost control, and all he has done is antagonise me with a few comments that hit too close to the bone. Right now, I'm a slave to my urges, and we both know it.

Chest heaving, I get in his personal space, even though I know I'm proving his point, I can't stop myself. "Nobody feeds from her. Not me, not you. You touch her and you're dead. No second chances."

Lucian doesn't blink. "I'll defend her with my life, Tyson." He doesn't look scared or hurt, just determined. "She's ours now; one of us. And that means telling you what you don't want to hear. You need to feed. If not from her, you need to get blood somewhere."

Surprised at the force behind his words, I ease back, guilt roiling inside me with the dark, deadly thoughts I was having about the vampire in front of me. My friend, my charge, who's barely a man. Lucian has never done anything to make me doubt his absolute loyalty except be a typical, sullen, smart-assed teenager.

"Good," is all I can manage, my voice thick with emotion. "If she wakes, stay out of her way until I'm back."

Shoving out into the cool night air, my head spinning with all the permutations of what could go wrong, I shift seamlessly. Mandy might never accept what I am. Maybe we're incompatible now, because of our differences. What if I get carried away and hurt her?

As my wolf takes the reins, careening off into the forest to mark his territory and check for any signs of intruders; the clarity his single-minded vision provides is a welcome sanctuary from my own spiralling thoughts.