CHAPTER 34

H ollis knew that this would be something they’d have to deal with eventually, along with everything else, but when she got the email from her Vancouver apartment complex asking if she intended to re-sign her lease, eventually came a lot sooner than she’d expected. Time wasn’t normal for Hollis these days. Sometimes, a day felt like a month, and other times, it felt like a minute. With only thirty days left on the lease, she had to either vacate or sign again, and paying rent on an apartment she wasn’t living in for another year seemed like not only a waste of money but also just a waste, period.

She’d woken up at Raleigh’s around one that morning, and it was as if fate just knew they’d had the conversation the previous night about whether Hollis would stay after her mom died or return to Vancouver.

There were benefits to both, staying and leaving, but Hollis wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle being around this town after her mom died, which could happen in a day or in a year. The time they had together before her mom got worse had been spent talking, driving around, and visiting all the places that had been important to them when Hollis was young. They’d gone to her elementary school, spent time at the park, and gone to the grocery store together, where Olivia had told her that Hollis had always loved the deli counter because sometimes, they could catch them slicing meats. Hollis had laughed at that at the time, but she also knew that after , she’d have a really hard time driving past those places without thinking of her mom and all the time they missed and their feeble attempts to make up for it.

On the other hand, there was nothing for Hollis in Vancouver. Her job was no longer hers since she’d stayed here past the initial leave they’d given her, and she wasn’t sure she’d find another if the whole area was cutting back. She’d have to move anyway if she wanted to find a librarian job. Her apartment hadn’t ever been a home. When she’d described her bedroom to Raleigh, the word Hollis wanted to use was drab . The whole place felt drab and unloved to her. There were her books, of course, shelves and shelves of books in the living room and some on the floor of the bedroom because she didn’t have space for more shelves in there, but the small round table in the eat-in kitchen was a dozen years old and wobbly. She had two chairs that went with it that could easily be donated or tossed. The sofa was comfortable but also old and likely wouldn’t fetch much if she tried to sell it. Her TV was small and not fancy because she didn’t watch much television. That was it. Outside of her clothes, those were her only possessions. The coffee table she’d bought a few years ago was the newest piece of furniture in the place, and she had no need for it, either. Her car could possibly make the drive down, but she wasn’t sure it was worth it. She could always take it to one of those places that would sell it for her and just make less on it but not have to deal with it. That was when Hollis turned, put her phone down, and looked at Raleigh.

What was here for her? This beautiful, caring woman, who deserved so much more than what Hollis had been able to give her so far. Hollis had love here. She smiled as she realized it: she had love in this town. In Vancouver, she had stuff , but here, she had people . She had a friend in Kenna and even Ripley. She had her mom for however long she’d get to have her. And she had Raleigh. She had love.

“Why are you awake?” Raleigh asked in her gravely sleepy voice.

Hollis loved that sleepy voice.

“No idea,” she replied. “I just am. Go back to sleep, though.”

“If you’re awake, I want to be awake,” Raleigh said, rolling onto her back and opening her arm for Hollis, who slid into it and placed her head on Raleigh’s chest. “Is everything okay?”

“I just woke up, but I’m okay,” Hollis replied and ran her fingertips along the skin between Raleigh’s pants and shirt. “I got an email from my apartment.”

“Why are you checking email at dawn?”

“I was trying to occupy myself and didn’t want to wake you up.”

“What did they want?” Raleigh asked.

“Apparently, I’ve only got about thirty days left on my lease. I hadn’t even realized. I need to either re-sign or give them notice and get my stuff out.”

“Oh.” Raleigh stiffened.

“Would you possibly be able to take care of my mom while I’m gone? The nurses will be there most of the time, but there are a couple of hours where she’d–”

“Gone? You said you’d be here at least–”

“Just for a couple of days, Raleigh,” she interrupted, realizing she’d said it wrong. Then, she lifted her head to look at Raleigh and added, “I can leave tomorrow and come back in a couple of days.”

“You’re not going to re-sign?” Raleigh asked.

“No. I’m giving them my written notice today, and I’ll get my stuff out of there. Most of it, I can sell or trash. The rest, I can pack to bring back or ship to my mom’s. I don’t have anyone up there to do this for me. I’d wait until the end of the lease, but it’s already risky, going now, with how sick she’s been lately.”

“You’re staying? Permanently or just while…”

“There’s nothing in Vancouver for me anymore,” she replied.

Raleigh smiled at her so softly; Hollis knew she’d made the right decision.

“You’ll return the rental car?”

“Not just yet,” she said, laughing lightly. “I’m selling my car up there, so I’ll need something down here, but I’m keeping it until I buy something used here.”

Raleigh nodded and asked, “And this is really what you want? It’s not just because I had a mild freak-out last night?”

“It’s what I want. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to live here after my mom dies. We toured the town together, talking about all the things we missed and the few memories we had, so I already knew I wouldn’t be able to drive by the park without thinking about her, and I wasn’t sure I could stand that kind of pain. I realized just now that I want to think about her. It’s going to hurt, yes, but it’s also going to make me think of this time we had together. If it were up to my dad, I never would’ve had another second with her, so in a way, it’s like she’s dying twice. Once, when he lied to me about it when I was little, and someday soon, she’ll be gone for real, and it’s going to hurt like hell, Raleigh.”

“I know,” Raleigh said, cupping Hollis’s cheek. “I’ll be here, though.”

“I know,” Hollis replied. “And so will I.”

“I’ll stay at your place while you’re gone,” Raleigh said.

“Thank you,” Hollis replied.

“Please, it’s totally selfish: I want you back here.”

“I should get up and book a flight,” Hollis said.

“Can you wait, like, an hour?” Raleigh requested.

“I guess. Why?”

“We should celebrate,” Raleigh smirked at her a little.

“Celebrate?” she checked, climbing on top of Raleigh and looking down at her. “You always look so beautiful in the morning. How do you do that?”

“Shut up,” Raleigh said, laughing, but blushed at the same time.

“I know I ruined last night with my uncertainty, but I’m certain now, Raleigh,” Hollis told her.

“And you’re fully clothed, which is unfortunate,” Raleigh replied, tugging on Hollis’s shirt.

◆◆◆

The library smelled the same as the day she’d left. The scent of old books would always be a comfort to Hollis. She hadn’t planned to stop here – she had way too much to do – but on the way from the donation center, where she had dropped a bunch of stuff, she’d passed the library that had been the only home she’d ever really had, and she’d turned around. This time, she’d parked in the patron parking and not the more limited employee parking in the back. It was strange, but she no longer worked here and didn’t have the right to take up a spot.

When she’d walked in, Hollis had been met with the silence, save the beeps of the scanners checking out books, and the scent of those old friends of hers. She smiled as she made her way down aisle after aisle, sometimes touching a book or two along the way and, other times, just taking in how the sun from the large windows hit the patterned carpet.

“Heidi?” Sandy said.

“Hi,” she replied, feeling strange at hearing the name she’d been called for most of her life.

“You’re back?” Sandy asked, walking around the counter to give Hollis a hug.

Hollis hugged her back and said, “Just for today. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Oh? How are you? How have you been?”

“Those are hard questions to answer.”

“I bet,” Sandy said. “Hey, I’m sorry about the job. It wasn’t my decision.”

“I know. It’s a blessing in disguise, actually. I need to be down there with my mom.”

“How is she?”

“Not great,” Hollis said, keeping it brief. “I’m packing up my stuff and leaving. After I drop my car off at a lot tomorrow so that they can sell it for me, I’m heading to the airport.”

“Wow. A lot of change. How are you handling all that?”

“I have people in my life who help,” she replied, thinking of Raleigh, her mom, and even Kenna.

“That’s good. I’m glad,” Sandy said. “So, what brings you in today?”

“I just wanted to see the place one more time before I go. ”

“I hope this isn’t the last we’ll see of you,” Sandy said.

“I don’t know. I’ve moved a lot in my life, and I never really went back to where I lived before, so…” Hollis faded when she realized that she’d never had a choice in that before. Her father had always moved them because they’d been running, and she hadn’t been allowed to look back. “Maybe,” she added now that it was her own choice.

“Want to come in the back and say goodbye to everyone?” Sandy offered. “There are only three of us and the volunteers, but–”

“No, if it’s all right with you, I think I’d like to keep a low profile.”

“No problem,” Sandy replied.

“Oh, and I want to give this back,” Hollis added as she removed the book from her messenger bag.

“A book?” Sandy asked.

“It’s the book I found that day that led me to figure it out,” Hollis explained.

“The book on lost children,” Sandy noted, taking Kenna’s book from Hollis.

“Yeah. I’m not lost anymore,” she replied.

After a few more minutes, Hollis left the library and drove to her apartment. Packing didn’t take long since she only had clothes and books to worry about, and books were pretty easy to pack. She loaded boxes of them into her car and went to the local shipping place to have them delivered to her mom’s house before she went back and packed her clothes into her suitcases. With her flight being tomorrow, she had one more night in her apartment, and as she stared around into the empty space, with nothing in it save an air mattress she’d bought to sleep on for the last night, she wished for nothing more than to be back with Raleigh and her mom.

“Hey, babe,” Raleigh said when Hollis called.

“Hi,” she replied.

“How’s it going there?”

“Almost done. Just have to drop the car off tomorrow and do the final inspection with the landlord, and I’m on my way to the airport.”

“That’s great. How are you feeling?”

“Like I miss you,” Hollis said.

“I miss you, too. Your mom says hi.”

“She’s up?”

“Yeah, she’s right next to me. We were playing cards. And by playing, I mean she was kicking my ass.”

“She cheats,” Hollis replied.

“I do not cheat,” Olivia said loudly enough for Hollis to hear.

“Tell your daughter,” Raleigh said.

“Hey, honey. How are you?” Olivia asked, having been handed the phone.

“Better than Raleigh, it sounds like,” Hollis teased.

“She’s just bad at cards,” her mom told her. “You two have that in common. I didn’t cheat this time.”

“This time?” Hollis laughed.