Chapter 31 - Charlotte’s Diary

Charlotte’s Diary

Tori,

I’m sorry. If I ever let you read this before I get the courage to tell you in person, I’m sorry. I should have told you what happened at the bonfire. I should have warned you about Jordan.

I should have.

I should have.

I should have.

I did it to protect you. I did it so he wouldn’t come after you next. And he would have. He was hell bent on getting both of us. And he doesn’t like to hear the word no.

I’m so glad you were off with that rugby player. I’m so glad you weren’t anywhere near me when he came over and pulled me away from the rest of the party. You’re my little sister and I would do anything to keep you safe.

Anything.

And that’s why I pretended to be you. He didn’t even question it.

I know you like the aggressive type but this guy was different. It was like he was entitled to it. Like my body belonged to him just because he wanted it. I had no control over anything. But I let him do it because I didn’t want you anywhere near him. Adam warned me about him, too.

Poor Adam.

I wanted him to be my first.

He’s so sweet, Tori. I hope I can introduce you to him next summer. You’d really like him.

I hope I haven’t ruined my chance with him. I didn’t see him at the bonfire. After you found me, all I wanted to do was go back home. I still haven’t sent him a message yet. He must be so confused. I can’t deal with all that. Not now. It’s almost spring break and then finals are coming and the SATs and I have to maintain my grades and everything.

I can’t let anything else slip. I’ve already let too many things slip.

It’s so hard, Tori. I want to tell you everything. Will you hate me if I do? Will you think less of me? Will you look at me different? Will you be disappointed?

It’ll be okay.

I’ll be okay.

Mom made an appointment with Dr. Hainsby for me next week. Maybe she’ll prescribe something to help with how I’m feeling.

You were so worried when you found me. You had this look on your face. I’d never seen you look like that before. It’s like you knew something happened. I hope you couldn’t feel it. I know we’re able to sense each other in some ways but my God, I hope you weren’t able to feel this.

Do you want to know what he said to me after he finished? He said I was the sweetest cherry he ever tasted. I wanted to throw up. And then he told me he wanted both of us at the same time. But he was glad he fucked the fun twin first. He said the other one, meaning me, wouldn’t be as much fun but would still taste just as sweet.

I hate him.

I hate what I did with him .

But I love you so much, Tori.

This summer, when we’re back in England, we’ll make new memories. You’ll meet Adam. We’ll all go to Black Rose and binge on Eton Mess, and have fish and chips with mayonnaise, and tease Dawn, and dream about the future. Just like we always do.

And Jordan McKennie will fade away, like a bad dream.