Chapter 10 - Xavier

Xavier

“ E verything’s great, thanks.” I leaned back in the chair and watched Dr. Frances tap his pen on the notepad. “Can’t complain.”

“And now that we’ve established the bullshit portion of the session, you can answer me honestly from here on out.” He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“You’re really good at your job,” I shot back. “That was honest.”

“So, nothing out of the ordinary happened since the last time I saw you?”

Fuck you and your loaded questions . “No.”

Dr. Joshua Frances was just the latest in a line of shrinks I’d agreed to see over the years thanks to Bennet always being on my ass about it. The last one couldn’t find her own way out of a wet paper bag let alone figure out what goes on inside my head.

The questions were always the same.

What brings you here ?

Why do you think you behave this way?

What can we do to shift your way of thinking?

How do you think you can recognize this behavior in yourself?

It’s not like I could say no to this anyway. Bennet and I had an unspoken deal this is what I needed.

“Xavier.”

The way this doc said my name made me want to punch a wall. Ironic, right?

“I don’t give a shit who you are or what you do for a living,” he continued. “That’s not what I’m here for. I’m not even supposed to be doing most of the talking. You are. This is your time to say whatever you want about anything you want. Dig deep. Enough with the rehearsed bullshit.”

Touché. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. And if I was being really honest, I liked his unorthodox approach. Didn’t mean I was going to spill my guts to this Indiana Jones lookalike. My inner demons or darkness or whatever fancy buzzword that’s trending online these days only wanted to reveal itself to her.

Victoria.

Dark green eyes and lush, soft lips flickered through my mind day and night. She was so much more than what I’d assumed when I pulled off the road. At first blush she appeared to be a spoiled, pretty young woman on some trendy road trip through the English countryside. Shame on me for being so shallow.

Okay fine, I initially stopped because she was hot. It’s a fact and I’m not too proud to admit it. And yes, there’s the whole intense lust thing clouding my brain, especially after what happened this afternoon. And last night. And the night before.

But there is so much more beneath her stylish, expensive surface and the great sex. She’s intelligent, raw, passionate, driven.

It’s crazy to even think this way. I don’t know her well. But I like her. I like how I feel around her. Relaxed. Whole .

Oh God. My chest did the thing again. A demanding, frantic, thing .

I’m so fucked.

I did some internet sleuthing last night after I got home. It started out pretty innocent. I just wanted to know more about her and was curious to see pictures of Dartmouth. I did not picture her going to university in such a rural area. Lovely, yes. But she seems so metropolitan, not small town America.

Then again, I should just ask her about her life instead of always trying to shag her. Be an actual gentleman.

When I found her social media accounts all bets were off. I loved looking at her photos. She’s always smiling. It’s infectious in photos but even more enchanting in person. I can’t get enough of it. I can’t get enough of her.

I wonder if she’s done any searching about me…

“You seem preoccupied.”

Dr. Frances’s observation jolted me.

He turned to look at what I was apparently staring blankly at.

“That’s been in my family for years. My great-grandfather was a master at oil paintings.”

I had no idea what the hell he was blathering on about. Focusing on the wall across from the couch, a painting came into view. It was intricate but there was nothing extraordinary about it. Just a landscape painting of an old, rundown farmhouse covered in snow.

“I hear you like to fix up old places like that.”

“Yeah, in my spare time. I don’t make a big deal out if it though.”

“So I was told.”

“Seems you’ve been told a lot about me already. No need for me to fill in any more blanks.”

Frances stared at me for a beat then started writing something down in his notepad.

“Oh Jesus, not the writing.” I groaned.

“Well, you’re not talking so I’m just observing. ”

I scrubbed my hands on my face, running them through my hair. “I have nothing to say.” I shrugged. “There’s no big mysterious thing I’m hiding.”

“Mmhmm.” He kept writing for a few seconds and then regarded me with interest. “I’m giving you homework.”

“Are you serious?” I snorted. “What is this, primary school?”

“No, Xavier, this is me helping you get to the root of whatever’s plaguing you. I watched your press conference today. That reporter’s question threw you. You haven’t said one word about it yet.”

I swore under my breath. The goddam fight was going to follow me to the grave. Launching my own company didn’t make it disappear, though it did give the media something else to obsess over. Namely, my net worth. Twenty million pounds, thanks for asking. Next question.

“He didn’t throw me. I wanted to make sure I said all the right things—“

“Like you’re doing now. This isn’t a press conference. Nobody is coaching you on what to say or what not to say here. This is a safe space.” He paused and shook his head. “I know you don’t like hearing that but it is. I’m not your opponent. I’m also not going to force you to be vulnerable but when the time comes, I’ll be here to listen. No judgment.”

I clenched my jaw watching him make a few more notes.

“So,” Dr. Frances continued, “Your homework. If and when something else throws you off, don’t dismiss it. Don’t ignore it. Really feel it. We can talk about it during our next session.”

I white-knuckled the steering wheel of my car driving back to my flat.

Really feel it.

Yeah, whatever.

“Not a bad view, kid,” Bennet grinned, reaching for a beer. He settled into the chair facing Tower Bridge and let out a satisfied sigh.

My balcony held some of the most luxurious views of the city. “It doesn’t suck,” I agreed, grabbing my own drink.

“How’s everything with Dr. Frances?”

I took my time sipping the beer. “For fuck’s sake, mate, you went right for the jugular.”

“Well, you’re still going to him so that’s a victory.” Bennet regarded me with a thoughtful expression. “He’s not your average therapist. You need someone like him.”

“Yeah, I know,” I scowled.

“Come on. It can’t be that bad.”

The cold beer soothed some of the tightness grabbing hold of my throat.

“He’s fine it’s—“ I caught myself before saying her name.

“It’s what?” Bennet’s concern made me uncomfortable. He meant well. He always meant well but I’d pretty much reached my limit.

I shrugged. “No distractions, you know?”

“What’s going on with you and the redhead from the Legends?”

Prick .

Leaning my head back, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. “You’re full of questions today Bennet.”

“C’mon. I’m not daft. I saw you with her at the pub the other night. And then at the event on Saturday. And we all saw what happened today, Maddox. I know how you are.”

“And how am I?” I glared at him. “No different than you, I suspect.”

He sighed. “Look, you’re a grown man. I’m not about to lecture you on anything. But I know what happens when things fall apart—“

“Can’t have something fall apart that doesn’t exist,” I interrupted, annoyed at the direction this was going. “We’ve spent some time together. That’s all. She’s leaving the day after tomorrow anyway.”

“There’s something different about you when she’s around.” He leaned forward. “I thought I saw it the other night but today confirmed it. The press conference. Did something happen before it started? Before you made a big show with her at the elevator?”

“Maybe.” I rubbed a finger on my eyelid to stop it from twitching.

“You’re impulsive, Xavier. You’re in control most of the time but she’s shaken you in some way.” He shifted in the chair, resting his forearms on his thighs.

“We’re not teenagers anymore. I don’t need lessons from you.”

“We’re well beyond lessons, mate. You’ve been adamant about having,” he made quotes, “normal relationships since you broke it off with—“

“I’m aware,” I snapped.

The silence between us stretched for a minute. The more Bennet brought up or alluded to my past mistakes, the more I wanted to be left alone.

“She wasn’t right for you. That doesn’t mean you won’t find the one who is. And if it’s Victoria, then,” his voiced trailed as he shrugged.

I reclined on my elbow, flexing and clenching my hand. He’s not wrong. The side of me I buried all those years ago is coming back to life. I just have to be sure this time.

Bennet smiled and the warmth behind it touched his eyes. “You really do like her, don’t you?”

My hand flexed and clenched. Flexed and clenched.

“A toast.” Cade raised his glass, motioning for us to do the same. “To the Legends and Royals gathered here tonight,” he paused, waggling his eyebrows, “See what I did there?”

Victoria tried unsuccessfully to muffle a laugh. I reached under the table and grabbed her thigh. It stilled her, but also provided me with one hell of a sensuous glance. I kept my hand on her thigh for two reasons: one, because I liked it there and two — my earlier conversation with Bennet notwithstanding— I wanted to see how far this could go.

The lighting in this restaurant was dim enough for me to stretch her limits in public without attracting too much attention. Most important, the dress she wore was so bloody hot, I couldn’t keep my hands off her if my life depended on it.

“As I was saying,” Cade continued, undeterred by the not-so-subtle eye roll from Bennet, “a toast to all of us lads and the beautiful women who agreed to suffer through this dinner with us.”

“That might be the worst toast I’ve heard,” Victoria giggled. “And it includes the drunken mess of a toast my cousin delivered at his sister’s wedding.”

“I’m just being my authentic self.” Cade looked solemn then doubled over in laughter. “That’s such bollocks.” He slung his arm over his date, Emma’s, shoulders. She couldn’t be any older than twenty-five, which for Cade, was very much on brand. She batted her lashes and laughed at everything he said. He liked them to be, at a minimum, ten years younger.

“When will your overgrown man-child friend realize he looks like he’s out with his little sister, and not a date?” Victoria’s warm breath tickled my ear with her question.

My only response was to drag my hand higher up on her thigh and squeeze harder.

She leaned closer and whispered, “I know what you’re doing, you mildly hot menace.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Should I stop?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

I grinned, sliding my fingers under the hem of her dress .

“If you two plan to shag at the table, can you at least wait until after dessert? The sticky toffee pudding here is supposed to be top notch.”

Folding my hands on the table with great reluctance, I scowled at my friend. Gallagher knew what buttons to push to rile me up and as much as I wanted to rake him over the coals, I didn’t want to ruin this night with Victoria.

“Cat got your tongue, Maddox?” Cade goaded me on.

“Knock it off you two,” Bennet warned. “I’m not babysitting you lot tonight.”

Hannah and Victoria shared a glance across the table. I wondered what, if anything, they’d discussed after disappearing in the elevator. Kissing her in front of everyone was an impulse. I regret nothing and would do it again right now.

No, you won’t, you knobhead. Repeat after me, BE A GENTLEMAN.

Cade shrugged and turned his attention back to his date, who continued giggling at everything he said. Bennet resumed his conversation with Hannah, which left me to focus on the only person I wanted to talk to anyway. Victoria sipped on her wine, doing a slow once over with her eyes, drinking in every inch of me. Before I had the chance to put my hand back where it belonged on her thigh, she held it.

“No more mildly hot menace?” I questioned.

“Not right now.” She turned my palm up, running her nail along my skin, then the pad of her finger. The sensation was light, fleeting, and the most powerful thing I’ve ever felt.

“You have nice hands,” she said with a cheeky smile, “that don’t miss.”

When she looked up at me through her lashes it took a mountain of restraint for me not to lay her across this table and claim all of her in front of the entire restaurant. Especially looking the way she does right now, like a fuckable treat wrapped in a blue dress that’s tight in all the right places. Sky-high heels. Auburn hair in loose waves. Pouty lips drenched in a dark red shine .

“They’ve missed on occasion,” I confessed. “Ask anyone who watched the final a few years ago. I still get yelled at on the street.”

“Fans are so fickle.” She chuckled. “We lost a playoff game my third year with the Legends. It was on a missed field goal. Our kicker hit the upright. It made the fun doink noise and everything. To this day, fans bring it up. Especially on social media.”

I frowned. “I feel bad for the bloke who missed.”

“Yeah, well, he’s kicked quite a few winning field goals since then so don’t feel too bad for him.”

“All’s forgiven then,” I grinned. “I’m curious. How did you make the leap from Dartmouth to American football? I would have assumed you’d be running a boardroom at a bank somewhere.”

“Victoria,” Hannah leaned in, grabbing her attention before she could answer. “Sorry to interrupt. The fundraiser next weekend is all set. I just got an email from the event coordinator. Did you want some of the proceeds to go to your sister’s charity? I’m sorry to have to ask now but they’re finalizing everything and need an answer by six today. And with the time difference and everything…”

“That would be lovely, thanks,” Victoria responded with a fond smile. “Is Noah behind this?”

“He is.” She grinned. “I’ll let them know.”

Noah? Who the fuck is Noah? Ex-boyfriend? Lover? Friend with benefits?

He’s apparently thoughtful and scored some points with her and made her smile like that. I swallowed my jealousy down with more scotch.

“What charity is it?” I managed to ask without sounding too predatory. I think.

Victoria fidgeted with her wine glass. “Charlotte used to volunteer at a small animal shelter where we grew up. We’d have bake sales to help raise money for them. So, now since she…I still donate money every year. And when I have time, I go help them socialize puppies for ad option.”

“You can always tell a person’s character by how well they treat animals,” Bennet commented. “My nieces love dogs. I think it’s great you and your sister are so involved with animal welfare.”

I put my hand on hers and squeezed. “How often do you go?”

“Not as often as I’d like. Maybe once every few months. That’s why I always make sure I send them a sizable donation every year. They’re such good people.”

“Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?” Cade added. “Doing something that benefits someone else? Ah, I see the look of shock Queen Victoria.” He laughed. “Just ask these two. I’m all about donating my time and efforts to worthwhile causes.”

“He’s not lying,” I confirmed. “The man is a muppet but he loves giving back.”

“Let me guess.” Victoria flashed a playful smile at Cade. “Children’s charities so you can be among your peers?”

“Mate, if you don’t marry her, I will.” Cade laughed with Hannah and Bennet.

Victoria looked at me with an exasperated grin that simultaneously relaxed me and made me laugh. Good to know I wasn’t the only one rattled by his comment.

“Nobody’s getting married, Cade,” she drawled and rolled her eyes. “But thank you for the offer.”

“Hate to break it to you boys,” Hannah said, “but Victoria and I made a pact to get married if we’re still single when we’re sixty, so basically, we’re already engaged.” She looked across the table at Victoria and winked.

Cade lifted his hands in resignation and smirked. “I’m not going to comment for fear of being tied up and flogged by one of those two.”

“Wise move.” Bennet turned and looked at me. “Are you still refurbishing that old house out on Station Road?”

“Yeah but the rain slowed down some progress,” I answered, grateful for the change in subject. “I did manage to gut the bathroom though. I broke through the closet wall to make it bigger.”

“Some family out there in need of a place to live will appreciate it, even though they’ll never get to thank you personally. It still floors me that you prefer to stay anonymous with all the great work you’ve done for the community.”

“It’s just wood, nails and sweat. I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back.”

I felt Victoria’s inquisitive stare before her question came out. “Is it with the charity that wanted to buy my family’s house?”

Bennet regarded her curiously. “What house?”

She hesitated before answering. “The summer cottage we used in Briarcliff Village when I was younger. That’s actually why I’m here in England.”

“Why would they being making offers in Briarcliff Village?” Bennet sat up straight. “Doesn’t make any sense.”

“That’s my mother for you,” she muttered. “It doesn’t matter now. I told them I wasn’t interested.”

Victoria’s subtle change in demeanor wasn’t noticed by anyone else at the table but me. The topic of her family’s house affected her deeply.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah.” She seemed distant. A strong urge to wrap her in my arms, take her somewhere secluded and get lost in one another overcame me. She smiled when her green eyes connected with mine. “How many houses have you helped to renovate?”

“Good question.” I thought for a few seconds. “A dozen at least. I try to work on one or two every year if I can.” I shrugged. “It really is no big deal. I like doing it.”

I also liked the way she kept her gaze focused on me and how she leaned into the chair in this graceful, mesmerizing way. Like watching a queen prepare to receive her subjects. I felt the smallest surge of possessive pride that I’d seen this radiant, well put together woman in a much more vulnerable state yesterday.

“I told you it’s not a bad trait to have,” she tapped the toe of her shoe against my foot. “I should have you fix up my family’s cottage.”

I chuckled, ignoring the thing happening in my chest again. “Why would you want me to?”

“Sexy goalkeepers who renovate houses are hard to come by these days. I have one in front of me. I’d be stupid to pass up the opportunity.”

I must have looked baffled because she laughed and looked at the menu. A pleasant, melodic laugh that stoked low flames in my stomach every time I heard it.

My thought process fractured into twin realities. One, where she’s serious and I could actually work on the house and potentially see her again. Then the other, where she’s just being flirty and teasing like the night at the pub, and will disappear from my life in less than thirty-six hours.

I didn’t like the second thought at fucking all.

“I do like to keep myself busy. You know what they say, idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” I’d meant for that to come out lighthearted and fun.

It did not. It came out lower, more intense.

Her emerald eyes flicked back in my direction. She caught her breath when she saw my face. A slight grin pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“Is that a promise?” she asked.

I held her stare. “One I intend to fulfill.”

Once dinner was finished and the bill sorted, Bennet invited all of us back to his estate for a nightcap. Cade and Emma agreed but Hannah politely declined, saying she had an early flight back to the States.

“It was very nice meeting all of you,” she said, giving Bennet, Cade, and I warm hugs. “If this all works out, maybe we’ll be back here in October.” She turned to Victoria. “Safe travels home on Wednesday. See you in the office.”

After she was tucked safely in a taxi, Bennet asked, “Will you two be joining us?”

Victoria shrugged. “I don’t mind. All I have to do tomorrow is pack, so I’m up for anything.”

“See, mate. She’s up for anything.” Cade sounded smug.

“You’re a troublemaker,” Victoria laughed.

“Guilty,” Cade grinned. “Join us. We can all get to know the lovely lady who tamed Xavier.”

“I doubt he’s able to be tamed,” she said, squeezing my hand.

“That settles it then,” Bennet interjected. “My place for a nightcap. See you there.”

I exhaled, watching them walk away.