Chapter 42

Quentin

"How is she doing, Summer?" My wife runs ahead of me into the waiting room. She reaches Karma's sister Summer, and the two embrace. I'd told her she could stay or I could drop her off at my townhouse in London, but she insisted on coming with me.

I walk toward the other corner of the room where Sinclair is standing by the window. Summer and my wife follow me, talking in low voices.

"Is she any better?" I ask Sinclair.

He turns to me with a grim look in his eyes. "She was doing well after the delivery. But she contracted an infection a few days ago, which resulted in her heart getting infected."

I swallow. Summer had given me the barest details on the phone. I hadn't realized how serious the situation was until now.

Since I followed the ambulance the last time Karma was admitted to hospital and kept Summer company until Sinclair and Michael arrived, I've felt a responsibility for Karma. She's the little sister I never had. While I haven't known the Sovranos or the Sterlings for very long, I am more at ease with them than with my own family.

I'll confess, I was a little annoyed by Summer's call. Especially since I'd told myself I only had the few days of my honeymoon with my wife before telling her the marriage was over. So, to have that time cut short was not something I wanted. Now that I realize how unwell Karma is, I'm glad we came.

Perhaps this is fate intervening to remind me I"m not allowed to have such happiness. I shouldn"t have let that interlude with her go as long as I did. I said one more day, but it"s stretched out into a week. I don't deserve her. And the longer I stay with her, the more difficult it's going to be when the inevitable happens.

I turn to Summer. "I'm sure your sister is going to pull through."

Summer smiles wanly. "Due to her congenital heart defect, Karma developed an irregular heart rhythm brought on by the stress of labor. They had doctors monitoring her condition throughout her pregnancy, and she seemed to be recovering well."

I nod. Of course, I knew all of this, but I think talking about Karma makes her feel better.

"We were sure she was going to be okay. Then—" She shakes her head. "Then a few days ago, she developed an infection in the lining of her heart." She swallows and tears fill her eyes. "This morning, she was having trouble breathing. We called Weston, and he told us to meet him here at the hospital. She'd stopped responding to the antibiotics, so they administered stronger ones through IV, hoping that would do the trick. They gave her steroids to help with the swelling, and a breathing treatment, but then... Then she suffered a heart attack." Summer chokes out the words, then manages to get control of her emotions.

Sinclair pulls her closer before adding, "Weston's in there with her and Michael right now."

Weston, a.k.a. Dr. Weston Kincaid, is one of the top heart surgeons in the country. He and Sinclair went to the same school and have been close friends most of their lives.

Sinclair cups Summer's cheek. "All I can think is that if it were you were in there, baby, I would be devastated."

My pulse rate spikes. My heart somersaults into my throat. If it were Raven in there, I would be moving heaven and earth to find a way to cure her. If it were her, I would be going out of my head with worry.

I wouldn"t be able to see her in such pain. I'd never be able to live with myself if something happened to her. It would shatter me completely. I wouldn"t be able to go on with my life.

I realize, now, I've let her get too close to me. I"m already in love with her. I was stupid to think that counted for nothing and that I could stop her from getting even closer.

She's already under my skin, has carved out a place in my heart, and has burrowed her way into the very cells of my body. I might not have a tattoo with her name on it, but her essence is etched into my flesh and bones.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life knowing I'll never meet a woman like her again. No one else will ever be enough. That's the price I'll pay for letting my heart take the lead this time.

I've never been more conscious of my own mortality than I am in this moment. I'm not young anymore. I have more years behind me than ahead of me. Meeting my wife gave me a new lease of life. But I'm committing her to a future where she"s bound to lose her husband when she"s still in her prime. How could I have been this selfish? How could I put her through this?

It's best I break things off with her before it's too late.

My wife must read some of my thoughts, for she pales. She takes a step in my direction, but I move back. She frowns, opens her mouth to ask a question, when Dr. Kincaid steps into the waiting room.

He's wearing scrubs, and his eyes are shadowed. As one, we walk toward him. I wrap my arm about my wife, and Sinclair pulls Summer into his side.

Dr. Kincaid's features are stoic. He glances between our faces, then shakes his head. "I'm sorry. She didn't make it."

Raven gasps.

Summer stares at him in disbelief. "No, no, no, no. How is this possible?" Her features crumple.

The blood drains from my face.

"Oh, Karma." Summer turns her face into Sinclair's chest and begins to sob.

Sinclair tucks her head under his chin and rubs her back. His look is filled with anguish as he makes eye contact with me. A tear slips down his cheek.

"She was a fighter until the very end." Dr. Kincaid sets his jaw. "As we were trying to stabilize her, she suffered a second heart attack. We couldn't resuscitate her."

My wife swallows, then grips my fingers tightly. "This is so unfair."

I hesitate, then pull her in closer, and she wraps her arms about my waist.

"Michael's going to need help to get through this." Dr. Kincaid drags his fingers through his hair. "It doesn't seem like he's going to leave that room anytime soon."

"How long"—I clear my throat—"how long can you let him be in there before?—"

"Before the hospital moves the body? Normally, three to four hours. I could stretch it to six, maybe, while I get the paperwork completed." He sighs. "This is a bloody mess."

"Can I see her?" Summer says through her tears.

"Of course." He addresses his words to Summer and Sinclair. "It might help Michael to have Sinclair there. I"ve notified his brothers. They"re on their way."

"I can't believe Karma is gone. I never met her personally, but I"ve loved her designs. I've watched so many videos of models showcasing her creations on social media. As an artist myself, I thought she was unique in her approach. I loved her choice of colors and patterns... There was something about a Karma West Sovrano design that marked it out as unique. " She stares out of the window on her side. "I knew she was unwell, but I didn't realize how serious it was." She swallows. "Why is life so unfair?" She turns to me. "Why did it have to be this way?"

No answer I give will be sufficient right now. I opt to tuck her into my side. She nestles in, with her cheek pressed into my chest.

We're in my car. I called my chauffeur and asked him to pick us up earlier to drive us to the hospital. Instead of returning to our country home, we both decided it made more sense to return to our townhouse in Primrose Hill. This way, we'll be close to the Sovranos, and to the Sterlings, and we"ll be nearby to attend Karma's funeral.

"It feels wrong to be attending Karma's funeral instead of seeing her in person." I stare out of the window. Her funeral? Jesus. It's difficult for me to get my head around that. "The last time I saw Karma was when she'd collapsed and Summer called me for help. I followed her ambulance to the hospital. Once they"d stabilized her, we were allowed in her room. She was in pain but remained calm throughout. Michael, on the other hand, was beside himself with worry when he arrived. He was still upset that she had insisted on carrying the child to term. She said it meant everything that she was able to give him another child. She wanted that child so much."

I remember feeling envious about their closeness, how they only had eyes for each other. Then, there was me, someone who'd never managed to hold down a relationship in my life. At my age, I was sure it wasn't in the cards for me.

Then I met her. And you're going to let go of her?

I have to, eventually. I have to, before I do something stupid.

Before I do something to hurt her and alienate her like I've done with every relationship in my life…

Or God forbid, something happens to her, like it did to Karma. Another person I let into my life; another person I lost.

If I valued my own sanity, I'd turn my back on her. If I wanted to make sure she remains safe, I'd leave her now. But not yet. Not when she needs me emotionally. Not when I need her, too.

Just a few more days. I can stay with her a little longer.

I run my fingers down her hair, and she sighs. "I can't stop thinking of her kids. They won't know the love of their mother. And Michael?—"

"This is going to break him." I pull her closer. "If it had been you in there, I wouldn't have survived." That's how much I've fallen for her. That's how much a part of me she is. That's how difficult it's going to be when she leaves me.

She looks up into my eyes. "That's a very nice thing to say, but?—"

"I mean it." I peer into her features. "Ensuring you're taken care of is the number one priority in my life. As long as I'm alive, you'll never lack for anything." I swallow. "That much, I promise. And even if I'm not with you, you'll never have to worry about money ever again. You'll be able to paint without worrying about anything else."

Her forehead furrows, and a touch of panic comes into her eyes. "I don't understand. Why are you talking like this? Why are you acting like you're going somewhere, Q?" Her eyebrows knit. "What's wrong?"

"It's a shock, losing Karma like this, is all. To see a young life cut short is nothing short of tragic. I've seen enough of it on my missions, and you'd think it would get easier with time, but it doesn't." I swallow.

"I'm so sorry, Q. Of course, it's not easy for you. What can I do to make it better?" Her gaze grows earnest. "Tell me, please."

I lean in closer and murmur against her lips, "You can kiss me."