Chapter 1

Vivian

I can do this. I'm doing the right thing.

Why didn't I think of bringing a bouquet? I take a step forward to walk up the aisle alone.

My heart leaps up into my throat. My fingers tremble. I lock them together in front of me and take a deep breath. Then another. The organist strikes up the opening chords of "Here Comes the Bride."

There. That takes the decision out of my hands. I take a step forward, then another, fixing my sightless eyes straight ahead. The crowd hushes. I walk down the aisle. Sweat trails down my back. My knees tremble, but I manage to stay upright. Keep moving. Don't stop. You want to marry him. You do. Why am I trying to convince myself? A little too late to turn back, isn't it? A shiver runs up my spine.

The fine hairs on the nape of my neck tighten. Beneath the scent of incense in the church are notes of woodsmoke and pine, and something evocative that reminds me of a forest I visited once when I was a young girl. I look to the side, and I meet the gaze of a man I've never seen before.

Those blue eyes are like sheets of ice. Thick, jet-black hair cut in a military style crew cut shows the shape of his skull and lends him a severe appearance. Threads of silver at his temples only add to his distinguished look. His jaw is square, his cheekbones sharp enough to cut diamonds.

That beautiful throat is corded with tendons, while his shoulders are broad enough to fill my line of sight.

Then there's his hooked nose, and that thin upper lip, which adds to the impression of his spartan nature… As for that plush lower lip—I swallow— it would be perfect to bite down on.

Whoa, what am I thinking?

His lips firm, thinning out that upper lip further. I drag my gaze back to his; to find he's scowling at me. The expression on his face is angry and confused, and yet, there"s so much naked need. My nipples tighten, and my toes curl. My steps slow. It feels like I'm walking through quicksand.

What is this fluttering sensation in my belly?This shivering that grips me. This hesitation which churns my belly. Who is this guy? Why have I never felt like this before? Why is this stranger having such an impact on me?

Fighting my instincts, I walk past him.

As I pass my father, he wipes a tear from his face. My own threaten, but I don't give in. I stifle the ball of emotion that clogs my throat.

Keep moving.

I force myself to look forward and come to a halt opposite the priest who's going to marry us. Only problem?

What does it say about me that I didn't notice my bridegroom was missing until I reached the altar? I was too focused on gathering my wits, then on putting one foot in front of the other. And when I saw that scowling guy, all other thoughts flew out of my head.

I turn to the groomsman, who I recognize as my bridegroom's friend, Stan. "Where's Felix?" I ask.

"Err…" Stan's Adam's apple bobs. "Err... I… He…" He shakes his head, sweat beading his upper lip. Why does he look like he's going to puke?

Behind me, murmurs arise from the crowd. Then my father calls out, "Is everything all right, Vivi?"

I hold up my hand, and the conversations quiet down. I narrow my gaze on Stan. "What's wrong? Is Felix okay? Did something happen to him?"

"Err… He… Uh…He sent me this message." Stan thrusts his phone under my nose.

Felix: Tell Vivian I'm sorry. I can't go through with it

He dumped me.What the—! My bridegroom didn't have the courtesy to tell me to my face that he was breaking up with me?

Heat flushes my cheeks. Embarrassment squeezes my chest, and I hunch my shoulders. Yet, my heart… My heart stays steady. And my brain whispers… Thank God.

A giddy sense of relief infiltrates my blood stream. My bridegroom stood me up, and while I am upset and angry, I also feel like I managed to avoid the gallows. What does that say about me? Was I about to commit the biggest mistake of my life? And did my bridegroom save me by not turning up for our wedding?

He did me a solid. Except, he dumped me in front of a church full of people, including my father. That sense of mortification tightens into a lump in my throat and spreads to my chest. My stomach heaves. Bile boils up my throat. I swallow down the acidic taste coating my tongue and draw in a breath, then another.

Someone in the crowd loudly asks, "Is the wedding off?"

He"s greeted by a chorus of shushing and admonishments and what seems to be a thousand voices raised in conversation.

The dress, which had once felt so right, seems too tight for my body. I should sidle away so I"m no longer in the center of this shit show; only, my legs refuse to obey me.

"I am so sorry, Vivian," Stan whispers.

For some reason, the sympathy in his voice is my undoing. Tears squeeze out of the corners of my eyes, and I brush at my cheeks. Why am I crying? This is so stupid. Why do I feel like I've really been ditched at the altar? Because you were ditched at the altar?

Only, I didn't love Felix, and I'm grateful he didn't turn up. So why do I feel so wretched? I should get out of here and hide my face; pretend I wasn't subjected to the single most mortifying moment in my life, but… Nope, my feet seem to be cemented to the ground.

I lower my chin and stare at the floor, when someone steps up to stand in front of me. Someone who has big feet, going by the size of the polished black formal shoes he's wearing, and who can afford a tailor, as evidenced by the pants that cling to his powerful thighs. Also, that bulge between those thighs which hints that he's not lacking in that department at all. Huh? I have no business noticing a stranger's junk, when I've just been dumped by my bridegroom—who you didn't want to marry. One who left me stranded in front of this crowd.

That's when I realize, the murmuring and shuffling around me has faded away. Silence surrounds me. My heart rate spikes. The hair on the back of my neck rises, and when I draw in a breath, I smell woodsmoke, pine and wild open spaces. I know it's him, even before I raise my gaze to his chest and realize it's so wide, it blocks out the sight of everything else. I know it's the man I saw in the pews as I walked up the aisle before I tilt my head back, then further back, until I meet those silver-blue eyes. I'm almost not surprised it's him; not at all.

When our gazes met earlier, I knew I was going to see him again… There was this connection that almost stopped me in my tracks. But I pushed it aside and, feeling a sense of obligation, I continued forward toward my non-existent bridegroom.

Of course, it would have to be like this.A sense of destiny settles around my shoulders. And when the stranger leans in and lifts up my veil, I don't flinch or protest. A gasp runs through the crowd, but I ignore it. My gaze is caught and held by this enigmatic man who something in me recognizes.

It's him. Him. Him.My blood sings in my veins. Electricity fires up my nerve-endings. He's the reason it felt wrong with Felix. He's the reason I knew marrying Felix was wrong. But I never thought I'd meet him; not in this lifetime. It's why I almost married Felix. Thank God, he pulled out.

Some of my thoughts must be reflected on my features, for there's an answering flash in his eyes. His jaw firms. He seems to come to a decision because he lowers his hand to his side, then drops to one knee.

My gaze widens. My pulse rate spikes. What's he doing? He can't be. No. No. Way. He looks up again and locks his gaze on mine.

I see the question in his eyes and know what my answer is before he growls, "Marry me."

Another gasp runs through the crowd. It fades away, and then there's silence. The blood pounds at my temples. My heart seems to swell until I'm one thump from exploding into a ball of smoke—poof—I'll be gone. No one will know I'm here. No one will pass judgement on me. No one need know I almost agreed to marry him in church when he proposed because I"m so attracted to him.

I open my mouth to whisper my assent but what comes out is, "It's often impossible to hum while holding your nose."

The man blinks slowly.

"Also, most people find it impossible to lick their own elbow." I nod, then wince. This is when he stares at me like I'm crazy, like so many others have when I begin to spout weird facts in a bid to cover up my nervousness.

I begin to turn away, when that stern mouth of his twitches. "Is that right?"

Did he smile?He almost smiled. What if I could make him smile for real?

"It's physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky." I peer at him from under my eyelashes.

One side of his lip lifts. His eyes light up with amusement. Yes! I resist the urge to fist pump.

"And you must be aware, I can't say yes to you…" no matter how much I am tempted. Spouting that inane trivia bought me a little time, and I realize now, even contemplating marrying him is insane. I don't know him. And he's much older than me. Nope, it's wishful thinking that he's my knight in shining armor come to rescue me from this horrible situation.

"Why?" His gaze grows intense. "Why can't you say yes?" The silver in his eyes flares. Everything else around me fades. My senses light up as my vision focuses on him. All I can see is his features. Him.

Also, that's a good question. Why can't I marry you, even though every cell in my body insists I should? And my instincts scream I should do the right thing, ignore how it seems to the world, and follow what feels right for me.

I clear my throat. "Firstly, there's the fact that I don't know you."

"That can be rectified." His voice is confident.

I gape at him, then begin to laugh. "You can't be serious," I say between gasping breaths.

"I never joke," he says with such vehemence, I know for a fact, he's telling the truth. I want to say something about how he could do with some laughs in his life, but who am I to say anything when my entire life has turned into the stuff of party conversations?

My own laughter dies. I stare at him, and he peruses my features with an intensity I've never been subjected to before. An intensity which turns my nipples into pinpoints of desire, and causes my belly to flutter, and my pussy to clench in on itself.

How am I so drawn to him?I should be crushed my bridegroom did a runner. Instead, all I can think of is how much I want this stranger. This is wrong, no matter which way I look at it. Something of my resolve must reflect on my face for he nods, then straightens to stand back up.

Once more, I have to tilt my head back to see his face. Once more, I'm struck by how tall he is. How broad, how big and solid and dependable. How he invites trust. How... He'd never leave me stranded at the altar... How he definitely would not break up with me through a text message sent to his best man.

My scalp tingles. All the air in the room seems to have been sucked out. The voices around us fade. I want to look away from him, but I can't. I feel discombobulated, like I'm watching this scene unfold from far away. Is this an out of body experience?"

"This is real. I am here. So are you. And you're going to marry me." His voice rings with conviction.

I shake my head, open my mouth to speak, when?—

There"s a clattering in the vestibule, then Felix races up the aisle toward us. "Wait! I"m here."

My jaw drops. Felix? What"s he doing here?

A gasp runs through the crowd. I catch sight of my father watching me with worry in his eyes.

Felix barrels to a stop. Chest heaving, sweat dripping down his temple, he bursts out, "I'm sorry, Vivian. Sorry I sent that message. But I'm here now." He takes a step in my direction, but I throw up my hands.

"Don't come near me!" I cry.

"Vivian—" He swallows. "Please, listen to me."

I clench my fists at my sides. The anger that I"ve been struggling to hold back rampages through my veins with the force of a tornado. "No. No way, do you get to speak with me now. Not after you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face. You broke up with me at the altar. And through a text message? To your friend? And you have the nerve to turn up and apologize?"

Pressure builds behind my eyes. My heart threatens to snap through my ribcage, the blood pumps in my ears, and I can barely hear myself speak.

"Why did you return?" I turn on Felix. "What gives you any right to come here and ask me anything? Haven't you hurt me enough?"

"It's not like that, Vivi—" Felix takes a step forward.

I stumble back. "Don't you dare call me "Vivi." And how dare you try to explain things? Do you realize what you did? Do you?" And why am I grateful for it? And why am I so angry, when I realize now, he was all wrong for me, and I didn't want to get married in the first place? "Oh my god, why is everything so complicated?"

"But I have to… I …I. Please, Vivi. Please, let me explain."

"Nope, no way, not happening. I should have realized how wrong this was." I motion to my gown, to him, and to the space between us. "I never should have accepted your proposal in the first place. I'm almost glad you dumped me. Hurtful as it was, I"m relieved. You stopped me from making a huge mistake."

"Vivi." His gaze widens. The color fades from his cheeks. He seems taken aback, then he shakes his head. "No, please don't say that." His chin trembles. "I… I didn't mean to hurt you." His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows.

"Are you kidding me?" I clench my fists at my side.

He runs his fingers through his gelled hair, which stands up on end.

He seems so young. We might be the same age, but I've always felt this compulsive need to take care of him. Is that why I agreed to marry him? I thought it was to save money but maybe it's because I miss taking care of someone since my younger sister moved away to attend ballet school. And while I do help my father, it's not the same as having her around. Was I looking to fill that hollowness inside me with his need for me? Why didn't these thoughts occur to me before I accepted his proposal?

He must see the conflicting emotions on my features, for his own crumple. "I'm so sorry." A tear runs down his cheek.

"No." I stab my finger at him. "You don't get to be the injured party here. You don't get to cry."

"Please Vivi, please. Can"t we speak, at least?" he asks in a beseeching tone. There's so much sadness in his eyes that some of my anger fades, and I feel pity.

Not only was I looking to fill the emptiness left behind by Lizzie, I chose someone I could mother. I wince. Nice. I should have realized that before I rushed into marrying him. I bite down on my lower lip.

"There's no point in discussing what happened. We never should have planned to get married. Although, figuring that out in such a public fashion"—I wave my hand at the surroundings— "is not how I thought this day would turn out."

"Me neither." Felix lowers his chin. "That's the thing. I thought everything was fine. Then I walked into the church and?—"

"You had second thoughts?" I ask dryly.

He nods. "I thought it was the usual pre-wedding jitters, until I saw the crowd… I knew then, I couldn't go through with it."

"Are you listening to yourself?" I throw up my hands. "That is not an explanation. Couldn't you have thought this through before you proposed to me?" I chuckle without humor. "You"d think I could have figured out we were wrong for each other, before I agreed to marry you."

He hunches his shoulders—so thin, in comparison to the stranger.

I glance sideways at the man who decided to prolong the mockery of the situation by proposing to me. Why did he do that? Was it because he felt sorry for me? And am I seriously considering his proposal?

My heart somersaults into my throat. The blood pumps in my ears so loudly, I can barely hear myself think. It"s good manners and the tightness of my wedding dress that keep me from fleeing down theaisle and away from this place. Marrying him? Marrying a complete stranger? That would be crazy… right?

But what"s wrong with being crazy? I was jilted at the altar. That"s crazy enough. But having a wild, sexy stranger propose to me directly afterward is even crazier. What if I do the craziest thing of all? What if I don't run away screaming? But instead, say yes. Agree to marry a man I"ve never met before. A man who's older than me. A man who looks fully capable of wringing pleasure from my body with his beautiful mouth and thick fingers and the equipment he's packing.

Felix blinks, then follows my gaze to the stranger. His gaze widens as if he's noticing the stranger for the first time. A weird light flares in his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He glares at the older man. "I didn't invite you to my wedding."

They know each other?

"No way was I going to stay away. And I"m especially glad I didn"t, after you decided to turn into a runway bridegroom," the older guy growls.

Felix winces. His gaze narrows, and he sets his jaw. "I don't have to listen to this from someone who's been an absent father most of my life."

"Father?" I gape at the stranger whose proposal I nearly accepted. "You're his father?"