Chapter 29

29

"Are ye happy?" Daniel asked, cradling Lana's head against his chest. His hand ran up her back, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

"Very happy," she purred as she nestled into his chest.

"Then ye daenae regret breaking yer rule?" he asked.

Lana heard the laughter in his voice and knew he was teasing her. But she pulled back so she could look him in the eye.

"I dinnae break me rule," she said.

She was serious, filled with a certainty that had only grown stronger in their time together.

"What do ye mean?" Daniel asked.

"I said I wouldnae lie with ye unless I loved ye." Lana raised her eyebrows, hoping he would understand the unspoken part of her statement.

It was hard to read his expression when the eyepatch still covered part of his face. One eyebrow turned down and his right eye narrowed as he looked at her.

"What are ye sayin'?"

"I'm sayin' I love ye," Lana burst out. "And I think ye care for me too."

She watched Daniel shift, and then he searched the floor around him. He found his shirt and quickly pulled it over his head.

"Ye're just grateful," he muttered, avoiding her gaze.

Lana felt a stab of embarrassment in her chest, but she pushed forward, unwilling to give up. She knew Daniel cared for her, and more than anything, she wanted him to say it.

"I am grateful," she said, standing up. "But that isnae why this happened. Can ye look at me and say ye daenae love me?"

He grabbed his breeches, and she watched as he struggled into them. She stood naked in front of him, vulnerable and cold without his solid presence beside her. But she needed to know. After everything they had been through, she needed to understand Daniel's true feelings for her.

"I cannae love ye," he stated.

He finally turned to face her, and Lana saw his eye roam down her naked body. She felt far too exposed standing naked in front of him, and she covered her chest with her arms. Daniel's gaze settled on her face, and he stepped closer to her, as if drawn to her.

He put his hands on her arms and lowered them to her sides. "Ye're beautiful," he murmured.

He bent down and kissed her with a tenderness that made her weak in the knees. Her head was a jumble of emotions as she tried to match his cold, distant words with his gentle, loving actions.

Lana cupped his face in her hand, and he turned his head into her palm, resting his face there. It was a gesture of surrender, and she smiled at him. She let her fingers explore his face, running over the bridge of his nose and the rough stubble on his jaw. And then her fingers paused beneath the black fabric that covered his left eye.

"Tell me ye love me," she whispered.

Lana ran her finger across the eyepatch, testing his response. When Daniel didn't flinch, she started to touch the edges of it. He was like a scared animal, and she was slowly earning his trust.

"I cannae love ye," he repeated. "I daenae ken how."

"Ye do," she said. "I've seen ye open up to Skye. And I saw how ye protected me from Laird Cullen. I feel how ye hold me in yer arms."

Lana lifted his eyepatch, and though Daniel stiffened, he did not stop her. He stood still, barely moving, as she removed it. For the first time since they met, she was able to see his whole face.

The skin beneath his eyepatch was puckered, with a long scar that ran from his left eyebrow to his nose. It cut directly across his eye, the lids permanently closed with haphazard stitches that had healed poorly.

Daniel jutted his chin and clenched his jaw. He seemed to be steeling himself for her cry of terror.

Instead, Lana rose on her tiptoes to press her lips to his wound.

"Take yer time," she whispered, leaning back. "I can wait for ye to love me."

Daniel stepped back and quickly grabbed the eyepatch from her hand, putting it back on his face.

"This was a mistake," he said. "We shouldnae have done it."

It was like he had slapped her. Her face flushed with shame as he gathered her dress and pushed it into her arms.

"It isnae fair to ye. Ye want something I cannae give."

"But… could ye nae grow to love me?" Lana asked, watching as he gathered her stockings and shoes. "In time?"

"We will go back to the way things were. Ye will care for Skye, and I will lead our clan. It doesnae need to be more than that."

"But I love ye," Lana insisted. "I cannae just forget that. What would ye have me do?"

But Daniel didn't answer. He simply straightened his clothes and retrieved his sword from where it had fallen to the floor. Lara watched him slide the weapon into its sheath before he strode to the door, leaving her alone.

Lana didn't come down for dinner. It was Daniel's first clue that something was wrong. As he, Cameron, and Skye tucked into the meal Mary had prepared for them, he was handed a slip of paper from an apologetic guard.

Daniel set down his knife and opened the paper to reveal a message in Lana's beautiful hand.

I'm leaving for Gunn Castle in the morning. I love ye and Skye, so it pains me to leave ye. But I must think about all that has happened. I must figure out if I can live without yer love.

"What is that?" Skye asked.

Daniel was amazed by how perceptive she was. She didn't seem to miss anything.

He forced himself to smile at her. "It's a note from Lana," he answered, but he was loath to give her more details.

Skye let out a quiet giggle. "She sent ye a note?" she asked. "Why nae come speak with us?"

Daniel caught Cameron eye. While Skye found the note humorous, Cameron understood it likely had a darker meaning.

Daniel looked away, feeling his stomach churn under his brother's gaze. "Skye, come here please."

He pushed his chair back from the table so there was space for his daughter. She rushed over to him and climbed onto his lap. Her large, round eyes were full of trust that he wondered if he deserved.

"Ye like Lana, do ye nae?"

"I love Lana!" Skye declared, and the ease with which she said it made his chest tighten.

He plastered on a smile. "Good," he said. "I'm glad ye like her."

His conversation had ground to a halt almost as soon as it had started. He tried again, straightening his back to address her with an air of practicality.

"Ye and I are family, are we nae?" he began

Skye nodded. "Us and Uncle Cam," she said, pointing at her uncle.

"Right. And family is a very special thing. Lana has a family too. Ye met some of them at the wedding."

The little girl scrunched her face as she thought this through. "I thought Lana was our family now."

"She is," Daniel agreed. He felt dizzy as she turned the conversation at right angles. Every answer he expected was replaced by a new query. "But Lana has her own family too. And she's lonely without them."

He tried hard to avoid Cameron's gaze, but his brother was staring at him.

Cameron could see where the conversation was going, and his expression was one of disappointment.

"What did ye do now?" he asked.

Daniel kept his eye on Skye, who seemed nervous. She already sensed bad news was coming.

"Well, Lana is going to go home to her family for a little while. So she can stop being lonely."

"But why must she go?" Skye asked.

"Because she needs to see her family," Daniel explained, though he would be hard-pressed to understand the real reason.

He knew Lana wanted love more than anything, but he never thought his inability to confess his love would drive her away from his castle.

"But why?"

Tears welled in Skye's eyes, and panic rose in his throat. He wasn't used to dealing with a crying little girl, and he felt lost. For a brief moment, he considered handing her over to Cameron, but he steeled himself and turned back to her.

"It's only for a short time," he said, though whether he was reassuring her or himself, he couldn't say. "She will be back with us before ye ken."

He tried to comfort her, answering each question she shot at him as she grew more and more upset. It had already been a hard day, filled with almost-kidnappings and sword fights to the death. He didn't blame the child for this outburst. But that didn't mean he knew how to solve it.

When Daniel glanced at Cameron, looking for help, he was met with a scowl. His brother shook his head, and Daniel knew that Cameron was blaming him.

Cameron believed Daniel had destroyed something good, and as he stared at his younger brother, Daniel had a sinking feeling that Cameron was right.

"She cannae go!" Suddenly, Skye pushed herself off her father's lap. He heard the clicking of her boots on the floor, and then she was running out of the dining room.

"Skye," Cameron called, standing up to follow her, but Daniel put a hand up.

"I'll go."

Choosing to leave was one of the hardest decisions Lana had made. She still wasn't sure it was right. But the searing pain she had carried with her since leaving Daniel's study was visceral and heavy. It was a heartbreak she had never known before.

Maybe I shouldnae want love. Nae if it hurts this badly to lose it.

But had she really lost anything? She had been so certain Daniel cared for her in the way she cared for him. But caring words and gentle kisses weren't enough to make him admit it. Was she just fooling herself?

Lana shoved clothes into her bag, too angry to fold them. The person she was most worried about was Skye. She and the little girl had grown nearly inseparable, and she didn't want to upset her. The child had lost her mother once, and Lana hated to abandon her.

But then she thought of Daniel and Skye in the great hall, with the sunlight streaming through the windows. She saw them laughing together as Daniel spun his daughter in the air on his foot.

Some alone time for the two of them may not be a bad thing. Even if Daniel didn't want to admit it, he was opening up. And Lana knew Skye would continue to thaw his frozen heart.

"Ye cannae leave!"

Lana looked up as a flash of color and fabric raced into her room. She nearly fell over as Skye launched herself at her legs, holding tight.

"Och, little one," Lana breathed, dropping down to her haunches to be at the child's eye-level. "It will be alright."

"Nay," Skye whined. She was crying, and Lana wanted to do anything to make her tears stop. "It willnae be. Ye must stay here."

"I'll be back," Lana promised, stroking the girl's hair. "Ye will hardly notice I am gone."

"We need ye," Skye insisted. "Ye are the only one who takes me to the cows. And me kitten isnae grown yet."

"Yer kitten will grow all on her own," Lana assured her. "And I'll tell yer uncle Cam to take ye to the cows."

"But what about Papa?"

Lana pulled back to look at Skye, using the sleeve of her dress to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "What about him, dear one?"

"Ye are the only one who can make Papa smile. Without ye, he will only brood and scowl."

They heard someone clear their throat in the doorway, and Lana looked up to see Daniel standing there. Just as Skye had said, he was scowling at them.

"Skye, leave us," Daniel said.

Lana turned away quickly as the ache in her chest throbbed. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. It only made her feel ashamed after their time in the study, when she had shown him her heart and he had crushed it.

"I willnae leave without saying goodbye," Lana told Skye. She gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze and then turned back to her packing.

She kept her eyes on the clothes scattered across the bed, her back to Daniel.

"Ye look beautiful, Papa."

The words intrigued her, but Lana didn't look up. She worried she would melt to the floor in shame if she looked up at him.

"I willnae change me mind," she muttered.

She threw her nightgown into the bag, tossing it much harder than she meant to. She had half a mind to throw the thing out the window for all the trouble it had caused her.

"Look at me," Daniel demanded softly.

Lana refused. She felt his presence at her back, but she couldn't turn around. Tears were already pricking her eyes, and a lump was forming in her throat.

"Please, Lana."

His hand rested on her elbow, and she froze. With the lightest pressure, he spun her around. Her eyes wandered up to his face, and she saw that he wasn't wearing his eyepatch.

"I was an idiot," he sighed, gently shaking his head. "Ye were so kind, but I couldnae listen. I couldnae believe ye."

She didn't speak. She only waited, wondering if he would have the courage to finally open up to her.

His hand found hers, and he guided her to the sitting area. He perched on the edge of a chair, their knees almost touching.

"I lost someone," he started, and then he cleared his throat. " I wasnae ready for it. And Skye lost her maither because of it."

Daniel looked at the floor, and she worried he would clam up again. Lana put a hand on his knee, a gentle encouragement. He took a deep breath and started again.

"I blame meself," he croaked. "I should have recognized the tension between the clans. I married Evelyn to end a feud, but I only managed to create a new one. They hated that I had joined with MacDougal. And they wanted to hurt me in whatever way they could. Killing me child and removing all hope for future bairns was the best way to weaken me."

Daniel shook his head, and she saw the pain that those memories dredged up. It was still raw for him, still present.

"I should have seen it coming." He swallowed. "I was too late. It wasnae always easy with Evelyn, but she dinnae deserve that. She shouldnae have died."

"Ye saved Skye," Lana said gently. "She is here because of ye."

"But without a maither," Daniel sighed. "What sort of life is that?"

Lana heard the pain in his voice, and she fought to ease it.

"Ye forget she has two parents," she pointed out, taking his hand in her own. "She has ye."

"Aye," Daniel uttered, before letting out a raw chuckle. "A man who cannae speak of how he feels. A man too scared to love anyone."

Lana waited, wondering where this conversation would lead. She was raw with emotions, stretched thin with everything that had happened today. This morning she was nearly kidnapped by a laird who was now dead.

"Can ye forgive me?" Daniel asked. He looked up at her, and she saw the pain in his eyes. "I shouldnae have pushed ye away."

"I daenae ken how we move forward," Lana murmured. Even saying the words made her feel like crying. "I have grown accustomed to this place and the people here. But I cannae live without those who care about me."

"I do care for ye," Daniel said, though his voice was strained and stilted.

She let out a disbelieving laugh. "I ken ye want to, but that isnae the same thing."

Lana stood up and crossed to her bag. She had hoped this conversation with Daniel would make her feel better, but she still felt lost, entirely uncertain of what the future might hold. She heard Daniel stand up and walk over to her, though he kept some distance between them.

"Please daenae go," he pleaded. "Skye willnae forgive me if ye leave."

"She will be alright," Lana assured him. "Especially if her faither can keep his heart open to her. She will weather this storm."

"And what of her faither?" Daniel asked. He stepped closer to her, and the heat of his body was suddenly at her back. "I daenae ken if he will survive if ye are gone."

Lana turned to him with a helpless expression, feeling stuck between her needs and the feelings of this household. She knew how much she wanted to stay, but she wasn't willing to sacrifice her values. If her time with Daniel and Skye had taught her anything, it was that she was a woman worthy of love.

"It willnae work," Lana sighed. She shook her head, but Daniel caught her chin with his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry for what I have put ye through. I ken I am the most difficult man on earth."

She smiled, delighting in his self-deprecation, but then she quickly pressed her lips together, turning serious again.

"I still want love," Lana insisted, and truer words had never been spoken. She found peace as she said them, a true understanding of herself that she was determined to no longer hide from. "So it willnae work."

Daniel's hand was still on her chin, and he tilted her face up to his. Lana wanted to pull away. It was too painful to look at him, when all she wanted was to melt into him. She longed for him to wrap his arms around her and pull her close so that she wouldn't have to leave.

"I love ye," he stated simply.

It was said in such a matter-of-fact way that Lana wondered if she had heard him correctly. His lips quirked up in amusement as she looked back at him in shock.

"Ye heard me," he said. "I love ye. I have loved ye since ye first came to me at that ceilidh at yer 'brother's castle."

"Ye do?" Lana asked. Tears welled up in her eyes again, though this time they were tears of joy.

"Of course." He laughed. "I am sorry it has taken me so long to say it."

Lana laughed through her tears, and suddenly Daniel's mouth was on her own. He kissed her sweetly, and she melted into his chest, letting his arms engulf her.

"I love ye," Lana murmured into his chest. "I love ye like I love the sun."

"The sun?" Daniel echoed, smiling. He pulled back, holding her at arm's length. "It isnae me who has brightened this castle. It isnae me who has shone light on all the dark places. It is ye, Sunshine."

Lana reached out and grabbed his shirt before pulling him back to her. Her mouth crashed into his, and she laughed as she pulled him toward the bed.

"Well now," Daniel teased, "I guess we have nay more need for yer rules."

"Nay more rules." Lana laughed. "Let us see what life is like without them."

Daniel kissed her, and she got swept up into the wonder of kissing a man she loved and who unequivocally loved her back.