Chapter - Fifteen

The following day, I was sitting at the edge of the lake that lay beyond the palace. Sunlight streamed over my exposed limbs, the warmth soothing my worries. Felix was ankle deep in the water and staring out to the horizon with his arms crossed. Small billows of wind swept through his brown curls. His back was straight and his muscles taut. He turned around, catching me staring. I ducked my head but not before I saw a glimmer of a smirk touch his mouth.

He joined me on the edge, letting out a soft groan as he dropped to the sand. Our toes were squished in wet sand and water. ‘How are you feeling?' he murmured.

‘Fine.'

‘Do you want to talk about it?'

‘What's there to talk about?' I shook my head and tugged on the sleeves of my thin sweatshirt as I looked away.

Felix grasped my hand in his, making me look back at him. The sun caught his eyes, the silver turning colourless. ‘Tabs, you can talk to me.'

My bottom lip stuck out. ‘I almost killed someone.'

He shrugged. ‘So what? You didn't. That's all that matters.'

‘Where were you?'

‘I was researching in the library,' he told me. ‘I'm sorry I wasn't there. I didn't know you'd get the hunger so quick.'

‘You should have been there,' I said, wringing my hands in my lap. The water gently nudged at my bare feet. ‘I really needed you.'

‘I'm here now,' he said, reaching out to sweep a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Spirals of warmth circled my ribcage. ‘And I can teach you anything you want to know.'

‘How did you learn to control the urge? It's all I can think about.'

He chuckled. ‘That happens when you first turn. You're still adjusting, so you'll have cravings similar to a fledgling child of death. It does ease up.'

My throat tightened. ‘I don't have to drink from someone if I don't want to, do I?'

His face went blank. ‘No, you don't.'

‘What?' I asked him.

Felix leaned away from me. ‘Is it that repulsive?'

‘Of course not!'

‘We have to drink blood to survive. Of course I drink from blood bags as much as I can, but it's so much better from the vein. And how I hate that I have to be this way to be me.'

‘There's nothing wrong with that.' I reached for him but he pulled away. ‘Felix-…'

‘Don't.' He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again, he said, ‘You have no idea what it's like. I lost everything when I became a child of death. My friends, my family, my sister. None of whom I've seen since I was turned.'

I waited, not interrupting his moment.

He sucked in another breath. ‘I tried to tell my parents. All I could think was that maybe they'd understand, but at first, they thought I was kidding and had been drinking too much. Then I showed them my canines and lifted an armchair with one hand, and my mother started screaming. She said I needed a psychiatric ward and my father agreed. Both of them said I needed to stay away. I tried to make them understand but they said I couldn't see my sister until I was mentally okay again. So I left. My sister, Izzy, begged me to stay but I walked out. That's when I lost control.'

‘And Calum found you,' I whispered.

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. ‘Yeah. Saved me from the reckoning.' Felix gazed at me. ‘Blood is the bane of my existence. If I didn't need to drink from a mundane, if it didn't feel so goddamn good, you think I wouldn't give it up? I'd give anything up to see my family again.'

‘I'm sorry. I didn't know.'

‘No, you couldn't have known.'

There was a heartbeat of silence before I asked, ‘How old is Izzy?'

He stared out to the lake. ‘She'd be having her twelfth birthday in a month.' A hollow laugh emerged through his gritted teeth. ‘She used to complain about her birthday being so close to Christmas and would say it sucked getting combined presents. I'd always have to buy double or I got in strife.'

I smiled at him briefly, offering comfort. ‘You'd be a good big brother.'

‘Shut up.' He laughed for real this time, rolling his eyes. Then he asked, ‘Do you miss your mother?'

‘Kind of,' I told him. ‘It's hard. She lied to me my whole life, treated me as if I'd been crazy for the things I saw, when maybe she knew. Do you think that's possible? That she was frightened because she knew something?'

He shrugged a shoulder. ‘There's no way of telling.'

‘I just wish I could ask her.'

His eyes brightened. ‘Why don't you?'

I reeled back. ‘Come again?'

‘We'll ask the council if we can leave. Come on, we're doing nothing here. We have no reason to stay.' Felix's wild eyes made me bite my tongue. ‘We have to try.'

???

The council turned out to have no objections to Felix and me leaving for my home by a portal. We were told to call Zuzanna when we wanted to return. To keep me safe, they agreed I would return to the institute instead of Amara. Everyone promised to be there when I came back.

Felix and I gathered our things, duffel bags swinging over our shoulders, as we thanked the council for all their help. I promised to be careful with my youngblood adjustment period and Felix agreed he would take care of me.

‘When you return to the institute, just remember your room number – 2302.'

‘Thanks, Nerida.' I smiled up at her.

‘And try not to get poached,' Thom said and snickered which made my throat tighten. ‘It'll do you good to stick beside the child of death.'

‘Thanks … I think,' I said.

He grinned in response.

Clementine and Alice were the last to say goodbye. Clementine hugged me and smiled.

‘What do I tell my mother?' I asked.

‘The truth,' Clementine answered.

Volker conjured up a portal which sizzled in an aqua-blue oval shape. His demonic eyes focused on me as I hesitated before the opening. ‘Thank you for making me the person I'm meant to be.' I told him. ‘Even if I don't know who she is yet, I'm grateful all the same.'

He bowed his head, one hand shaking as he kept the doorway open. ‘I am humbled by your kindness. And I am apologetic for not finding you to remove that glamour sooner. You're quite lovely.'

My cheeks warmed. ‘Thanks, Volker.'

He drew out a business card from his pocket and handed it to me. ‘I'll be at the institute for a little while after you arrive, but in the meantime, this is my spell to summon me should anything occur. I don't often give people a direct spell to find me, but you may need it sometime. And please, do call if you ever want to turn some stupid mortal into a hare. I haven't had the chance in a long time. They make rather entertaining pets.'

I laughed. ‘I'll keep it in mind.'

Tucking the card into my back pocket, I took a deep breath in and stepped through the portal doorway. My body sliced through the band of energy and it engulfed me. My stomach somersaulted at the sudden free fall. Shapes and lights swirled past me, and then I was out again, on my knees on a sidewalk. For a few seconds nothing happened and then a pop sounded from my right. Felix stumbled out from a ball of blue light, gasping for air with a hand pressed against his chest.

He turned to me. ‘You good?'

‘Yep,' I said, my voice several tones higher than usual. ‘You?'

‘Uh huh. Just give me a second.'

He shook out his hair as I dusted off my shirt and stood up. We were on my street. I could hear the sound of my neighbours' kids playing with a hose, their gleeful screams piercing the otherwise quiet suburb. I hoisted myself up. Felix collected the luggage and moved over to me, licking his dry lips.

Outside my house, I stared at the faded grey fa?ade of the home I'd grown up in. The front door was open and the smell of my mother's homemade goods wafted from inside. The crackling radio that was mounted on the kitchen bench was playing. She never turned it off and I'd grown up with the steady stream of news flowing all times of the day.

Felix poked my side, eyes trained on me. ‘You okay?'

‘Yeah,' I said. ‘Just missed this place.'

I jogged to the front door with Felix following more slowly behind. I knocked and the radio was dialled down. My mother appeared at the end of the hall, just a shadow in the low sunlight.

‘Mum!' I called, tugging on the door handle.

‘Tabs!' she cried, hurrying to unlock the door. Her arms were around me in seconds, clutching me to her. Tresses of her hair engulfed my face and she smelt like toasted cinnamon rolls. ‘I didn't know you were getting back today! Why didn't you call? You know I would have picked you up from the airport.'

I held her, trying not to cry. My voice was pitchy when I answered. ‘It was a surprise.'

‘Oh honey. And what a lovely surprise.' She laughed, pulling back to kiss my cheek. When she saw me, she drew back a bit further. ‘What happened to you in Spain? What is this hair colour? I didn't even know you liked purple that much.'

‘Mum!' I said, unable to explain just yet.

She grinned from ear to ear. ‘You look... different.'

I wondered if she could see through the spell Volker had placed on me. He'd promised it would make me look mortal to Angie.

‘It's that European glow, I'll bet!'

I felt my body relax. The spell worked!

She noticed Felix standing on the steps below the deck, watching us with a blank face. ‘Who's this? Did you pick up a young man on your travels?'

Felix dropped the luggage and moved over to us, moulding his face into a perfectly respectable smile. ‘Good afternoon. It's lovely to meet you. I'm Tabitha's boyfriend, Felix. We met at the airport and actually took the same trip to Spain.'

I must have looked completely surprised by his words but my mother didn't mention it as she shook his hand. ‘Call me Angie. I can't believe you didn't tell me about a whirlwind romance!' she said, sending me a wink. ‘Well, what are you two waiting for? Come on in. I just made some cinnamon rolls.'

She swept off down the hall as I turned wide eyed to Felix. He stared down at me with a cocky grin. ‘What was that?' I hissed.

‘What was what?'

‘You called yourself my boyfriend. What's that about?'

He shrugged, picking up the bags. ‘I'm here to keep an eye on you and the best way to do that is to have an excuse to be around you all the time.' Felix laughed as he brushed past. ‘Besides, it's not like she even cared. If anything, she seemed very happy for you.'

I watched him walk down the hall, my mother directing him to take the bags to my room. On his return to the living room, we stared at each other before nodding. Felix was going to leave for a little while to give me space to speak with my mother. He resumed his friendly smile as she arrived with a tray of freshly glazed cinnamon rolls.

‘Angie, I apologise but I've just realised one of my bags has been left at the airport.' His lie was so smooth, even I almost believed it. ‘If it's alright with you, I'll just pop back there and see if I can retrieve it.'

‘Of course!' My mother beamed at him. ‘Go fetch it before someone else claims it.'

‘I'll see you later,' he said to me as he leaned in close and brushed his lips across my cheek in a soft kiss. The rhythm of my heart picked up and his lips curled against my skin. He drew away quickly and stared straight into my eyes. ‘I'll be back soon, babe.'

‘Bye,' I said, letting him slip past me.

I heard the front door open and close as he left the house, my mother moving to take a seat on the couch. Her grin was infectious. ‘You're so cute,' she cooed. ‘Look at how red you are!'

‘Don't,' I warned her. ‘He's a pest.'

My mother threw her head back laughing. ‘And yet you like him, yes?'

‘Well, yeah.' I fumbled on my lies. ‘That's why I'm dating him.'

She grinned at me, offering me a roll. The sweet sugar syrup coated my fingers as I ate. ‘These are good.'

She nodded. ‘It's your grandmother's recipe.'

The words struck me hard in the chest and I finished the roll in two bites. ‘I need to tell you something.'

‘Yes?' she asked me.

‘It's not, uh, a good thing.'

My mother frowned. ‘Are you alright?'

‘I just really need to talk to you.'

‘Okay. I'm listening.' She put down her roll and wiped her hands on a tea towel, shuffling forward on the couch. Her gaze was warm. ‘Whatever you need to tell me, it's alright.'

‘You'll still love me, won't you?'

Her eyes flashed. ‘Of course, honey. No matter what.'

Breathing in deep, I said to her, ‘I'm not your daughter, am I?'

The words hung suspended in the air for what felt like an eternity, before my mother nodded slowly. A tear dripped from her eye. ‘No, you're not,' she whispered. ‘Not biologically, anyway.'

‘Why didn't you tell me?'

She looked at me for some time before saying, ‘Because I was afraid of what it meant. I didn't want you to feel unloved because I loved you more than enough. You were the most beautiful gift I was ever given.'

I blinked. ‘A gift?'

Her eyes filled with tears as she answered. ‘I had a miscarriage in my eighth month of pregnancy. I awoke in the night, alone, knowing something was wrong with the baby. The paramedics picked me up and rushed me to hospital, but by the time we arrived, my baby was dead. She had stopped breathing and nothing could be done to save her. It was the most horrific sensation I'd ever experienced, knowing I was no longer carrying a living child. And that night, I wasn't myself. Something had died inside me, literally and figuratively.'

My bottom lip trembled. ‘How did she stop breathing?'

‘Just bad luck, so the doctors said,' she answered. ‘Sometimes things just aren't right and the baby doesn't survive.'

‘I'm so sorry.'

She shrugged and wiped her eyes. ‘It's not your fault; you never knew.'

‘So how did I end up with you?'

‘I was sitting in bed right after losing my baby. I felt incredibly helpless. My life had no meaning in that moment. I was the most alone I'd ever been in my entire life. It was a moment I truly felt like the universe had cursed me.'

I could have burst with my love for her in that moment. She began to cry again as she told me the story I'd needed to hear for a long time.

‘And then, out of nowhere, this woman walked into the room, accompanied by a man I thought to be her spouse. She asked me if I was ready for a child, for unconditional love. I said yes. She asked me if I would take her child and bring her up, for she could not. It felt right – like you were the child I needed – that I'd been waiting for. You were the child who would save me from the despair of losing my own. So I … I said yes. I took you in as my own. Nobody ever knew you were not mine.'

‘What did she look like?' I whispered.

‘The woman? She was incredibly beautiful. Her hair was this white, silvery-grey, and she had almost colourless eyes. She had black tattoos on her wrists and ankles and wore a dress cut from cotton cloth and leather sandals. I'd never seen anyone like her.'

My mouth was dry as I asked, ‘And the man?'

‘He was hazy. I couldn't stare at him too long without the edges of his body blurring, like something around him was shielding him from view. But he had auburn hair and stubble, and was dressed in a clean, sharp, pin-stripe suit. I think he was handsome, but I wasn't very focused at the time.'

‘What did the woman say about me?'

‘She said you were a couple of days old, just barely out of the womb. They had you tucked in a baby blanket made from sheep wool. But she kissed your cheek and called you a foreign name and passed you to me. Then she left with the man. He didn't say anything the entire time. I've never seen either of them since.'

My mouth twitched. ‘What was the name?'

‘It was something like, "Deitra".'

I memorised the name for later. ‘And did she say why she couldn't keep me? Anything?'

‘No. I should have asked, but I was too besotted with you at the time. It felt like magic, holding you in my arms and saying I would care for you as my own. A part of me thought I'd dreamt it. Until, of course, when I next awoke, and I was home with you. I have a feeling she caused that blank in my memory, because I can't remember being discharged from the hospital or travelling home with you. And I think she may have had something to do with the brand new change table in your nursery. The one I'd bought was second hand.'

‘Magic,' I repeated.

She nodded. ‘This night with your birth parents is what you wanted to speak with me about, isn't it?'

I hesitated. ‘Yes.'

‘You're not just a normal young woman, are you?' There wasn't any anger or fear radiating from her as she asked me this question. ‘I sensed that,' she continued. ‘All those things you saw as a kid. Of course I told myself they were hallucinations, just bad visions, but you seemed to think they were so real. My doubt was always there. Maybe I couldn't see more than what I did, which is why I put you into therapy. And for that I am so sorry.'

‘I see more than mortals do,' I whispered. ‘I'm not … human.'

My mother gaped at me as she processed this information. ‘So, what are you?'

‘A youngblood.' And the whole story poured out of me – being kidnapped, finding out my heritage, meeting the council, being de-glamoured by a warlock and going to Amara with Felix. She never interrupted me once.

‘This is a lot to take in, Tabs.'

‘I know. I'm sorry.'

‘Don't be. I've anticipated this moment for years, knowing you were unusual even though I couldn't admit it. But I never thought you'd tell me you were kidnapped by your own boyfriend.'

I grinned. ‘He's sorry about that, if it helps.'

‘It doesn't,' she murmured. ‘Well, it does. He made you discover yourself. I suppose we can't hold that against him.'

I nodded, making her smile. ‘Also, my hair is purple because it's a beacon.'

She twisted a hair strand around her finger. ‘A beacon?'

‘It's so my parents could find me if the glamour was ever taken off me.'

‘Well, I can handle the youngblood part, but purple hair? That might be it for me,' she said, smiling. She shoved my shoulder a little before she continued. ‘It's okay. Youngblood or not, I still love you. Please don't think any of what you say to me makes me love you less. You're my child, forever and always. You're mine as much as you are hers.'

My eyes watered. I hiccupped and said, ‘I love you.'

‘I love you too, my daughter.'