11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Declan

Rage builds within me as my fingers push against Lorne’s throat. “Foxes have dens, and birds have nests, but the Son of God has no place to lay his head. But your mouth is a good place for his cock.”

Lorne’s face has turned red from the pressure of my hands, and my cock lodged in his throat. My head falls back as power surges through my veins, holding his life force in my hands. “The great Lorne Miller. Nothing but my little fuck toy. What would happen if you died right now? What would you say to your maker? Would you beg forgiveness or demand to burn in hell? “

I push up to my knees and pull out of his mouth. He gasps for breath as soon as I release his throat. But his rock-hard cock tells me he’s enjoying every moment of this.

His emerald eyes lock with mine and he smiles. Spit froths at his lips and trickles down the sides of his mouth. “If loving you will banish me to hell, I’d burn for all eternity.”

His words enrage me because they wound me more than anything else anyone can do to me. I can handle the physical torture the man offers, but I cannot handle his compassion. I don’t deserve it.

I push my cock back into his mouth and mount him, my hands back on his throat, my abs smothering his face. His hands tap my side, but I don’t move. I pound into his warm mouth with my eyes closed as I try to escape anything that lies heavy on my heart or mind. For once, I want to forget the torment raging in my soul.

My dick jerks as my body stiffens. I groan as my cum sprays out of my cock into his mouth. He sputters as cum and saliva spill from his lips and land on the stained carpet.

Shock rocks me as I realize what I’ve done. I lost control. I succumbed to the darkness that whispers to me. She referred to me as the spawn of Satan, and that’s exactly what I am. There was no fall for me because I was the seed of evil planted into innocence.

I jump off Lorne, not wanting to be in the presence of his warmth any longer. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve grace. I don’t deserve loyalty. “Don’t fucking tell me that shit again. Because next time, I will kill you.”

Lorne’s laugh is a wheeze. “You think that’s a threat? I like to hang myself and jerk off.”

“How does it feel not to fear the afterlife?”

“The abyss is a void. You can’t fear something when it’s nothing.”

He’s never told us where his desire to fuck while he’s on the brink of dying comes from. But that’s what connects the three of us. We’ve each witnessed something that’s fractured our minds and fostered a deviancy so deep under our skin that we’ll probably never be able to escape it. But as I stare at the sweet angel unconscious on the bed, I can’t wonder if bringing her into our madness is going too far. The root of my existence is a demonic man corrupting a pure woman.

I press the palms of my hands to my eyes, wishing to vanish my lust for her. This is how it starts. This is where I’ll break and how the darkness wins. I’ve never crossed that line until her. I have to save her from us, from me. “We don’t need her.”

“Maybe not. But we all want her, and that’s never happened before. Come on, Dec. She’s the first girl you’ve ever touched. You didn’t even think about it. It wasn’t hours of you putting yourself through agony just to look at her. She’s the key.”

“The key to eternal damnation,” I mumble under my breath.

“You were raised Catholic. Fucking doom and gloom. You see her as a bad thing, but what if she’s your salvation? Look at her.”

My eyes fall on her soft face.

“She’s the one.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘the one.’ The concept of soulmates is a deluded little girl’s fantasy.”

Lorne laughs. “You’re talking to me about fantasies when you believe in a man upstairs?”

I don’t answer his question. There’s no point. That’s the thing most religious people don’t understand about atheists. They’re as firm in their beliefs as we are in ours. Sometimes you have to remain silent in your words to stay strong in your convictions.

“No words of wisdom from that scripture of yours?”

“There are no words that can crack a heart that’s sealed. What would be the point of giving you the gun when all you’ll do is point it at me?”

Before Lorne can say anything, his phone rings. “Hello,” he answers.

I can’t make out who he’s talking to, but I’d wager that it’s Cas.

“I’ll send Declan, and I’ll take her home.”

Lorne hangs and meets my gaze. “Go meet Cas. Take care of Peter tonight.”

My stomach churns. It’s the same reaction every time. I know what I’m about to do is wrong, but I do it anyway.

I stare at my hands, focusing on the lines covering my open palms. Minor roads that map the various directions my life could have taken. Knowing I choose the path leading me away from salvation every day. “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I am the worst of them all.”

Lorne scoffs. “Sometimes you need to do God’s work because he’s too lazy to clean up the mess he created.”

“You don’t believe a word you just said.”

“No, but you do.”