Chapter 34

Pamela and I have run out of conversation. We sit opposite each other without anything to say. I check my phone again, but there are no more messages from Steve. I rearrange the cutlery in front of me – a spoon and a cake fork, which makes me wonder what dessert is. Then I fold my linen napkin and tell Pamela that I'm going to check that everything's OK downstairs.

‘The chef dropped something, that's all,' she says.

‘He might have injured himself,' I say. ‘I'm trained in first aid.'

‘Whatever.' She shrugs, so I get up and go down the stairs to the kitchen.

As I push open the door, I hear Charles's voice saying, ‘I love you, you know that.'

When I walk in, I see him hugging the chef. Who is Ariel. The agent-slash-ex-to-be.

My stomach spasms, and I throw up my barely digested dinner all over the beautiful tiled floor.

‘Oh Christ.'

I can hear Charles's words, but they're not registering properly. All that matters are his words to Ariel. I love you, you know that. But I feel his arms around me now, not her, and he's asking me if I'm all right.

‘How can she be all right when she's been sick?' demands Ellis.

‘I'm fine,' I gasp as I wriggle from his hold. ‘I'm sorry.'

‘Don't be,' he says. ‘It's not your fault.'

‘Here.' Ellis thrusts a glass of water in front of me. ‘Sip that.'

She leads me to the sofa, and I drink the water while Charles clears up the mess. I'm utterly mortified at having him clean up after me, but I can't do it myself.

‘This is an effing disaster,' says Charles. ‘Ellis, will you tell Mum that we'll be back up in a moment.'

‘No need,' says Pamela Boyd-Miller from the doorway. ‘Mum is already here and surveying the scene of destruction.'

‘Why on earth didn't you wait upstairs like I asked?' Charles whirls around to face her.

‘Because I was abandoned upstairs,' says Pamela. ‘And it seems all the fun is happening down here. Hello, Ariel. So good to see you again.'

‘Hello, Mrs Boyd-Miller.' Ariel's voice is flat.

‘And you're here because . . .?' Pamela raises an eyebrow.

‘Because she was helping me out,' says Charles. ‘My chef let me down at the last minute and Ariel stepped in.'

‘You're going above and beyond, surely,' says Pamela. ‘You're his agent, not his housekeeper.'

Even though I'm feeling rotten, I hide a smile. I can't put myself in the PBM fan club, but she's quite acerbic when she wants to be, and I like it, especially when it's lobbed in Ariel's direction. I glance up. Ariel's back is towards me and I send her some acerbic thoughts of my own. Charles told me he'd arranged for a professional chef for tonight, and his ever-bloody-present agent certainly isn't a professional chef, although cooking does seem to be another one of her talents because the food was great even if I passed on the quiche and left the rest of it on the kitchen floor.

‘This has all been a mistake,' she says now as she turns to face us. ‘I thought I could cook the meal for you and be out of here without you knowing.'

‘I told you it was mental to have Ariel as your fallback instead of simply ordering a bloody takeaway,' Ellis says to Charles.

‘I couldn't do that,' he says. ‘This was meant to be a family dinner.'

‘There's nothing more family dinner than a takeaway,' she retorts.

‘I can't believe we're standing around talking about takeaways when the most important thing is that your first wife is injured, your soon-to-be-second wife has thrown up, and both of them are in your kitchen,' says Ellis.

‘Lots of first wives and current wives get on well together,' says Charles.

‘When they've been properly introduced.'

‘We have been introduced,' Ariel says. ‘We met at his New Year's Eve party. And again here. So Iseult knows who I am and knows that Charles and I have a completely professional relationship.'

But how can it be a completely professional relationship when he was hugging her and telling her he loved her as I walked into the kitchen? I might have a ring on my finger, but Charles has unfinished business with his not-yet-ex-wife. Who is still wearing the multicoloured eternity hoop. I feel sick again.

My phone buzzes.

When will you be home?